Letting You Go

CHAPTER 3 (PAPA)

When eight o’clock came that evening, I decided I’d talk to him tomorrow. Not tonight. Not now, because I just really want to rest.

By midnight, I stepped out of my room and immediately went to get some rice from the pot. There was still some left since Gwen was on a diet and didn’t eat much. As for the viand, I’d just look for leftovers in the pan, and if there’s none, maybe I’d grab a canned good from the cabinet.

When I saw leftover adobo in the pan, I smiled.

I scooped some rice and quickly ate. Before heading back to my room, I washed my dishes right away.

Once inside my room, I threw myself onto my soft bed. I turned off the lamp and hugged my pillow tight. I let the exhaustion take over until I finally fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up early. Tita and Gwen were still asleep. Well, that’s a good thing. No one to ruin my peaceful morning.

I immediately cooked breakfast, then ate.

After washing the dishes, I went to shower in my room. When I came down to the kitchen, Tita was already having coffee.

Gwen, on the other hand, seemed to have made it her mission to annoy me first thing in the morning. Her eyebrows were raised at me while she wore that annoying grin.

What’s her problem now? She looks ridiculous.

I walked past them without a word. Whatever. Don’t ruin the day I’m trying to keep positive.

I hailed a tricycle and headed to school. Dervs and the others weren’t there yet.

Did I come too early?

Since I had nothing else to do, I just played some music on Spotify. After all, I’m alone. No one would hear me sing, right?

Sometimes, I just want somebody to hold Someone who could give me a jacket when it’s cold

Got that young love, even when we’re old...

I sang quietly while wearing my earphones. I hoped no one could hear.

Oh sometimes, I just want someone

To grab my hands,

Pull me up, hold me close, be my man I will love you ‘til the end...

I kept singing until I unknowingly got so into it. My eyes were closed, feeling the melody.

When I finished singing and opened my eyes, I was shocked to see some classmates looking at me in awe.

I quickly pulled off my earphones, almost going deaf from their loud compliments.

“You’re so good at singing, Ashie!” said one of my classmates.

“Whoa! Guys, we need to sign Ashie up for the singing contest! She’ll win for sure!” another one said.

I shook my head in embarrassment. Did they hear the whole thing? Did I crack? Did I sound like a frog?

When our first subject teacher arrived, we all settled down. I listened intently to the lessons—it was a good day. After a long time, I finally had a day that didn’t feel irritating.

During lunch, I went to the Math Park to meet Dervs and the rest of our group. That was our usual hangout spot. As I was approaching, I heard the loud voice of that crazy Dervisia.

“ASHIE!” she shouted like we hadn’t seen each other in years.

People turned to look at me and her. Some looked annoyed, others surprised. I face-palmed.

You really are insane, Dervisia!

“i***t, stop yelling,” I muttered in a low, stern voice.

She rolled her eyes at me.

“This is just who I am, girl! You should be used to it by now!” she laughed.

I laughed too. “Whatever.”

When we got to our table, the three others were chatting.

“Hey, do you know Mapple? That girl from Section 3 who’s all prissy?” Jebelle whispered.

Our nosy friend Relien leaned in, while Gaia shook her head.

“Yeah, why? What happened?” Relien asked.

“She and her boyfriend broke up! Apparently, she cheated!” Jebelle whispered excitedly.

“No way! OMG! That guy’s so handsome! I stalked him before,” Relien said. When Relien showed the guy’s photo to Jebelle, she squealed in frustration.

What is going on now?

“Oh my gosh! Why would she cheat on someone so hot?!” Jebelle shouted. Realizing she was loud, she quickly covered her mouth.

Your mouth, Jebelle!

“We don’t know if that’s true yet, girls. We shouldn’t judge Mapple. She hasn’t even told her side. Until she does, we shouldn’t jump to conclusions,” Gaia said calmly.

The two fell silent. Relien and Jebelle’s mouths hung open at what Gaia said.

“Oops, sorry,” Relien mumbled like a scolded child.

“I’m so evil!” Jebelle laughed and hugged Gaia.

Gaia was the Mama Mary of our group. She acted like the mom, even if she was the youngest. Sometimes it felt wrong to gossip in front of her because she made us feel guilty. She was like a walking Bible.

When they saw me approaching, they all ran to me.

“Ashie!”

“Couz!”

“Grumpy girl!”

They all shouted at once.

I scowled. Really? “Grumpy girl” as a nickname, Relien?

“You miss me?” Relien asked.

I pretended to gag.

“Shut the f**k up. That’s the most disgusting question I’ve heard today,” I said, pretending to puke. She rolled her eyes.

“Heh! You’re just in denial! You missed me too! And don’t English me! I’m not an Englisher!” she snapped.

