The Alphas Little Dancer

Chapter Eight- Fear

*Flash Back*

     Sitting here in this bathroom sick to my stomach and nothing but fear swimming in my eyes. I have been throwing up all morning which only lead me to one conclusion. I stared at a stupid stick that I had to steal from the pack hospital and waited for the timer to go off so I could check the results. Checking the timer for what help like hours was only one minute. Four minutes left; I can do this. 

     Placing my head in my hands while I sat on the cool tile floor, I thought of everything that’s happened.

     I’m only thirteen years old, yes I grew into myself faster than most girls but I can’t have a baby.  Let alone the alphas baby. I can’t bring a baby into this world with... him. 

     ‘f**k! Not what will Alpha Carter say?!?’

     ‘Babe it’ll be ok, he would never hurt his own pup or future alpha.’ Willow tries to convince me but we both know the truth. 

     ‘Maybe not him but Melinda might.’ I snap.

     Oh yeah Melinda, that would be Alpha Carter’s Luna. She has always hated me ever since I was taken in by the alpha. Not being the alphas destined mate she gained the title by marrying Alpha Carter.  Melinda rejected her mate when she met him because he didn’t have a title. She was too thirsty for power to see that he was made for her. 

     Sadly Alpha Carter’s circumstances were a little different. He lost his mate a year after they met. He was a cruel man even back then but Sara was a beautiful and sweet Luna. She was so kind and gentle, a complete opposite of the Alpha.

     During a rouge attack she was out in the woods on a run by herself and she stood no chance against five rouge wolves. She was a decent fighter but sure not strong enough to save herself. It was one of the darkest days in the pack, other than the war that took my parents. And now I sit here thinking about how today could be added to my list of the darkest days in my life. 

     ‘Why does that list just keep growing?...’ I ask willow as tears fall from my eyes. Before I could hear her response the alarm next to me starts going off making me jump. 

     My breathing starts to hurt, my heart is racing faster than I ever thought possible and all I could think about was that I felt like throwing up again. With a shaky hand I grab the stick sitting on the sink and stare down at the little screen...

.....

*Present*

My head throbs while I feel the silky soft pillow on my face, but the throbbing isn’t the thing that woke me up. I open my eyes to see that it is dark outside now so it must be night time. The yelling grows louder from the outside of the door and I can tell by the voice that one of them was Alpha Jaxson. Closing my eyes I try and concentrate on Jaxson.

     “....Please calm down....” I whisper to him in our mind link. The only people I was in mind links with was the pack and Alpha Carter and even in those no one really talked to me just demanded me.  So it was hard to try and focus on getting through to him.

     Not even a second after the connection the yelling suddenly stopped and the door was opening to our room. Realization hit me when I noticed that we weren’t at the little cabin anymore but back in our room at the pack house. 

     Looking at Jaxson walking in, his face riddled with concern and still a little bit of anger, I stared at him questioningly. “How did I get here?” 

     Jaxson laid down beside me and cradled me in his arms while I naturally laid my head on his hard chest. “When you locked yourself in the bathroom you had a panic attack and passed out again.” He seemed calmer now that I was awake and in his arms. “I basically had to break down the door because you weren’t responding and I was worried something happened. So when I saw you lying on the floor unconscious I thought the worst. I picked you up and carried you here and called the doctor. He confirmed it was another panic attack and told me to just let you sleep.” 

     “Hmmm…” acknowledging him, knowing that if I said anything else it would lead to us talking about why I had a panic attack. 

     “…Amelia…” Jaxson said but I interrupted quickly. 

     “No Jax.” I reply sternly. 

     “Yes Amelia!” Now using his alpha tone which only made me more upset. “You need to tell me what’s going on or so help me!”

     I could tell that the fire of anger inside both of us was starting to grow and soon he won’t be able to keep his temper in check. Honestly though I didn’t care because this time Im not going to be afraid to stand up for myself.

     ‘He deserves the truth.’ Willow argued.

