First Time Ever

First Preparations

Chapter-18

First Preparations

Next few days went in a blur, we told everybody about our plans of getting married and decided to wait two weeks, which felt more like a century. His mom started being a little nicer to me, well not exactly nice but at least she was not calling me names.

Bran was happy for us, Lita was shocked and Rose didn’t care. Peter never came back after that day, when I called him and asked about his whereabouts, he told me he was in England, visiting his family.

I missed him, real bad.

Once everything was settled, I decided to call home and tell my parents, after all how could I get married without my parents even knowing it. Plus I took all this time to gather courage and mentally prepare myself, I knew my family wouldn’t take this news well.

Dad was the one to answer, at first I asked about his well being and everybody else’s, about his health, the weather, how my brother’s studies were going, all the while fearing his reaction to the news of his only daughter getting married to a foreigner.

That’ll blow his mind, literally.

“Umm Papa,” with heart hammer in my chest, I started, “there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Yes? What is it Haya?”

Okay, say it now, “There’s a guy and I really like him.”

“A guy?” his tone got cold and he made it quite clear that he was not happy to hear what I just told him, or whatever I was going to tell him.

“Um…..,” I was in trouble, huge, huge trouble, it has taken me weeks to gather the courage to tell them and now I wasn’t so sure if that was a great idea in the first place.

“Haya!” he roared through the phone and I felt tears in my eyes.

“Sorry Papa but I really love him,” I sobbed. Why on earth did I think that he would agree to this, that he’ll say yes to my choice! There was never any hope. I knew my dad and yet I had hoped. He didn’t even ask his name, didn’t even inquire if the boy was good, nothing. I should have known better.

There was no answer from the other end and I thought he hung up on me, but then he spoke up, “Don’t be stupid Haya. There’s nothing like love, you’re young and I know there are many temptations in the world, I know you are prone to making mistakes. Whatever’s done is done, stop this nonsense now or I’ll be forced to bring you back home. We send you there to study, that’s what you do or come back home.”

I knew he wasn’t simply threatening me, he will do everything in his power to have me back if I didn’t stop, his pride was everything to him. But there was no stopping for me now, I’ve come a far way, I can’t stop now. Not even if I wanted.

Choking back the sobs, I informed him, “Papa, I am getting married.”

This time he did hang up on me and I knew it was forever. We were both stubborn, I was his blood after all and he knew I either listened to him or I didn’t, he tried to make me listen and I didn’t.

It hurt like hell so I went to the bathroom, filled the tub and sat in, crying my heart out, knowing that I hurt the person the one person who would’ve gone through any pain for me, knowing that I just lost the person I was supposed to stay with forever, knowing that maybe I’ll never get to talk to the one person who would’ve stayed up all night just to hear me say nonsense because he loved me, loved me like no one else could ever.

Maybe I was a bad person after all, I came in between Keith and his mother, that’s what you get when you do that. I got the taste of my own medicine.

I wanted the comfort of Keith’s arms or Peter’s embrace but none of it could ever bring back the homey feeling that my father’s mere words gave me. I was so selfish but then again so was he, seems like the wretched trait ran in our family. His pride, his name was more dear to him than the happiness of his own daughter.

The stupid thing was, I had known it all along. Maybe somewhere deep in my heart I had always wanted to test what I’d known from my childhood. Maybe some stupid part of me hoped that he’d prove me wrong but now that he has confirmed my fears, I didn’t know what to do.

He was stubborn and I knew he wouldn’t talk to me. So there was no point in trying to call him, he wouldn’t pick up and it would hurt even more. But I’ll keep trying, I can’t give up on my own parents.

But right now I needed Keith, I really, really needed him right now. Submerging my head underwater and staying there till my lungs burnt to lessen the heartache I felt, I came back to the surface and got out.

He was trying to bake something when I found him, the state he was in made me forget my worries. He was half covered in flour with chunks of chocolate, honey, candy and what not all over him. I just stood there, watching him struggle with the cooking, it took my mind off things.

“You okay?” he seem surprised to find me there, soaked to the bone, all messed up and like a crybaby.

“Nah,” licking a piece of chocolate off his cheek, I answered, “Whathya doing?”

“Making something sweet for my sugar,” he was so cheeky.

“Smooth Night, real Smooth,” the chocolate tasted more heavenly than it was supposed to.

Putting down the baking dish which was half brushed with butter, he directed his full attention to me and a frown appeared on his face when he finally took me in. taking my face in his hands, he asked, “What’s wrong India?”

Should I tell him? And give him my share of problems as well? He already had his load of s**t, he didn’t need mine. Plus he was able to pursue his mother, who literally hated my guts, how was it that I couldn’t get mine to agree?

“Nothing.”

“India,” he wasn’t letting this go easily.

“I talked to my dad and….”

“And he don’t want you getting married to me?” he completed. This guy was something else entirely, he wasn’t supposed to know me like that, be able to read me so easily. What the hell was wrong with him? What was wrong with me?

“Yes,” it scared me at times, how easily he could tell what I was hiding when I couldn’t even tell what he was thinking.

“Do you still want to marry me?”

“Huh?” that took me by surprise, “Yes.” Wasn’t the answer obvious?

Drawing small circles on my cheek, he continued, “India he’s your father and I know you love him and he loves you. He’ll never want anything but the best for you, so if you want to change your mind, think it over, I’ll understand.”

He wanted me to rethink.

Ha it was funny how he knew me so well and yet failed to see the depth of my love for him, the lengths I was willing to go for him, knowing all along the obstacles I’ll have to face along the way.

“It’s okay if you want to leave, really India, I’ll understand.”

