Just Once When We Fall Apart

Letter

Hindi ko kayang isiping niloloko nga ako ni Cluster. Ayokong isipin yun.

We said goodbye to each other. Sa anak ko din. Hinayaan nila kaming umalis dahil masyado nang mapanakit ang mundo na kinakaharap namin. We need to heal we need to ease the pain what our did.

Nang makasakay na kami sa eroplano ay tinanong ako ng anak ko

"Mommy,bakit po maiiwan si daddy? Hindi na po ba nya tayo mahal"

No,anak your dad loves you so much. We need only time to heal and time to ease pain. We hurt each other so i need to let go.

Umiling ako "Daddy loves you darling. He loves you very much. The truth is we need to lost this city because there's something hurt us"

"Gaya po ng ano?" Tatay mong bonak anak

"Anak, that's private thing."

Tumango na lang sya at hindi na nagtanong pa..

"This is Philippine Airlines Flight 4578 is flight go to America. Keep the safe in flight, passenger. Please turn off your Cellphone or Gadgets when we take off"

Sabi ng Flight attendant at pinatulog ko muna ang anak ko. Tumingin ako sa labas ng Airplane.

I want to say sorry to you,cluster. Ang sakit na eh. Ang sakit makitang kasama ang ex mo sa office mo. Halos mahubad na ang damit nya at damit mo. I want to stay but i keep in my mind that wag akong magpasakit. Parehas tayong nasaktan. Pareho tayong nawalan. We lost our child. Our second angel. We lost it. I lost it dahil sa stress,frustation,sa pain. The s*x video that keep in my mind. Naiisip ko pa din yun kapag nakikita ka. Pasensya na kung ngayon na to masasaktan kita. Pero kung makahanap ka man ng iba alalahanin mo laging mahal na mahal kita. Mahal na mahal kita cluster. I hurt so much. I hurt so bad. We need time. Time to our self's to take care of our life. We need to grow apart. This just once when we fall apart.

TW: LANGUAGE AND THREATS

CLUSTER

Naalala ko pa yung araw na may niligtas akong batang babae. She asked my name but i refused to answer. Nasaan na kaya sya?. I looked up to the sky and i saw all the twinkle stars.

Tinapik naman ni kuya ang balikat ko at tumingin ako sa kanya. Kumuha sya ng isang piatos at bibigyan sana ako pero hindi ko tinaggap

"Iba ka din no? Pati piatos inaayawan. Sana all. Kanina pa malalim iniisip mo. Ano bang problema?"

Umiling ako "i was thinking about doon sa girl na nailigtas ko "

"Nalaman mo ba name? Maganda ba?"

She's like the angel "yeah, she's like an Angel."

"Anghel na bumaba sa langit. Sana all.".

Natawa na lang ako "pero natanong mo nga ang name?"

"No,i didn't but she said her name"

Kumuha sya ng isang pirasong piatos at kinain nya "anong pangalan?"

"Hindi ko na matandaan pero I ang unang letter ng name nya"

Tumango tango lang to "maya laro tayo pogs?"

Umiling ako "may assignment kami kuya"

"Sipag mo naman kapatid,pwede makihingi ng kasipagan"

Hinampas ko ang braso nya at tumawa naman sya "hindi biro yun uyy"

"For me it's still a joke. Stop that."

...

Kinabukasan ay pumunta na ako ng school. Hindi sumabay sakin si Kuya dahil nga may nakilala nanaman syang babae. I studied only and hang out with my Friends.

"Ang dami nating assignment suko na ako"

Natawa naman kami "RIP Freed grade 6 pagod nang mabuhay. Sana all. Minor"

Binatukan naman nya si Syvon at tumawa ako "Maka minor to. Minor ka din naman ah. Minor na babaero."

They always like that and me. I study harder. Gusto kong magtapos ng pagaaral i have million dreams to be untold and i want to have it.

"Focus sa pinagaaralan nyo hindi sa babae"i said.

I'm respected person. Dahil doon madaming nagkakagusto sakin pero ako. Nah i don't like them.

...

I walking down at the hallway nang mabangga ko ang isang mistisang babae na naka shades. The heck?

