Shatter Me

Honeymoon

My nerves twist and my mind spins barely able to take in my surroundings as Kaleb chatters on the phone. Most likely a business call. I couldn't help but feel comforted by the fact I might never see hi after tonight due to his workaholic tendencies. 

In the hotel room I head straight for the bathroom and begin to prepare myself physically and mentally. Slowly, I take down my hair wincing in pain as I try to take out the bobby pins blindly. The pins clicked quietly against the counter as my hand shook. Grabbing it with my other hand I try to calm it. I've done this before. I've done this many times, even before Liam. 

I take deep breaths as memories of Liam came back. Our honeymoon wasn't our first night alone but it was the first time we made love without protection. It was different and impulsive, and one of the best nights we had together. I know tonight will not be the same. I know I couldn't even compare Kaleb with Liam. For some reason, my mind won't stop. I close my eyes and think of Tanner, Father, my pack, Liam's pack, and all of our kind. I must do this. I chose to protect our people and I will follow through no matter the cost. For them I will give up the body Liam loved.

I undress until I am left in the bra and panties. I stand there staring into the mirror at a woman I could barely recognize. Her lean, muscular body is riddled with marks of weathered stories of her past: Scars from fights and training, stretch marks from when I had Tanner, and freckles that resembled the ones my mother has. They never bothered Liam and even made sure I knew I was beautiful with them. Checking myself for smells, I clean up, quickly, just in case. 

I can't change Kaleb but I certainly make sure he keeps his promise. Taking one last steady breath I head into the bedroom where Kaleb lays quietly on the bed staring at the ceiling. I wait for a moment before speaking up. 

"Are you okay?" He laughs and sits up to glare at me. A word isn't said and his eyes shift from slits to saucers as he looks me up and down. I was tempted to step back into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. 

"Is something wrong?" My question comes out as shy as I feel. Grabbing my arm I looked away from Kaleb and held my place. 

"What are you doing?" I turn to see him walking away with his back turned. I partly expected him to be excited and the rest of me thought he'd just make fun of me. I wasn't expecting anger in the least. 

"It's our honeymoon." I told him thinking that would explain everything. He turned around to glare at me but he just as quickly looked away. 

"I know that!" We weren't going to- You didn't have to- could you just put a robe on or something?" Listening to him fluster and seeing his neck turn a slight shade of red I began to wonder how many girls he's been with, or if possibly, there was something ugly about my body. My confusion shows on my face as the question of why he even bothered to remind me of our honeymoon bothered me. He wasn't even showing his usual sadistic side to me. He was... not the man he has shown me he could be. Mr. Valora, most likely, "reminded" Kaleb about our honeymoon, but it still didn't explain his current behavior. A thought idly crossed my mind, mostly just to save my pride in my body, and I grab it tightly wanting to banish the fear of being married to a man that is disgusted by it. 

"Are you a virgin?" No point in beating around the bush, and partly enjoyed any jabs I could get away with. He faced me with eyes that wished for my tortuous death. 

"So what if I am?!" He challenged me to say something but I wasn't sure what he expected. Silence swallowed us both as I realized how much I didn't believe I was actually right, and that he admitted it so easily. When I catch his gaze lower to my body again I remembered how vulnerable I appeared. 

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about." I spoke over my shoulder as I went back to the bathroom to grab a robe hidden within a tiny closet. Once covered I came back out with an offer, "We can take it slow." 

He looked to me, as though, I was crazy and disgusting, "After how I treated you up until now you'd still sleep with me like it's nothing? Are you really just that wild?" 

The word is tossed like an insult and hit just as hard. Did he really not understand the predicament I am in? What turning him down, angering him, could mean for my family?

"Was it an option for me to turn down, Valora of the Drakaina Kingdom?" I shot back with heat as I felt the need to defend myself. 

"What? Do you think we would go to war with your kind for the mere fact you tell me no? Do you think so low of me?" He retorted with just as much anger. 

"As much as you think of me, husband." I sneer going back to the bathroom and slamming the door closed. This wasn't how this was supposed to be, but as much as I worried I felt relieved. I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from dying inside, or worse, crying if we went on with it. As I sat on the bathroom floor wondering if I should just sleep in here the slam of the door caught my attention. Slowly I get up and peer out of the bathroom to see it empty. I walk out further, gently, as though he would pop out and attack me. When it was confirmed that he left the room I went to the window and looked down to see him leave in a black car with Jareth. Ugly thoughts reappear as I watch the car leave. If I was my sister he could have been happy. Would she have been happy, though? They empty room seemed suffocating. I tried to air it out by opening the window but, it didn't help the pressure on my heart. It wasn't until I called up room service, ate, and watched some mindless TV was I able to ignore the pain. The next time I see Kaleb is when I wake up.