First Time Ever

First Confessions

Chapter-15

First Confessions

The second I stepped foot inside the house, I was engulfed by Peter’s arms, “Thank God, you’re home. I was so worried.”

“I can see that,” his eyes were red meaning he hadn’t slept, his hair all messed up and even his clothes seem to have been put in a hurry.

“You alright? Did he hit you or something?” keeping me at rams length, he inspected, “you knee’s bleeding, you have a scratch on your stomach and…..,” he stopped eyes on my neck.

The top I was wearing had a wide round neckline so it did nothing to hide the love bites, “I….I am fine, just a scratched knee.”

Shaking his head, he made me sit down, “I’ll get the first aid kit. Lita and Brandon will be here any minute.”

“Where’d they go?” I asked as he walked away.

“To look for you of course.”

Lita went out to search for me? “Really?”

“Yeah,” he seem to shuffle through the cabinets, “They were so worried, Lita almost passed out.”

Okay that was surprising, I mean she had not been talking to me for weeks now, I thought she could care less. Apparently I was wrong.

“That’s unusual.”

“I disagree,” he returned with a first aid box, “when she heard you’ve told Keith, she was sure he’s gonna shoot you or something,” sitting down he cleaned my knee with an antiseptic.

It stung, “Shh….”

“Sorry,” he rubbed gently, seemingly so focused on cleaning and then putting some ointment and a gauge around my knee. I remembered the first time we met and how pissed off I had been at him.

We’ve come a long way since then, he has become me closest friend, someone I could talk to when nobody would be willing to listen, someone who was by my side even when I screwed things up.

“Lift up your top,” he asked gently. I looked at him, “lift up your top India, I need to clean it up.”

Nodding I did as he asked, his fingers shook a little as he wiped the scratch, his fingers accidently brushed against my skin and we both froze.

“If I didn’t know better,” that would be Brandon, “I’d say you’ve changed sides India.” Cleaning quickly Peter moved a little back.

“Huh?” Changed sides? What does that mean?

“That you jumped from Keith to me,” Peter explained, seeing the question marks on my head.

I turned scarlet.

“Are you alright?” Lita was careful to approach me, as if afraid of something.

“He didn’t hit me,” what else could I say? She was looking at Peter, Great! She couldn’t even look at me now? She hated me that much? Accepting that scholarship was the worst idea ever.

“How’d you get home?” Peter asked, packing the things spread on the floor and closing the box.

“Took lift.”

“I think we should let her rest now,” Bran advised.

Peter and Lita nodded, “go change your clothes and get some sleep.”

“Thank you guys,” I had not expected them to worry so much over me, it almost made me feel at home.

“Go,” placing a hand on my back, Peter pushed me gently in the direction of my room.

“Pete,” I liked the nickname, it reminded me of Spiderman and he had become my own Spiderman, “thank you,” pecking him lightly on the cheek, I made my way to the room with Lita at my tail.

Once I had changed and cleaned, I lay in bed, wide awake wondering how could life take so many unexpected turns in such a short amount of time. Maybe it wasn’t so unexpected, I did know he’ll hate me once the truth is unveiled, I knew he’d leave me and yet I so willingly followed in the path of my doom.

“It’s not your fault,” I heard Lita’s voice in the dark.

Does it matter now? “I guess.”

“I tried to warn you.”

“Yes by not talking to me, thanks for the heads up.”

“It was……just…hard for me, to, you know accept it, you.”

I really wasn’t in the mood to talk about this so I decided not to answer.

She was silent for a while then, “His dad……,” she started and then stopped.

“His dad?” whose dad? Keith’s? What’s wrong with his dad. I heard her shift and then she switched on her table lamp. Sitting up, she looked directly at me.

“Keith. His dad was in army, just like him. He was sent to Iraq during the war.”

Okay so Keith was in Army and so was his dad.

“I don’t know the details but from what I heard his unit was taken captive by the bad guys, you know terrorists or whatever and they tortured him. They say he was there for two weeks before they finally rescued him and brought him home. By then he was mentally unstable, depressed. Three weeks later Keith’s family found his body, a bullet through his head, it was suicide.”

