The mute's forbidden love

Chapter eight

I get a sense of pride on my drive back. I finally have something I've wanted for a long time. I did something for myself, I took my own decision. I haven't done that for over a year now. A smile is etched on my face through the ride home and even as the day passes.

I just couldn't believe myself; I couldn't believe that I took such a brave decision. I don't regret it though, I never will. Am I terrified of Matthew finding out? Yes. But I'm more terrified of the nothingness that's growing in me. It could drown me if I don't flail my hands for my own survival. This is the first try.

In the evening, I decide on a simple navy-blue dress for my first day of work tomorrow. My eyes catch sight of the digital clock on my bedside table. I quickly get away from my closet and run downstairs. Just half an hour until he gets home. I lost track of time while going through my clothes. Opening the refrigerator, I get to cooking a simple dinner. I wouldn’t want him to wait for food, he gets angrier when he is hungry.

He doesn’t have to wait as I finish cooking in 20 minutes. Instead, it’s me who has been waiting for an hour now. I take another sip of water as my stomach growls. I sigh and get up from the chair to bring my dinner but stop deciding against it. I don’t want him to get upset.

There is a high chance that he is out with friends and probably won’t even have dinner. Though, he will still get pissed at me for having dinner before he got home.

Another hour passes and the hunger becomes painful. I stand up and move to get my dinner. I am ready to take some slaps but I can’t wait any longer.

Just when I’m about to sit down with my food I hear footsteps stepping out of the elevators. I hastily get up and bring another plate of food to serve him but the footsteps start ascending the stairs. I frown and move out of the dining space and see Matthew going up the stairs with his steps staggering.

The blonde beside him clutches onto him equally drunk. I swallow the bile up my throat and turn around to head back. I sit down and start eating. All that waiting for him to not even notice me.

I can’t blame him who would notice me when they have a such a pretty girl in their arms. He just needs flavor in his s*x life, at least that’s what he told me. He says he doesn’t want to hurt me. I deserve to be handled gently in bed. But he can’t go without being aggressive either. I can’t blame him for that too, I don’t know s**t about s*x. The only experience I had before Matthew was a guy in high school, who just wanted to find out how a mute sounds in bed.

I wipe a traitatious tear on my left cheek cursing myself. It’s so crazy how someone who claims to love you the most also hurts you the most. I never wanted a man who would tear the world apart for me, I just wanted a man who wouldn’t let the world tear me apart.

I shouldn’t even be this affected. It’s not like this is the first time. It’s one of so many. I clearly remember the first….

Flashback

I stir awake on hearing voices. I sit up clutching my neck as it aches due to my uncomfortable sleeping position on the couch. I don’t remember falling asleep while I was waiting for Matthew.

As I look up my eyes widen at the scene. Matthew has his arm around a red-haired girl. She chuckles at something he says and places her hand on his chest. He notices me and stops walking.

“Hey, babe. This is my friend she’ll be staying for the night.” He says with a straight face.

I frown at him, “And she’ll be staying in your room? What kind of friend stays in her friend’s room who has a wife!”

He simply sighs, “She will be out of your hair before you wake up. I promise.”

I gape at him, “Why are you doing this? Why are you acting like this is normal?”

He clenches his jaw and looks at the girl, “Lauren, wait for me upstairs. Last room down the hall.”

She rolls her eyes and walks away. I look at her back as she walks up the stairs, “How can you do this to me! Am I not enough? I did everything you wanted to do!”

He runs his hand through his hair and sighs, frustrated, “Babe, you are stunning. I love your body. I love making love to you. But there are some things that I need which you can’t give me.”

“Then tell me. Let me try.” I hate that I’m being desperate but I can’t control it.

He shakes his head, “No, you just can’t. I don’t want to do that to you. Please understand. They are just random chicks, who mean nothing. You are the only one I love.”

My eyes fill up with tears, “You tell me you love me but you also cheat on me.”

“It’s not cheating when I don’t feel s**t towards them. At the end of the day I’m all yours.” A tear slides down my cheek. He steps forward and puts his hands on my arms, “Baby- “

His soft, gentle eyes turn cold and glaring when I squirm against his hold. He tightens his hold on me making me wince and stay still, “Listen. I don’t let anyone question me. Just you, because you are my exception. But that doesn’t mean I’m letting you cross the limit. All you need to know is that I love only you, you won’t lose me. Now go to sleep and let me too. If you don’t, you know what’s going to happen, right?”

I lower my eyes and nod timidly. He leans and kisses my forehead tenderly, exactly opposite of his grip on my arms. He finally releases me and walks away. And I’m left behind in the living room, tears falling out of my eyes and feeling pathetic and worthless.

Maybe I did deserve that for not having the guts to stand up to him. I should have fought for myself and not cower away. No one would have saved me from this, no one but myself.