Coming Home to Me This Christmas

1. Winding Down

1

Winding Down

Three weeks on the road with her best friend Karen Clarke had been delightful, but Emily Wilson had entered it with a worrying awareness that their trip was temporary, that no matter what adventures they found themselves embroiled in, they would reach a point when they would be looking back, wistful at what had come and gone, with the end tugging at their hard-travelled shoes like the teeth of a hungry dog.

Two days left. Well, one really, when you considered that the last day was a transit day, with perhaps a free hour to walk around Hamburg in the early morning, before heading to the airport and the flight home, back to reality.

And so, technically the second-to-last day had come, but as they sat sipping café lattes on an outdoor terrace by the River Elbe in Hamburg’s Blankenese district, they both knew what neither wanted to say, that the end was coming, and the return to shattering reality was imminent.

‘It won’t be so bad,’ Karen said, forest-green roll-neck sweater, sixties-style horn-rimmed glasses and a waterfall of unkempt dark brown hair the very epitome of understated beauty. That she wasn’t approached on a daily basis to model raincoats and wellington boots for geeky-yet-gorgeous fashion lines had mystified Emily for years. Karen was as natural a beauty as she had ever known, yet her friend’s eternal humility and joy for the simple things in life was as admirable as it was at times frustrating.

Emily nodded. ‘I know. Things will work out. Life carries on, doesn’t it?’

It was what she was expected to say. Had she cross-referenced the exchange against the circumstances in a social contact textbook, it would have displayed their exact conversation. Sticking to the script was important, because that implied normality, that she had coped, that she continued to cope.

She reached for her latte, but halfway there she felt an attack of the intense sadness that had plagued her over the last two months since her beloved grandmother had passed away. She gripped the edge of the table hard enough to make the fold-out legs tremble against the pavement as though she could hold back the tears she knew were coming.

‘I’m sorry,’ she gulped, the second syllable jumping out of her mouth like a fish, causing the people on the table beside them to turn around in alarm. Karen soothed them with the kind of calming look her appearance offered as a prerequisite, then she reached across the table and took Emily’s hand.

‘You’re grieving. It’s okay. Crying is good. Crying helps.’

Emily felt like an i***t, sobbing in the middle of a busy café. With Karen on hand to offer stability, the other customers gave her just a cursory glance before getting back to their conversations. That was the thing about Karen; she was like a human windbreak, able to halt the tide of calamity in a single look. Had she been bottleable, she would have been worth a fortune.

Emily laughed through the tears until the heaving in her chest eased and she could talk without her words being interspersed with gasps.

‘It’s nearly over,’ she said. ‘It was such a great holiday. Thank you so much, Karen. It helped me forget.’

Karen smiled. ‘The purpose was not to help you forget, but help you deal with it. I know it’s going to be hard, with Christmas coming up, but you know you’re welcome at David’s place. His parents love you, and they always put on such an event.’

At mention of David, Emily suppressed a groan. Emily had chosen the perfect boyfriend, a man so undislikeable that you wanted to hate him simply for being so nice. Handsome and intelligent, he worked as an artist, but was one of those rare commodities in that he was a successful one. Creative, and also able to make money from it. And his family, whom Emily had met on a number of occasions, were Hallmark perfect. Wealthy upper-class people living in a beautiful country house but almost nauseatingly generous, especially at Christmas time.

After a pause, Emily shook her head. ‘I can’t,’ she said. ‘I’d only be a sobbing gooseberry, getting in the way and ruining everyone’s Christmas.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Karen said. ‘You know what his parents are like. They don’t do intimate Christmases. There’ll be at least twenty people there on any given day. All six of David’s brothers are coming this year, and since most of them have wives and kids it’ll be like living in a rabbit warren. And that’s not to mention all David’s dishy private school mates who usually show up at some point for sherry or whatever poncey drink the M-I-L has bought in bulk this year.’ She leaned forward, lowering her voice. ‘You never know, you might meet someone special.’

Emily gave a vehement shake of her head. ‘Absolutely not,’ she said.

‘Why not? David’s mates are of a pretty good stock, if you know what I mean. At least a couple of them are single.’

‘I’m not looking for a boyfriend,’ Emily said. ‘I just couldn’t handle the stress of it. Not right now.’

‘Well, just come and have a laugh, then.’

Emily smiled. ‘Thanks to you, I’ve had all the laughs I could possibly need over the last three weeks. It’s been wonderful. For Christmas, though … I think I just need some me time. A few days alone to face up to everything and figure out what I’m going to do next.’

Karen nodded. ‘Sure. If that’s what you want, but the offer will always be open. It’s not that far. You could just jump on a train, or I suppose now you could afford a taxi.’

Emily gave a wry smile. ‘Yeah, or charter a jet.’

‘I’m sorry. I know that’s part of the problem.’

‘In some ways, for sure.’

‘You’re in a position many people would dream of,’ Karen said quietly, as though afraid of making Emily upset. ‘I mean, I know you’d give anything to have your grandmother back—’

‘In a heartbeat,’ Emily said. ‘But it is what it is. I have to deal with it.’ She shrugged. ‘I don’t know, perhaps I’ll open up the teahouse again. It’s just that right now, I can’t bring myself to even walk in through the door. The memories, you know?’

Karen nodded. ‘Give it time, that’s all that I can say.’

Before Emily could respond, Karen reached into her bag and dropped her heavy Germany Lonely Planet Guide on the table. Emily smiled at the doorstop of a book, which Karen had been lugging around in her handbag for their entire trip.

‘What does the traveller’s bible have to say?’ she said.

Karen opened it to a bookmarked page. ‘Well, it’s our last night, and we agreed to do the Christmas Market this evening. However, we need something to fill the afternoon.’

For three weeks, they had travelled their way around Germany, visiting museums, wandering through castles, drinking in beer halls. It had been the trip of a lifetime, despite the circumstances.

‘I’m feeling a bit cultured out, to be honest,’ Emily said. ‘I’ve seen enough historical buildings to last a lifetime. Shall we just do a bit of shopping?’

Karen shook her head. ‘We can rush-shop tomorrow morning if you like. We’ll have a couple of hours before we have to fly. This is our last chance to do something different. Let’s see if there’s anything interesting that we’ve missed.’

She leaned over the book, but at that moment a breeze picked up and blew a few pages over. Karen scowled, then went to turn back to the Hamburg section, but as her fingers rested on the paper, she paused.

‘Hang on a minute, what’s this?’

‘What?’

‘Oh, this could be interesting.’

‘Let me see.’

Karen turned the book around and pointed at a short entry in the Hamburg & Surrounds section.

While Emily leaned over the book, Karen pulled a smartphone out of her pocket and started tapping away at the screen. ‘Look, I know you’re not interested in finding a boyfriend right now, but it could be fun—’

Emily looked up. ‘Bridegroom Oak? That just sounds weird.’

‘Well, let’s find out.’ Karen stood up. ‘Come on. Our train leaves in fifteen minutes. We’d better get a move on if we’re going to get there before dark.’