s*x with a Vampire

Probation

After two weeks of learning the bus route, shopping and hanging out, my sister has to leave. She will be out at sea for a month.

Two weeks didn't seem like much time to get me accustom to being in England but she has friends near by that can assist me if I need anything.

It is Monday morning, my first day of work. I am dressed and examining myself in the mirror. I'm thinking whether to change my outfit or not but it is already 6am and I need to catch the bus then catch the ferry to Portsmouth.

I shake the thought from my head and put on my boots. My sister bought me a few pairs but I enjoy this one the most. Mainly because I never did the slip and slid whenever I wore it. I grab my bag, keys and breakfast and head out the door.

My sister lives in a naval community. I guess that's what you would call it. We have a townhouse with an adjoining home that occupies the downstairs while we occupy the upstairs.

I lock the first door, already feeling the cold breeze in the in-between. This was the space with the stairs from the front door to our hallway door.

I exit the door leading to the outside and instantly pull my scarf tighter and my beanie lower. It isn't snowing or windy but it is quite cold. I'm still getting use to the temperature.

I remember one night my sister took me clubbing and I was padded up with my boots, jeans, sweater and long sleeved shirt standing in the line to go inside the club. Behind us were some girls in nothing but lingerie looking tank tops and booty shorts and heels.

I was flabbergasted. My sister laughed at my expression. She was only up here for a couple years but she can manage the cold also but she decided to wear a jeans like me and a high heel boots.

I enjoyed myself that night. I understood then why they dressed like that to go to the club. Once we were inside and dancing, I had to strip. With so many bodies packed together and grinding on each other, at the end of the night I was drenched in sweat.

I stop my reminiscing as I board the bus. I have to pay attention and look out for certain land marks or I'll get lost and confused. I reach the wharf in no time and disembark the bus. I buy my ticket and walk the ramp to meet the ferry. I board and quickly find a seat inside by the window.

The window is frosted and I wipe it off to get a better view of outside. To be honest, there isn't much of a view but I like to see where I'm going, even if it's just across the water.

We reach to the other side and I make my way to the bus stop. Should I get a taxi, I ask myself. I quickly check my watch and notice it's 7:30am. I want to get to work before 8am to make an impression. It's not everyday you get to make a good first impression.

I forego the bus and grab a taxi. That was more money than I had plan on spending for the day but I want to be early.

I reach my destination in no time. I pay the taxi fare and get out, again pulling my scarf tighter.

I look up at the plain metallic building with the giant blue sign that reads 'Mega Inc'. It looks almost out of place to the red stone buildings I pass a while ago.

It's a large building with a great lawn at the back. I speak to the security at the gate and show him my papers. He lifts the gate for me and someone comes out of the booth to walk me to the entrance.

As I get inside I can't help but audibly gasp. It looks just like how I thought inside of Google or Apple would look. The main entrance was big and open. There are three receptionists at the front, a few washrooms signs, a cafeteria entrance, two large staircases at either end of the building and comfy sofas here and there with persons drinking tea and typing on their laptops. My stomach did a flutter and I smile, feeling all giddy inside.

The security motions for me to go to the receptionist and I shuffle forward, still looking around. I get to the receptionist and smile.

"Um, hi. My name is, uh, Sam... I mean Samantha Daniels and this is my first day here." My heart is pounding against my chest. The lady looks at me as if she can hear it. Or maybe it's because I have an audible nervous energy around me.

She gives me a short smile and types in her computer. I hear her make a sound then she grabs her receiver and makes a call.

I feel weird staring down at her from the counter so I turn to give her some space. I look around the room, taking in my surroundings again. I start to imagine what my life at the company might be like.

Would I be lounging on the sofa with my laptop down here when I need a new environment to think?

Or maybe I'll be outside at the back on one of their benches under a gazebo. I start coming up with scenarios unaware of the woman getting visibly annoyed with me.