Lumingon sya at tumingin sakin "sa susunod kilalanin mo binabangga mo"

Natawa naman ako ng bahagya "excuse me. You're the one who have a shade. Ikaw ang bumangga sakin"

"Inaakusahan mo ba ako? Ano ka ba? Future lawyer or prosecutor?"

Future mo

"It's none of your business"

Umalis na ako doon baka magkagulo pa.

...

Nang gumabi na ay umuwi na ako. Napansin kong wala pa si kuya "ma,si Kuya?"

"Nakikipaglaro kay Isabella.... Sa bagong anak ng yaya natin"

"Anak? Sino?"

"Basta anak ng kasambahay natin. Be good to her ah"

Tumango na lang ako at pumunta ako sa garden. I saw him laughing with a girl. Mukhang cheap naman. Pero close agad sila ni kuya? Sana all.

....

Habang kumakain ako sa canteen ay may lumapit saaking babae wala kasi sila freed at syvon.

"Can i join you?"

Tumingala ako kunh sino ang nagsalita at yung babaeng nakabangga ko pala.

"Ikaw yung kahapon diba"

Nahihiya syang tumango. Tumango na din ako.

"I'm sorry, kahapon."

Tumingin ako sa kanya. "I'm sorry tho. Ahmmm what's your name nga pala?"

"Shantie,Shantie Hershey Heneras"

Ganda ng pangalan nya. We would talk and talk hanggang magkaayos kami

...

5 years past

Nandito kami sa park ngayon. I'm scared that she reject me. I have feelings for her so many years na. Ayoko masira pag kakaibigan namin..

"Bakit mo nga pala ako pinapunta?"

Kinakabahan ako "Shantie,i have say something to you"

"Ano yun?"

"I like you"

Tumingin sya saakin at mukhang gulat sya. Omg please sana wag nya ako ireject.

"I'm sorry"

Ouch! Wasak ang puso ko

"I'm sorry but i don't like you" pinalala nya pa.

Napakamot na lang ako at ngumiti ng pilit "I'm sorry. But we can still----"

"I love you, cluster. Yeah but i didn't like you but i love you."

It feels like music to my heart. My heart beats faster.

....

We got relationship when we're done in highschool. Pinaramdam ko sa kanya ang tunay na pagmamahal. But i secretly fall to Isabella.

"Love, happy 3rd anniversary. I hope you like it" she said and binigay nya saakin ang isang kahon.

"Bakit medium size?"

Nanlaki ang mata nya "you want big?"

Tumawa na lang ako at umiling. I opened the box and i saw the Picture of us while kissing under the moonlight. Picture of us while reading a book. Picture of us while walking and laughing at the street and more pictures.

"Where did you take it?"

Tumawa naman sya "ahmmm......sa laptop mo. I saw it. Sorry if i check it. But i didn't check your social media accounts i just checked your photos and videos."

Kinuha nya saakin ang box at may kinuha sya doon.. it's a Camera at napakunot naman ang noo ko.

"What i will do?"

Tumawa naman sya "takot ka ba sa cam? Just checked it"

"I have trust on you"

"It's not about trust ok. Just checked it"

I checked the camera and i saw my self holding a guitar and sing a 'Hiling'

"Ito ay isang dalangin....Huwag sanang ipagkait....Matagpuan na ang hanap....Na pangarap....Na pangarap"

Ngumiti naman ako at napatingin sa kanya. She smiled at me and tumingin ulit kami sa video.

"Kasalanan nga bang umibig?.....Parusang lungkot ang hatid.....Lamig ng hangin ang yakap.....Tuwing gabi......Tuwing gabi"

We watched together the video and we both contented that time.

.....

Sa loob ng ilang taon na iyon. Naging masaya kami pero parang ngayon sa buhay ko....hindi.

Pinipilit mang itago

Hindi kayang maglaho

Ang mga katanungang tulad ng

Now it's our date pero mukhang hindi sya darating. And i got received some text to her.

From: Love

Meet me at the park right now

Napakunot ang noo ko. And immediately meet her there and i saw her swing at the children's playground. Agad ko syang pinuntahan at tumingala sya saakin.

"What are you doing here? We have date now?"

Tumayo sya at binigay nya ang kwintas saakin. The Love necklace. Bakit binalik nya? It's there mean.

