A Kiss to Life

Chapter 4: Noah

The decision to move on and leave the past behind can be one of the most challenging choices we make in life. It requires us to let go of the familiar and venture into the unknown, and it can be a daunting task.

I remember the moment when I realized that I needed to move on from what happened to me and Kairus. For a year, I was stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk, self-doubt, and limiting beliefs. I was constantly recalling what could have been my mistake or what went wrong, and I couldn't seem to break free from the chains of my past.

But one day, something inside of me shifted. I realized that if I wanted to live a fulfilling life, I needed to let go of the past and start living in the present. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I also knew it was necessary.

So, I made the decision to leave the past behind and focus on the present moment. I started by acknowledging the negative thoughts and beliefs that had been holding me back, and I worked to replace them with positive affirmations and a growth mindset.

I also started to make small changes in my life, such as taking up a new hobby and spending more time with positive things. And as I started to see the positive effects of these changes, I became more confident in my decision to move on from the past.

But seeing Kairus again last night felt like everything I worked hard for went back to zero again. I felt like I had to re-start because seeing him again after the longest time we have not seen each other brought back all the pain, self-doubt, and non-stop rethinking of what went wrong.

All of a sudden, I was hurting again.

"Here," Mason handed me a tab of ice cream—a pistachio ice cream.

"Thank you," I said, accepting and started digging on it.

"Your eyes are swollen," he commented. He sat beside me but I can see through the peripheral view that he's watching me. "Did you cry?"

I nodded.

"Is it because of him again?" He asked. "I thought you had moved on from him?"

I nodded again. "I did. I have moved on, but it still hurts. I didn't know it would still hurt me like this," I said.

"Ate..."

I turned to look at him and smiled. "It just hurt me to see him happier. It made me wonder if he was even happy when it was me who's beside him."

"You shouldn't be thinking about that anymore," he said, eyes full of concern and sadness; probably because he’s seeing me like this.

"I know. I just... Why was I not enough?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Ate! You are enough! You are more than enough, okay? Kairus just can't be content with what he had."

I shook my head. I want to tell him what I saw last night. I want to tell him how I saw contentment and happiness in his eyes while he's looking at Isla. But I decided against it. I didn't want to burden Mason with my thoughts and emotions more.

"You are amazing and you deserve someone who sees that, Ate. Kairus failed to see that but for sure, someone will and that someone will treat you more than you deserve," he added.

"Thank you, Mason," I whispered, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. Mason words touched my heart, it warms me that it eases the pain a bit.

He gave me a gentle smile, taking my hand in his. "I know it hurts now, Ate. But trust me, you will meet someone who will love you for who you are, someone who will appreciate you and all the wonderful things you have to offer."

"I hope so," I said softly.

Mason squeezed my hand. "I know you will," he said with conviction. "You will see, one day, you will meet someone who will stay with you no matter what circumstances come in his way. But for the meantime, I'm always here for you. Whatever and whenever you need me, Ate, I'll be here for you."

“You’re making me cry,” I said and looked at him, eyes starting to moist again. I just feel so grateful that I have a brother like him. "Thank you, Maze," I said, a small smile forming on my lips. "I'm lucky to have you as my brother."

He grinned, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Yeah, you are," he said teasingly, before pulling me into a tight hug.

I hugged him back, feeling a sense of comfort in his embrace. We stayed like that for a few moments before he pulled away, still holding my hand.

"Come on," he said, tugging gently. "Let's go eat this ice cream. I know it won't solve everything, but it's a start."

I chuckled, feeling a bit lighter. "Okay," I said, allowing him to scoop from my ice cream tub.

As we ate, I couldn't help but think about Mason's words. Maybe he was right, maybe there was someone out there for me. Someone who would love me just the way I am, flaws and all.

"I'll just call you when my classes ended," I told Noah before I got out of my car. Today's my first day in med school.

"Okay, Ma’am." He answered.

