Inside a Nerd's Mind

Flashback

Everything flashed back to that moment; that specific moment that I can’t really understand. I can’t comprehend. I can’t grasp. For some time, I can’t even remember it.

When I saw my mother sitting on the couch, I remembered that exact forgettable moment, her exact facial expression. I remembered her face, her loving face, it was filled with terror yet relief. She was somewhat happy seeing me run away but yet scared on what will happen in the next coming moments.

The pain that I felt before, the terror that shook my core to the ground, was somewhat transferred to my current body now. All of my fear and horrors, exposed.

The light, the light that blinded me and yet was gone after a second, I can still feel it touch my face.

My confusion, the bewilderment of that moment, the doubt that I had, the anarchy, the chaos.

Everything came back to me.

“Mom, what happened to you?” I asked confused.

She turned her head to look at me.

“What do you mean?” She said.

“Uhh… I remember… you… were gone… the other night.” I stuttered.

“I wasn’t. I was always here.” She declared.

“What? No, you… I saw… I saw you… disappear.” I stuttered.

“When?” She asked.

“Uhh… I think… last… night? Or the other night? I don’t remember. My head hurts.” I tried to recall.

“I was here, sleeping. Didn’t you see me?” She asked.

“What? We were walking home… from your birthday.” I trembled.

“Yeah, I remember. And then we got home safely and went to bed.” My mom insisted.

She was still looking directly to my eyes. She was serious the whole time.

I looked confused and frightened.

I didn’t know whether what I was seeing was true or just one of my dreams.

Did I make the whole situation in my mind?

Did I faint for another reason?

Zachary, Jeremy, and Kim all acknowledged that I fainted so that must’ve happened and I’m not just making it up.

But they haven’t really explained why I fainted.

Is it fantasy or is it reality?

Was I drugged? Or do I have the ability to make situations inside my mind?

The whole situation was weird.

I was like in an Inception movie. Have you watched that film? It was good and mind-blowing. It has an interesting take on how a human brain especially our subconscious, works. In the movie, they were paid to imitate reality into a person’s dreams to either implant or gather information to/from them. They can control every aspect of the dream; the buildings, the people, the events that are currently happening, they plan and practice it beforehand. They integrate dreams with reality and most of the times it tricks the person if their subconscious isn’t strong enough to differentiate fantasy with reality.

Did I get Inceptioned?

Did someone tapped into my mind to enter that very harsh and gloomy situation. If yes, then why? Did they needed me to faint to do something? Did they needed me to know what it would feel like to lose my mother? Is there a higher and more powerful being watching over me, guiding me? Is this a sign from the universe? But if no, then why did my mother forget it? Why can my mother not remember anything?

Isn’t it amazing that our whole lives, especially our body, revolves around and is basically controlled by just a clump of electric nerves mixed with water; that a person’s years of experiences and thousands of ideas can be attributed to one organ in the body; that millions of years of human evolution and history is made possible because of the complexities and the extraordinary capabilities of the human brain? How did a clump of tissues become the greatest invention or tool of a biological life? After millions of years of evolution, starting from the nucleus of a cell to becoming an organ of a body, how was the brain formed slowly over the years? Who gave it commands on what to do and how to form? Who programmed it to do exactly what it needs to do? If there’s a program then there’s a programmer. Was our life made by someone else higher or are we just here because of luck, that millions of years ago a variation of different elements mixed together and reacted with each other and thereby resulting to what we have right now? And if most biological life has a brain, why are humans the only species given the gift of intelligence? Are we the chosen species to lead or conquer Earth or are we a mistake and thus brought pain and destruction to this peaceful land?

The human brain is so complex that we don’t really fully understand the science behind it especially the subconscious. Do you remember in cartoons on where if a character is presented with a dilemma or a situation in which a difficult choice has to be made, then there would be an angel and a devil on both ears or shoulders speaking to the character? Is that our consciousness or our subconscious talking? Of all the intelligence and evolution that the human brain has undergone to in millions of years, isn’t it weird on how the brain sometimes can’t differentiate fact from fiction, reality from fantasy, dreams from the real world? The brain sometimes acts on familiarity, if something or someone is familiar to us, we get comfortable, if something or someone feels strange, we get uneasy and scared. Speaking of, I’ve read somewhere that if we decided to sleep on an unfamiliar place, we would have trouble sleeping or at least only get light sleep, this is because our brains are always under caution and will signal to wake you up if it felt something strange from the surroundings. They say that it is an evolutionary instinct back then when men used to always switch places to hunt for food.

“Mom… you were…” I murmured.

“Yes honey?” My mother asked.

“Mom…” I still murmured.

I looked at her for a long time, she looked back.

We started at each other.

“Yes… honey?” she replied.

“Don’t you… remember?” I asked whispering.

“Remember what?” She asked back.

“The other night… with… the men?” I stuttered.

“What men?” She asked.

“with… uhh… the…” I kept stuttering.

“Do you mean with Zach, Jeremy, and Kim?” She asked.

“Uhhh…” I didn’t understand what she meant.

“I remember we were playing the Alphabet game, y’know the game where we named countries with the letters of the Alphabet.” She recalled.

So, she remembered that. Hmm, curious.

“You remember what happened before that, right?” I was curious.

“Yes, your Uncle Rodrick and my family came to celebrate my birthday at Nature’s Gift.” She answered. “Oh! That was a lovely day at a nice restaurant. There’s no way I would forget that!” She added.

“How about… after that?” I asked as I leaned forward towards her.

“Well… there’s nothing to remember anyways, we just played games and talked on the way home.” She claimed.

“Nothing… else?” I asked.

“I don’t… recall… anything else.” She tried to remember.

“Really? Nothing… else?” I repeated.

“Yeah… what is there to remember? She asked confusedly.

“You… were… gone.” I gulped.

“Gone?” She was puzzled.

“Yeah… gone.” I repeated.

“What do you mean, gone?” She was curious.

“You were… just… gone.”  I explained.

“I… don’t… understand.” She said as she was shaking her head.

“You asked me to run and when I turned back, you were… gone.” I stated.

“I didn’t ask you to run.” She declared.

“Yes, you did!” I exclaimed.

“No, I didn’t. We were just walking normally until we got home. You and Zachary may have run while playing but I didn’t ask you to do it.” She explained.

“What? No… what?” I got more confused.

“Yeah, and then we got home and you slept in your room.” She claimed.

“What… No, I – I didn’t…” I stuttered and was confused as ever.

“Yeah, I even tucked you in your sleep.” She claimed.

“What… No, I was… We were… What…” I was baffled.

“Don’t you remember?” She asked.

“I – I – That… That didn’t happen.” I stated.

“What do you mean? It was literally last night.” She declared.

“N… No… No… Wh… What…” I was confused as ever.

This was weird. My mother experienced a different situation than what I remember. Which one is true and which is false? Is it possible that we experienced a different thing at the same time? Is one of us lying or is one of us remembering the wrong thing?

How can we determine which one is the real thing?

I don’t know what to do.

“Mother…” I mumbled.

She proceeds to stand from the couch and holds my both of my shoulders.

“My son, it seems like you’ve undergone a lot of pressure.” She calmly said as she dragged me to my room.

My head was hurting and my world was shaking.

I didn’t know what else to do.

I just wanted to rest already.

She tucked me in bed and sat beside me.

“Come and rest Ethan

Listen to the sound of my voice.

Let your mind relax.

Let your thoughts drift.

Let your bad memories fade.

Let peace be with you.

Surrender yourself to your dreams.”