Pregnancy SOS: A diary of a first time mum to be

Wait, what date is it today?

"If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s cooking. If I may say so myself” I gloat shamelessly, as I stuff my face with enchiladas, Mexican style rice and salsa sauce. Gaz looks up and nods in agreement, shoving a massive fork full of rice into his mouth.

I put my fork down and pick up my glass of wine, half looking forward to, half dreading the potential aftermath.

I take a tentative sip and swallow it cautiously. It tastes okay, and there doesn’t seem to be any immediate issues...I take a breath, and realise that actually, I didn’t enjoy the taste of that at all. I frown in confusion; this is one of my all-time favourites, I can guzzle a bottle of this down in less than 20 minutes if so desired.

Admittedly I don’t usually taint it with lemonade, but either way – the taste of it seemed somewhat metallic, and left a bitter taste after I had swallowed.

Gaz must have noticed the look on my face, as he frowns in response, “is everything okay?” he asks.

I knit my brows together and pull a confused face, “to be honest, I don’t know” I reply, hearing the uncertainty in my voice. I look up at him and meet his befuddled gaze, “erm, okay?” he replies, obviously waiting for more information. “I’m not fancying that wine at all, it doesn’t taste right” I say.

After a few moments of silence, Gaz picks up his fork and carries on eating, “Well, you have been really ill to be fair angel, it’s not that surprising that you’re not feeling it I guess” he says.

I purse my lips and think about his words for a few seconds – and (don’t EVER admit this to him!) I have to admit, he’s got a good point.

The dirty pots are left piled in the sink unwashed but soaking in warm, soapy water, the table is left unwiped with all the placemats still in place and also unwiped along with the salt and pepper pots – they’re tomorrow’s problem when we’ll adult and tidy the whole house between us, so it’s all done and sorted for the week ahead.

Me, Gaz and the 4 dogs are all snuggled comfortably in the living room, on the sofa. Well, me, Gaz and Chico are on the one sofa which directly faces the tv, and the other 3 dogs are all snuggled up on the second sofa which faces the tv at a slight angle – I don’t think they’re too bothered about watching the film though, so I doubt they’ll mind the less than perfect view.

I’m currently loading up the ps4 (yeah we have both an Xbox and a PlayStation – when we met, Gaz was an Xbox guy, and I’m a PlayStation girl, so we compromised and kept both, but have only upgraded the PlayStation so far), and I’m just getting ready to kick start Netflix when Gaz interrupts the comfortable silence to ask “baby, when are you due on your period?”

I look over at him in complete surprise at his question, “erm, bloody hell not yet, I was on just before Christmas wasn’t I?” I ask, pulling a face as I try to concentrate on remembering when I was last graced with Mother Natures’ presence.

Gaz shrugs, “I dunno, I think it was a few weeks before, because I remember being over the moon that you’d definitely be done and dusted before I broke up for Christmas on the 15th December” he replies, pouting his lips and scratching his chin in thought.

I inhale involuntary and exhale deeply as I try to think back…was it? It doesn’t seem like that long ago. Although to be fair, how long ago even was that?

“What would that have been, date wise?” I ask, feeling confused. I look over at Gaz in time to see him shrug as he reaches for his phone, presumably to open up the calendar app. “f**k knows baby” he replies, “let’s think about this – I broke up on the 15th December and you’d already been on and finished, so that’s what….a week before then?” he stops for a second and I see his brain tick as he looks at his phone and works backwards to the approximate date, “it’ll have been around the 8th December that you started your last period, give or take a few days” he concludes, pulling a matter of fact face as he looks up from his phone.

I sit on the sofa, and reach for my cup of tea as I mull over the words he’s saying to me.

“Oh. Fair enough” I reply as I grasp my cup, bring it up to my mouth and take a sip. I’m instantly drawn to the taste of the tea – it tastes really nice actually…we swapped brands when we last went shopping, and this is the first cuppa made with the new brand.

I approve – it’s very tasty indeed, much better than the previous brand we had. I notice that it’s a different colour too; it’s a lot darker despite being made the same strength as all other cups of tea I’ve made.

After a few seconds of staring at the tea in the cup and mentally dissecting the colour, I frown as my brain thinks about the words that Gaz has just said…wait…

I look up at Gaz, who staring at me with raised eyebrows and a semi amused look on his face, as though he’s patiently waiting for something. I notice he’s put his drink down and completely changed position in the time that I’ve been idly obsessing over the tea. “What’s the date today?” I ask.

He blinks at me and as he does, he puts his hands together and cracks his knuckles.

“Well, according to my phone – which has no reason to be wrong – the date is 28th January, soon to be the 29th” he says very calmly, and very matter of fact. “Ah okay.” I reply, turning around to the coffee table and picking up the remote control for the ps4 again.

It’s my turn to pick a film, and considering that Gaz picked a s**t film last time, I plan on going all out chick flick, and I intend to enjoy every second of it.

I click the Netflix icon on the screen when something suddenly clicks in my head. Hang on a second…

I drop the remote on the sofa and quickly turn towards Gaz. “Wait!” I say in a panicked tone, going completely numb.

I look at Gaz who smiles, “I see the penny’s’ finally dropped” he says, “that took you a while there, Clewley” he laughs with a loving, yet sarcastic glint in his eyes.

I blink, and become hyper aware that my mind has gone completely, 100% blank, and I’ve lost the ability to think.

I try to consider dates, but all that happens is random numbers fly around unsupervised, going from one side to the other, passing over my eyes and escaping out of my ears. I give up and sigh, “So when exactly should I have been on?” I ask, the thought of trying any longer to work it out giving me a headache.

Gaz shifts his weight again and gently shoves Chico onto the floor, who turns around and glares at Gaz with disapproval.

Gaz moves so he’s sat right next to me and turns his body to face me. “Around about the 5th of January. Well, ish” he replies, shrugging.

“And it’s what, the 28th today?” I ask slowly, thinking it through and looking at him.

He nods, “yep” he says simply.

“So I’m what….2 weeks late?” I conclude unsurely, more a question than a statement of fact. “No babe, you’re over 3 weeks late” Gaz says softly, putting his hand on my knee.

I inhale deeply, taking a deep breath in and holding it in my lungs, the burning sensation it causes feeling dull.. My mind is swimming and I can’t concentrate. I think back to the past month – the vomiting, the nausea, the random crying fit and everything else that my fragile little self has gone through.

“Baby, breathe” I hear Gaz say after an unmeasurable amount of time. I blink, uncomprehending, and after a few seconds I’m dragged back to the present, his words process in my brain and I exhale a long, unsteady breath. Then I inhale slowly, and exhale again.

After a minute or so of repeating this process, I become aware that I’m shaking slightly, although my headache is beginning to subside and my stomach is churning. I raise my head slowly and I turn to look at Gaz, with what I’m assuming is a bewildered and shocked look on my face.

It obviously occurs to Gaz that realisation has hit home, and he takes my hand and squeezes it gently.

“I don’t think that was a virus” I say, the sound of my voice sounding distant and somewhat echo-ey, the words sound unsteady and my head feels fuzzy as I look up and into his eyes. He reaches for my other hand, takes hold of it and shakes his head in reply.