Chapter 1: Trying To Move Forward

1341 Words
-Megan- “Oh great, you are finally up!” Naomi said, lowering the phone. She was sitting outside in the warm July sun, sunglasses on and with a whole table full of food in front of her. She had already eaten her breakfast. I was the one who was getting up late. Later than usual. Ever since Nathan and I had parted, I had had trouble sleeping and eating. I had even lost some weight, which was concerning. I knew Naomi saw it too, but she had tried her best to cheer me up ever since she took me with her. “Hungry?” she asked as I sat down in front of her. I shook my head, as I looked at the big garden with the pool and everything. It was a very nice home she had with her husband. At first, I had been a bit concerned about him. I knew absolutely nothing, but it seemed Naomi knew him through some people she had partied with, and it was clear she actually did have feelings for him. She was even happy, and he seemed to take care of her. I still wasn’t very comfortable around him, but as long as my sister was happy, then so was I. “Not really,” I said. “Come on, Meg, you have to eat,” she said. “I am eating,” I lied. I turned to look at her again, and I could see, even with the sunglasses on, she didn’t buy my lie. “Right …” “What do you want me to do, Naomi?” I asked. “Live!” “Live?” “Yes, live! You are finally away from our parents. You are almost rid of Nathan, and you are free! Live! Go be the artist you have always dreamt of becoming,” she said. “You want me to become an artist?” I asked. Lately, that just seemed like a stupid dream. I had not painted anything in months, or even felt inspired to do so. It was just ridiculous. “Or go to school! I know you always wanted to,” she said. “I don’t know,” I just sighed. “I will help with the money.” “So, now I won’t owe our parents, just you,” I said. “It is different, and you know it. You won’t owe me anything.” “Just your husband,” I said. Naomi shook her head and reached over to take my hand that was resting on the table. “I hate seeing you like this,” she said. I looked down at my empty plate, not wanting to see the pain in her eyes. The pain I was causing because I couldn’t take care of myself right now. “I want to help you,” she said. “You can’t.” I slowly withdrew my hand, and she let go of me, understanding I needed my space. “Did you speak to that lawyer?” she asked. Naomi was determined to get me divorced as quickly as possible, but I just … I wasn’t ready to let go. I knew it was stupid. Nathan and I could never be together. We had hurt each other too much. It was just not healthy, and still, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I couldn’t stop loving him. “Well?” “Not yet,” I said. “Come on, Meg. You are only hurting yourself.” “I am just not ready,” I told her. “When will you be ready?!” “It is not like I am just throwing out an old dress. I fell for him, Nomi!” I said. “I know,” she said with a sad look. “I know you did, but it wasn’t real.” “You knew all along.” “But you weren’t ready to listen,” she said. “But I knew long before you two even got together. Before that bast*rd r*ped me. I knew what Nathan truly desired, which was his grandfather’s company. He is just like Shane.” “He didn’t seem that way,” I whispered. “They are good at hiding it,” she told me. “So good.” “I just don’t understand how I couldn’t see it.” “I know. It hurts even more that you feel like you were fooled.” “I can’t let him go,” I told her, and tried my best to hold the tears back. “Yes, you can!” “How?!” “The best way to move forward is just to move forward,” she told me. “Did you read that in a fortune cookie?” I asked her with a teasing smile. She chuckled a little and shook her head. “I mean it, Meg. You just need to get away from him. Divorce his ass and make a life of your own. You are free now!” “It’s not that simple,” I told her. “I know, but you still have to. The world doesn’t wait for you,” she said. I knew she was right, but I couldn’t just let go of him. Divorcing him was truly saying goodbye, and it had hurt so much to just leave in the middle of the night. I had turned back to look at him, and my heart was ripped to shreds as I watched him lie there. I knew he would wake up and then see I had left. I knew I was causing him pain too, and that only hurt me even more. Naomi had waited the whole time in the car. I had explained to her I might take my time, because I knew it wasn’t easy for me to leave, but she had just told me she would wait. Of course, I hadn’t expected to sleep with Nathan that night. I hadn’t expected to just give myself completely over to him, but sh*t, it had been one hell of a first time. I had loved every second of it, even though I had known I was going to say goodbye afterwards. “Talk to the lawyer,” she said. “I …” “Meg, today!” “I don’t know …” I knew Nathan had tried calling me like crazy the first two months, but when we reached June, he just stopped. I knew why. He had gotten what he wanted, hadn’t he? I had tried staying away from all the social media and any news that might appear about his family. I didn’t want to see him inherit that stupid company, and know it really was just all a lie between us. “You need to get this over with.” “Easy for you to say,” I mumbled. “Megan, you have such a good heart,” she told me. “Don’t let him ruin that!” “What does this have to do with my good heart?” I asked. “It is like I am seeing my sister wither away in front of me. I hate it!” “You think I find this funny?!” She shook her head. “Of course not, but I can promise you, as soon as you sign those papers, you will get better.” “How can you promise me that?” I asked. “Because you will finally see it my way.” “See, it all was a lie?” She nodded. “Most men are trash. Nathan is less than trash,” she said. I knew I shouldn’t feel mad that she was saying this. I knew I shouldn’t still feel so loyal to him, but I did, because my heart wouldn’t stop weeping for him, calling to him. It was all so pointless though. It was pointless to cry anymore because of it. I needed to move on. “Okay, I will sign the papers,” I said.
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