I felt tears in my eyes, that would explain his hated for my religion, for Muslims, they cost him his father.

“He’s not a bad guy India, it’s just that, you know, his dad died because….”

“I understand,” but that didn’t justify his hatred towards me, towards everybody who followed my religion, “Thanks Lita, for telling me.”

Maybe now I could hurt less because I knew it had nothing to do with me, I wasn’t the reason.

“It’s alright, I thought you deserved to know.”

“Thanks again.”

“Hmm…,” and with that she switched off the lights and went to sleep while I lay awake, thinking what could I have ever done differently for it to not end the way it did.

It had been two weeks since that day, things got back to normal between me and Lita, I decided to even start anew with Rose and Peter and I became inseparable. He was always there by my side, checking up on me, listening to my senseless talks, cheering me up, he became a pillar I could lean on.

I never saw Keith after that night, none of us did, he didn’t show up, no one knew where he was, how he was or if he was ever coming back. I was worried sick, all of us were. We tried calling him, went searching for him but to no avail. I couldn’t help but wish that he comes back soon, the only thing that was a little comforting was that he had been in army which meant he was tough enough to handle himself.

A part of me longed to see him again, just once but the other part was relieved that he wasn’t here, one look was all it would take for me to break down. Accepting the fact that we will never be together was hard but gradually, I knew I would come to terms with it. It was the truth after all, how long could I keep denying it?

“So you think we should, I mean…..,” Lita was clearly out of her mind, whatever she was trying to say came out incoherent.

“Lita, am not getting your point.”

She sighed, “Okay Keith’s mum called.”

Bad news!

“And?”

“And he’s not answering her calls.”

“Lita he’s not answering anybody’s calls.”

“Yeah but she’s his mother. So I wanted to know, do you think we should tell her the truth?”

“The truth?”

“Yes that he’s disappeared and all.”

“I…..,” what was I supposed to say? Tell a mom that her son was gone, God knew where! Oh no! I could imagine how hard she would take it.

“Yes we should,” Rose marched in the front door, “He’s been gone for too long.”

“But Rose…...,” this was not a good idea.

“Listen girl, we don’t know where he ran off to, plus he was pissed off when he did and that is not a good combination. We should tell the lady because she deserves to know.”

Maybe she was right, we’ve all tried to find him but with no success. Going to the cops was put on hold, for now. But two weeks is too long a time, maybe it was time we took some help.

“I agree,” Peter said, sitting down next to me. He came out from his room.

“Okay then,” Lita picked up the phone, “We tell Mrs. Night.”

“Tell Mrs. Night what?” that silk of a voice, I recognized that voice without even looking at him. He was here.

“Keith!” shrieking Lita ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck, “where have you been?”

Embracing her back, he replied, “Trying to figure some things out.”

Yeah right! I shifted closer to Pete, not at all comfortable with his presence, there was something different about him, something lively, vivacious, maybe he’s gotten over me. That was fast.

“You alright?” Pete whispered in my hair.

“No,” I was clutching his shirt sleeve so hard, it was ridiculously wrinkled, “I’ll go take a nap.”

He nodded, shifting away to allow me to stand up. Throwing one last glance at him I walked to my room and lied down, thanking God that he was okay and trying to sleep.

I lay there for an hour still wise awake, somehow my bed didn’t give me the comfort I needed. Tossing and turning I finally gave up, nothing was working, nothing was comforting enough. Leaving my room, I made my way to Peter’s. knocking softly, I waited for him to open the door. When he did, I threw myself against him.

“India?” it certainly caught him off guard.

“I am sorry,” clutching his middle tightly, I whispered. He smelled safe, he felt safe, he was my safe place, my sanctuary.

“Hey don’t be,” loosely he put his arms around me, “whatever it is for.”

“How….how do I do it Pete?”

“Do what?” his voice was calm but his body was tense, stiff. I could feel it under my cheek.

“Forget him, get over him,” his heartbeat picked up as I lifted my eyes to met his. Tightening his arms, he said, “Patience. Just give it some time India.”

I can’t, the more I stayed around him, the more I slipped, the more I lost control.

“Why don’t you come in?”