"I'm breaking up with you, cluster"

My heart fell. My heart. Tapos na kami sa college tas eto regalo nya saakin?

"Tell me, That's a joke? "

Umiling sya "no, it's real. I don't have relationship with you anymore. I'm tired"

"Tired? It's our 4th anniversary and now you're tired? Because of what? Because you have someone else?"

She shake her head at tumingin sakin "I'm going to paris. Maybe I'm not going back again"

No...this is can't be.

Bakit parang sa'kin lamang may galit

madayang tadhanang di namamansin

Wala na bang karapatan

Na pagbigyan ang hiling?

"You know how much i need you,Shantie. You said you love me. Please stay with me"

Umiling sya "this is my dream. I don't want waste it for us. Please. Cluster let me go"

Umiling ako" hindi ko kaya. Ayokong mawala ka saakin."

"You have too. Don't stay with me. We need time and to heal."

Lumilipad ang aking isip

Bigla na lang napapailing

Wala na ngang mapagtuunan

Ng pansin

Ng pansin

"Please shantie wag ganito"

Niyakap ko sya at nagpupumiglas sya pero hindi ako nagpatinag. I want her more than what i need. I need her hindi sya aalis.

"Hindi na ako babalik,Cluster"

Umiling ako " Aantayin kita kahit matagal ka pa babalik"

"I love you but i need to go"

Bumitaw na ako at hinayaan ko na lang syang umalis sa piling ko.

Pinipilit mang itago

Hindi kayang maglaho

Ang mga katanungang tulad ng

Tulad ng

Kasabay ng pagbagsak ng mga luha ko ay pagbagsak din ng malakas na ulan. Napaluhod ako. We broke up at September 23. To our 4th anniversary. She left me. She left me for her dreams. She said she never coming back again.

....

Time at the time,day by day, months by Months and year by year. I missed her. I almost ruined my life because of her. Para makamove on tinuon ko sa alak at pagtratrabaho ang sarili ko. I love her very much but she left me that day.

"Pre,tama na masyado ka nang nagpapakalunod dyan. You need to rest"

Umiling ako "I don't want too. As long as i live i want to focus here. Para maiwasan ko syang maisip."

"Hindi naman kasi yan ang pagiwas. Ang totoong pagiwas ay acceptance. Hindi yung nagpapakalunod ka at parang sya lang ang babae sa mundo. Tandaan mo hindi sya kawalan pre."

Hinampas naman ni Syvon si Freed "Tanginamo.kawalan ang Kapatid ko no"

"Kapatid mo nangiwan sa bestfriend natin."

"She's have a reason"

"But her reason is not acceptable" malamig kong saad at lumabas sa office ko. Nagcheck na lang ako ng ibang patients ko.

....

I saw kuya isaak holding a bouquet. Lumapit ako sa kanya at ngumiti naman sya saakin.

"Uyy bro."

Niyakap ko sya at tumawa naman kami "masisira ang bulaklak, BTW! Anong ginagawa mo dito?"

"Dindalaw girlfriend ko"

"GF? I thought you don't have?"

Umiling sya "papakilala ko sya later. Asan pala yung office ng obygyne?"

"3rd floor,samahan na kita?"

Umiling sya "wag na madami ka pang ginagawa eh"

Umalis na sya at naground na lang ako.

....

"Meet Isabella ma,my girlfriend"

I didn't expect yung kalaro lang ni kuya ay may gusto sya dito?

"Oh, You're the childhood bestfriend of my son right?."tanong ni mom at bumaling saakin "OMG did you meet my second child? He is it"

Ngumiti ako "I'm Cluster Weyn Mendoza"

"Isabella, Isabella Lana Arravelo"

We talked that night and i felt something on her.

....

Fast few Years

Ang ganda ng buhay ko. But Kuya and Isabella doesn't work out

"Hindi ko na sya mahal ma. Ni wala nga syang pake sakin eh. Puro na lang trabaho"

Umiling si mom "She doesn't deserve you. You deserve more than her ok?"

"I love Alicia ma. My heart is for Alicia right now"

Inirapan ko lang sila "You cheated and now parang ikaw pa ang biktima. Pavictim ka din no. "

He impregnate some woman,He f****d up but now he's trying to being victim? Does it good? f**k him.