Not an Englisher, but fluent. Humble much, Loure Rellien. I just shook my head.

“Let’s eat?” Gaia asked. I nodded.

Before we ate, we prayed. Ever since Gaia came into our lives, we got used to saying grace before meals.

She always reminded us to be thankful for even the smallest things. After lunch, I returned to our room. That afternoon, I went to my locker to get stuff for a project.

As soon as I opened it, I was met with a bunch of flowers and chocolates.

Arrgghhhhh!! Who are these from?

“Your voice resembles the voice of an angel.” – G

“You’re cute.” – G

“You’re pretty when you’re calm. So please, just smile. You don’t have to always give a glare to every person.” – G

“I like you, Ms. Girl Who Likes To Give A Poker Face.” – G

So, all these chocolates, flowers, and notes were from the same person? The f**k?! Is this guy insane?

Whatever. Maybe it’s not even a guy.

His name’s weird too.

G? Thanks, G?

I slammed my locker shut. I quickly looked around.

Should I be scared? What if I already have a stalker?

That’s kind of creepy.

Whoever you are, G, you’re creepy.

I don’t like being admired. It feels cringe and girly. I hate it when guys start liking me.

I need to be alone. I don’t need any guy.

I threw the flowers away but kept the letters. Maybe I was just overthinking—maybe this G person didn’t even like me that way.

I grabbed the stuff I needed and slammed my locker shut.

What a crazy day. Ugh.

When I reached the school gate, I overheard two girls whispering.

“Hey, girl! I saw a handsome STEM student earlier,” one of them said, nearly squealing.

“He’s tall and good-looking. I heard he’s smart too. Looks snobbish, but Jaime said he’s nice!”

I almost went deaf from the girl’s excited screeching.

From the way they described him, he sounded like some kind of god. And even if he was good-looking, he probably cheats. All handsome guys are cheaters!

I waited for a tricycle. When one stopped in front of me, I got on right away. As I rode home, I stared blankly out the window, lost in thought. I kept wondering what would happen later.

Should I talk to Papa? But what if I’m not ready to face him yet?What if it still hurts, even after all this time? What if I’m not fully healed?

When the tricycle dropped me off, I paid and entered the house. No one was home.

Good.

Where are Gwen and Tita?

I cooked food for myself. If they were coming home late, I’d make the most of the peace and quiet. Time alone was rare. This was still my house—my space.

After cooking, I washed the dishes.

I laid down on my bed.

Is this really my life now?

Home–school–home–school...

Even if I’m used to it, it’s still exhausting. Living without a reason is still exhausting.

I opened f*******:. I saw unread messages from Dervs, Gaia, and Relien. I hadn’t been active in our group chat for days.

DervisiaNotSoPokpok:

@AshieAboabo, are you okay?

RellienMasterniBelle:

@AshieAboabo, are you okay? Call us if not, okay?

Mama Mary:

Are you okay, Ashie? Call us if you need anything, huh? We’re always here.

I replied right away.

AshieAboabo:

Sorry for the late reply, guys. I’m fine. No need to worry.

After replying, I saved Papa’s number and looked up his f*******: account.

He didn’t have many posts—just my graduation, and some pictures of me and Mama, which he never deleted.

“The victory wasn't when you won an award, but when you bravely made us proud, anak. I know that the next stage will be hard, but please know that me and your Mama will guide you along the way. I'll always have a share of your pain, and I will always celebrate your success. Congratulations, anak! Happy Graduation! Thank you for always making me proud, in your small ways. Me and your Mama loves you. Mwaa.”

That was his caption on the post from six years ago—my Grade 6 graduation. I remember I got an award. Belle was the valedictorian.

There’s a picture of me in a dress, standing beside Mama.

“My two angels in one frame. I love you both, my pretty ladies ❤️”

There was also a post from when we went to the park.

“I'm so lucky to have this family. My heart is so full by just holding their hand, and spending time with them. They're my everything. My source of strength.”

Another one from our trip to the zoo.

“My babies were amused feeding the monkeys, but they enjoyed my surprise! #familydate #love #babies”

It was a photo of me holding a balloon, smiling in a cute orange dress with my hair in a ponytail—Mama’s usual style for me.

There was icing on my cheek. I remember Mama put it there.

If we were still close, I’d probably laugh reading his message. But remembering those memories… feels like being stabbed by the same painful truth again.

I used to see him as my role model. He treated us so well, like the perfect man of the family. He gave us love and respect.

That’s why his betrayal drove Mama to end her precious life.

We both couldn’t accept that the family we thought was perfect could be shattered like that.We never expected that a home full of love could be destroyed by betrayal and infidelity.