Running To Nowhere

Four

This day was hard for Ava, sure she had the day off and she could be lazy if she wanted to lord knows her body told her to be, but she needed Jax, she needed her horse, and she spent a good part of the morning with him. Though he lifted her spirits a little, there was still a cloud over her, her depression was wild with her today and she hoped it didn't show.

She had decided to take Jax out to pasture with their ride today, and she wanted him to take it slowly, so she just let him trot along. As he did she took in the sights, there were hills for miles, some hills had corn growing for live stock, some fields there was hay. Over past the small tree belt there were bluffs that were so high she imagined it would make her head spin to stand on top of them. She had never thought of her life to ever be destined to be in Nebraska, but she loved where she ended up, she still wasn't where exactly she was but she didn't ask and didn't care to, the less she knew of her location she hoped the less he knew as well.

She looked out over the land and trees and watched the cattle graze as Jax walked, she thought about the out come of her husband finding her, she didn't fake her death she had just left and she had left fast. She knew he would be angry just like she knew he would find her that he was looking for her. She wondered if she needed to talk to Silas and Clare about it and maybe come up with a plan to save herself so she didn't have to leave this wonderful place.

She knew they had already suspected that she was abused due to the scars and what she had said to Silas the night before when he had walked her home, but they didn't know the extent of it, the horrible events that he had put her through. Ava wasn't even to sure if she was a functional human being anymore, she didn't want another man to touch her, or any person for that reason, except Clare, the woman who reminded her so much of her own mother.

Smiling to herself as she remembered her mother, she noticed Jax had led her to a creek and she got off so he could drink in peace and she could cool down it was going to be one mighty hot day today, she thought to herself as she splashed water on her neck and arms so the breeze would cool her a little. She didn't mind the heat, California was never this hot, sure it got up to the 90's sometimes but it was never muggy and sometimes hard to breath, she thought maybe because of the ocean.

She thought about that for a bit. She did miss the waves and all the sea animals that she would find on the shores of L.A. and she wished as hell that the love of it and the beauty hadn't been taken from her. She wiped a tear from her face and sniffled, as the sad memory faded, Jax, sensing she was sad, walked over to her and laid his head on her neck, making her giggle and rub his neck back.

"I love you too buddy." she said to him, when he stepped away she gave him a apple and a few carrots, apples were his favorites, but they were so rich he wouldn't be able to handle more than a few a day. She laughed as he dug into her side bag for more treats just to come out sighing when she had no more, "Oh buddy, you don't need all this junk food," she said patting his nose, "Lets go home and I'll get you some real food." she said jumping up on him.

This time she wanted to race, she felt the pit opening in her belly, deep sadness over came her again as they raced back as fast as Jax could go. Closing her eyes and holding on tight she let him take her home, loving the wind through her hair and blowing over her face, and before she knew it she was smiling and her face tinted a bit rosy from the pale color it had been before. When Jax slowed down she opened her eyes and say that they were almost back home and he was done running, she patted his side and thanked him, he hollered back at her and nodded his head, this horse was a weird one, she thought to herself.

She finally got off the saddle and walked him back to his stall noticing that it was mucked out and he had fresh bedding and hay, taking his scoop off of the wall she dug into his bag and filled his food bowl then filled his water bowl, with one last pat she said her good byes and walked back to her place. When she stepped through the door she looked at the clock hanging on the wall behind her couch and was surprised to see it was after 2 pm, they had been out walking for most of the day.

Sitting on the couch she decided she would just read a book, she didn't have a tv and never really thought of going to get one either, she liked tv but she wanted to be more detached from reality then she already was so she lived with out one.

After awhile she heard a soft knock at her door, she thought about not  answering it for a little bit until the next knock came, she sighed and got up, deciding to be nice. When she opened the door she saw Clare.

"Hey, what's up? Every thing ok?" she asked Clare.

The girl sure did look worse for wear today, Clare thought to herself, "Yeah, everything is fine. I have to go into town today and wanted to ask if you would come with me? I'll feed you and maybe help you get some stuff for this place if you would like." 

Ava stared at the woman, she had never been offered to go anywhere with anyone since her mother had passed, then she thought if she really wanted to go, "Oh, I'm not sure." she started.

"Please?" Clare said quietly.

Ava looked closely at her older friend and noticed she looked about as sad as Ava felt, so she caved, "Ok, I think getting out of here would be a good idea, just let me shower and change and I'll meet you at the big house?" Ava asked her.

Clare smiled, "Yes please do what you have to." she said walking off the porch looking much happier.