"Miss Daniels!" she calls loudly. I jump and look back at her. As usual, I am lost in my day dreams. I give her a small smile for an apology. She just stares at me for what seems like an awfully long time.

I begin to fidget under her scrutiny. I don't like it when people look at me. It makes me so self conscious. I start to panic a little bit. I don't want to mess up on my first day.

"I apologise," I say quickly to break the tension. "This is my first time in this country and at a place like this. I can't help but be distracted."

"Doesn't your job require you to be focus?" she says still staring at me. "You'll need to work on that if you want to stay here. We have a mission and those who can't keep up, don't belong here."

That is a bit harsh.

I bite my lips and try to push down the ball of feelings coming up my throat. I try to tell myself that British people are just straight forward and nothing more was meant by what she said. I'll take it as just sound advice for the newbie.

Just then a lanky guy in a dark polo shirt and dark jeans comes up to me with a big smile. He extends his hands and I grab it instinctively.

"Hey Samantha, I'm Joseph Wimble. I was one of the persons who interviewed you." He shakes my hand a little bit too eagerly.

I smile. "I remember. Thank you for this opportunity."

"Are you kidding me, you did great on the interview. You really know your stuff. We were all too happy to get you up here and working with us. We're always looking for bright and new minds to expand our company." He ushers me towards some elevators I didn't notice before. I didn't even realise I was looking at the stairs closest to us until Joseph words broke my stare. "We can take the stairs if you like. I didn't offer since we had a bit of walking to do. I didn't want to burn you out."

"It's quite alright. This place is massive, we can take the elevator. I can always try the stairs some other time." I walk into the elevator that just opened and wait for him to pick the floor.

There is a total of six floors above us but we didn't go all the way to the top. The fifth floor belongs to HR. We stop there first to get my badge and other papers to sign. On the fourth floor is a series of conference rooms. They can also be opened up to make one big auditorium or meeting room. It can definitely hold a couple hundred people by my estimate.

On the third floor is the Marketing department. I meet the Head of Marketing, Julia Williams and her second, Dustin Myers. They are really nice. They give me a short run down on what a day in the company for them looks like and on what occasions we might meet again.

When we get back into the elevator, I see Joseph select the first floor instead of the second.

"How come you're skipping the second floor?" I ask. He looks at me and smile but says nothing.

The door opens and we are greeted by a hallway. Everything seems normal. Is this another meeting floor, I ask myself. There are only two doors on either side of the hall. We go to the left and I gasp. Is this a playroom? I look around at the colorful walls.

The murals on the walls are amazing. Some are more artistic than others. They definitely didn't hold a constant theme but it all seems to fit.

There is an arcade section, another cafeteria, a section with a bunch of TVs and gaming consoles. There is also a section with tables and sofas, just like the ground floor.

"This is your entertainment room, " I say. I didn't wait for his confirmation as I went around touching everything and admiring them close up.

I get a better look at the arcade section. I see racing games, some fighting games, a hockey table, a pin ball machine, a claw machine, a ticket machine and a coin machine.

I leave that section. On the outside wall is a mural of a white tiger. It is lazily lounging on a rock out in the sun. It is skillfully done. Next to it is a weird geometric symbol. I'm not sure what it is but it looks alright, nothing really special.

The next section is the cafeteria. I am greeted by two ladies. They don't stop to tell me their names as they go about bustling to repack some snacks.

I move to the gaming section. There are some PlayStation 4 and Xbox gaming consoles. I count about five 50 inch TVs. There are bean bags and also sofas and some small tables.

"What do you think?" I hear Joseph ask behind me. I spin around and smile. I just spread my arms to emphasise what I'm looking at and let out a little giggle. "I guess you're very impressed?"

"More than very, this is so cool. I can't believe I get to work here. This is amazing." I ramble as I bounce over to the other murals and sofas. "Look at this." Again I spread my arms and wave them around.

