HER DARKEST OBSESSION

Trying to Live without Love and Shopping with Maria

Chapter Five:

Jayden’s POV

Losing my virginity to Bridget was an experience that left me tangled in a web of confusing emotions. It was intense, exhilarating, and deeply unsettling all at once. There was no denying how good it felt—the sheer pleasure, the raw intimacy—but it was the aftermath that truly messed with my head.

The moments of physical connection were overpowering. Bridget’s touch, her dominance, and the way she seemed to understand exactly what would drive me wild—it all felt incredible. But it was a double-edged sword. As much as I enjoyed the sensations, I hated how they made me feel. The way she made me respond so eagerly, how her presence could ignite a fire inside me—it scared me.

I resented Bridget for making me feel this way. I have always kept my emotions in check, maintaining a safe distance from anyone who could potentially hurt me. But with Bridget, it was different. She had managed to get under my skin in ways I hadn’t anticipated. I had always been careful not to let anyone close enough to hurt me, but here I was, feeling a storm of emotions that I had spent years trying to avoid.

I knew that what I felt for her was more than just physical attraction. There was a deeper, darker element to it that I couldn’t ignore. The physical connection was powerful, but it came with an emotional cost that I wasn’t prepared to pay. I had wanted to keep things simple, to avoid falling for anyone, yet Bridget’s influence was making that incredibly difficult.

There was a gnawing resentment within me, not just towards Bridget but towards myself for letting her get so close. I felt used, like a toy in her hands, and it made me angry. I was furious with her for playing with my emotions and for taking something as significant as my virginity, only to keep me around as some kind of pawn in her game. The guilt and shame of feeling this way, coupled with my desire to remain detached, was a constant battle.

Even as I found myself craving her touch again, I knew it was purely lust-driven. Lust and love were two different things, and I was determined to keep them separate. My mission was to avoid falling for anyone, to keep my heart locked away and protected. Bridget’s allure was powerful, but I couldn’t let myself be consumed by it. The thought of getting too close to her—or any girl for that matter—was terrifying. I was committed to not letting myself fall into the trap of emotional attachment.

So while my body might crave the physical connection, my mind was resolute in keeping things strictly about lust. I resented Bridget for stirring up feelings I didn’t want to deal with and for complicating my carefully guarded emotional boundaries. My focus was on keeping a clear line between desire and affection, no matter how tempting or confusing the situation became.

Shopping with Maria

Walking into the high-end clothing store felt like stepping into a completely different world. The racks were lined with designer names I’d only ever heard of on TV, and everything reeked of luxury. Maria, efficient and polite, guided me from section to section, picking out outfits that were fitted to my body in ways that made me feel... exposed. I wasn’t used to clothes like this—tailored to highlight every muscle, every line. It was overwhelming. I’d spent years hiding behind baggy hoodies and loose jeans, using my clothes like armor, but now there was nowhere to hide.

We picked our suits, jackets, and casual wear, all of it high-end and uncomfortable in their own way. The most reassuring part was getting a new school uniform. At least, I could blend in, even if I’d stand out more than I am used to now.

Then came the phone. Maria handed it to me like it was no big deal, but this thing looked like something out of a spy movie—sleek, high-tech, packed with apps that could do just about anything. I stared at it, wondering if this was just another layer of control Bridget was placing over me. A way to track, to monitor. I couldn’t shake that feeling, no matter how cool the tech seemed.

As Maria ushered me through the final few selections, her instructions echoed in my mind. One of Bridget’s rules: no being around women she didn’t approve of. That didn’t really bother me—I wasn’t looking for female contact anyway. I could barely handle the situation I was in, let alone deal with anyone else. But the other rule? The one where I couldn’t sleep with anyone but her? That one felt like a chokehold.

Not that I was planning on it—I had more than enough to worry about with Bridget and her twisted games. She’d made it clear I was her new plaything, her toy to use whenever and however she wanted. The thought of our next encounter made my stomach twist. I had no desire to be with anyone, least of all her, but avoiding it felt impossible.

My mind raced as we continued shopping, every bag we collected feeling like another weight added to the chains Bridget had wrapped around me. I didn’t know how I was going to dodge our next meeting, but I had to try. There had to be a way to avoid getting pulled deeper into her world—into her control.