Royal Hunt

5th Chapter

I don't even remember the way home. A little while before class was over, we slipped away again. I clutched my notebook with my notes and calculated examples to my chest, still unable to believe I was in a math class at a university. 

The discussion I accidentally overheard took me to the moon and I was in seventh heaven. Ignatius respects me and thinks I have a bright future. I even impressed the baron with my intellect, not my looks or how much money I get in dowry.

I couldn't be happier.

I came home and headed straight for the library. I wanted to read for a while before it was time for afternoon tea. As I walked past the drawing-room, I heard an argument.

"There's no way you're encouraging this," Mama shouted. "Marie Kristine is seventeen years old. Seventeen. It's about time she got married. I was married at her age, her sister was married the season before last. As it happens, the next daughter of ours is not only not engaged, but hasn't even been properly presented at court."

"We agreed to provide our children with education first and foremost. If their hearts are drawn to singing and spinnet, please. When Johann wanted to go to the military academy, I didn't stop him either. I don't see a single reason why my daughter shouldn't study science if that's what she wants. Marie Kristine is ambitious and will go far."

My heart skipped a beat as my father defended me against my mother. And he saw my potential. 

"It can't be like this. She's not going to find a proper husband if she keeps her nose in her books and gets dirty from those walks she calls expeditions. A young lady should know her place." Mother did not give up.

"And where is her place?" asked the father. This put the mother on the spot.

"By the side of a suitable gentleman. Of course." 

"And who is the proper gentleman? Is it someone rich? Is it someone intelligent? Is it someone of status? Or is it someone with a good name?" 

"Yes!" Mom replied. "Countess Kounitz keeps hinting that she would like to link our name with hers. Her second-born is about to marry."

"For God's sake, that weak-minded stammering i***t wouldn't be enough for Marie Kristine even if she was as simple as her sisters." 

"What do you mean?" Mamma hissed.

"That I expect great things from Marie Kristine. Certainly bigger than an early marriage, a union with a suitable stud, and a lifetime of ball-hosting thereafter." 

"What do you have against balls?"

"Apart from being a necessary evil of court life, I find them useless and tedious."

Mama only gasped. 

"So you mean to say that my life and my activities are useless and tedious? So the fact that I've devoted my life to making our daughters successful at court and finding them a profitable match, a husband to spend their lives with but who will also provide for them, is just petty?"

The father did not answer. Mama only raised her voice.

"Your daughters may be intelligent sir, they are. But it is not their destiny to use their brains. It is a woman's destiny to marry well, bring her husband a sufficient dowry, and produce an heir. Ideally many heirs. Our daughters carry the burden of an important name. It does matter who the Countesses of Dietrichstein marry. Their brother will one day be Count Dietrichstein and take over your command of the Queen's army. The eyes of the court will be on them and their families, and they must choose someone who will not tarnish their name and the legacy they carry." My mother was almost shouting the last words. 

I stepped away from the door. I never knew my parents were fighting over me. I assumed that although my mother would prefer to see me married, she accepted my studies, just as I occasionally went to dances and concerts, fulfilling the role of a dutiful daughter.

I ran to the library and grabbed the first book that came to hand. Tears welled up in my eyes. I tried to sob quietly and concentrate on reading. 

It was unfair! Why should I throw away my skills and talents? Just because I'm a woman? How I longed to disappear, to escape to somewhere where I could study and be respected for what I could do, not because I was a good breeding cow. 

...common symptoms of poisoning include convulsions, blueness, and loss of consciousness. Advanced poisons cause delirium... The words before my eyes melted away. 

...all poisons can be neutralized. The problem is that most antidotes are as dangerous as the poisons themselves. ... Why can't Mama see that I'm not like her?

...  If we don't have the original poison available, we immediately administer potato pulp to neutralize the poison, black charcoal, and plenty of fluids to expel the poison. ...I wasn't opposed to the idea of marriage per se. In my mind, I'd always lived the life my mother wanted for me. But alongside someone intelligent, who would respect and support me.

...Trying to neutralize the poisoning with commonly available antidotes can be fatal. The development of chemical processes gives rise to new substances every day. But they all have a natural basis and must be countered by natural means. ... If I met someone like that, I'd get married in a heartbeat! 

Gradually my tears dried up and the book about poisons and antidotes that I grabbed off the shelf engulfed me. After a while, my agitation subsided. 

I was only pulled from my reading by the bell that summoned us to the salon.