A Piece Of Memory

Storia 10 : Confession

One day, in August, Sarah invited me to spend a little time by the river Mara. Which I find surprising, because she never offered these kinds of ideas. We've been together many times. But the idea is still me who planned it. Moreover, the fact is that men should be more active in opening relationships, right? And when it was Sarah who turned out to be the first to plan it, I thought it was really something.

I picked Sarah up exactly as scheduled, and we decided it was time to walk again. I also knew Sarah was just getting ready when I got there. Her hair was still wet, and I could smell the perfume emanating from her body. Which makes her even more beautiful. Previously, I had ventured to meet her in person at home. Though I don't know if Otto will allow me to ask her out or not. But anyway, it's worth a try. Plus, he hasn't seen me in the last few weeks either. I think he must have thought I had done my job right.

As usual, I always knocked on her door even though her house was always open. But this time I came face with Otto at the first time. And immediately asked his permission to take Sarah away. Fortunately, he also showed no signs of rejection. Although his cynical face still hasn't completely disappeared. I guess if it wasn't for Sarah, I would never have seen her hospitality here. I also know he wouldn't mind if someone took her daughter out for a walk. Even though I'm not one of them.

"Your father, doesn't seem to have changed much?" I asked Sarah what she was thinking, when we were a few minutes from her house.

"Don't think about it! He allowed it after all!" she says. Although that doesn't really answer my question. I guess I should make sure I can go to her house again. But I chose to ignore it this time. Which I did to protect Sarah's feelings too.

And the place we're headed for is the floodplain on the banks of the Mara river. The location is right on one of the bends of the river. For hundreds of years, the Mara river brought a lot of mud to the place. Which will dry up when the long dry season comes. Before leaving a fine sediment that feels like a sandbar. In the past, the place was actually only its own uniqueness that was ignored. But now, the place is almost always crowded when the holiday has just arrived. Young or old, used to relax in that place. Where they often do it barefoot. Indeed, people will never fill every spot in that place as far as the eye can see, but that still wouldn't detract from the perfect times we were there.

"You like the place, don't you?" She started the conversation when we just arrived.

"If I'm with you." I tease her. I could see her smile widen now. Knowing if I'm successful enough.

We sat near a large acacia tree, which had a long bench right under it. While starting to feel the wind that continues to hit our faces. Until the question of Sarah's father crossed my mind again.

"Did your father ever forbid you to be close to a man, Sarah?"

"Not. Why?"

I didn't answer right away. Because that's a question I've been asked a long time ago. "Including me?" I said, once again.

"My father never forbade me to be close to anyone, Ryan… Including you." She smiled a little. "But if he doesn't like other people, he can really hold it in for a long time."

“Oh…, I don't know if he's going to be like that forever. After all, I'm brave enough to meet him, right? When I asked your permission."

"Yeah, if that's what you're worried about, I'll talk about it later." She said, as if she could read my mind. But somehow, when Sarah told me that, I didn't feel like she would keep it. I don't know why, but that's what crossed my mind. After all, if she really intended to do it, she should have done it a long time ago, right? But of course, I kept that thought to myself.

"Have you been here before?" This time I asked again.

"Once in a while. Actually, this is my favorite place since I was little."

"Oh really? You must be running around here? Then swim all day there. Maybe you did it with your father?”

She looked at me in surprised. But I can see her smile. "Not entirely true. I mean, I only do it with my friends.” she said. “Even I still remember when we climbed this tree together.”

"You mean the tree behind us?"

I glanced at the tree. Imagining our hands that won't be able to hold it until our hands are united. But I find no reason if Sarah was joking.

"Yes, the tree behind us." She seemed pleased to hear my surprise. “We even raced to get to the highest peak. But I always lose time and time again.” She continued.

“Because you’re a girl, and your friends are boys?”

"Yes, that is so." she said. And I think that's another surprise for me. I only just found out that I've only just met the female version of Tarzan now. Even though those days are long gone, I still like to imagine it.

"Now, do you still enjoy climbing it?"

She glanced at me then, and smiled again, but added nothing to the conversation. I think she knows I'm joking. Before I go back on.

“So how old do you think this tree is? You must have climbed this tree when it was a small tree, right?”

"No, it's always been this big."