And I realized we were still in the doorway, “Sorry,” letting go of him, I moved inside, shutting the door softly.

“I have to leave, go away from here, from him,” that thought often made its way into my head but I never considered it seriously, till now.

“And leave all of us behind?”

His bed was soft, organized, elegant, just like him, “You’ll survive, Lita has Bran, Rose doesn’t care anyway and you…..”

“And me?”he looked at me from the sofa.

“You have your work and I know you’ll do well without me.”

“Fine, we’ll survive but you? Who do you have?”

“I’ll live,” I couldn’t depend on them forever, dragging everybody down because I couldn’t handle a heartbreak properly.

He came and sat beside me, “So you have decided to run away?”

“Am not running away!”

“Yes you are. Lets for one second assume that you get away from this house, Flagstaff isn’t N.Y , you’ll run into him eventually and often. Or do you plan to run away from U.S. as well?”

“I………,” I couldn’t give up on this scholarship, it has come to me after so much hard work and so much pain, I couldn’t let it slip away.

“Going away from here isn’t the answer India.”

He was right, maybe I was over thinking, “Can I stay here tonight?” the thought of going back out wasn’t that inviting.

He smiled, saying nothing about my doge of the previous topic, “Yeah sure, I’ll take the couch,” picking up a pillow he went to the couch and lied down while I made myself comfortable in his bed.

His head lifted, “Huh?”

“It’s your room, you should be getting the bed.”

“It’s alright India,” popping back down, he shut his eyes.

I’ve never been here before, his room was the only place in this house, apart from Rose’s that I’ve never been in. But somehow it felt familiar, like I’ve seen these walls before, the ceiling looked like I’ve stared at it before, the bed felt like I’ve slept in it before.

“I’ve slept here right?” it hit me then, “that day when I got home drunk, it was your room, wasn’t it?”

“Yes,” he answered.

“I like it here,” muttering I closed my eyes and almost instantly fell asleep in arms that held me loosely and staring into grey eyes.

I woke in the middle of the night to find Pete in a rather uncomfortable position on the couch, he was half hanging down from it, his legs bent at odd angles, clearly not enjoying his sleep.

Now I felt horrible for kicking him out of his bed, “Pete,” poking his side lightly, I tried to wake him, “Pete.”

He woke up surprised and fell off the couch, “Jesus India,” it was obvious that he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep.

“Take the bed, am going to my room.”

“No stay, I am good here.”

“I can see,” he was so sweet but I could not be able to sleep knowing he was struggling on the miserable couch.

“India,” he yawned. He looked so cute when he did that.

“It’s fine Pete, thanks for letting me stay but I should go now. Good night,” kissing his forehead, I walked out of his room.

I had barely made it into my room when the door was banged shut with my back against it and Keith’s body looming darkly over me, “That took quite a while,” he hissed, nibbling at my earlobe.

My body shuddered but I willed my voice to remain aloof, “None of your business.”

“Oh it is love,” he bit down harshly.

Involuntarily I let out a moan. What did he want now? What was he doing here? “What are you here for Night?” I struggled to get away from him.

“To claim what is mine,” he moved back an inch, giving me enough space to breathe normally.

“I am serious Keith,” Who the hell did he think he was? He couldn’t just barge in and out of my life as he pleased.

“I am here to tell you that I don’t care what religion you follow, I want you, I want you with me.”

Was I dreaming? He just didn’t say that, did he? Was he playing tricks on me? Making fun of my feelings?

“Huh?”

“Really India, am starting to think its sheer dumbness rather than a hearing problem.”

“Stop playing around Keith, my life is not a game.”

“Two weeks India, two weeks and they drove me insane because I couldn’t see you, couldn’t listen to your voice, couldn’t touch you. I tried to control it, God knows I tried everything but I couldn’t let go of you. And it made me realize that I couldn’t, no matter what, so here I am.”

God, he sounded genuine and I knew he wasn’t lying, wasn’t faking it. He really was here for me, because he had feelings for me.

“What do you want?” that doesn’t mean I was not pissed at him.

He kissed me so passionately, so deep that the whole world dissolved into him right around me.

“You!”

And it was the first time that I realized I could care less.