Her broken soul

Chapter 11: Unhealthy Routines.

‘‘My dark days made me stronger. Or maybe I already was strong, and they made me prove it.”

                                       - Emery Lord

Arsala's POV

My nightmare have only multiply and I can't seem to figure out the reason why. I now have nightmare as to how I was sexually assaulted by my teacher in high school. So much that the exact moment play like a movie in my head.

That exact moment took a piece of my soul away. Even since I have phobia of letting anyone lay hands on me. Its been a week now and all I do is take coffee just so I could avoid sleep.  Sleep meant nightmare and I just don't want those moments coming back to haunt me. Its already 3am and I'm all alone in the kitchen sitting with dim lighting filling my system with as much coffee as I could.

I refilled my mug with coffee and walk up to my room. I took off my pajamas and step into the washroom to have a cold shower. I let the cold droplet of water roll down my skin and all I could think about was how unhealthy this routine was. The caffeine, the nightmare, final exams are around the corner I can't afford to fail any course or else I won't make it to the dean's list.

I performed wudu (washing ritual of body parts before prayers) before stepping out of the washroom to pray tahajjud. It was all I could do, pray and have sabr (patience) that this would all come to an end.

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I was walking pass by grab N go which is at the same building as my academic advisor's office when the aroma of freshly baked cakes and pastries hit me. Being so busy with my schedule for the day I realize I haven't had lunch or breakfast.

I took some steps backwards and walk into the cafe to get anything to eat. I ordered the red velvet cake and a espresso, yeah a little change wouldn't hurt anyone beside its 4pm. Sitting on a table by the side and typing on my phone away. I'm trying to send a mail to the SGA, volunteering for community service this Friday.

I need everything and anything to keep my mind busy I'm slowly losing it. My ordered arrived after a few minutes and I wasted no time munching my food away. Putting a piece of cake into my mouth I spot Imran walking into the cafe.

Please don't walk up to me.

My eyes are glued to him, silently praying the doesn't walk up to me. Well my prays backfired and he just walked up to me and takes a seat across me on the table without asking for my permission. Not bothered about his presence I carried on munching away my food.

"Do you always eat this much?" He asks staring at me. 

I remain silent because my mouth is stuffed with cake. Once done chewing the cake in my mouth, I gulp down the little espresso left in the cup.

"Only when I'm hungry!"

I placed the cake in the center of the table.

"Bismillaah!" I said offering him some of my cake.

"Thank you but I'm good." He politely decline.

"Are you shy of me or what?"

I know that the reason some people don't eat in the presence of others is either they feel shy or uncomfortable. I can feel shy and embarrassed about other things, just not food. When I'm hungry, I eat once I find food.

"Why would I be shy of you?" He raise a brow at me.

"I don't know maybe eating something a girl offers you is against your cool guy code."

I'm usually not this persistent when someone declines the food I offer as a kind guest. For some reason the persistent side in me surfaced.

"I just don't want something from...." He stops himself and clears his throat. "I mean I'm full, you should have it you must be hungry....."

"I'm full and not hungry." I interrupt him, blankly staring at him.

"You should pack it up......"

"I want you to have it!" I interrupt him, before he could finish again.

I'm still trying to understand Why he won't just have it, I mean its cake. Who doesn't love cake?

"Well I think you....."

"You don't want it because I offered it to you!"

"No that's not it!" He sharply interjects.

"You think I poisoned it....." A small smirk form at the edge of my lips.

I'm loving this!

"What the.......no of course not!" He stares at me taken aback by what I just said.

"Well....tell me why won't you have it!" I lean into the chair, waiting for him to give a reason that's actually convincing.

"I.....really...." He hesitates.

Sitting, I silently wait on him to give me a reason.

"I'm not a fan of red velvet cakes." He admits moving him finger around his brow, messing it up.

"Are you a fan of their marble cake?" I asks, picking my purse from the table.

He nods his head slightly, giving me a weird looking.

I stood up and walk up to the counter to place an order for the marble cake and an energy drink. I paid for the order and asked her to microwave the cake. After which I walk back to my table, taking back my seat while I wait on her to microwave the cake.

