Lost You Years Back

The flash back

As I walk in to the room . When I gaze up the room because it is very unique to me and what I like. The colour and brightness are perfect in mostly every way possible. It is my favourite part of my house because I can do what I like in there, and yet not get disturbed.

The best part of my room is the furniture and layout. The size of the room is the smallest out of the rest of my families rooms, but I can still fit in everything I need into it. There was a bed right in the middle of my squarish room, which takes up quite a bit of space, but I like it that way. I may find me laying there reading a book in the natural light coming through my window, which is my main source of light. The storage is great because it is hidden away above my wardrobe, which is built into the wall, although most of my stuff goes under the bed. There is a mirror hanging on my off white walls above a small table. Next to them I have tall, white draws bulging with clothes. I have a white bedside table with an alarm clock, a rose red touch lamp, and a blue bluetooth speaker.

The accessories in the room are small but big enough. It is filled with different kinds of art, photos and bedding. On the wall is a black outlined photo frame .On the bed is a light purple duvet with a big blanket folded on the end. 2 long pillows sit on top of my bed behind a small, dark square pillow. On the very top of my tall draws of my dressers are a couple of drink bottles, along with a cup There are loads of different earrings dangling off of a metal sheet, which is shaped into a dog. There are so many little pieces to remember that I don’t even know nearly half of them even exist.

Senses are all over the show when it comes to thd room. It smells like fresh vanilla because of the bowl of dried petals and shells that have been smothered with air freshener. It feels warm in the morning because of the natural light that comes streaming in and in the afternoon it feels cold caused by the sun moving to the other side of the house. It looks good with all the light colours fitted into the room, and with the dark blankets covering bed.

Sences in the bedroom are a fresh air smell, because the window is usually open in my room. It is mostly a cool breeze that feels like the ocean air.

I love the room just the way it is, I even love the modern color's. If I got to change my room I wouldn’t change it because I think my room is the best for me and I like it just the way it is.

" This room is great and I think you like it . " Kevin said

" Yeah . "

" Let me grab your bag's "

" Okay . "- he walk out of the room and I shut the door . . . . .

I walk to the bed and crawl in the bed .

I buried my head under the darkness of the pillow and pretended it was night. I couldn't see the point of getting up. I had nothing to look forward to.

Flash back

Maybe I’m stupid. Maybe I’m just as evil as he is by keeping my mouth shut. But he told me once that I was different. And I can’t help but hope that me being different is the one thing in this world that can save him from what he fears the most…Himself.

The Truth was staring me in the face, but I let you easily persuade me with lies on top of lies. You made a fool of me over and over again and I allowed you to control my thoughts…you never cared. You didn’t give a s**t. I was blind to the truth…and what was so crazy is that the truth and the red flags were waving me down, but I thought I could change you. However, the only person it changed was me. I didn’t know what you wanted from me, at times I wish I was enough but I don’t give a f**k anymore. You had a f*****g time bomb in your head, that always exploded on me. I couldn’t keep up with you. You lead me on and on, all you did was have me run in a circle. There were times when I thought I had to take sides. One side of me wanted me to stay bitter because it felt like I was a sellout. That side of me kept me busy day in and out. When it came to that side of me, it made me a prisoner. It drew a thick line between war and peace. Nevertheless, that side made me so bitter and angry all the time. I never had peace...and sadly, I never smiled. I gave people power over me because I was always angry.” I said to Alan .

" WAIT LET ME GRAB SOME TISSUE BECAUSE YOUR BULLSHIT IS LEAKING . . . "

" I CAN'T HANDLE THIS ANYMORE ALAN ! I AM DONE WITH YOU I CAN'T STAY ANY MINT LONGER WITH YOU IN THIS ROOF I CAN'T BREATH ALAN . WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND . . . . "

" Stop cutting me off!" he yelled. The steel of his eyes sparkled with warning. "The least you can do is give me a chance to speak! We're gonna talk!

" What you are gonna talk ? We talk this same thing over and over again but you can't understand that "

" Why are you just shut your mouth! why can't you be like other . I want innocence for a while . . . I'm sick of being blamed

Please let me lay low

I'm done being framed

I can't believe this

This isn't where I aimed

I'm not that crazy

I'm seriously well tamed

I can't take it anymore

For I'm too ashamed

I want to be forgiven

And not to be claimed

" You know I am so done with you . " I said and push him aside and grab my suitcase from under the bed . I'm packing my life in a bag again, saying goodbye . It's been a long journey, back and forth, hide and seek, but this time it's different. This time I am different. I'm not sure where I want to end up but I know how to get there, or at least the first direction, the first turn, the first sunset. I'm longing for peace. I'm longing for borrowed guitars and detachment. Horizons, cheap whiskey straight from the bottle and your hands in mine .

" What are you doing ?

" This is none of your business . "

Placing it and her fur pants in a bag made of whale bladder, I tied it securely so that no moisture would dampen in clothes . . . . . . He hold's me from my arm . . . . . . . .

" STOP IT ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

" WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALAN ??

" you said you loved me

i said it back. you said you needed me

i was grateful to hear that.you said you were mine and i said i am yours.you said forever and i said forever more. you said you didn’t want to lose me and i was content .but then you disappeared

leaving my tears alone with nowhere to vent.you blamed it on the timing

i didn’t agree. you blamed it on yourself

and i blamed it on me. did i not love you enough? were my hugs and kisses too flat?

At Night

I snapped open eyes and Sweating were dripping off of my forehead and my sweaty palm . . . could hear the chaotic laughter trailing behind me. It turned the ageless trees into a menace. They loomed around me, while hiding him. The branches tore at my skin in an effort to bind me, while weeds sought to shackle my ankles, so that I could go no further. The pain they caused was minor, when I compared it to the searing inferno at my core.

I lifted my head up and glance on the alarm clock and it reads 9pm . . . . . . .