Finding Love (GxG) -completed-

Chapter 11- Was It Me?

                                                                       Kameron

Work was going like any other day. In fact it felt like a pretty good day until just before 2PM when my patient who was in a drug induced coma became more alert and agitated. I had called the Physician and the pharmacy and was waiting for medication when I heard something arrive via the hospital tube system. The family was at bedside and the patient was partially restrained, so I felt okay stepping out to grab the medication I hoped arrived. Exiting the doorway, I almost collided with Elise, so I grabbed her to steady her and laughed it off. Elise seemed upset and brushed me off, saying, “Oh, hey Kam. I gotta go.” She side stepped me and kept going. What the heck was that?

I didn’t have time to deal with drama right now because my patient needed me, so I grabbed the meds from the nurse’s station. I returned to the room, triple checked the medication with the orders, and administered it to my patient. Luckily my order was a multi-step order because one as needed (PRN) dose did not decrease the agitation enough. The Physician agreed to come see the patient as soon as there was a lull in their clinic schedule. Until that time, it was my job to do my best to keep the patient as safe and comfortable as possible while under my care. The second PRN dose was helpful and the client slipped back into the relaxed state we were hoping for to allow him to heal for a few days yet. At 6:30PM I gave a report to the oncoming nurse and left for home.

All the way home, my mind kept going over the almost collision in the hall with Elise. I was so happy to see her because it was only the second time all day. I did my best to keep my mind on my work, but every time I heard someone walk by my patient’s room, my eyes would look to see if it was her. I was warring with myself if I should text her or just give her space? Maybe somebody at work said something about me? I try hard to get along with everyone but will stick up for myself when needed. Some of those nurses could be pretty catty and clicky. I hate women like that. I didn’t think Elise was like that, that’s part of why I was attracted to her. Maybe I was wrong? I knew I had to work again in the morning, so I was just going to let it go tonight. By the time I showered, ate a snack, completed my bedtime routine, and gathered everything for morning, it was past 9PM and time for me to sleep. 4:45AM comes early but that’s what time I wake to get to my unit and be prepared to start work by 6AM. I generally work 6AM-630PM with a half hour unpaid meal break scheduled into my shift.

                                                                           Elise

I woke at 11PM, the house was silent and dark. I walked downstairs to the kitchen to get a drink and saw Serena’s light shining under her door. I had been so close to Jennifer that when she moved out after her unexpected pregnancy, I was not in the mood to get to know Serena. I know it wasn’t Serena’s fault the way things went down, I just missed Jen. Oh well, Jen was now married with an infant and seemed to be happy. She dropped out of school temporarily, so she says. Anyway, that’s why I’m in no hurry to knock on Serena’s door and talk to her about my sadness. If it wasn’t so late, I might message Kam to talk, but if she works in the morning, I don’t want to wake her. It’s a school night, so my sister and brother should be asleep. My best friend from high school, okay my only friend from high school, has an 8AM-4:30PM job as a bank teller, so she is likely asleep too. Analiese would answer if I called, but I would never wake her unless it was an absolute emergency. That pretty much leaves me alone with my woes. Intellectually I realize nurses lose patients, but to see their condition change so quickly is disheartening. I know my mom would say something like, “Maybe you are too soft to be a nurse? Not everyone is cut out for healthcare you know.” That’s the last thing I needed to hear right now; if anything, I needed a pep talk.

Being my senior year and all the blood sweat and tears I’ve put into becoming a nurse, I am not backing out now. Maybe I’m not cut out to be an ICU nurse, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be a nurse. I simply need to get more experience and/or work in an area of medicine where people are generally more stable.

As much as I hate the idea of working on my clinical paper right now when I’m sad, it’s better to write it, or at least most of it, when it’s fresh in my mind. So I sat down to write my reflection paper, knowing I work tomorrow night and Thursday night, so I need to make use of the free time I have. Wednesday and Friday I’ll have classes, and Saturday and Sunday evenings I work again. That left Sunday morning to gather my information for Monday clinical again. My reflection paper for this week has to be turned in before I can attend my next clinical day. ICU patients change frequently, so if we go to gather information on our patient too soon, they may be transferred or discharged prior to a clinical shift. Gathering information once is enough; no one wants to gather it twice unless absolutely necessary. Yeah, not a lot of free time this week, so better get my paper completed. 

Once I got busy with my paper, it just clicked and I kept writing until I was done. The sun was coming up, so I needed some sleep, but the hard part was finished. One thing for sure, the nursing diagnosis is much simpler to identify in a patient in ICU, because there are one or two main issues being addressed and they are serious issues. Of course with the good comes the bad… besides my patient being elderly with numerous comorbidities, she was on multiple medications to sustain her blood pressure, fight her infection, and even to keep her hydrated. I had never had a medication list this long, and every single medication had to be looked up prior to the day. I had researched the medications and treatments given PRN on the day and scheduled medication changes. By the time all the meds were researched, I had twelve pages (six front and back) of medications. I answered the multiple questions critiquing my performance and that of the Registered Nurse, Erika I was working with. Now that it was all typed up, all I had to do was proofread and print to turn it in either Wednesday or Friday. For now, time to catch a few winks before I have to work at 2:30PM.