"I'm eating my cake since you rejected it!" I said to Imran, picking up the cake and placing it in front of me. I continue eating the cake from where I left of. 

I and Imran remain silent staring at each other in a weird manner.

"Are your always this feisty with people?" Imran's voice broke the silence.

"It depends........" I placed a piece of cake into my mouth.

He waits on me to chew the piece of cake in my mouth, seeing I still have a thing or two to say.

"On who I'm dealing with. For some people I just have to ask and it gets done but with you, you're just as hardheaded as me and I hate defeat."

That's why the both of us are always on each others throats, fighting or arguing about something. 

"I also hate defeat....." He has that mischievous smirk plastered across his face.

"Uhm..."

I remained silent staring at him, I always get my way and I'm going to have me way today. I'm not about to lose to him.

"By the I wanted to ask you a question!"

I look towards him staring a blankly at him wondering why he wants to ask me a question and what the question might be.

"Ask your question if I feel comfortable answering it I will if I don't I won't."

"What's your last name!" He asks chuckling softly.

"Are you asking so you could stalk me on i********: and Snapchat?" I put the last piece of cake left into my mouth. 

"Maybe!" He shrugs at me.

"Uhm......"

"Its just you know my last name and I don't know yours. It would help to Identify you from other Arsalas."

"How many Arsala's have you met?"

No kidding but in all my years on earth I have not once crossed path with someone bearing the same name as me.

"You're the only Arsala I know!"

"You don't need to know my surname, whenever you hear the name its most likely me."

Its fun to pull his legs and prevent him from getting what he wants.

"Its impossible to convince you!" I sighs in frustration.

"Nope, you just have to try harder!" I pick up some cake crumb from my dress and place into the paper bag.

"Okay what's the meaning?"

"Meaning of what?" I look towards him with confused eyes.

"Your name?"

"Its not important!"

"Come on please, you won't tell me your surname at least tell me the meaning of your name!" He pleads, something I have never seen him do.

Why is he so bent on knowing the meaning of my name? I find it a bit suspicious.....

"Lioness...." Giving in, I mumble out in a low tone.

"Explains a lot about your attitude and personality."

"Maybe...."

The waitress walks up to our table with my order fully package.

"Give it him!" I instruct her.

"Here you go!" She says placing the order in from of Imran.

"But I didn't place an order ...." Imran looks between I and the waitress.

"She did!" The waitress announce, she and Imran look towards me.

"Ignore him, you can go." I excuse the waitress before she gets caught up in an argument between the both of us.

She smiles a bit and walks away from our table. I look towards Imran to find him staring at me.

"I told I don't accept defeats...." I pick up my tote bag and stood up from the chair.

I place the chair back in and pick up my phone from the table.

"Must you always be this stubborn..."

"Maybe!"

"Enjoy your marble cake....." I excuse myself and walk out of the cafe, heading for my advisor's office.

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I still feel miserable, lost and confused, its like I'm losing my mind. All I really what to do I forget everything that happen but that seems impossible. I can't sleep, I'm afraid to sleep, because those nightmares keep coming back to haunt me.

I splash cold water from the faucet on my face and stare at my reflection on the mirror. I look terrible with the dark circles around my eyes.

I just had a presentation where I completely messed up. I was too nervous and depressed, I kept on mixing up my words. I looked completely stupid in front of the whole class. My group members are  pissed off and I can't think of a valid reason to give them as to why I messed up three weeks of hard work.

The bathroom door creaks open and a angry Khadijah and Fatima storm in, my group members.

"What was that??" Khadijah burst out.

"You complete ruined the entire presentation, are aware of the fact that it doesn't just affect you but the entire group."

"I'm sorry." My voice came out as a low whisper.

"Save that bullshit, he stated coordination took 10 points and because of you we just lost that." Her hand is clenched so tight by her side.

"Go to his office and give him a valid explanation for your actions. God helps you if the reason isn't a valid one." Fatima's tone is a bit calm compared to khajidah.

"I'm not failing BIO 103 this semester because of you, so fix this or I would never be able to forgive you." She hiss before walk out, Fatima trail behind her, slamming the bathroom door hard.

