Repeat and Retribution

Chapter 7

Different colored lights flashed before her eyes, as she moved to the beat of the music, not caring and just letting it all out.

“You know, I just realized something,” She says after chugging on the bottle of beer she was holding.

“What?” Brittany came closer to her.

“If he’s been cheating for five years, wasn’t that the same time that he got his promotion,” she states suddenly remembering it.

It still gave her that stinging pain in her chest, but she really wanted to get it out of her system right there and right now.

“So?” Brittany frowned.

She gestures her to go back to their table so that they can talk a bit more, since she wasn’t able to properly focus with all the people around them.

Crystal quickly takes the last remaining bottle on their table and gulps it in one go. The bitter sweet taste of the drink gives her a revitalized feeling.

Seeing this, Brittany quickly raises her hand to the waiter as they sat down opposite of each other.

“Another bucket please,” she says to the waiter, which the man acknowledges with a nod.

“I mean, they got back together the moment he managed to earn a lot. Does that mean I was just a back up girl, just in case he wasn’t able to win her back?” Crystal blurts out as she finishes her drink.

Eyes watering again from the sudden rush of emotions that she was keeping in a while ago.

“If you put it that way, I think yes,” Brittany says biting her lip afterwards.

Crystal bursted into tears, she couldn't believe that Clyde had been cheating on her for that long, what’s worse is that it was with his ex-girlfriend.

All those years that she thought was the happiest days of her life were all shattered and burst into dust as she realized all of it was just a lie.

Brittany was already beside her, giving her a pat on the back as she cried her eyes out. She ended up shoving her face on the table to at least hide her humiliation from her best friend.

“We’ll, look at it this way, now you see the bad side of being too in love with someone,” her friend says, letting out a deep sigh.

Raising her head Crystal looks at her. “Yeah, something I found out too late,” she sobs.

Tears already covering her whole face as she began crying again. The pain on her chest was still unbearable, she could still feel the tear and sting from everything that’s happened.

Brittany let out another deep sigh before giving her a tight hug. “It’s not too late, you’re just thirty years old, there’s more for you out there. Career, adventure, even love can be found later in life, take my aunt Shiela for instance, she met her husband at the age of fifty,” she says giving her a good shake.

That gave Crystal an added heaviness on her chest. “I don’t think there’d be anyone else, after all that’s happened,” she states.

Now that Clyde had left her, she wasn’t really sure that she’d ever trust anyone else nor even find someone as good as him.

“Damn, girl! Haven’t you learned your lesson yet or do I need to smack it to you again,” Brittany glares at her. “If you want to find someone worthwhile, you have to make sure that you’ve already found your own self.” Fiddling her fingers as she lectured her.

“How?” Crystal pouts.

“The problem with people now a days is that they try to fill that void within themselves by trying to find someone who would do it for us, like what you did with Clyde. Where in truth, we have to fill that ourselves,” Brittany says with her chin held up high.

“What do you mean?” Crystal creases her browse being puzzled and a bit confused.

The alcohol that was already kicking in already, making her a bit dizzy and light headed at the moment. So, she really wasn’t able to make out much from what her friend was saying.

She wasn’t really sure what her friend was trying to say right now as she was still too focus about the things that she had done for this to happen.

“Girl, if you don’t love yourself first, then you’ll always end up with the wrong person, because you are still utterly unsure and incomplete. You don’t know what you’re looking for because you yourself don’t know what exactly it is that you need. Thus the reason why you grab on to someone who you think will do it for you, trying to find a missing piece of that within them. You just end up with a substitute and not actually finding true love, since you’re just replacing your wants over your needs,” Brittany explains.

“How did we end up with wants and need?” She tilts her head now a bit more confused.

Brittany rolled her eyes before looking at her straight in the eye. “Duh, why did you think you said yes to Clyde when he courted you, wasn’t it because you wanted him. You gladly accepted him even though you knew he had just broken up with his girlfriend,” she scolds her, remembering that fateful day in their lives.

Crystal bit her lower lip, she ended up bowing her head as she recalled how much Brittany was against it during those time.

“You knew how much I liked him.” she just says, feeling so small and fragile at the moment.

“Yeah, I know. But looking back, did you really need him in your life? I think it ended up the other way around, considering that you were basically the money maker between the two of you. Think of all those wasted opportunities you had to let go, because he was always against it, all those job offers abroad you declined, cause you needed to be there for him, don’t you see? You would have been much better without him.” Brittany was waving her hands as she stated all of those things.

“But, he was the reason for all my hard work, he was always there when I needed a good push,” she says back, remembering the days that the man would actually lift him up whenever she was down.