     Standing up, out of Jaxsons grip I start pacing the bedroom in anger. My head was pounding from all of the thoughts, memories, and fighting. I couldn’t even form a sentence without wanting to scream out.  

     Jaxson huffs and pushes his hair back. “Amelia if you can’t tell me the truth how do you expect us to trust each other?” he asks me in frustration. 

     Turning around quickly and throwing my hands up in the air I yell, “Because you wouldn’t understand!” 

     Due to being mated I can tell that he can feel my frustration and pain. It’s like he knew what was wrong even if he didn’t know why. Gradually getting up from the bed he slowly walked towards me like if he moved too fast that i would run but Im tired of running. I’m tired of not having anyone to run too. 

     By the time he made it to me the tears in my eyes were on the edge of falling down my cheeks. Grabbing my hands and pulling me into his arms, I fell into his embrace which made the dam of tears break. 

     Jaxson gently picked me up and carried me over to the small reading nook in front of the window, placing me on the fluffy pillows. After sitting next to me, he softly brushed the couple of tears still on my cheek with his thumb. “Please tell me baby…tell me try and understand.”

     “Jaxson if I tell you…. Y-you have to promise not to get angry…” I whisper not being able to make eye-contact. I felt his finger skin the bottom of my chin before he pushed my face up to meet his. 

    Looking deep into my eyes he said “I will listen and try to control my temper. I promise.”

     I pulled my face out of his grip though so I could talk because I knew if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to say what I needed to say.“L-last night we…. we didn’t use any protection.” watching myself twiddle my fingers in my lap. “In my life Ive had to do some things I’m not very proud of. Pole dancing, private shows, and even …sexual acts….” my breath hitches when I hear a growl escape Jaxsons lips but I still continued. “When I was fourteen the alpha started to notice me. He started dressing me up and having me do ‘things’ for him… eventually I ended up …pregnant…” I felt like I couldn’t breath and the tears were flowing down my face in waves. “I was scared and didn’t know what was going to happen with me. But before I could tell the alpha, luna was in my room and found the positive test.” 

     Looking up at Jaxson I saw all the pain, hurt and anger reflected in his eyes but he never removed his hands from my body either rubbing circles with his thumb on my thigh or stroking my arms slowly. Pulling my legs up to my chest as a habit for protection, I rapped myself in my own little ball before I continued.

     “Luna decided to tell Alpha Carter before I even had the chance. She dragged me to his office and screamed at us until she slapped me across the face and stormed out.” I pause to take another deep breath. “Carter was so upset that for the next three hours he beat me until I had a miscarriage… I was on the verge of death when he finally stopped abusing me and took me to the pack hospital.” I could feel Jaxson stop breathing. The fire burning brightly behind his eyes. 

     His hands slowly left my body so I knew this is all probably over. So I might as well tell the whole truth. “This happened two other times during the years Ive been in the pack. I was never able to carry to full term.” Jaxsons eyes flash towards me now realizing something. The fury coming off of him was stifling, making it hard to breath but he never said a word. Getting up from the small bench, Jaxson stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him. 

     I knew this wasn’t going to be good but he made me tell him, he wanted the truth!

     ‘Its ok baby girl…he’ll come around eventually.’ A voice of reassurance in my mind but I don’t think I could believe willow at this moment.

     ‘He will never truly love me willow… he knows now why I shouldn’t be luna. I can’t stay here…’  I say to her.

     ‘No! No more running. You need to step up and control your own destiny for once Amelia.’ Feeling willows anger almost causes me to shift right then and there but I calm the urge and use her strength to get up from where I was sitting. ‘You are stronger than you know and more powerful than anyone has ever seen, so be who you were meant to be.’ 

     I don’t know what took over me but I took off towards Jaxsons office. I refuse to allow myself to be a coward anymore, to be so weak. Im going to find my power.

Jaxson POV

     When I left the bedroom I didn’t know who I was furious with Amelia, alpha carter or myself. The son-of-a-b***h torchured her beyond what I thought was possible. Just the thought of Amelia pregnant with another mans baby killed me let alone knowing it happened three times! I swear that very second I could kill him, make him hurt like he hurt her.

