The Ones She Left Behind

Chapter Nine

Maggie bolted upright, sweat rolling down her face as she gasped for air. Had her dream been real? Had she actually been with Topher?

It definitely seemed real, she thought. The way he pushed her away and acted as though he didn’t want her around, that was exactly how she had expected him to act toward her now. And, if it were real, he had aged up, indicating that he had crossed over the barrier. He had said before that crossing over and aging up his appearance might’ve meant never being able to come back to her.

Maggie blinked back tears as she shook her head. She wouldn’t accept that she had seen Topher for the last time. She refused to believe this was it for them, and she knew, no matter how much he pushed her away, he would come back to her if he knew how much she still needed him.

Throwing the blanket aside, she left her room and went to the kitchen. She poured a glass of water, hoping that would calm her down.

She went upstairs and carefully opened her aunt’s bedroom door. She was sound asleep, as was a guy with seemingly dark hair. Their clothes scattered all over the floor.

Biting her lip, she closed the door, not wanting to disturb them.

Going back upstairs, she headed to her room and stood by her window. Pulling back the floral curtains, she opened the window and stared at the sky. Every star seemed to be out tonight, and she felt a tug on her heart.

Wishing on stars allowed Topher to come to her the first time. Maybe wishing on another one would bring him back. As silly as the idea may have seemed now, she was grasping at straws. Somehow, she had to bring him back.

Closing the curtain, Maggie glanced over at her laptop. She hadn’t checked her emails since Topher had left, but she knew her mother hadn’t responded to her email, just as she hadn’t to most of the ones before it. She could’ve used some motherly advice right now, and even though she knew what the result would be, she opened her laptop and started to compose a new message.

Mom,

  I don’t know if you’ll answer me. You never do, so why should now be any different? I really need some advice, and you know I can’t ask Lani. Her solution to everything is probably get drunk and sleep with strangers.

  I’m really struggling right now. You don’t know about it, but I’ve had a friend for the last six years. We still kept in touch . . . until Friday night. We got into an argument, and I told him to leave me alone. I keep trying to apologize to him, but I can’t reach him. I think I started to reach him tonight, but he pushed me away. I don’t know what to do. I just want to tell him how sorry I am and that I love him.

Maggie stared at the last line of her message. Heat rose in her cheeks as she realized what someone else who would read this would probably think. She had told Topher she had loved him on numerous occasions, but it was always implied that she meant as a friend.

 Now, she thought about the Topher she had seen in her dream that might not have been a dream. There was no denying that he was attractive, and Maggie’s cheeks burned even more as she thought about the way she had thrown herself at him just in an attempt to give him a hug. She had really wanted him to return her embrace, and the most upsetting part about the encounter was that he pushed her away. She knew she had hurt him, but she still wanted to believe that he would forgive her. If he didn’t, she didn’t know what she would do.

Maggie’s fingers trembled as she tried to continue the message. Topher was never just her friend. A normal friend wouldn’t be at her side every second of every day, ready and waiting to protect her from anything life threw at her without wanting something in return. She never knew why he chose her, but she wished she had been more grateful.

If not for him, I wouldn’t be here. If not for him, I would’ve never been able to go on a first date, and especially not a second one. I owe him my life, but in return, I just kicked him to the curb in a moment of anger.

Maggie paused, letting memories of her parents take over. She didn’t have a stellar relationship to look up to. All she really witnessed was crying, yelling, and violence. She knew her father didn’t love her, but her mother was a mystery. She had fond memories of her mother when she was young, but as she grew older, her mother spent more time closed off from the world, including Maggie. She wasn’t allowed to have friends, and before Topher came along, she didn’t have anyone to confide in. Her parents never showed her what love was.

Maybe I’m meant to push people away. It’s all you ever taught me.

Maggie’s breaths were ragged as the mouse hovered over “send”. Before she could change her mind, she pressed it.

After shutting off her laptop, she went back to bed. Sleep didn’t come, however. Her mind raced as she thought about her dream that might not have been a dream, and the message she had sent to her mother. Maybe she was being unfair in her email, but it also wasn’t fair that she couldn’t live with her mother and that her mother acted as though she wanted nothing to do with her. It wasn’t fair that, in times when she needed her the most, her mother was never there for her.

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Sleep never came for Maggie. When morning came, she decided to surprise Lani and her friend with breakfast. She figured Lani never cooked before in her life, whereas Maggie had learned from her previous caregivers.

The floorboards creaked as she flipped the last pancake onto the plates.

“Oh, Maggie, you didn’t have to go through this trouble,” Lani said. Her hair was disheveled, and her robe was partially open, revealing a short, black, silk nightgown.

A dark-haired guy approached Lani, wearing only a pair of pants. Maggie averted her gaze from both of them, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. She had thought Ronnie was her boyfriend, but then she remembered what Topher had also told her about Lani’s “side job”, which made her wonder if Ronnie was really her boyfriend or her most frequent “customer”, and she also wondered how frequently the man standing in her kitchen now made a “purchase”.