"It's pretty cool. Our employees actually draw these murals. If you're into drawing, we can find you a space and you can leave your mark. However, that's if you're still here after your probation period."

My face falls. I totally forgot about my probation period. I have a six month probation and at the end I'll be given a performance appraisal. I instantly feel nervous again.

Joseph seems to notice the change in my demeanour. "You don't have to worry, I know you'll do well. Just do your best and be open to learning. No man is an island."

I nod and Joseph leads me out the door and towards the door on the right. The walls are white and bright. They're almost loud. This room has a different atmosphere. I look around and there are alot of rooms. I open the first door and see a bed. I look back at Joseph with a confuse look on my face.

"Sometimes we use these rooms as sick beds or, for those days where we have a rushed deadline, we sometimes sleep here. Whenever you need a nap, you can come here." Joseph offers clarification.

"Oh, okay." I say simply closing the door.

We exit the room and go back to the elevator. We exit on the second floor.

Just like the floor below, there is a hall way but instead of a door and walls, there are short partitions with two openings. On the right side I see a wide open space with cubicles on the far walls. There are boards of design at the back. I'm guessing this is the design section of the company.

"This is the design section on your right," Joseph confirms. "And the development team on the left."

I look to the left. Instead of colors like the other side, I see one large table with partitions on top. Each partition has its own dark design. I count six partitions, four of which is occupied. At the far back are two doors. One room looks like a small meeting room and another is an office.

"Let's go meet your teammates shall we." He ushers me forward. Starting from the first guy, he points and makes the introductions. "This fella here is Gary Matthews, he's our senior developer. Any issues, just ask him."

I shake Gary's hand and introduce myself. "I'm Samantha but you can call me Sam."

Joseph continues going around the table. There is another Senior Developer, Matt Williams. Two Full Stack developers, Bertram Billing and Harvey Moses. There is one more person standing at the back by the meeting room. He is introduced as Garth Richards, the Frontend developer.

"Everyone, this is Samantha Daniels, she'll be our new Backend Developer. She came all the way from the Caribbean. She performed really well in her interview and we're all excited to have her here. I hope you guys assist her in finding her way around and helping her with whatever she might need." Joseph pats my back and I wave at everyone staring at me. I feel weird, like I am being scrutinised under their gazes. I can't help but shrink under their stares.

"Anything you wanna say Samantha?" Joseph asks. Before I could speak, he holds up his hand to cut me off. "My apologies, I almost forgot. In case you forgot my role, I'm the manager for the Development section. I go to the HOD meetings and bring back information on the tasks we need to complete." He smiles and points at me to continue with my introduction.

"Hi everyone, my name is Samantha Daniels but you can call me Sam. I'm really excited to be working here. I'm ready to learn from you all, offer value and make an impact." I swear I hear a small snicker come from someone. No one else reacted so I continue. "Thank you for having me and I hope we can become good friends."

"We can be more than that." I hear Garth say. The other guys laugh except for Joseph and Gary.

"What Garth means, is that we're a family here. We support each other." Joseph offers. I nod my head and smile shyly.

I'm pretty sure that is not what he meant but I won't go into it. This is my first day, it needs to go well.

Joseph leaves me with Gary as he gets me my own laptop and whatever supplies I'll need for work.

I listen to Gary as he tells me all about his time here. He looks to be in his forties with red hair and a few greys on the side.

He tells me how he's been working at Mega even before they were known as such. He was a part of the startup crew until the company got sold to a conglomerate and was rebranded Mega.

His fellow developers left, they hired new people and now it's where it is today.

"How come you're not the manager of the development team if you've been here since the beginning?" I ask. He looks at me and smile. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be so forward. You don't have to answer that."

"It's quite all right. I actually hate managerial work. I like being just a developer. I'll go crazy spending my time in pointless meetings all day." Gary offers. He pats my back to let me know I didn't offend him.

