Inside a Nerd's Mind

Uncertain Future

The doctors checked my health and I was discharged from the hospital the day after.

My friends were all there. Zach, Jeremy, and Kim made sure that I was healthy and safe to go home. They were happy and glad to see me get home at last; it wasn’t the same without them.

“How are you feeling bro?” Zachary asked.

“Great! I feel fine as ever.” I expressed.

“It felt just like yesterday since that we last saw you.” Jeremy said.

“You did see him yesterday, you fool, we were with you.” Zachary laughed.

Kim looked at the two and rolled her eyes sarcastically.

“I’m glad you’re feeling well already, I can’t stand being in their presence for another second.” Kim joked as she pointed to Zachary and Jeremy.

“Pleaaaaaase, don’t get ahead of yourself, the feeling is mutual.” Jeremy joked.

Then, just as we were laughing, the nurse came over.

“Hey you guys, what’s up? You’re here again, just after a day.” Surprised the nurse.

“Yeah, we’re just gonna pick up Ethan here, our young baby.” Kim giggled.

Zachary and Jeremy looked at each other in a mix of disgust and confusion.

“So, where are you guys heading?” the nurse asked.

“Maybe we’ll go try and visit the arcade, or maybe the park, or maybe the mall, or maybe eat ice cream!” Kim suggested.

“The arcade sounds nice.” Zachary approved.

“Eating sounds better.” Jeremy commented.

“That sounds fun. But you need to let Ethan lay off any strenuous activities for a while. I reckon he needs at least 3 days to rest.” advised the nurse.

“Welp, that strikes running through the park off the list.” whined Kim.

“Why would you ever want to run through the park? You aren’t 8 anymore.” questioned Zachary.

“Why not? It’s fun.” replied Kim.

“Oh come on, you have to cherish your childhood moments before you don’t have the energy to do it again.” said the nurse. “Live life to the fullest, kids. Remember that.” The nurse declared as she left.

“When was the last time you ran through the park, Kim?” Jeremy asked Kim.

“Uhhh… I think it was a few days ago.” replied Kim.

“Why?” asked Jeremy.

“Uhhh… because it was fun! And I needed to let off some steam.” explained Kim.

“What, why? You didn’t tell us that you were having some kind of problem.” wondered Zachary.

“Well, it was personal… something about the household… Nevermind, I don’t want to talk about it.” stuttered Kim.

The mood was already getting awkward.

“How about you Zach, when was the last time you ran through the park?” joked Jeremy.

“Never!” replied Zachary.

“Why? Do you only play chess in the park?” Jeremy teased while he’s chuckling.

“As a matter of fact, I do.” articulated Zachary. “There’s this group of guys that my dad used to play with and they hang out once in a while in the park.” He explained. “They even taught me how to play chess and let me play with them once in a while.” He added.

“Wow, you live such a boring life.” Jeremy teased.

“Come on, what may be boring to you can be fun to me. Not everyone is the same as you.” Zachary explained seriously.

“I was just kidding.” Jeremy apologized.

It’s interesting, isn’t it? On how a human being is unique and a human life be different than others. Some like basketball but some hate it. Some has a talent for singing but some isn’t that good. You may like the color red but I like the color blue better. Some people are said to be born to be a leader to serve while some prefer serving the leader.

Do you even believe that? Is that even possible? That people are born to do and be a thing? Why do we even say that someone is born to do something? Just because your father was a politician, doesn’t mean you’ll have to be one or you’ll be good as him. No one is really born to be someone or something. You can’t be someone you don’t want or you don’t even strive for. You may get to that position but you know deep inside your heart you will never be a true one.

We don’t just become something instantly. We learn to be something through nurture. If we strive hard enough and if we are smart about it, we can be anything or anyone in the future. Some people say that hard work is enough to have a bright future but I disagree. You have to have a balance between working hard and working smart. Too much working hard without working smart would be nonsense. Too much working smart without working hard is idiotic. You can work hard. But if you don’t work smart, you will work for the rest of your life.

Do you remember what you were told as a child? We were told that we can be anyone we want as long as we work hard for it.

How can someone who was just born have his fate decided already for him? Do you believe in fate? Sometimes, people just use fate as a defense mechanism for hope. Some believe that even in the darkness of the days, fate will bring them to the light. Is it positive or is it toxic? Should we just believe that we are a meant for something or someone? Or should we strive to be that thing or to be with someone? Should we just expect with confidence that something will happen to us? Or should we take that matter into our own hands and turn that expectation into reality? Faith, Fate, Destiny, and Hope are all the same thing. They are toxic if we just sit around and rely on a third party to do something that we want for us. However, we can turn them into something positive if we use that as motivation to strive and dirty our hands in order to reach our goal.

I’m not against religions but isn’t it weird and just plain toxic to rely everything on your god? I mean, if you believe that your god will help you overcome your problems, your god already gave you the tools to do so - and that is your whole being. You have hands, so work. You have legs, so walk. You have eyes, so see. You have your body, so live.

Have you watched the movie “The Pursuit of Happyness”? It’s a 2006 film about a homeless salesman one-year struggle of pursuing happiness with his son. There was a story in the movie that I liked and it goes like this.

One day, a man was drowning in the water.

A big boat came by and said, “Do you need any help?”

Then he said, “No, thank you. God will save me.”

Then another boat came by and said, “Do you need any help?”

Then he said again, “No, thank you. God will save me.”

Afterwards, he drowned and he went to heaven.

And he asked God, “God, why didn’t you save me?”