No one can actually just take a moment to see the hell I'm going through. As much as I want to cry the tears can't seem to find their way down my cheeks.

I walk back to the classroom to pick up my backpack. The class has already ended, so the classroom was empty. I don't have any class from now till 1pm, which gives me 2 hours to speak to my instructor.

I walk out of the classroom, making my way to the Arts and Science building, where his office is at. Luckily for me, when I got there its his office hours so he is in attending to some students.

I did try my best to explain to him that I wasn't in the right frame of mind. Instead he just a call me a spoilt brat, who can't work hard for anything. As much as I hate to admit it, his words sting. Only good thing is that my group members don't get penalized for my mistakes.

The moment I was out of his office I shut my eyes closes. To prevent the tears threatening to fall out and lean on the wall to catch my breathe.

"Jeez, what happened to you?"

My eyes shot open the moment I heard that voice, only for them to fall on Imran.

"Are you okay?" He asks. His voice filled with concern.

"I'm okay." I force a smile.

"I'm not stupid." He frown. "You don't look okay, tell me what's wrong."

"I'm okay." Is all I could muster.

Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies.

A voice in my head chant out.

"I have to go." Before I could excuse myself Imran grab hold of my wrist.

His most favorite thing to do.

"Let go..............."

"You are burning up." His eyes are staring directly into mine.

"I'm not." I snatch my hands and hastily began walking away from him.

"Wait!!!" I heard him shout out from behind me.

I stop in my tracks when I felt warm liquid dripping down my nose. I lift my hand touch my nose and brought it back to find blood on my palm. I suddenly felt dizzy and everything around me turns blurry. Last thing I felt my weight falling into someone and voice calling out my name.

"Arsala.......come on please open your eyes."

Everything else turn dark.

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Imran's POV

Its been a month since we met and for some weird reason I love being in her company. I haven't been so scared in a really long time as I was today when she collapsed into my arms with a bleeding nose. I thought I lost her a brief moment.

After rushing her to the clinic I came back to attend a class. When I went back to check up on her she was already discharged. I have called her a thousand times to be sure everything is okay. My intuition keeps telling me she isn't doing well, a gut feeling. The calls keeps going to her voicemail, which makes me more worried with each passing second.

Presently I'm in my room playing video game with my roommate as a distraction. The more I try to stop thinking about her the more thoughts of her take up more space in my head. I failed the first round of the game.

"What's wrong?" William my roommate asks, putting down his gamepad.

"I'm so confused and worried." I slump down into the chair.

"About what?"

"A friend ....." I stop to think if she is actually my friend.

Arsala isn't like most girls, she is different in her own way. I always find myself trying to be around her for some weird reason I don't Know of. Is Arsala my friend? Well yes and no. She can be a thorny woman at times.

"A friend of mine collapsed today with a bleeding nose. I went for class after rushing her to the school clinic. I came back only to find out she asked to be discharge and the clinic let her go." I rant out, I think I just let that out of my system.

"Why don't you just pay her a visit to be sure she is okay?" William suggests.

I would have done that if I could.

"She stays off campus." I wish it was the other way around, thing would be so much easier.

"Well....visiting her by this time could stir up the wrong opinion." William mumble out more to himself than me.

I'm fully aware of that, that's why I'm here and not over at her house. Its past 8pm, I can't show up at her house right now.

"Exactly why I can't go." I let out a frustrated sigh.

"There is nothing you can do. So try to forget about it, you'd probably get some answers tomorrow."

Forgetting is impossible, I just need to see her and the restlessness I feel might finally go away. She looked different when I saw her today. She looked nothing like the gusty and feisty Arsala I know. 

I picked up my car keys, I have to go see her. As risky and crazy as it sounds that's the only way I get to see her.

"I have to go see her." I inform William.

"Come back in one piece." William let out a soft chuckle. He knew all along I would still end up doing this.

I let out a soft chuckle and put on the closest pair of shoe I could find. Without changing my cloths into something more appropriate I walked out.

Following the same direction to her house which I clearly still remember. I arrived at her house, sitting in my car I'm rehearsing what I'd say to her parents.

Note to self: try not to die.

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