Love in Separation

Chapter 11 - Wishful Thinking

As an avid reader, I sometimes couldn’t help but imagine my life inside my head. Usually, I would imagine things to happen based on what I read in books. Due to my relatively wide imagination, a single sentence would conjure a single moment in my head that in turn will create a massive sequence that will become a future.

None of those wild imaginations and daydreaming could ever conjure up the moments that I experience now.

Back then, the thing I would normally imagine is how Drayce would save me when I’m lonely, sad, and hurt. How he’d skillfully pull me out of my misery and take away the pain even the ones I have hidden well within.

Maybe, that’s why a lot of writers write about being saved. Deep within, maybe we all wanted to be saved.

It’s written for books, movies, or other media because normally, a savior—a knight in shining armor— wouldn’t arrive. That savior wouldn’t know telepathically the things that bring you pain.

They wouldn’t observe you closely to know whether something is amiss.

It’s a fantasy we all wish is real.

When Drayce broke up with me, despite knowing this is truly the end, I still imagined that he would visit me in my hometown one day and tell me that he wants me back.

I imagined that he will do everything in his power to come back and be with me.

When my mother passed, I always hoped he would just one day arrive and take me into his arms so I can unload every pain from grief while his warm strong arms envelopes me in an embrace.

None of that happened because the reality is, there is no such thing.

People are too logical for that. Drayce would always laugh at how I’m so engrossed with a cheesy line from a movie or a single moment in a book or manhwa.

He isn’t romantic.

Unlike myself. Hopelessly and ceaselessly.

Looking at Maralin playing and making friends makes me feel less worried. The last daycare I stopped by yesterday was the closest daycare I could find from work and as I wave goodbye to her, I reluctantly push myself to go to work.

I usually hate the first days.

Remembering faces and names are alright, but not knowing the people you are working with usually scares me.

Putting on a brave face, I smile through my uneasiness and tried my best to do my job.

This branch truly needs help with organization on their system as I found myself facing deep into the system to try my best to cover as much as I can.

After a while, I look at the clock and saw that I have stayed 30 minutes later than expected. After saving everything and organizing the paperwork I have accomplished, I clocked out and went outside.

I guess there’s always a downside to being new. Before I made it out of the back of the hotel, I heard some employees talking about me.

“So what do you think of the new manager?” One said.

“I don’t know. She doesn’t seem like she’s right for the job. She just looks too timid for a managerial position.” The second one responded.

“I know right? Besides, why can’t they just promote some of us to the position? Why take someone from a third-world country to supervise us?” The third one chimed in.

They immediately stopped with a look of panic on their faces as soon as they saw me passing by. I nodded in acknowledgment and decided not to mind their words.

The thing is, I have always been overlooked by my coworkers. Mostly because of my stature, some think that since I came from a southeast Asian country, they think I’m not educated enough and some think that I look like people can simply swallow me whole.

I’ll simply just show them through my actions.

However, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting. No matter how much I ignore it, it always leaves a bit of a sting inside my heart.

Powering through everything, I went outside and walk toward the daycare.

When I arrive, I saw Maralin waiting inside close to the door as she eats ice cream.

I know that there is an ice cream truck by the sidewalk, but I didn’t think that the daycare would allow kids to go outside to get ice cream.

Confused, I went inside and greeted her with a smile. “Hey sweetie, what do you have there?”

“Mama! The guy who gave me one of his flowers saw me and buy me this!” She said cheerfully.

“Hi, Mrs. Ibarra.” One of the staff said as she walk closer to us. “About that, Maralin saw the ice cream truck earlier and has been trying to sneak out to buy some ice cream for herself. We tried to tell her she can’t go outside but she would cry and go for the door. A man passing by seemed to have known her and stopped to ask what is happening. Maralin claimed that she knows him. We still didn’t let her out but the guy instead bought the ice cream for her. When she was pacified, he left.”

“I see. Yeah, she met the guy when we were eating out. Although I must admit I haven’t seen him myself. If he ever passes by and all, I don’t mind her making friends with him, just keep an eye out for her for me will you?” When I look down at my daughter cheerfully eating her ice cream, I couldn’t help but smile warmly from happiness. “After all, he is by far the first friend she met.”

When we got home, I felt so exhausted that I wasn’t able to change before I lay down on the couch.

Not wanting to prepare food, for now, I decided to order some more meals and wait for them to arrive.

“Mama, can Maralin watch tv?” She asked.

“Okay, sweetie. But don’t change the channel okay?”

“No, Mama I want Disney!” She said, about Disney plus.

Chuckling, I smiled in agreement. I reach out for the remote and help her pick the movies she wants to watch.

After picking Brave, we started watching it with Maralin hugging her dinosaur plushy when my eyelids started to feel heavy.

The one thing I strive to do is to always monitor my daughter as long as she is awake so, despite my exhaustion, I fought hard in the battle against drowsiness until everything went dark.

“What did you just say?” I ask as I smile through my confusion.

“You heard me. I want you to pick the engagement ring.” Drayce said smugly at me as we sit next to each other while we watch hacksaw ridge in the living room.

“Why? Don’t you want to choose the ring yourself?”

“I would but to make sure you won't regret the ones I choose and replace it with something else or worse, leave me because of my poor choice, then might as well choose it yourself so I can guarantee your happiness..” He said as his eyes now locked into mine. He snakes his arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him before speaking again. “…and you at my side.”

With my cheeks burning up, I looked away and chuckled. “What makes you think I’d leave you?”

Drayce planted a soft kiss on my cheek before speaking. “Well, I’m not exactly a good guy. I might do something one day you’ll hate me for. The one thing I did not want you to not like is the ring that signifies my love for my one and only woman.”

Not being able to contain my feelings, I look up at him and smile with my cheeks still warm. “Alright, I’ll choose the ring but it doesn’t mean I’ll leave you for your poor choice.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you too…”

The growl of the bear suddenly woke me up from sleep.

As I take in my surroundings, I realized I nodded off for the majority of the movie. I felt a bit of relief upon realizing Maralin didn’t take notice of me sleeping. Disappointed in myself, I massaged my head and sigh as I remember my dream.

If only that were true….

After a few minutes, our food was delivered and my daughter and I enjoyed our dinner as we continue to watch another movie.

When Maralin’s done brushing her teeth and reading for a bit, I tuck her down and make sure all her plushies are situated around her the way she always likes it.

“Sweetie, I know you are friends with the man you met before. You know, the one who gave you the flower and ice cream?” Maralin smiled at the mention of him which warmed my heart. “But I would like for you not to receive any other gifts from him until I meet him okay?”

“Okay, Mama. I won’t.” Her smile partially disappear but her eyes started to close.

When she fell asleep, I could only find myself smiling and being grateful that despite myself, Maralin grew to be this sweet child.

After kissing her goodnight, I turn on her night light and head back to my room.

Seeing Drayce again doesn’t mean he’s back again in my life right?

We were never clear on anything and we never exchange numbers or anything at all. I may have unblocked him but it’s not like he knows it.

As I ponder on the matter, I found myself sleeping. In my dreams, his face resurfaces and no matter how much I deny it, I feel happy. Even if it’s just in my dreams.