"Wag kang makasabat dito."

"And why? Because ayun ang nalaman ko? Tsk"

Umalis na lang ako doon sa sala.

.....

I always see Isabella trying to be strong and happy. But i see in her eyes is pain and unloved. She always go with Josefina and Draisine the nurses here.

One time i heard there conversation. I don't knows they talking about but i feel it was her sister. Alicia.

"Ano? Ikakasal na sya? Grabe kala ko pa naman kayo ang ikakasal. Umasa ako 100%" sabi ni Draisine.

It hurts to her that she's not the bride.

"I know it's hard but i keep picturing to my self. That i can be happy and Don't be lonely." She said

(Background music: She will be loved by: maroon 5)

I'm proud of her. I'm very proud. Kahit ganun naging matatag sya but I know if wala ang mga kaibigan nya durog na durog na sya.

Beauty queen of only eighteen

She had some trouble with herself

He was always there to help her

She always belonged to someone else

"What's your plan now? Hahayaan mo na lang ba ang lahat?"

Tumango naman sya "Ayokong mawalan ng ama ang pamangkin ko. Yeah malaki ang kasalanan sakin ng kapatid ko but i know that i will forgive her someday. Someday that was full forgiveness not temporary."

"You've been so much pain. You love acting you're ok. You're fine and even you're happy. Kahit naman sa sarili mo itinatatak mo lagi you deserve this. Alam naming kapag wala kami sa tabi mo iiyak ka. Tatanungin ang sarili mo. Bakit nya nagawa sakin iyon?"

Ngumiti naman sya "Sa tingin mo. Mababawasan ba nyan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko?"

She's right. She's so broken and feel unloved. I love her too but she's fall in love with my brother.

"Ano ka ba, Josefina? Matapang na yan kaya na nya sarili nya. Makapgdisisyon nga wagas. Hindi man lang nagpapakunsulta satin. Hayaan mo sya."

Binatukan naman ni Josefina si Draisine. "Shunga malamang hindi sya kukunsulta satin dahil sobra syang nasaktan. Ikaw namapaka bitter mo."

....

1 year past

Sinundan ko pa din sya kahit saan. And she ended up in bar drinking with her friends. Tumabi ako pero nakacup ako at pinapakinggan ko lang sya. When she shouted to bartender guy i laughed in my mind. But when she enlightened to her feelings to my Brother. Even my brother is married now.

"Hindi ko pa din alam nasasaktan akong makita si Isaak kasama si Alicia. Gagi mga men mahal na mahal ko pa din sya"

That line made my heart broken. Nalulungkot ako para sa kanya. She wanted to be love not to be unloved.

I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door

I've had you so many times but somehow I want more.

When i see her crying i feel so sad for her.

When she get drunk she get danced in dancefloor. I danced too but suddenly she said to me.

"Sayaw tayo?"

I grab her wrist and we danced. After that we end up love making.

....

I asked her for another round but she refused it. I have mind pa naman kagabi. I remember all the details. I remember too that i never used protection. I mean i have condom but i lied that i used it. Actually hindi talaga.

"This is our last meet sana hindi na maulit to"

I chunkled what she said. OMG ano ganun na lang? I want to loved her.

"Grabe pagtapos mo iungol ang pangalan ko sa buong magdamag iiwan mo lang ako? Aba hindi naman pwede yun"

Alam kong maiinis sya doon pero ayoko na talaga ulitin. I want to respect her.

.....

Pinilit ko sya nang pinilit. Even she walk or runaway with me. I will find a way to get her again and stay with my arms. I know my family doesn't want to her because of there past. I know that it hurts to see that my love is crying without me. I want to comfort her

I asked Alicia where is her sister

"Pampanga, she's living there for 3 weeks bakit ngayon mo lang hinanap sakin? Your parents doesn't want my sister. And they envy to me too. Huh."

Umiling ako "I promise to you ibabalik ko ang ate mo. And if i found her there's no escaping to me because I'm willing to escape with her. As always"

Inirapan nya na lang ako at sinamahan nya ako sa Pampanga. We asked her parents where is she and i knock to her door.

....

"Inay bakit po inaantok pa ako"

She said when i knock. She didn't even opened her eyes. Umiling na lang ako at napangiti.