“So was I! The only reason I see why he kept pushing you, is because he needed to make sure that you keep on ringing in cash. If he was really concerned for you, he would have went out job hunting in the first place, he would have been the one to work eight hours a day. But what happened during those few years, you ended up earning for the both of you. Was he the one who got those great job offers! No, that was all you. All he ever did was sulk and pull you down cause he was insecure of you. You never really needed him, you just want to cling to that idea, cause you yourself know he was really just a good for nothing! When he got that promotion, who do you think benefitted. Was it you? Hell no, he couldn’t even buy you a nice pair of underwear, cause all he was so focused in impressing and getting that b***h ex of his back!” Brittany slammed her fist on the table shaking the whole thing.

They stopped for a bit as the waiter placed the bucket on the table. Crystal grabbed on one bottle, opening it immediately and gulping it in one go.

Though Crystal didn’t want to accept it, all the things that her friend said was right on the spot. Looking back on the past years with the man.

“He said he just needed to pay his debts,” She ended up wheezing as she tried to stop herself.

The sting on her throat did not help at all, as a mix of laugh and weep started to come out of her realizing all the stupid things that she had been doing.

Letting out a deep breath as she slouched her shoulders. Brittany slapped the table once again.

“Bullshit!” the woman spouts. “That’s why I told you to make sure that the next time you go boyfriend hunting, you have to be complete and well aware of your needs. There’s plenty of fish in the sea!” she points at the dark dance floor teeming with men and women dancing to the loud and up beat music.

Crystal’s eyes wandered to the blinking lights and silhouette. The forms moved slow and in an awkward stop motion. She gave it a thought, yet there was still part of her that wasn’t able to accept the fact that she had wasted so many good years of her life with the wrong person.

“What if I don’t find anyone? wouldn’t I end up single forever like some people who get too comfortable with themselves,” she just says, still trying to contradict what her friend had said.

She was just so down and low right now that she wasn’t really thinking of a new or fresh start, rather she was still hopeful that Clyde would realized his mistake and come back to her.

Brittany gives her a good smack on the back. “That’s because they shut themselves up to other people, if you’re not going to do that, then that’s not going to happen,” she points.

That took her attention for a moment, she looked at her friend as she managed to connect it to her train of thought why he actually asked that.

“Is that what happened to you?” she says back to her with a wide grin.

Brittany raised one eyebrow at her. “Yes, I ain’t going to deny that, but I like it this way,” she says with full confidence as she crossed her arms. “But that doesn’t mean you have to be too. We’re different, you can always find love if you still want to, just not now, not like this. Just learn to love yourself first before you go hunting for mister right again,” she adds raising her chin once more.

A half smile formed on Crystal’s face as she suddenly remembered something quite relevant to her current situation.

“Why is it that you still wouldn't tell me about that guy who broke your heart,” she tells her.

She just suddenly remembered the time that she and Brittany met. On that day it was her friend that was in total disarray and crying, but now it was the other way around.

The woman quickly shoves her hand on Crystals face. “Hey, hey, hey! The topic here ain’t me but you! I’m not the one balling her eyes out because some lame excuse for a man who decided to leave her for some stupid bloodsucking w***e! Besides, my life’s no more than a big boring story of mistake and stupidity,” she spits the words out like it was stinging her mouth.

“How come you’re so bent on cursing that woman, wherein I should be the one doing that.” Crystal could not help but smile.

Brittany rolled her eyes then grunted. “Duh, because that w***e deserves it!” she gestures her hand in a wavy motion as if making a point.

“Oh, that’s why I love you so much!” Crystal gave her friend a nice and tight hug.

Knowing that her best friend had her back and that she was able to say the things she wanted and couldn't say, somehow made her feel a bit relieved.

She was able to feel a bit at ease now as she was able to let all her pain out and being able to have a nice and open hearted chat like this.

“I know.” Brittany finally managed to let out a good laugh as she hugged her back.

“Then tell me what happened to you,” Crystal insist again as she looks up to her friend pouting.

The intrigue and sudden curiosity about her friends long past somewhat gave her heart a bit of a break from all the pain, wanting to know that gave her mind something to think about other than Clyde’s betrayal.

“No is a no, you still haven’t even recovered from your own problems and now you want to listen to others, that’s not really how it goes girl!” Brittany pushes her face away as she tries to mooch her.

“Oh, c’mon!” Crystal giggles all the while trying to get the answers.

“No! Let’s just drink to new beginnings and for you finally hitting your head and realizing the biggest mistake of your life!” Brittany states as she gets a bottle herself.

Crystal just gave her a smile and they make a toast as the gulp on to their bottles of ice cold beer. By that time she was now contemplating on the things that she had done up until now.