Lost You Years Back

Got fired

I'd made a friend, raven , who controlled reception and Raven's hobbies were cats and crisps. It was an unde-

manding friendship. But it was nice, for once, not to be the shy one, especially when I'd been the one with a boyfriend for a change too. Felix had been tall and slim and handsome, and I was so he was very good with my daughter Lilly .

I couldn't believe my luck when I pulled him at an awful party my sister had dragged me to one night. It had taken

me six months to realise he was actually as dumb as a stone box full of rocks. I had thought he was just amenable. His

Constant mumbled Whatever you like' to films, TV and s*x had eventually grown tiring, even for me, for whom the

novelty of a real live boyfriend was something that took a while

o wear off. And I missed having something to talk to about; now we were back to p*****s and Pringles.

'Nice evening? said raven as I walked in.

Why haven't you washed your hair? Were you out with a new man?' Raven lived in fear of me getting a boyfriend

" Uh, yeah. "

I slung my bag in the corner of the desk. It had and leaving her.

I felt fuzzy and out of focus.

No,' said I . How's your cat? Bought her any new dress "

" Yeah I brought a new dress and wait let me show you the picture "

I immediately regretted it. I told her I will see it later .

Actually, it's Mr Amanda,' said raven. " She wants to see you."

I flinched. Why was the boss asking to see me?

I Sidled into the back office, which was dark, chiny from and piled up with files of colourful stamp samples around the world. Miss Amanda looked at me. 'Ah. Yes. Ah, Vivian, isn't it?

Given that I'd worked there for two years, to her would have been nice if she occasionally remember my name .

No matter. I blushed anyway. I hated my ten- dency to blush, especially at times like this when really someone else should be embarrassed, surely.

" Take a seat. You may have noticed that it's been pretty quiet around here recently.'

Uh. Actually, it always seemed quiet, but now she thought about it, yes, for the past few months raven really had been spending a lot of time knitting Miss Friss a Santa Claws outfit.

" People just aren't using to many stamps any more, said

Miss Amanda sadly. ' So they don't collect them, see. There's

some new invention - can't quite figure it out myself - called EU mail. EU mail?

Yes, you know. Something to do with joining the.Common Market, probably.

" you mean email, " I ventured. "The thing that's been around for years. "

" Something like that. Anyway, whatever the bloody thing is called, it's cutting down on people writing letters some-

thing terrible. Sounds like a dreadful thing How it works is, "

" you type in a letter then you send it for

free and the other person receives it instantaneously. For free,' I said

Miss Amanda paused. Really?That sounds fantastic.

It is,' i said

Hmm,' said Mr Boakle. 'Hmm. That's not good at all. Do you get many letters?

Do council tax summonses count:

hose damned franking machines,' said Mr Amanda, her face going red. Worst invention ever.

Until email,' I said.

well.Anyway, that doesn't matter because frankly the world of post has gone to hell in a hand basket and as a result I've got to lose a member ot staff

I suddenly had a horrible vision of myself in a dinner ladies uniform working with june in a house and closed my eyes tightly to get rid of it.

I couldn't lose this job. Please no.

" Oh, please,' I said. I'd always thought being quiet and dependable, they wouldn t mind me staying there...

but now. What would I do? Well, I hadn't thought That far ahead. But I couldn't do how could I take care of Lilly?

Elizabeth,' said Miss Amanda, Briefly, I felt like I was in the Apprentice and wondered if she was going to point

a big finger at me like john Sugar did, and growl, You're FIRED!" like a big grizzly bear, but she didn't.

" I am going to have to let you go. Im really, really sorry."

" but... but... she didn't let me finished the sentence

" You're young,' said Miss Amanda. "There's a big wide world out there. You should go and see some of it. "

And how would I pay for that? said I, feeling a huge Lump in my throat.

" Vivian, you have a beautiful child and you should spend time with her . God will help you . "

" Thank you Miss Amanda. Have a nice day. "

I wheeled around and return back to the raven who was still knitting . I grab my bag and take out my phone from it and call June and ask her if Lilly is okay?