"Lazy,lazy woman"

Napamulat naman sya agad ng mata at umiling na lang ako. Haysttt dapat masanay ka na sa kagwapuhan ko.

"Bakit ka nandito? Paano mo nalamang nandito ako?"

She asked me that way.

"Sa sister mo. Kung hindi ko lang nalaman na buntis ka edi sana galit pa din ako sayo"

I joked to her and tumaas naman ang kilay nya..haystt.

....

Inuwi ko sya sa syudad kahit ayaw nya. But my parents doesn't want her but me..i want her badly. Nang malaman kong sinasaktan nila ang asawa ko ay agad ko syang nilayo doon. I brought house for our future family.

....

My wedding comes out. I'm thankful that i have my own family that i can love forever. Even more than things i will love them.

"Do you take Isabella Lana Arravelo as your lawfully wedded Wife?" The priest asked.

"I do"

"Do you take Cluster Weyn Mendoza as your lawfully wedded husband?" Priest asked again.

"I do"

Ngumiti ako sa kanya.

"You may exchange a vow and ring"

Ako muna ang unang magsalita at kinuha ko ang singsing. Ganun na din si Lana.

"I, Cluster Weyn Mendoza. Take you Isabella Lana Arravelo to be my lawfully wedded Wife to have and to hold,to richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. From this day of our wedding until to our next life together." I vow to her and i slide the ring on hed hand.

"I, Isabella Lana Arravelo. Take you Cluster Weyn Mendoza to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold,to richer and poorer,in sickness and in health. From this day until my forever and beyond. I will always love you" she vow to me and she slide the ring on my ring finger.

"I pronounce you man and wife. Groom you may kiss the bride"

Tinanggal ko ang harang sa mukha nya at ngumiti ako. I hold her cheeks and i kissed her. She responded to my kisses.

....

I'm so happy when Isabella give birth to our son. We named him Zaiver Jade Mendoza. Our son. My baby. I'm so thankful that i have great family. But when my Wife is in hospital. Isaak called me.

"Kuya? What do you need?"

He laughed so much congratulations to your son. She give birth to your son huh

"Kuya,tapos na kayo ano pa bang gusto mo?"

Annulled her. Or else i will your life make miserable.

"No kuya. You have Alicia now. Leave my wife alone. She don't need you"

Tumawa naman sya sa sinabi ko final answer? You don't want to annulled her?

"Yes, she's my wife my only wife nothing can change that. So you better shut up or else i will said this to your wife."

Tumawa naman ulit sya saya ka boy? I don't care about her. I want my happiness back.

"Your happiness now is mine forever. So I'll hang up this. Don't bother us"

I hang up the phone and block my kuya's number.

....

5 years past.

When i was in business trip. Sa bar kami nagkita ng kabusiness partner ko. We drunk and we didn't know what happened. When i woke up. There's a woman sleeping peacefully and she's naked. Agad akong napatayo at kinuha ko ang gamit ko. I don't want to say this to Isabella. She's trauma with this.

.....

My fear is come. She's so angry about happened. I don't want to see her like this. And i don't know about the video. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko mababalik ang Isabella na minahal ako at minahal ko.

....

When i was at work there someone knocking to my door.

"Come in!"

Pumasok ang magandang babae at nakablack ang sexy nyang suot. And that was my ex. Shantie.

"What do you need?"

Ngumisi naman ito at lumapit saakin. Inikot nya ang shivel chair ko at pumatong sakin.

"Please umalis ka sa harapan ko" i said to her.

"I don't want honey. I want to make you mine again."

Umiling ako. I have family now. Ayokong masira ang pamilya ko

"I have family shantie."

And there someone knocking again to my door and i know that voice.

"Cluster."

.....

She knew about the video. I don't know what to say. If i impregnate Shantie maybe Isabella leave me. Oh god no please ayoko. At nagulat ako sa sinabi nya.

"I had miscarriage, Cluster".

That words made me so hurt. She's got miscarriage and now she knew about the video. She left us in office at humarap ako kay Shantie.

"Please,take me back cluster". Pagmamakaawa nya...

"Ayoko! Wag mo nang guluhin buhay ko shantie" inis kong sabi at sinundan ko agad si Isabella.