I get my laptop and he offers to set it up for me but I decline. I ask for the list of tools and software we use and he tells me he'll send me the invites to the softwares and he'll get me the list in a bit. He leads me to an empty cubicle by the table and I get to work setting up my laptop.

"I think I should help you set that up. I'll get it done in no time." I hear a voice over my shoulder. I look up to see Garth and Harvey looking down at me. I'm not sure which one of them made the offer.

"It's fine, I got this. I've done it before." I state turning back to the laptop in front of me.

"Why did they get you a laptop, I would have thought they would have given you a Mac." I look up to see it was Harvey who spoke.

"I asked for a laptop that I could customise. I was given a choice and I wanted a Unix system. I really like Ubuntu." I smiled broadly.

Harvey and Garth look at each other and laugh. I stop smiling and shrink in my seat. Did I say something wrong? I wanted to keep the same system I used after university. It was just easier for me to code. At the interview they assured me it would be fine.

"Typical chicks. You gotta choose the lamest OS out there. How do you even get stuff done?" Garth asks. I was going to respond but they walk off to their own cubicles.

I sit and stare at my screen as it loads my Ubuntu OS. Should I ask for a Mac? I don't really know how to use one. I've never had a Mac before; they were too expensive to buy. I'm all too aware now of the people around me and where I am.

I'm the only girl on a development team of guys. I tug at my shirt sleeve feeling very self conscious. Maybe this was a bad idea. Why in God's name did I think I could do this?!

I can feel my breathing becoming shallow and it was getting hard to breathe. I can't have a panic attack here on my first day. I get up as quickly as I could and walk towards the entrance.

Where was I going? I ask myself. I don't recall seeing a bathroom on our side of the hall. I look up towards the elevator and see no signs. I look down the hall and notice two doors on either side.

Please be the bathrooms I think. I see the signs and enter the bathroom door. I enter the first stall I see and lock it. I put down the seat cover and sit down with my head in my hands.

I want to cry right now but I'm trying to keep it in. Why am I even here? I'm from a small island and I'm trying to compete with people who have first hand access in these technologies and knowledge as they come out.

A small sob escape my lips. I couldn't stop it any more. The tears start falling and I don't try to stop them.

Maybe I should go home. I can always change my mind. I don't have to take the job, I don't have to stay. I can go back home and find something else to do. I could become a receptionist again. I could call my old boss and ask for my job back. Its been three years since I left for university but I left on a good note. They always ask me to help out whenever I came back on vacation.

I pull out my phone to start checking for flights. Just then I see a text message pop up on the screen. It's from my sister:

'Have an awesome first day. Remember, you got this. Go be a boss chick :) '.

I start to cry again. How did she always know when I need her?

I take a few deep breathes to collect my thoughts. I'm not a quitter I remind myself. I shouldn't let these guys bully me. They are not better than me. They may know more than me concerning the job, but they are not better than me.

I wipe my face and exit the stall. I go over to the faucet and splash water on my face. I think happy thoughts to try to get my endorphins going.

"I'm smart. I'm strong. I'm capable of anything I put my mind to. I can achieve what I can dream and no one can take that away from me." I recite my affirmations.

When I feel and look better, I leave the bathroom. I've been gone more than 15 minutes so I know they would have noticed my disappearance.

I get back to the room and everyone is looking at me. I square my shoulders and keep my head up as I walk back to my seat at the table. They are not going to get to me again.

I check my laptop and my OS is finish installing. I finish my setup and check my job package for my email. I receive a few emails from Gary with invitations to their software and I accept them all. On my desk is also a list of the tools we use. I went ahead downloading and setting them all up. By the time I am finish, it is 3:30pm and Joseph comes out to check on me.

"So how was your first day? Did you get everything you need?" he asks pulling up a chair next to me.

"Yes I did. I was just going through some documentations of some of the tools that I'm not familiar with." I tell him.