Ava smiled back and closed the door and since it was after 2 she would have to hurry so she did, not washing her hair and throwing it up the best she could she washed her body then put on some jeans and a t-shirt, with her boots. Then she made the short trip to the house.

When she walked in Clare was standing at the counter talking to Silas, then he looked over at Ava as she came in, "Wow, you look nice." he said to her.

Ava eyed him a little then nodded her head, "Yes, thank you." she said then looked down at her boots.

It was silent for a bit then Clare piped up, "Well Silas, if you are done embarrassing the girl, we should get going." she said grabbing Ava's arm and walking with her to the little car.

Ava looked into the side mirror as they drove off seeing Silas watching them leave, she wasn't sure about the man, but something about him made her want to try to get herself a little further to know him. She was just afraid if she did, she would fall again.

The two women spent the day laughing, both of them needing their company, one sad from abuse, one sad from the loss of her husband, "Clare can I ask you something?" Ava said to her.

"Of course you can ask me anything," she said back.

"Well, what's it like? Being in true love?" she asked her.

Knowing what the girl meant she sat back and looked at her, thinking she let a small tear run down her face, "Well child, it's like falling, I guess. Your belly hurts you have butterflies all the time, your angry with the other person a lot." she said laughing, "But you always know, that person is there to protect you, to help you and keep you sane even though they drive you insane. They are the other half to your soul and when you find that like I did you don't let it go." she said to Ava.

Ava wiped away a tear, "I want that." she said to her barely whispering it.

Clare shook her head, "Then go get it." she stated.

Ava shook her head, "I don't think I can, I am no good for anyone, I screw up a lot, and I'm constantly afraid of the outcome again." she said to her friend.

Clare sat up, "Not every man lays a hand on a woman Ava, and not every man downgrades her. There are men out there who rise women's spirits up, who help guide them to the point in life they are supposed to be at, they protect you." she said to her. 

Again Ava shook her head, "I don't know this Clare, so how am I supposed to believe it?" she asked her.

"I wont ask what has been done to you child, I assume you will tell me when you are ready. But sometimes life is about taking chances and sometimes jumping right in. Like you did with Jax, horses feel like humans do Ava, and Jax is a male. I've seen you with that horse, he adores you and you jumped up to save him when he was about to be put down, you jumped to love a living being, and he loves you just as much." she told her.

"I don't think its the same." Ava stated.

"But it is child, if you want the love you seek, the love like I had with my husband, you have to fight for it, you have to put the scared you behind and start opening yourself up to the good." she told her.

Ava listened to every word and nodded, "I'll try." she whispered.

Clare smiled, "I love how you listen girl and remember that is all anyone can ask of you, is to try."

Ava smiled and said, "I've seen so many bad men also Clare, I don't know how many good ones are left." 

"I wont lie when I say I'm dying with curiosity, but I also know if you push to hard you will scare the birds away, and you my child are like a scared bird, soon you wont be so flighty." she said laying a hand on her face.

Ava was about to thank her again when she looked up and seen the face of her husband on the tv of the dinner, she froze, all the color draining from her face, all the good memories she had just made fading from her, she was suddenly back with him as she looked into his fake cold eyes, she heard Clare call out her name but she didn't register it all she heard was his voice, "Please if anyone has seen my wife or if you have my wife we miss her dearly and want her home NOW these games need to stop. Ava if you are watching this please listen to me, I love you and can't wait to see your face again." 

Suddenly she was pulled away from the tv and outside where she was pushed into a car and buckled, "AVA!" Clare screamed as she sped away back home.

This made her snap back, "What?" she said with a dull voice.

"Ava it was just on tv he cant hurt you, he cant reach you." she was saying to her.

"How do you know him?" Ava asked on alert, scooting as far away from Clare as she could.

"Ava I don't know him, but it was clear by your reaction that he was the man who hurt you, then when he said your name I knew who it was." she said.

This calmed Ava down a little more, "Please, take me home, don't tell anyone." she asked her.

"Of course babe." Clare said so softly, but when she tried to stroke her hair she flinched away looking out the window.

She thought to herself, she was so stupid to think she wouldn't see him around here, soon someone will tell him she is here, she would have to find another place to run. After Clare dropped her off she ran inside forgetting her things and locked all doors and windows then started to pack a bag. She had almost everything packed when she stopped, remembering the words Clare had spoken to her a little while ago. Seeing the progress she had made on packing she got pissed off and threw the suitcase to the floor. Then she ran out of the house and to the main house, it was time she told them what happened and what they were about to go through if they decided to help her and let her stay here, or they would kick her out and she would be on her way to another destination.