A Sister's Long Wait.

Realization

Before I can think, I tear apart the invitation, and run to the bathroom to throw up (ur bathroom only has a toilet and sink, no shower, there is a community shower in the building). My sister is marrying my longest lasting desire. After only two years. I feel every break and pull in my heart, it's like, all of a sudden, oxygen wasn't reaching it, and it was suffocating. But, it was also like it was getting to much blood and it couldn't get it out fast enough, like it was drowning. I sat on the floor of out bathroom for what felt like forever before I finally could stand back up. 

I have to get it together, I wash my face, I can't let her ruin my birthday again. I'm going to that party. I grab my showering bag and head down to hall. When I get to the community showers, Amanda is in the stall next to mine.

"Hey, Amanda, who's party is it?" I say trying to keep my voice steady, and from breaking. 

"So you're going to come with? Yay. You are going to have so much fun, we can pick up some food before we get there. Pizza sound good? I'll call so the order is ready when we get there. I have to tell Lily, she's going to be so surprised that you're coming!" Lily is Amanda's friend from high school, I met her the day I got to campus, they were both in the dorm waiting to meet me. They both have basically bagged me to go to parties with them every weekend. Normally, I would decline, saying I need to study, or I have plans, which sometimes I did. 

"Pizza sounds great. what time are we going to leave?" My voice, though still shaky, has began to heal a little. 

"Around 8 work for you?" 

"Works great." This gives me enough time to get ready and mentally prepare myself. I want to makes sure that I look absolutely stunning, Anna may not see it in person, but by morning I want to make sure they see it online. 

Amanda is done showering before me, as expected, and when I get out of the shower, I have still two hours before we plan on leaving. I put the dress on, with three inch high heels. I decide I will work a little on my english assignment before we head out, but when I go to grab the book, I remember the torn invitation. And, once again I'm back to feeling like I can't breathe. I needed to leave the dorm now. I grabbed my purse and keys, and leave. I texted Amanda and told her I'd meet her at the pizza place. 

I didn't know where I was going, but before I could really think I was at a park a few miles from the campus. It reminded me of one back at home. It's connected to two baseball fields. 

                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm in fifth grade, and my class just got let out early for the day. A few friends and I went to the park close to our school. Within this group of friends, was Thomas Benson. He was always mean to me back then, so obviously I wasn't very happy with his being there. After an hour, a few of my friends got picked up, only four of us were left. Thomas, and two other classmates. Another hour passed and the other two were picked up. Now it was just Thomas and me. I went to sit on the swings, hoping he'd take the hint and leave, too. My parents didn't get off work for another hour, so I couldn't leave yet. He didn't get my hint though, and he followed me to the swing set. So I decided to ask him what he wanted. 

"What's your problem? Why don't you just go home?" Then he finally looked up at me, I hadn't noticed before, but his eyes looked most, and he looked tired. 

"I can't go home. At least not yet. Why don't you just go home?" He's voice seemed scratchy, weak, but firm, it was weird. 

"Mom and Dad can't get me yet. What do you mean by you can't go home?"

"Well, I could, but I like it more here. It's quieter and peaceful. Plus, I'm not completely alone." Once again he looked directly in my eyes, almost like he was pleading for something. 

A week later, he finally started coming back to school. He looked much worse though, and his eye had a slight tint of dark purple around it. He didn't look up all day. I approached him after school, he was at the swing set at the park again. 

"Why is your eye that color?" I asked "It wasn't that way last week, I don't like it."

"I'm sorry you don't like it, I can't say I do either." We sat silently for a few moments. 

"Well, then why did you make it that way? Why did you do to it?"

"I didn't try to do it, but mistakes happen." 

We sat at the park for a hour or so, before he realized the time and started to run home, he said he didn't mean to do it again, and that he was sorry. 

                                              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 I didn't realize back then, I was only 11.If only I had known, maybe I could have helped him, if only I told somebody. We met at the swing sets every day for the rest of that school year. We barely spoke, but that was enough. Silence with him was more comfortable than anything I've experienced. I may have been young, but I already was in love with this boy, who I barely knew.