....

I know she's in our house but no. Walang Isabella na nagparamdam kahit anong tawag ko. I called her many times but her phone is not reached. Sinundo ko ang anak ko sa school at nagtataka pa ito. Bakit ako daw sumundo. I didn't say the truth to him.

....

Nang makauwi na kami ay pinagbihis ko na sya i called her many times kahit sa labas ng Bahay namin. I hugged her but she pushed me away. I say sorry to her but she give up to me.

.....

Life without my family was so hard. I lived half alive and half death. I knew that Video was not me.... it's my brother Isaak.

"Bro,balak ka talaga nyang sirain. Anong gagawin mo ngayon? Wala sa Pampanga si Isabella."

Tumingin ako sa kanya "She's in America"

"Hayaan mo. Pupunta ako doon ako magsasabi sa kanya ng totoo. " I'm so thankful that Syvon know about this. My wife doesn't want to talk to me. I guess she needs space.

Worlds self made are so full of monsters and demons. ~ Anais Nin

ISABELLA

It's been 5 years nang makaalis ako dito sa pilipinas. Kamusta na kaya sila Draisine at Josefina. Actually tinawagan ko sila para sunduin kami dito sa airport. Babalik din ako sa dating pinagtratrabahuhan ko. Habang nagaantay kami ni Zaiver dito ay may tumawag sa pangalan ko.

"Isabella!"

Lumingon ako and dumating si Syvon at Freed. Wait? Bakit sila. Lumapit sila saakin. Dinala nila ang maleta namin at tumingin sila saakin.

"Miss ka ng utol namin." Natatawa ako sa sinabi nila.

"Hindi ako nandito para balikan siya. Nandito ako para magtrabaho. Btw kamusta si Alicia? I didn't hear anything about her?"

Napakamot si Syvon sa ulo. "Kapatid mo magiging witness sa kaso ng asawa nya."

Napakunot naman ang ulo ko "What case?"

"Murder and Rape."

Rape? Sinong nirape nya? "r**e? As far as i know ginusto nilang may mangya----" hindi ako natapos dahil nagsalita si Syvon.

"Alicia got r***d hindi nila ginusto. Nakipagbreak sya kay Jaiden. Sinabi nya lang na mahal nya si Isaak dahil pinagbantaan sya."

The hell? My sister got r***d? "Kelan ang pagpunta nyo sa korte?"

"Bukas ng alas dyes. " Tumango lang ako.

"I will come."

.....

Kumuha muna ako ng condo para saamin ng anak ko. Napilitan din akong umuwi dito dahil naalala ko ang sinabi ni Syvon sakin.

When i would go to bed may kumatok sa pinto ng apartment namin. I opened it and i saw Syvon.

"What are you doing here?"

Ngumiti sya "may i come in? May sasabihin lang akong importante sayo"

Tumango lang ako at sinarado ko na ang pinto. Pumunta ako ng sala dahil nandoon sya nagaantay

"What do you want?"

"Can you come back to Cluster? Wala akong karapatan sabihin to. But please let him explain"

"Explain how a demon he was? Katulad lang sya ng kapatid nya. Cheating is there choice. Wala na akong magagawa kung magpapakasaya sya kay Shantie."

Umiling sya "The video is not true. It's Isaak and Shantie's Affair"

Affair? "Paano? Akala ko ok na sila ni Alicia"

Umiling ito "Hindi, ayaw nya kay Alicia gusto ka nyang makuha ulit pero kailangan nya munang siraan si Cluster. Please umuwi ka muna ng pilipinas. Kausapin mo kaibigan namin."

"Bakit? Ano bang nangyari sa kanya?"

"He planning to killed Isaak by his hands. Ako na nagsasabi sayo. Ayaw namin makulong si Cluster."

I need to save him? "Uuwi ako.....pag tapos ng S.Y ni Zaiver dito. "

Ngayong gabi habang tulog na ang anak ko ay kinuha ko ang CP ko at headseat ko. Nagopen ako ng Spotify at hindi ko naman alam na saktong sakto saakin ang kanta.

