Slow deterioration

Chapter 4

Kingsley's POV:

I couldn't sleep that night. I kept twisting and turning in the guest bed, which was now my forever home in the house. I bit my nails feeling nervous until I sat up. Sweat fell down my face and neck visiously. I had messed up... Big time. My mind kept on going back and forth. What was I going to tell Josie? Was I supposed to just tell her casually that her best friend's dad and I were in love... Was I supposed to explain to her that it all started as an affair? Damn, what was I to do?

My mind carried on wondering to Claire, who had put up with me, tried her best to stay strong, not only for herself or our daughter, but for me too. I always heard her crying the whole night whenever I went past our marital bedroom. Every morning her eyes were swollen, and looked like they had drowned in a black whole. They looked like small buttons on a pale, white surface. I felt bad, I really did, but I could not help it. I couldn't deny my true feelings.

I got married to Claire 7 years ago when I was 29 and she, 25. I was still unaware of my sexuality. I truly did love her. She was my everything, especially after our beautiful girl Josie was born. When I was in high school, I was very confused dating not one but many different people, alternating with different genders . My parents always convinced me that it was just a phase when I tried to seek for guidance. One day, around Josie's age, I was sitting alone at the park feeling depressed. Some handsome guy decided to sit next to me and started a conversation.

He had black hair that was cut neatly and emerald green eyes with a smile of an angel. He was about 6"3', and me 6"1'. He was lightly tanned and had very smooth skin, not only to touch but you saw it from a far.

"I was born and raised in Italy before we came here two years ago," he said, "my mama and papa are very spirtual people, they would kill me if they knew... About my sexuality."

His accent was very thick, but his english very fluent, which made me fall for him even more, right there and then.

He gave a small chuckle, "sorry I am not trying to say that you are gay or anything, it just seems like we are both in distress. I hope thats okay with you, ragazzo bellissimo."

I didn't know much Italian but I knew enough to get me around, these words I knew very well, exactly these ones. He had just called me a beautiful boy. This made me melt like ice cream on a sunny day even though it was as cold as ice that day.

"Me too." I said softly

"Sorry?"

"I- I was saying that I too have strict and religious parents. I told my mother and it felt like I was releasing a human Godzilla." I let out a small chuckle.

"So you are...gay too,no?" He asked. I looked at him and nodded.

"Well, to be honest I don't know yet. Im still trying to... Trying to figure it all out."

He nodded at that, "I get it. We have all been there."

I looked at him while he looked at the playing children in front of us observing every fine trace of him. As if he saw that i was staring he gave a small chuckle. Which made me look away quickly. To make myself look less suspicious I asked again.

"What about you? Are you fully gay?"

He gave a sigh, "yeah. I am. Just can't be me. Its suffocating you know."

I nodded in agreement, "yeah, it really is."

He then took a deep breath in and stood up. He held out his hand for what looked like a hand shake.

"How rude of me, mi chiamo Vincenzo Hollister, and you?"

I felt shivers down my spine when he said it with his hot deep soothing voice. I stood as well and took his hand.

"I am Kingsley, Kingsley Reynolds."

My eyes grew wider as he took my hand to his lips. He placed a soft kiss in the middle of the back of it.

"Finalmente ho incontrato la bellezza fatta persona (Finally, I have met beauty personified). È un onore conoscerti (It is an honour to meet you)."

His words were as smooth as melted butter. I stood there flabbergasted and memorized, unable to look away from his beautiful emerald eyes as he batted them calmly and slowly. "Yeah, me too." I said shyly.

From then on we were deeply in love. He was the most romantic man I had ever met. At that point I realised that I was who I was. I was gay and I wanted to marry this man.

After about two years he promised to proposed to me and marry me. He said he never cared about what his parent thought anymore, all he wanted was to be with me. I felt myself rocketing to the moon and back. I was excited for that day to come.

One day he asked to meet me at the place we first met. As I came with a smile on my face I saw him sitting looking down which made my smile fall.

"Vinny?" I said worried. He turned around and stood up from the bench

"Mio grande amore (My great love), you are here."

"Whats wrong?"

"Take a seat please." He said gesturing to the bench.

"Whats going on, why do you look so gloom?"

"Im sorry, Tesoro mio (my treasure)... I cant be with you anymore"

I felt my heart crashing to his words. "Wh-what do you mean, you are joking right?"

"Its my parents, they want me to take over the family business and get married to someone soon."

"But Im right here!"

"A woman, Kingsley. Not a man." He couldn't even look at me in the eyes.

"Then- then just leave everything... We can-"

"You know very well that I cant do that Lee. You know how much i need this business. There is nothing I can do now. Im sorry."

"But what about us? What about our-"

"There is no us anymore, Kingsley! No more. Im sorry. I really am. Just know I will always love you." He then stood up to leave.

"So you are choosing business of us?! After all we have built together, all we have gone through... You promised me Vincenzo, you promised me that we... That we would grow old together! How can I forget that now?!" I started to weep making my speech wobble.

Instead of saying anything productive he just turned around.

"We are only twenty years old, Kingsley. You have your whole life ahead of you. Get over it, get over me, so you can live a long happy life. I was wrong to promise you... And I was wrong to lead you on... And I apologize deeply for that. Just know I will not forget you either." With that being said he left me and got into his black Lamborghini.

I stood there, weeping as if someone had just died. After a while, I couldn't breath anymore making me pass out. A few hours later that day i woke up in a hospital bed with my parents next to me. That was the day I promised to never look at another man the way I did Vincenzo.

A year and a bit later I then met Claire that made me very happy. I loved her deeply, but I felt a rift that i could not explain. Something that did not want to me to cross a boundary. We got married a few years later after dating. Everything seemed perfect until I started seeing Vincenzo's face everywhere. On tv, on socials and which was worse he owned the company I worked for.

One day he finally recognized me. That's when everything took off. I wanted to stop. But i just couldnt, I couldnt stop loving him Until it escalated. His wife found out and that's why she started hating us, me especially. And Claire? She found out last year during the gala we went to, someone followed us into an office and took pictures of us together. At first she acted as if she never knew but couldnt help it anymore and burst just like how she did yesterday.

I wake up to Josie's voice shouting out for Claire and went out to see if she was okay. When I got close to claires room i see Josie kneeling next to the bed crying.

"Hey honey, whats wrong? Where is your mom?"

She looks at me with pure pain and hatred in her eyes, " She's gone... All because of you!"

"Wha-"

"Here!" She throws the letter at me angrily. I took it and read it. As I read, I felt my heart get a sharp pain. I lost balance for a minute making me stumble backwards.I held onto the dressing table that was behind me for support... Stuff had just gotten real.