" Hello, June."

" Yeah, Vivian don't worry Lilly ate her food and she is playing with her auntie. "

" How do you know, I am gonna ask you that ? "

" Every time you call me , you me that don't about Lilly she is fine . "

I sighed and thought how am I gonna do this? Now I have to start everything again one more time.

" what happened? you doesn't sound alright."

" I tell you,everything when I get back home."

I hung up the call and gathered everything from my drawer and put it in my the small cartoon .

" Raven, come over here. " I call raven for help. She came up to me and ask me what am I doing? sadly I told her I got fired today.

" What! you got fired but how? and why?

" Looks like, my time is done now here . "

" Oh my darling, me and miss fliss with miss you . "

" Me too"-

" Will you come to meet me?

" Of course , me and Lilly will meet you. "

She hug me and almost seems like she was about to cry like me. I was hardly controlling myself from crying. I don't have a choice but to work for Lil.

I put everything in the cartoon and grab my bag and Raven walk me to the door.

" Vivian take care of yourself and Lilly. I will come to see you both . "

" You too "

Moving my feet on the pavement and holding a box filled with my failure .

I'm lonely. And I'm lonely in some horribly deep way and for a flash of an instant, I can see just how lonely, and how deep this feeling runs. And it scares the s**t out of me to be this lonely because it seems catastrophic.

I stop on a bus stop and so much worried about future . What would June say?

My bus comes in three mint's and I get in the bus . I sit on the corner seat and place the box in my lap.

I get so god damn sad and filled with regrets . It overwhelms me as I’m sitting on the bus; watching the golden leaves from a window; a It was like when I make a move in chess and just as I take my finger off the piece, I see the mistake I've made, and there's this panic because I don't know yet the scale of disaster yo

I've left myself open to disaster .

Soon, I reach at the my apartment and walking down in the building. I pressed the elevator button.

When the elevator doors open there is only one other person inside it, a homeless man with electric blue sunglasses and six plastic grocery bags filled with rags. "Close the doors, dammit," he yells as soon as we step inside. "Can't you see I'm blind?"

From the back, the homeless man shoves between us, his bounty rustling in his arms. "Stop yelling," he shouts. though we stand in utter silence. "Can't you tell that I'm deaf?

I didn't say a word but I thought what is wrong with everyone? why everyone make's my life so hard. I cannot let my blood pressure rise because someone wishes to spread his bad day around, as if to dilute instead of multiply it.

The elevator door slides open and drag my feet out of the elevator . Walking down in the cramped space of the corridor.

I stood in front of the apartment door and knock on the door because the f*****g doorbell doesn't work.

June open the door . .

" Where is your lily ?

" She just slept and How was your day?’ she ask me and handed her the box and step inside my crappy dumped apartment . I turned round quite slowly. I had had a bad day, but not so bad that he could face talking badgers - talking dead badgers - with equanimity.

" This is the worst day of my! Don't ask me."

I take off my boots and throw them in the entrance way and June ask me what happened?

I throw myself on the old sofa which we bought from a garage sale from a old grandma and it's always smells like an old person.

" I got fired from my job."

" What?? you got fired from your job."

" Yeah,you heard it right after working my ass off in that stamps printing office for two years. What have got in last? getting fired!

" Do you need water?

I took off my jacket and throw aggressively on the dusty carpet. June went to grab me a glass of water and mean while I went into my room to see Lilly.

She was sleeping on the bed and I caught her from the bed. I watched as I settled down on the bed with Lilly skin to skin on my chest. My hand all but covered her tiny body as I stroked her in that changeling way, bonding with her on the most elemental level. Then I purred, and Lilly made a happy little sound of delight, very much a cat in her love touch .

" My baby , I love you and I miss you so much . . . . look your mom will gave you everything which you deserved my baby ."

I got up and carry her in my arms and lay her down in her crib . I put a blanket over her and kiss her on the forehead and then I walk out of the room to let her sleep and when I got back to the living room .

June handed me the glass of water and ask me , what happened tell me ? what should I tell her that I no longer have a job and I have so much debt to pay .