A Month To Fall In Love

Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

XAVIER's POV

Song for chapter - Where's my love by SYML

"What are you going to do now? Hit me again or drag me with you. Stop being angry at me for your own mistakes, I have the right to walk out of your life after all that you have put me through. You should at least have some little conscience to let me go and let me live like a human being for once in my life. Do I have to drop dead before you know that I am not breathing? Do I have to die to escape from you? Can't you just leave me alone? "

"Zevia, we can mend all of this. Come with me please."

"What do you not understand in what I said? I don't think I can live with you anymore. I have broken up with you, you should move on."

"You broke up with me but I have not broken up with you yet."

"Do you think you are making sense right now?"

"Zevia please, I would do anything, just don't leave me." I slide my hands down her arm to hold onto her wrist as I fall to my knees. "I will change, I promise."

"I can count the number of promises you fulfilled to me on the tip of my fingers out of those million empty promises."

"I love you, I really do."

"You don't. You would not treat someone you love like a dirty rag. Do you know how much I begged for you to pay attention to me for once, how much I begged to feel just a little affection from you."

"I will pay attention to you from now on, I swear I will treat you better. Please just don't walk away from my life."

"You should try to say something you haven't said before. You have promised to pay attention to my every need before, you have also promised to treat me better than any other person has ever treated me but guess what, they are part of your million unfulfilled promises."

"I know I have not been a good person to you but I really care about you."

"And you have expressed your care excellently."

"I would do whatever you want me to do, anything for you to stay."

"Then please let me go for today, just give me some breathing space."

"You can go back to the warehouse, I would not go there for as long as I can bear."

"You destroyed it with fire when you wanted to commit suicide. Please can you just let go of me."

"Why did you save me when you knew you would not stay with me?"

"I did not want anybody to die because of me."

"You should have left me to die instead of saving me and leaving me to bear the pain of your absence. The thought of you leaving me is already making me question my existence. You have saved me in vain because you are my only source of hope, the last person in my life."

"I...I have to think, give me some personal space. Threatening me with your life is... you have used my weaknesses against me again. You know I would not be able to walk away when you tell me you are going to die..to die like everyone of them. I hate you so much.

"How long do I have to wait? I don't have much time left."

"I told you I don't want to loose you...I meant I don't want you to die, why do you still want to kill yourself?"

"I'm not killing myself anymore since you have decided not to walk away from my life. We have just one month before everyone can start moving again. There is not enough time to do the things I want to do without any interruptions from any third party. One day is gone already and another one is already counting."

"I have not decided anything yet, I still want to think about it. I don't want to make the wrong decision."

"You would not regret choosing to come back to me, I can promise that. And I promise that this promise I just made would not be part of those million promises I did not fulfill."

"Can you not just say the word promise, it makes your words seem less believable."

"I promise, I won't promise again...sorry, I meant I won't say it again."

"Will you let go of my hand now?" I stand holding her fingers in my hand this time.

"Can I hug you?" I ask and she nods. "Thank you." I glance at her shocked expression before pulling her to me and hugging her tightly. I feel her arms wrap around me after a while and I press my eyes on her shoulder as I feel a drop of my tears stain her bare skin.

"I am going to miss you. Where can I find you?" I raise my head from her shoulder and ask into her ear.

"That house over there." She pulls away from the hug to point to the house opposite the park and I nod. "Where are you going to sleep?"

"The warehouse." I sniff in as I press my nostrils together with my thumb and index finger.

"Whatever decision I make, I want you to respect it." I nod in response wishing there is a pocket on this hospital cloth in which I can hide my shivering hands.

"Sleep well." I say and turn to leave with my head cast down.

*

I enter the empty street that leads to the warehouse, the thought of her deciding not to stay with me enters my mind as I walk on. I stop beside a wall and ball my hands into fists, punching the wall repeatedly. Seeing the red stains on the wall from my injured fists makes it hurt more but it doesn't beat the pain and weakness I am feeling in my whole being. I punch the wall more at the thought of living without her until I start to feel weak. Resting my forehead against the wall and my palms on either side of my head, I let the tears flow freely before turning to rest my back on it and staring into the dark sky.

I stagger into the warehouse and let my eyes roam around the ashes littered place. Almost all the wooden things were burnt and some were left half burnt. The bed had been burnt, leaving only a small part, with the walls painted black.

I spot her metal box which she had always kept locked and I walk towards it, picking a key from the ashes of the half burnt cupboard. I insert the key into the lock, hoping that it would open it and I sigh in relief when it opens. I carry it with me and sit on the remaining part of the already black bed and my legs come into contact with the damp floor as I pull my feet out of the hospital's comfy slippers.

I open the box to reveal a picture of her dead parents. I take it out of the box and place it beside me. Under it was an old picture we took when we just started our relationship. I turn the back of the picture where she wrote 'Xavier and Zevia. I hope we stay happy and grow old together.' I turn the picture to see the brightest smile on our young faces. She brought happiness into my life after a childhood of sadness and violence and made me smile like never before.