Past & Present

Chapter 4

Cassandra

Once my tears stilled and my body felt beaten down, suddenly, the fighter within me came out. That girl, heartbroken by her evil crush and his cruelty, promised to never cry in front of those people again. I promised myself to be a better me, and only for me. My focus shifted so I could move on and live my life under my direction, and so, I have.

My chest fills with a deep breath, I exhale and rub my slightly sweaty palms against the velvety smoothness of my uniform pants when I realize that I'm next. With the thundering ovation roaring in the auditorium, each cadet stands with pride, and tingles of nerves inside me spike, causing the small hairs on the nape of my neck to lift.

I have to give a speech... in front of all these people.

I bite my lower lip and glance at everyone sitting out in the audience. My fellow cadets all anxiously waiting to be called upon to earn their badges. I'd much rather be sitting with them than up here on the stage.

"Without further ado, I now introduce Cadet Porsse, who graduates today at the top of her class." Our instructor boasts over the microphone, my nerves rise even higher.

Each step matches the loud thud of my heartbeat as I walk up to the podium and pull the microphone down so that my short ass can be heard. My right-hand my left wrist as I scan the sea of people before me. I really only know the cadets I graduate with today that live out of town, with their families filling all of the remaining seats. There are two people I wish could be found within the crowd. Oh, how I miss my parents and hope that right now they are looking down on me with a proud smile.

I am grateful my sister is here for me, being supportive of me as always. My eyes land on her as her big, goofy smile widens. Somehow she got a seat up upfront though we weren't early enough for her to get a seat like that.

Power of persuasion, that one.

With a slight lean sideways, I subtly clear my throat away from the microphone, and my lips part to speak. My hands, still damp from nerves, hold the same position and my eyes analyze everyone. Instead of looking into waiting eyes, I fixate on the audience's eyebrows. That public speaking trick gives off the illusion that I am looking directly at them and am capable of delivering this speech.

"Today we leave behind the title of the cadet to wear the title of a police officer. What we must remember though, is what comes with this title. You may have situations where you will need to protect, to bleed, to fight, and yes, unfortunately, maybe even die for someone that isn't exactly grateful."

I watch as all of the cadets, including the instructors, nod their heads in agreement.

"We as cops, are never officially off duty. We will constantly be looking over our shoulders, checking our six because that is how we were trained, how we survive. There are people out there who will tell you they don't like you because of the piece of metal that we will now carry, our badges...our shields. But, we should be proud of it. Be proud of what you have accomplished and what we stand for. We are police, the thin blue line, standing between good and evil, and protecting the victims."

"Never let anyone put you down, or make you feel that you simply can't achieve anything in life. Take me for example. I was known as the fatty in school, suffering from an eating disorder, and weighing two-hundred and fifty pounds. Granted, my height never budged, but after being bullied, I stopped being a victim. I lost a hundred and forty pounds and now weigh one-ten today." The crowd starts clapping, which I acknowledge with a smile but put out my hand to quiet them down so that I can finish.

"I'll end my speech with this. There are five things you can't recover in life. One, an oath after it's said. Two, an occasion after it's missed. Three, time after it's gone. Four, trust after it's lost. And lastly, a life once it's stolen. Live this life every day as if it was your last. Love the career you've chosen and don't become complacent."

"Be the heroes I know you can be. Congratulations my brothers and sisters, we did it!"

After the ceremony is over, I rush out to find Tarra with my badge in hand. Excitement, honor, and accomplishment pour out of me as I grasp onto the piece of metal that I received. My finger grazes over my last name that has been engraved.

"Well, Dad, there is officially another Officer Porsse in the world," I say to myself.

I spot Tarra and wave my badge in the air. "Can I have my present now?" I shamefully beg her, my lips pouty.

Her hazel eyes flash knowingly. "Uhm, can I get a hug first, Officer?"

We both smile at each other and she pulls me in for a tight hug.

She sniffles and whispers in my ear, "Dad would be so proud of you. Mom too."

She pulls back from the hug, keeping both hands on my shoulders to meet my eyes. I don't cry in front of anyone, including my sister. Even though our parents are always a touchy subject, I battle back the tears until I'm alone. Dad died two years ago after being shot while on duty.

He's why I wear this badge today. Why I made the choice to try and save lives as he did.

Tarra reaches in her purse, pulls out the same reindeer wrapped gift she had this morning, and hands it to me.

"You may open it now, Officer." She giggles, brings both hands together and touches her lips.

"You don't need to call me that every time, Tarra." I snort. "Only when I'm pulling you over in that box on wheels you call a car."

I observe my sister as she rolls her eyes and folds her arms over her chest. "Just open the gift already."

A laugh escapes my mouth as I tear the decorative paper apart and reveal a small box.

I hope this isn't one of those pranks where it has several smaller boxes within this one.

She got me on that last year. I pull back the tape, open the flaps of the box, and lift the beautiful watch up.

The watch's silver flashes in the sunlight against the black face of the clock. A thin blue line, which represents the thin line Officers face daily between life and death, crosses the face, along with the small quote, 'Heroes don't wear capes, they wear police uniforms' in white lettering. I flip it over and run my index finger over the back of the watch, where the words say, 'Love, Tarra, and Daddy' are engraved. The message fills my heart full as soon as my eyes pass over the words.

"He said he knew you were going to be here one day. He was right."

"I love you, Tarra. This means the world to me." My voice cracks and I look down, my eyelids rapidly blinking to prevent the tears from spilling out.

As I begin to fasten the watch around my wrist, she says, "I love you too, Sissy."

To anyone outside our little family unit, it may appear silly that we still call each other Sissy. But, given what has happened in our family, it's nice to have some consistency.

My gaze looks up to hers and my lips pull into an awkward smile. Without saying the words I already know are in her thoughts, how she knows I'm battling my own tears, one falls from each of her eyes.

"How about a beer? I think we need to celebrate." She offers, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yes, please," I immediately answer with a loud sigh of relief.

A cold one is much needed.