(Background music Have you ever by S Club 7)

Sometimes it's wrong to walk away

T

hough you think it's over

Knowing there's so much more to say

Suddenly the moment's gone

And all your dreams are upside down

And you just wanna change the way the world goes 'round

Tell me

I walked away to him, hindi ko man lang sya napakinggan. Naniwala pa ako sa Video kesa sa asawa ko. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Bakit bumabalik si shantie? What she need with us?

Have you ever loved and lost somebody?

Wish there was a chance to say I'm sorry

Can't you see?

That's the way I feel about you and me, baby

Have you ever felt your heart was breaking?

Lookin' down the road you should be taking

I should know

'Cause I loved and lost the day I let you go

Gusto ko na ulit sya makasama. I want to say sorry to him. And take him back.

"Cause i loved and lost the day i let you go" i whispered to heaven and i cry silently.,

We lost and loved. Our hearts broken again. We both lost a child. We lost our love ones.

Can't help but think that this is wrong

We should be together

Back in your arms where I belong

Now I finally realise, it was forever that I'd found (forever that I'd found)

I'd give it all to change the way the world goes 'round

Tell me

"I wish i can say sorry to you"

No,not a sorry. It's I'm very sorry. I wish i can say I'm very sorry that i believe to the video and what i saw. I never give him a chance to explain. I love him so much with all of my heart.

Have you ever loved and lost somebody?

Wish there as a chance to say I'm sorry

Can't you see?

That's the way I feel about you and me, baby

Have you ever felt your heart was breaking?

Lookin' down the road you should be taking

I should know (I should know)

'Cause I loved and lost the day I let you go

I want to take him back. Ako mismo uuwi sa piling nya. Ako yung uuwian nya sa gabi. Ako ang yayakapin nya sa malamig na umaga at malamig na panahon. Sya ang magiging sandalan ko sa malungkot na buhay. Sya....sya lang ang pwedeng maging ama ng anak ko. I can't see my self loving someone else.

I really wanna hear you say

That you know just how it feels

To have it all and let it slip away

Can't you see?

Even though the moment's gone (moment's gone)

I'm still holding on somehow

Wishing I could change the way the world goes 'round

Tell me

Tumingin ako sa langit at ngumiti.

"Anak,how are you there? Are you tired? No....i mean anak I'm tired. But i need to be strong for your brother and to your father. Did you see your father there? How is he? He's ok? He's crying or he's happy?. I want to comeback to his arms anak."

Umiiyak kong saad. Mahal na mahal ko ang ama nila. Ang sakit sakin na iwan sya pero mali pala ang akala ko. Hindi sya nagloloko sakin.

Have you ever loved and lost somebody?

Wish there was a chance to say I'm sorry (I'm sorry)

Can't you see?

That's the way I feel about you and me, baby

Have you ever felt your heart was breaking?

Lookin' down the road you should be taking

I should know (I should know)

'Cause I loved and lost the day I let

Yes, I loved and lost the day I let

Yes, I loved and lost the day I let you go

WARNING:R-18,THREATS

CLUSTER

"Nakausap na namin asawa mo. Anong plano mo ngayon?"

Napahawak naman ako sa sentido ko. s**t bakit ba ngayon umaatake ang brain tumor ko tangina. Hindi ko na gustong bumalik sila saakin. Ok na akong makita silang masaya sa malayo kesa iiyak nanaman sila saakin

Hinawakan naman ako sa balikat ni Syvon at inalalayan nila ako papuntang sala. Pinaupo nila ako doon arghhh I can't take it anymore.

Kinuha ni Freed ang gamot ko at pinainom nila saakin iyon. Maya maya nawala na ang sakit ng ulo ko at kumalma na rin ako.

"Ok ka na bro?" Tumango ako at umupo na si freed sa tabi ko. Ganun din si Syvon.

"What's your plan now?"

"Don't tell this to my wife and son. Ayokong umiyak sila pag nawala na ako. I deserve this because I'm a jerk"

Umiling si freed "hindi ikaw ang gago. Yang kapatid mo. Sya ang sumira sa inyo ni Isabella. Malalaman at malalaman nya din ang totoo, cluster. Bro. Wag mong ilagay sa sariling kamay mo ang batas. Hayaan mong makulong ang kapatid mo."

Tumingin ako sa kanya "Hindi ganun kadali...."

MSPERVERTINE