Letting You Go

CHAPTER 1 (THE BEGINNING)

Time flies like the speed of light. Hours, minutes, and even seconds pass so quickly that sometimes, we are not even aware they already did.

Before, I was so happy. All I ever did was dream and hope in fairy tales. What others called make-believe was reality for me.

Now that time has tested me, those memories remain just that—memories I will recall in the years to come.

I used to think I had all the time in the world to enjoy life and be happy. But now that I’m in a phase where fun no longer exists, I can't help but question that belief.

At the end of the day, I realized—I don’t have all the time in this world. I only have my lifetime to enjoy. A lifetime where everything isn’t fun. A lifetime filled with sacrifice and giving all that I have.

My life isn’t fun. I am not fun. Everything about me is uninteresting.

My cousin Jebelle called me, saying that my aunt had been looking for me everywhere.

I smiled bitterly.

What is it now? What favor do they need from me this time?

I asked why they were looking for me, and her eyes dimmed as she said it was about my uncle.

I sighed.

Why am I not used to this by now? Why does it always feel like everything is new?

I told her I’d go ahead and forced a smile. When I was a few meters away, she called out, saying that if I had a problem, I could share it with her and that we could cry together.

I turned to her, holding back my tears and thanked her sincerely.

I know you’re there, Jebelle. But I’m not ready to talk. There are still things I want to keep to myself because I don’t want to be judged or pitied. I know you carry your own burdens too. I don’t want to add to them. I don’t want to seem like a burden. I can still be strong for myself, so I’ll be okay.

When I arrived home, my aunt was standing at the door, clearly furious, holding a piece of paper. She asked where I’d been, and instead of answering, I walked past her. I didn’t want to be disrespectful, but I didn’t have the strength to argue. I had just cried. I wanted to rest.

She suddenly pulled my hair, making me cry out.

She didn’t let go and dragged me to my room. She started yelling at me, accusing me of being disrespectful and just like my mother.

It wasn’t just her hand hurting me—it was her words too.

Insult me all you want, but don’t bring my Mama into this. I might tolerate your violence, but I can’t forgive you for talking badly about her.

When she let me go, I sat on the floor crying.

Please stop, Tita. I’m so tired.

She started accusing me of being promiscuous and going out with strangers. I told her I only went to visit Mama’s grave.

She sneered and mocked my mom, calling her trash and saying we’re both useless.

I begged her to insult only me, not my mom who had already passed. I told her I could take being called names, but not my mother.

I was exhausted. I had cried all day.

She then shouted, saying I was yelling at her. She claimed my mother had stolen a man named Drem from her.

That’s when I snapped.

No. My mother wasn’t like that. She didn’t steal anyone.

I told her she was the one who destroyed our lives.

Before I knew it, she slapped me hard across the face and grabbed my chin, threatening me and saying I had no right to raise my voice. She declared herself the queen of the house and said I should never forget it.

I nodded weakly.

She finally let go of my face and left the room. I struggled to lie down on my bed.

Maybe sleep would help. Maybe in my dreams, I could be happy again. Maybe happiness only exists there—because the real world can’t give it to me.

Tonight, I’ll sleep off the pain. I’ll rest my tired eyes, my exhausted body, and my heart that's grown tired of hiding the pain.

Tomorrow, I’ll deal with her again. Tomorrow, I’ll find out what she wants from me this time.

That’s always how it is. They only notice me when I’ve done something wrong or when they need something. I’ve grown used to being invisible to this family that doesn’t treat me like one of their own.

That night, I slept not caring about the unbearable pain in my chest. I slept as if a beautiful dream awaited me. I slept as if it was going to be my last.

When will the day come that I won’t have to cry anymore? When will I finally be happy, finally be enough for someone?

When will I be chosen?

The next morning, I woke up early. I didn’t want to see my aunt. I didn’t want to start the day badly.

I cooked breakfast for the three of us—myself, Tita, and Gwen.

Afterward, I showered, got dressed, put on some lip tint, and tied my hair.

When I went downstairs, I saw Tita and Gwen eating. Gwen rolled her eyes at me.

What’s her problem now?

She made a snide remark, clearly about me.

I just walked past her quietly.

Why does it feel like I have no family even though I live with them? Why does it feel like no one’s on my side?

Why does it feel like I’m so pitiful?

When I got to school, I saw Jebelle with Dervs and Gaia. They immediately came over.

They asked if I was okay. I smiled and joked, asking if I already had eyebags.

They looked at me seriously. Jebelle said she knew something was wrong.

I said I was fine, just being my usual quiet self.

Dervs told me to let them know if I ever wasn’t okay. I smiled and nodded.

Relien suddenly cracked a joke and made us all laugh.

Relien is the richest among us, always treating us and lending us money. Gaia is the kindest and most gentle—she and I balance the group because the others are all chaotic. Jebelle is my closest friend. We grew up together. She’s the prettiest and our leader. Dervs is the wild one, a social butterfly with a bold personality.

Gaia offered a group hug, and we all agreed.

Finally, a family’s hug.

We held hands and embraced.

It’s okay not to have a family at home—because I have one here at school. Even though some of them aren’t related to me, they accepted and loved me.

Why can’t Tita and Gwen do that? Why can’t they love me?

When the bell rang, we headed to our rooms. It was the first day of classes, but I wasn’t excited.

Why are they like that?