“Oh yes, she should,” her friend said, grinning. “It looks delicious. That’s one thing Lani can’t do.”

Lani rolled her eyes. “I know how to cook . . . I choose not to.”

Maggie thought about asking Lani’s friend’s name, but then she realized there was no point. So many men would be in and out of this house that she wouldn't be able to keep them straight, anyway.

When they were done eating, the man got dressed and left, leaving Maggie and Lani alone for the first time in days.

Lani glanced around the kitchen. "So, have you heard from your mom since you got here?"

Maggie shook her head. "No, but that's not unusual. She communicates more with whoever I'm living with than she does with me, so you'll probably hear from her before I do."

Maggie thought about the email she sent to her mom. Would her mother just ignore it like all the rest? Would she even read it, or would it just get ignored?

Wanting to dodge anymore uncomfortable conversations about her mother, Maggie piled the dirty dishes into the sink and grabbed a dish towel.

“Haven’t you done enough work?” Lani teased her.

Maggie shook her head as she turned on the hot water and poured a little dish detergent.

Lani placed her hand on Maggie’s shoulder, startling her. “You need to learn to relax. You don’t have to earn your keep, you know.”

Maggie looked at her. “I know, but I want to. It’s the least I can do.”

Lani rolled her eyes. “If you insist, but if I help it’ll be faster.”

As Maggie washed them, Lani put the dishes away. Not too often did Maggie recall her caregivers helping her with chores, but she was grateful nonetheless. When they were done, Maggie turned to her. She knew Lani wouldn’t be the best person to get advice from, but she couldn’t expect her mother to help her. Lani was her only option.

“Have you ever gotten into a fight with a friend?”

“Too many times to count.”

“Have they ever left you because of one? Like, forever?”

Lani sighed. “Maggie, I would’ve thought you of all people would’ve learned this lesson by now. So many people are going to walk in and out of your life you don’t know who’s coming or going. If someone leaves you, it’s their loss, not yours. Move on.”

“But, I told him to leave. He left me because I told him to.” She wiped the tears from her eyes. “Now, he won’t come back.”

Or can’t.

“Okay, kid.” Lani wrapped her arms around her. “What did I just say?”

Maggie sniffled. “Move on?”

“Forget your problems. Forget your faults. Just go with the flow.”

Lani pulled away and opened the refrigerator. “I know just the thing.” She pulled out a bottle and grabbed two shot glasses. “Drink some of this, and you will be just fine. Doctor’s orders.”

Maggie gave her a confused look. “We’re really going to drink before noon?”

She shrugged. “Noon. Eight AM. Seven PM. What’s really the difference?”

Maggie bit her lip as Lani handed her the first glass. She took a hesitant sip. She could almost hear Topher’s voice lecturing her, but that only made her want to drink more. She downed it in a second, and Lani gave her more.

You’re not here to tell me what to do, so why does it matter what I do?

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Maggie stared at the couch, not quite sure how she got there. She picked herself up and smoothed out her clothes. As she did, she felt a sharp pain in her head. Wincing, she went to the sink and poured a glass of water.

She wasn’t sure what her aunt gave her to drink, but a few hours had passed since she’d last seen a clock.

“Aunt Lani?” She called, but no one answered. As she walked through the house, she found it empty.

A nagging thought came to her. There was something she had wanted to do soon, but she couldn’t remember what it was. Looking out the window, she saw that the sun was soon going to set. The sky . . . the sun . . . the moon . . . the stars.

Maggie’s chest tightened. Of course. She wanted to see if Topher would come back the way he had come to her the first time.

Keeping an eye on the sky, she grabbed a bite to eat before heading outside. As soon as the first star appeared, it would be hers.

Sitting on the back porch, she stared at the sky and waited anxiously. Every second was a second closer to finding Topher.

As she waited, she wondered what would happen if he were to come back to her again. Would he be happy to be back with her again, or would he be upset like he appeared to be in her dream? If her dream was real, would he appear as the man she saw or the young boy she had always known him to be? Butterflies filled her stomach. After seeing him grown up, she had a hard time picturing him as the little boy she had always known. 

As soon as she saw the first star, she closed her eyes and clasped her hands together.

Star light, star bright

First star I see tonight

I wish I may, I wish I might

Have this wish I wish tonight

Maggie’s eye lids were as tight as possible as the tears stung in her eyes. “Please, bring my best friend back to me. I know what I did was wrong. Please help me make it right.”

Opening her eyes, she looked at the star and waited. Several minutes passed, but nothing happened. Still, she wouldn’t give up.

The last time, Topher came through her window. Maybe that happened this time, too.

She bolted inside and went downstairs to her room, flinging the door open.

Nothing.

She opened her window.

“Please, Topher! Come back!”

Nothing.

Maggie fell to her knees. What was she doing wrong? She did everything just as she had six years ago. What more did they want?

Just because she was older now, she guessed. Because her father wasn’t beating down her door anymore, the powers that be must not have thought she needed a friend anymore.