He nods showing his approval. "That's great. Tomorrow morning, we'll do a run through of them. I'll have the guys do an introductory session for each of them to help you get a better understanding. I know sometimes they don't always use them for what they were designed for."

"That's great. I'm looking forward to that." I say. "By the way, how often do we change tech stacks?"

Joseph looks at me blankly then laughs. "Uh, well. I'm not really sure. I usually leave it to Gary or the guys to suggest other tools we can use but we definitely stick with the ones we spoke about in the interview. We might try other things out just to see but they have to leave an impression."

I smile.

I can tell Joseph doesn't code that much anymore. He appears to be in his thirties. He has curly black hair that falls over his forehead and big rim glasses that hides his sky blue eyes. He's not a bad looking guy but you can tell being a manager has him a bit run down.

I glance over his figure. Lanky, probably doesn't eat much because he's always on the go. I see a wedding band on his finger. So he's married. I think Gary is married as well. I don't believe Harvey or Garth is married. I couldn't fathom people wanting to be with them. As for Bertram, I have yet to hear him speak or Matt.

"There isn't much else you can do today. You can leave early if you want." Joseph says to me as he stands up. He pats my shoulder and walks back to his office.

I start packing away my things when I notice no one else is leaving. I stand up and look over to the design section but everyone is still working.

Should I leave, I wonder. Don't start second guessing yourself again I think. I finish packing away my things. I didn't know what to do with my laptop so I decide to ask someone. I look to my left but the cubicles were empty. I stand up and look over the partitions. Only Bertram is at his cubicle. The others are in the meeting room.

"Should I walk with my laptop or should I leave it here Bertram?" I ask. His lack of movement makes me assume he didn't hear me. I open my mouth to ask again when his gaze meets mine.

"You can take it with you or leave it here. It's up to you, once you don't lose it." He states before turning back to his computer.

"Oh, okay. Thanks." I say.

I decide to leave my laptop on my desk. I prefer to keep it here until I learn my bus route properly. I wouldn't want to lose company property so early in my employment.

I grab my bag and head to the meeting room. "Good bye guys, I'm leaving now." Gary waves to me.

"Leaving so soon? But you just got here. Maybe you can stay and help us with a project we're working on. We could use your expertise." Harvey says with a disturbing sleezy smile.

"Get home safe Sam." Gary says to me before turning to Harvey. "Continue with what you were saying."

I leave the meeting room and knock on Joseph's door. When I hear no response I slowly push the door open. I can tell he's in a meeting so I wave him goodbye. He waves back with a smile. I close his door and head towards the exit.

I get into the elevator and get to the ground floor. I walk up to the receptionist from this morning and show her my card. She points to a raised surface on her desk and I hold my card over it. It beeps and turns green, showing my name.

I walk out the building and towards security. I'm tempted to get a taxi but I opt to walk instead. I replay the events of the day over in my mind.

It takes me 30 minutes to get to my bus stop. By that time it's already 4:25pm. I get a ticket and head onto the ferry, taking my seat inside. It doesn't take long for me to reach Gosport and to catch a bus home.

I get inside and kick off my boots. I'm cold, hungry and exhausted. I start stripping as I make my way to the kitchen.

I'm glad I didn't quit today. I don't know why I have such terrible self esteem issues but it's not always the case. I have moments where I'm brave and confident and get stuff done. Usually it's when I have no other choice. I've taken part and won debates and public speaking competitions.

I won't actively volunteer for those things but when I'm given no other option, I do fairly well. I call this persona Phoenix. She's me if I didn't suffer from imposter syndrome and doubt myself so much.

She's strong, flirtatious, sexy, brilliant and dangerous. She can build you up, turn you on and cut you down with one look. I wish I could be her all the time but, unfortunately, it's not that easy.

I smile to myself.

Maybe one day.

I enter the kitchen and grab a carton of grapes from the fridge. Now that I know what my teammates are like, I'll definitely be better prepared for them.