     I shouldn’t have left her when she told me but I thought if I stayed there and held her like I wanted to that my anger would just grow. Now that I left the room though I knew I was wrong. Just her scent and presence calmed me. 

     Taking off through the hallway, I swung open my office door and slammed it shut. Stopping in the middle of the room when I remembered a small detail that she mentioned at the beginning of the story.

    …We didn’t use protection… She was scared and thought that I would hurt her… She could be pregnant…

     All of these thoughts rushed through my head as I let out a loud howl in frustration right there, not caring if anyone else in the pack house heard. Finding my way to my desk, I plop myself down in my chair and place my face in my hands.

    ‘This was never about me, this was always about her…’ I think to myself.

     ‘Took you long enough to figure that one out genius.’ Avery sighed at me.

     ‘Shut up jackass. This wasn’t how all of this was suppose to go!’ I growl back at him.

     ‘No! You need to listen because I know I messed up first now you are and we can’t loose our mate! Now stop being pissed at her and go find her. She needs you!’ Avery has never yelled at me like this before. Yes he’s given me attitude but I can tell he’s really disappointed. 

     Without replying because we both knew he was right, I got up from my chair and hurried towards our room but before I made it to the door it swung open with a pissed off Amelia standing on the other side. 

     Slamming the door behind her she put her arms across her chest and looks me dead in the eye.“We need to talk.”

    Her words sent a shiver through me. ‘Well maybe she doesn’t need you.’ Avery proudly states while shaking his head at me.

     I was surprised by her confidence and how it turned me on. She squinted her eyes at me and I finally remembered that she could feel my emotions, so i quickly tried to contain my emotions. “Amelia, Im so sorry…” I start to say but she interrupts me by walking towards me and pushing me backwards with her hands.

     “No, you listen. I am your mate so you have no right to judge me!” Another push to my chest makes me take a step back. “I have lived my life in the shadows letting alphas take advantage of me” statement sends me another step back with a shove my hands are up in surrender and I’m completely at her disposal. “So no one is going to be allowed to take advantage of me again!”  At this point I am now pressed against the side of my desk and her body. “Not even you, do you understand?” As I look into her eyes a golden shimmer glows in her eyes that is completely mesmerizing. 

     “…Amelia…” I whisper in complete shock but the shimmer goes away faster than it came. Shaking my head in confusion I look back into Amelias eyes when I realize that she is still waiting on my answer. Wrapping my arms around her quickly so she couldn’t protest, I squeezed tightly not wanting to let go. “Im so sorry sunshine, yes I understand. I never should have walked away from you. I want to thank you for being honest with me and trusting me with this.” 

     Her body went from ridged and stiff to calm almost instantly. While her arms encircled my waist, she laid her cheek against my chest and started giggling which made me chuckle in confusion. “I thought when I came in here swinging that it was going to be a big fight.”

     I laugh too letting the anger and anxiety release from my body just from her touch. “Yeah well you were right and I was being an i***t. I never want to take advantage of you.” I was kissing the top of her hair in appreciation when I got the idea “or anyone else for that matter, So you will be starting training tomorrow morning with the pack.” 

     Bright blue eyes pop up quickly to meet mine with surprise. “Are you serious?” She asks excitedly.

     “As a heart attack. I want my sunshine to be able to protect herself. You are a strong women who needs to know how to use that strength.” I smile down at her as she hugs me tighter and starts to jump up and down in my arms. 

     Leaning down to her ear I whisper, “Now I was thinking we could start with some extra training right now?…” Giving her my sexiest smile and wink.      

     “Im always ready for private lessons with the alpha.” She says while she bites her lip. I growl in response knowing that this is one I’ve always wanted to check off my list. Twisting us around, I grab her butt lifting her onto my desk and caging her with my arms. I stand at attention between her spread legs while she runs her hands through my hair and down the back of my neck. Finally, s*x in the alphas office…