God replied, “I sent you two big boats, you dummy!”

Some people may take this as a joke or just a story.

It’s not a joke, it’s a lesson.

If you want it, take the chance; Take the opportunity.

If you are scared, then good job! You’re in the right track. If you aren’t nervous, then you’re an i***t.

Some people are afraid of risking and it is fine, they have a reason to. It’s hard to risk, you may either soar through the skies or sink down into a hole. Not everything is supposed to be gambled at life. One wrong move and you’ll lose a part of your life. One good move and you’ll probably gain a better life. But think about it, what is worse, the thought that you took a risk and it went horrible or the thought that you hoped that you took that risk because it could have given you something worth your while?

Regret is a horrible thing. People tend to linger on their past and wished that they have done something different. Surprise, surprise! It already happened, it’s already in the past and we can’t do anything to change what has already happened except to move on and move forward. We can’t change the past but we can adjust to the future. Regretting something sometimes sticks in the mind. We can never forget it and it will affect our life if we let it. I know risking is difficult especially when you don’t take into consideration all the circumstances, but would you rather live a life full of regrets or live a life without one?

“So, where to?” I asked to remove the tension between Zach and Jeremy.

“To the park!” Kim suggested.

“To the café?” Zachary suggested.

“How about the ice cream shop?” Jeremy suggested.

“Hmm… I’ve been craving for some ice cream.” I commented.

“To the ice cream store, it is!” Jeremy exclaimed.

They escorted me out the hospital safely and decided to go to the ice cream place to eat ice cream, of course.

We went to our favorite ice cream place in town. It was just a small family-owned store. We liked it because it was so discrete that only a few people in town actually know it. We liked the privacy that we had and their ice cream had an exquisite heavenly savory feeling on the tongue.

We sat on our favorite table. It was a four-chaired tabled on the corner of the store beside the window. We liked this seat because it was beside the window and we can always see the road and experience a lot of bizarre events. We already saw like 2 arrests, 5 car accidents, 4 robberies, and we saw a man slip on a banana once. It was a memorable yet weird experience.

Zachary stood up since he is the one that always takes our order.

“You guys want the usual right?” Zachary asked.

“Yeah!” We all responded.

We’ve also been considered as a regular customer that when Zachary approaches the counter, they won’t even ask him anymore, they’ll just ask for the money immediately.

We always ordered the usual. My favorite flavor is Double Dutch. I like the taste of vanilla ice cream with cashew nuts and marshmallows in my mouth. I like how they feel in my mouth like I can chew on them and the nuts always tasted so delicious. Just by thinking about it, I get hungry and my mouth waters already. Zachary’s favorite flavor is cookies and cream. Jeremy’s favorite flavor is Rocky Road. And Kim’s favorite is Strawberry with sprinkles.

“Oh boy, I can’t wait to eat.” I expressed.

“So, Ethan. Are you ready for school tomorrow?” Jeremy asked.

“I don’t know. I wasn’t able to come home yet. I still have to prepare tonight.” I said.

“Do you need help preparing?” Kim offered.

“Nah, I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I declined.

“Really? Even without your mo–“

Kim was interrupted when Zachary came with our orders.

“It’s a bad day today guys. They’re out of stock.” Zachary sighed.

“What are we gonna do?” Jeremy panicked.

“To the park!” Kim exclaimed.

“No!” Zachary denied.

They were fighting over where we should go or eat next as I looked over to the window and saw a corndog cart walk by.

“Hey guys, let’s go to the park-“ I said as I got interrupted by Kim saying “YAY!”.

We all looked at her and I continued what I said.

“-to the park and eat corndogs there. I think there’s always a corndog cart there near the fountain.” I suggested.

“Eh, sounds cool.” Zachary commented.

“Let’s go!” invited Jeremy.

We went to the park and bought corndogs for the four of us. While we three were sitting down and eating, Kim was playing tag with the other children. It was like she’s one of them and they’ve known her for a long time. She was really getting along well with the others.

The sun was already going down and we figured it is already time to come home.

We watched the sunset at the park. It was amazing and the feeling was refreshing.

We took a long walk going home discussing all about the latest games and what we should buy, and also what we are going to do for the first day of school tomorrow.

As we were walking, I noticed a black van in front of our house. That was pretty weird because no one really parks here unless they’re our guests. I didn’t know anyone was coming. Maybe, they were guests of another house and they just parked at our spot. I really didn’t think much of it and just ignored it.

“Goodnight Ethan, I hope you’re able to prepare for tomorrow.” Zachary hoped.

“See you tomorrow, bro.” Jeremy bid farewell as he lightly punched my arm.

“Bye Ethan!” Kim said as she waved goodbye.

I also waved goodbye and bid my farewell to them.

I opened the door and I wondered why it was unlocked.

I immediately heightened my senses and became cautious.

Who is in my house?

Why was the door left unlocked?

All the lights were off except that one lamp in the living room.

The lamp was beside a couch that was facing the window away from the house door.

I noticed that someone was sitting on the couch.

I didn’t know who it was.

I tried to guess from its shadow but it could be anyone.

I opened the living room lights.

And I screamed “Who are you? Why are you here?” to warn the person.

There was not any reaction.

I yelled again “Who are you and why are you here?”

There was still not any reaction.

I slowly approached the couch from a distance so I could know who was sitting there.

I was slowly… nearing…

Slowly…

Then I saw a familiar face.

At first, I couldn’t figure out who it was but I’m pretty sure it’s someone I know.

But the more I stare into it, I realized that…

“MOM!?”

Everything flashed back.