A burning hot shower helps to momentarily sooth my nerves. But soon the water runs out of it's blistering hotness, losing it's appeal. I change into my sweats, gulp down the sleeping pills and crash onto the bed.
I thought the tiredness will consume me as soon as I lie down. But it just makes the sleep more difficult to inch up. So I am left with nothing to do but ponder over tonight. I dredge thinking about it because I know the conclusion is inevitable. I have to tell him I can't do it. As much as a part of me wants to explore it all, find out how a date with him might have turned out, whether he would have tried to kiss me at the end of the day but I know it's entirely a lost cause. I drift off into the same nightmare that only makes it easier to stick to my decision.
...
I wake up