“Mari,” I corrected him. I have told him to just call me by my name but he won’t just listen. He still keeps on calling me ma’am.

“Oo nga pala,” he said, scratching his nape. “Sige, Mari. Uuwi muna ba ako?”

“Ikaw ang bahala. Kung may gagawin kang iba, pwede mong gawin muna yun habang nasa klase pa ako,” I said.

Nagkibit-balikat naman siya. “Wala naman akong gagawing iba. Uuwi na lang muna siguro ako para makatulong ako sa pag aayos ng garden kay Manong Roel.”

“You’re a driver, Noah. You don’t have to do things that’s out of your job description.”

“Wala rin naman akong gagawin pag uwi sa inyo kaya tutulong na lang ako,” he insisted.

I arched my brow but he just smirked.

Giving up, I just sighed and said, “Okay. Do whatever you want.”

“Alright, mismam.”

“What?”

“Wala. Sige na, pumasok ka na at baka ma-late ka pa. First day pa naman,” ani nya. And I on the other just nodded and shut the door.

I did what I was told, I went inside my building and as I walked through the hallway–a very busy one, I couldn't help but feel a sense of awe at the size and scale of everything around me. The buildings were massive, and everyone I passed through was so engrossed with their own business.

First day palang pero bakit parang ang busy naman agad ng mga tao rito?

Finally, I arrived at my classroom and I immediately took a seat near the front, determined to make a good impression on my professors. The first few hours flew by in a blur of lectures and note-taking, and before I knew it, it was time for a short break.

"Hi," someone approached me on my way to the powder room. "You're Amaris, right? My name's Rebecca. We graduated at the same university, I was just a batch behind yours," she introduced herself.

"Hi." I greeted her, smiling. "Nice meeting you, Rebecca."

"Ycca. Just Ycca. I preferred to be called that way," she corrected. "How are you, anyway? I have not heard about you since PNLE," she added and that made me confused.

She might have read my expression when she spoke again. "Don't get me wrong, okay? You graduate with the highest latin in your batch. Plus, you ranked first on the PNLE passers. So, it is normal that we, your schoolmates, would want to hear more about you after passing the board," she explained.

Surprised by hearing those from her, I shrugged and answered, "I went to Italy."

"I see. You must have got exhausted with all the studies and preparation you have done that you needed to breathe," she said.

"Yeah. It was exhausting," I agreed although I knew very well that it wasn't the reason. "How about you? You went straight here after graduating from nursing?"

She nodded. "I have no choice. You know, it sometimes sucks to be in a family who thinks nothing but the succession of this profession. They want this and who am I to complain? I was just their child."

"Don't you want to be here?" I asked.

"Right now? No," she answered, shaking her head. "I mean, I like being in this field. I dreamed of becoming a doctor to help. But I want to rest even for a bit. I want to breathe before I fight again but that's impossible with parents like mine."

"You should have told them," I suggested.

Ycca rolled her eyes as she turned to face me. "I did. Believe me, I have done every possible way to convince them to let me have a break but none of those work."

I don't know what else I should say. I can't seem to find the most suitable words to comfort her so, instead, I asked her to grab something to eat in our school canteen.

"We just met today and I already used you to vent out my frustrations," she said as we walked back to our classroom.

"It’s nothing," I replied with a smile. "I’m actually glad that you chose to share it with me rather than keep it all to yourself. I just hope telling me your frustrations helps you ease some burden in your chest.”

“It did. I feel lighter now,” she answered with a small smile. "Thanks for listening, Mari. I really appreciate it."

“No worries,” I said. “You can always talk to me about life if you want and you’re comfortable to talk about it,” I added and like a kid, her eyes twinkled.

“Can we be friends?” she asked and I nodded.

“I thought we’re already friends,” I answered.

Giggling, she clung her arms to mine. “Thank you, Mari!”

Making friends on the first day of the school year isn't bad, right?