The next moment a sharp sound echoed through the kitchen, I could see the print of my fingers on his cheek, “You think I’ll leave you just like that!” tears clung to the side of my eyes, I turned around, ready to storm out of there. He disrespected me, my love for him. How dare he!

Grabbing my arm, he turned me back, “No, I don’t.”

The print was turning red on his cheek and looked so ugly against his beautiful pale skin.

“But I have come to realize the value of a father in life. I’ve gone through the pain of losing mine, I would never want you to suffer the same way I did.”

I should’ve understood, should have seen it but being the messing bundle of faults that I was, I misunderstood him, failed to read him, doubted his intentions. Will I ever be good enough for him, could I ever be able to match the intensity and passion with which he loved me?

“Specially not because of me.”

Why was I such a hopeless i***t!

With a quick peck to the same place where I had just slapped him, I began to apologize, “I am so sorry Keith, I….. I just over-reacted. I guess I…… am such a dumb person. It’s just that……… I………. I want you to know that I’ve made my decision and I will not go back on it. I knew this day would come, and there will be some hard choices to make but I can’t lose you Keith, not now. My dad, he’s mad at me right now but I know he’ll understand someday, I’ll make him understand, we’ll make him understand.”

“We will,” he said kissing my forehead and in that moment I was in a place where people dream to be, a safe, happy, peaceful place.

I knew he’ll stand with me through all this.

Microwave beeped bringing both of us out of our safe heaven. “So how about something sweet now?” he asked in a suggestive voice.

And I wasn’t about to back down, “Actually am in for something spicy right now.”

“I think I can manage that,” that freaking smirk spreading his face was priceless.

That made me change my mind, now I was in mood for every flavor he had in store.

As the days of our marriage neared, things became hectic, almost to the point of insanity. We had to order the dresses and then go for fitting, had to hunt around for a wedding cake, a church to hold the ceremony, catering was also to be taken care of, look for the decorators and the florist, event manager and what not.

Lita and Bran were there to help, even Rose seem to be excited to be a part of the wedding surge, which was surprising but comforting too. Keith’s mother was doing her part pretty well.

The only thing which lacked was my closest friend in the inverted comma. He had been gone for weeks with no definite time of return, I missed him like hell but he said he’ll have to stay, it was important. So, although I wanted him back with me, I had to compromise.

There were times when I needed somebody to talk to, times when I felt like sitting down and spilling out everything that was going on inside my head, in those times I begged God to make Pete come back to me. It was as if something had been ripped out of me, stolen from my life. I tried to convince myself that he was only gone for a few days, that he’d return but something kept telling me that he was gone, that there would be no coming back and it scared the living daylights out of me. The fear started eating me from within.

He had no reason to go away like that, isn’t it? It was just some family matter that needed his attention and then he’d be back and my life would be back to the way it used to be, I kept myself but the wretched thing of a heart in me wouldn’t listen, with every beat it told me otherwise, contradicting my logic.

“You alright?” Rose sat down next to me with a steaming cup of coffee in hand. Though we were on good terms now but it didn’t mean that I was about to share things with her now, we still had a long way to go, “Yes, am fine.”

“Doesn’t seem like it,” she caught my lie easily but didn’t show off.

“I am getting married Rose, it’s just that am all nerves right now. Tomorrow, at this time, I’ll be Haya Keith Night.”

She smiled in her mug, “Well that’s a phase everybody has to go through in life, I know it’s a drastic change but you’re a lucky girl.”

“Lucky girl?”

Her eyes turned to me for a second, then they were back to her coffee, “Yeah, you’re marrying a great guy and it isn’t a sudden change. For both of you it has been a gradual process, slow and rewarding. I know you’ve mentally prepared yourself for the upcoming life.”

“I sure am trying,” what she said wasn’t untrue but it wasn’t all truth either. From my childhood, I thought that I’ll be having a traditional Muslim marriage with all sort of customs that took place prior to the Nikah ceremony. That there’ll be a swamp of all my relatives, a mix of faces I’ve seen very often and faces I’d see for the first time. My parents would be worrying like hell because half the things still be undone an hour before the Baraat arrived at my gate and my brother would be trying to calm them down. My friends would be dressing me up in a traditional green Sharara, but none of it was going to happen now.

The green had been replaced by white, the ‘Kubool hai’ by ‘I do’ but yeah I wouldn’t change a thing about this marriage because I was getting married to the guy I loved and it’s all that mattered.

“Keep trying then,” saying, she got up and started to move, “Oh and India.”

“Huh?”

With a smile that I’ve never seen on her face before, she said, “Call him.”

And we both knew exactly who she meant.

So I did. As usual he didn’t pick up but I kept trying. After about thirteen tries, he finally answered.

“Peter Greene!’ I screamed into the phone, “I am getting married and I want my best friend here!”

“India I don’t…..,” he was about to throw some excuse ahem ahem……. reason at me but I would not have any of that crap now.

“I don’t care how important the reason is for you to stay there Pete but I am only going to get married once in my life and I want you here, I need you here Pete….please,” I was about to break down on the last part. I really, really wanted him to be a part of my wedding.

“I am sorry India but I can’t come,” judging by the hoarseness in his voice, either he had been screaming or crying or was really parched, neither of which was good.

“Pete, you okay there?”

His breath sounded labored, “I am.”

He was lying but I decided to let it go, if he didn’t want to tell me, then I won’t ask, “Then please,” I could have begged him right that, in fact I was about to but he cut me off.

“I am not coming back India, ever!” with that he was gone, from the conversation and from my life.

I stared at the phone in my hand, not believing what I heard. He was not coming back.

Pete was never returning.

I tried calling back but he switched off his cell yet I kept calling, kept on trying till the phone went dead in my hand and it was the first time I realized that it was too easy to lose people you loved more than your life and when they decided to walk away you could do nothing to stop them.