"Really?" Again, my tone sounded surprised, but amazed at the same time. "So this is your umpteenth reunion. I think you should say hi to him. Maybe he still remembers you, Sarah. 'Hey tree, I'm the little Sarah who used to climb on you! I hope you're not mad at me. You remember me, right?’ Come on, tell it Sarah! I'm sure he'll like it!"

"Are you joking now?" she replied, ignoring my expression.

“Actually, but not completely successful… Because you're not laughing, right?”

“Not really… I'm actually laughing now.” she said. And she really did.

We sat until the sun began to hide behind the hills. Which meant I still had an hour left before I had to drop her off. Which makes the situation even more enjoyable. In front of us, people were constantly passing by. Where they always throw a friendly smile every time they pass. I think we reminded them that this was a natural sight. Things that happen every day.

“You don't plan to continue your education Sarah? I think it's good for you?" Now I ask her again.

To be honest, I also ask that not only for myself. But also, because Sarah's education has allowed her to have a better life than mine. Moreover, a diploma in this country is actually no longer promising. So, I think it's better if she has her own pharmacy, right? And that right can only be obtained if she develops her career. With an additional education of course. Besides it's natural, isn't it, if I start asking about the future? Because the next will probably involve both of us.

"I don't know. I think it's possible. If there's a chance."

The answer may sound a little strange. Although I can't explain how I found out. But I just tried to answer back and without mentioning the reason. "I think you should, Sarah. Your father would be more proud of you." Then I said.

But hearing my words, Sarah again didn't answer again. And let my words soar in the air. Before I could speak again.

“Actually, I also want to study Pharmacy, or Medical Doctor maybe, but you know, the price is like cost an arm and leg. So… I can only dream about it.”

This time her gaze returned to me, and seemed to smile a little to me. “But the truth doesn't disappoint either, does it? Considering you have a prestigious job now.” Finally, she answered.

"Not pride for me." But I said, awkwardly. “Because I have to stay here. And It's like a prison. I just want my freedom back.”

I know that my answer just now contradicts her. But Sarah didn't deny it. Instead, she teased me with her words this time, "Yeah, but still, I think there will be a lot of girls who are more and more attracted to you!" And she laughed.

I think I know how to get involved in the game.

"Yeah, I hope so too. But I'd be happier if a pretty girl like you was one of them!"

She elbowed me with his elbow. "Are you kidding me?"

"I'm serious. Why do you think I keep spending my time with you, Sarah? Everything doesn't happen for no reason, right...?" I answered, and I turned part of my body towards her. "You have a special place for me. You are the one that I want to see every day, Even when I'm not happy spending my time in this place, you make everything change. You're the one who made me who I am."

I was still staring at her, hoping she would do the same. But she didn't do anything either. And her eyes kept looking into the distance again, through the wilderness. I think my words are still not enough. So here it is, the words that coming from the bottom of my heart. The words I've been hiding for so long.

"I love you Sarah. I mean, I love you so much. I want to marry you one day. I really want to live with you. That's how I feel now. If you want to know."

I waited for her to say something. Whatever it is to reciprocate my feelings. But still, I haven't heard anything. Although I can still see her smiling faintly. And this is what she always does when I clearly express my feelings. I don't know if she had the same hopes as me then. Or just make it an escape. But this time, I really need reassurance. And that certainty would never have come if she didn't give it to me.

But, "I don't know." And that's the only answer. With her blushing face. "You're making me nervous. I want to enjoy my time. And I need a friend. Can we not talk about it anymore. I mean for today." She just said.

Like I said, she really likes to hang my feelings there. I don't know if Sarah really understands the situation. And obviously, that's not something I expected from this relationship. I think it would be easier, wouldn't it, if she just conveyed her feelings? Though in the end she would give me rejection. But at least, it'll be better because I don't have to expect too much from her, right?

I hate it when she doesn't want to open up. I hate it when I can't do anything again and again.

But the sun will disappear in the West now. And the light of the sky began to vary with color. Then at the same time, darkness slowly moved from across the Far East. While the orange sky tried to dispel it a little longer. But I know it will all be in vain. Right in front of us, the murky river water reflected all these events. Like a rug that walks on water. Until the full moon began to wake up from its long sleep. It was the end of the afternoon.