“Kumusta ang first day?” Noah asked me the moment I got in the car. I called him before my last class ended and when I went out of our building, he was already parking near it.

“It was crazy!” I replied. “I already have a lot to study.”

“Pero kaya naman ba?” he asked again.

Smirking, I nodded. “Yeah. I can do this. I came prepared.”

“Ayun naman pala, e! Saka, naniniwala akong kaya mo yan. Ikaw pa ba?” he said, smiling. “Pero masaya naman ba ang first day mo kahit marami kang dapat aralin agad?” he asked and started roaring the car to life and started driving.

I nodded again. “Yes! God, it was kind of hard thinking of the pile of what I need to study but it was fun and I made friends,” I answered.

“Edi, maganda! Para kapag nahihirapan ka, may makakausap ka. May mahihingan ka ng tulong,” he said. “Mako-kopyahan?” he added and I immediately shook my head.

“I don’t do that, Noah,” I answered, a bit scandalized but I’m giggling about it.

“Never mo pa na-try?”

“I study hard so I won’t have to do that,” I said. “I’m afraid of not knowing anything,” I added, my smile faded.

A memory about Kairus suddenly crossed my mind.

Noah shook his head. “Problema talaga ng matatalino yan, no?”

“What?” I asked, not understanding what he meant.

“Sabi ni Mason, lagi ka raw first honor simula nung nag-aral ka, tapos valedictorian ka mula elementary hanggang senior high school. Summa c*m Laude ka rin no’ng college at top one sa board exam, kaya bakit natatakot ka pang baka may hindi ka alam?”

“Okay?”

“Ibig sabihin, lahat pinaghihirapan mong malaman; iniintindi mo.”

“Because, I wasn’t born knowing everything, Noah,” I repeated.

“Which is normal,” he replied. “Ano naman kung may hindi ka alam? Ibig ba sabihin nun hindi mo na pwedeng pag-aralan yun para malaman mo?”

“We’re still talking about my studies, right?” I said, confused.

But this guy just chuckled. “I was speaking in general, mismam.”

I squinted my eyes. “What is mismam?”

“Miss and ma’am. Slang yun,” he answered.

“And why do you call me that?”

“Because you’re my boss?”

“But I have told you to just call me Mari? You’re just two years older than me and you calling me ma’am makes me uncomfortable,” I told him and that made him chuckle.

“And me calling you by your name makes you feel comfortable?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I feel old when you call me ma’am,” I answered and Noad laughed… hard.

“Grabe naman,” he commented. “Pero pumayag ka na sa mismam. Ako naman kasi ang di kumportable pag tinatawag kita sa pangalan mo.”

“What’s wrong with my name?”

He shrugged. “Wala naman. Ang ganda nga ng pangalan mo, e. Amaris Romana. Kaso, boss kasi kita, driver mo ako.”

“So?”

“Hindi ako sanay.”

“Saan?”

“Na tinatawag sa pangalan ang amo ko,” ani nya.

I rolled my eyes. “We’ve talked about this, Noah. God.”

He laughed, Noah laughed because I’m getting frustrated with him. The hell?

“Okay. Sige na. I’ll call you by your name when it’s just you and I can hear it, but please, when everyone is around–especially your parents, let me call you miss or ma’am.”

“Miss would be alright for me,” I said, smirking in victory. Finally, he has given up.

“Ayaw mo ng mismam?”

“Ewan ko sayo, Noah.” I replied and he just laughed again. “I don't know how we went from talking about my first day at med school to this topic.”

Noah just shook his head but didn’t say anything.

My smile grew wider. Noah has been in our family for a month now and this is one of the things I noticed about him. He likes giving compliments. He’s also caring, fun, and helpful and I knew he wasn’t doing that just because he was paid to be like that; he was just really like that. That was the kind of person he is. He’s kind.

“You know what, I think I deserve something nice for dinner tonight,” I said and looked at him. “Would you like to come to me to dinner, Noah?”