How Can I Even Hate You?

Chapter 14

Johnny's pov

"Why don't we skip class today?" he smiled as he pats my head. I nodded as he stood up and pulled by the hand. He took my bag and entwined his hand to mine. We were about to enter the hallways but the principal was roaming around. Luckily, he entered the clinic which gave us the chance to run. "Don't let go, alright?"

We quickly ran out and quickly ran to the parking lot to his car. As we drive away, Steve kept holding my hand but with an awkward silence. I don't want to think about Reiven but why do I act like this? As if I still... like him. I never thought that this day would come, the day I'll meet him again.

Flashback...

As I get the bouquet of flowers at Smith's flower shop, I quickly ran over in the pastry shop and ordered for Reiven's favorite macarons. I'm quite excited since this is the first time we'll be celebrating his birthday together. He texted me to go directly to the park. Although the park is only 2 blocks away, I chose to ride the cab to get their quickly.

After moving out of the cab, I quickly saw him and smiled. As I sneak up behind, I slowly tap his shoulder. "Happy birthday!" I shouted but then my mood suddenly dropped as soon as I saw him crying "What happened?"

"Johnny!" He cried. He throw hsi arms around me as he hug me tightly. "I-I'm really sorry! I don't know what the hell was going on with me! I-I-"

"Okay," I said as I stroked his hair behind "Relax. Just tell me,"

"I was drinking with Blake last night in my h-house. It was only the two of us and he was only kepping me company,"

"Why did you call Blake instead of me?" 

"I-I don't know. Th-then I was so drunk, I-I didn't realize what I was doing.. So..."

"So???"

"We... Something happened with the both of us... Also I didn't tell you about something,"

"What?" I gulp

"I-I actually... don't like you ," he cries as I lose grip of the bouquet and cake."It was only a dare! But I didn't know that you would fall for me, Johnny!"

"S-so... All the things that we had done... Were nothing at all? It was all one-sided?!" I slightly push him to get him to look at me.

"The truth is, I... love Blake," I carefully get his hands off me as my mind is blank. I feel a bit dizzy. "Johnny.... I-"

"How dare you f**k up my feelings? And I should've seen that coming," I smirked as tears streamed down my face. I kicked the bouquet of flowers and the cake. 

"Johnny-" he says as he tries to reach for my hand. I suddenly flinch as I move away from him.

"Don't even try to talk to me ever again,"

End of Flashback...

"Hey Johnny?" Steve says as he waves his hand in front of my face. I realized we were in front of his house "You okay? You're crying again."

"Uhh yeah," I sniff "I'm fine." He took out his handkerchief and wipe my tears as he caressed my cheek and gave me a peck. As we moved out of the car, he hurriedly pulled me in his house."

"Honey? Is that you?" His mom shouted after he shuts the door.

"I'm with Johnny," he said. "And yeah, we're skipping today."

"Alright," she said as she walked towards us, greeting me and Steve "We won't be home tonight, so take care."

"Dinner date, huh?" He smirked "Let me guess, restaurant, hotel and making babies?"

"Oh shut up," she chuckled

"A baby sister would be great or brother," he laughed

"Okay, why don't you take your boyfriend upstairs? I'll be leaving anyway," she smiled "We'll be off for a week, are you sure you'll be fine?

"Yup! Johnny will sleepover tonight anyway and I'll be sleeping there starting tomorrow?" he nodded

"Alright, be safe and call us when you guys need anything!" she waved but then stopped and looked at the both of us again. "Or you guys can update me about anything,"

"Okay, that's enough now mom. Take care," he said as he pulled me upstairs. I slightly smiled and felt relieved that him and his stepmother are doing pretty well. "I bet you're relieved that I'm getting along with my stepmother."

I looked down and blushed. "Was it so obvious?" I said as he nodded and chuckled. As I entered his room, I sat down on his bed and stared at a blank space. He sat beside me and said "I'm quite glad that Dad found her,"

"And why is that?"

"She is kind, and accepting unlike my mom. That's why I get along with her well since she supports our relationship. It wasn't that hard to approach her with the things I need or advices and my father as well," he smiled as he moved closer. "She loves gays and most likely accepts everyone," He then took off this shoes and move up to his pillows to lie down. I lie down to my side and roll over to him as I put my hand on his shoulder. I buried my face on his chest and moved closer. "Sleep here tonight," he said "I'll take you to your apartment tomorrow,"

I didn't say anything or even tried to continue the topic. I don't have the courage to look at him right now. I can hear his heart beating so loud and I wanna do something but I'm scared. I suddenly flinched when he started stroking his hand on my hair. "I love you," I whispered.

"I know," he chuckled

As the morning came, I suddenly flinched when I realized that Steve was already driving. "Sorry, didn't wanna wake you up." he chuckled

"It's fine," I groaned.

"Wanna grab breakfast?"

"Uh-huh," I said and rub my eyes. "At the cafe," I mumbled as I went back to sleep.

‐----------------------------

Weeks have passed after that day, I still don't have the courage to face Reiven or even be around him. I somehow decided to skip school this week. Ace kept calling me and saying that Reiven wants to talk to me or asking I'm okay. I'm hella confused as it is. Although Steve's parents have gone back, he still sleeps here in my apartment. I sighed loudly enough for him to stop using his phone as we are here in the living room. I kept changing the channels while he is here sitting on the floor.

"Johnny," 

"Yeah?" I said quickly,hoping he would do something.

"Can you go to school tomorrow?" he asked

"No, I-I can't." I said as my mood dropped. Hoping he would give attention now but he still continued with his phone.

"Please." He said as he put down his phone and stood up. He then carried me up and wrap my legs around his waist as he sat on the couch. It's somehow weird that he is hugging me tightly. We are cuddling but not this tight. As if something's going to happen. I think I'm jus paranoid but why do I sense that something's wrong?

"O-okay, fine." I agreed. He then buried his face on my chest. I've noticed that Steve's mood since last week was like this. Unbothered, sad and somehow anxious. The atmosphere is suffocating and makes me wanna cry. I didn't bother asking since I know he won't answer me. I'm also scared as I keep overthinking which gave a hard time sleeping. The next day, I was suprised when all of my friends was waiting for me at my locker. I slowly moved backwards and slightly stumbled when I saw Reiven waiting as well. I was trembling all over but Steve held my hand and looked at me as he smiled.

Upon arriving in front of them, questions flooded me as I answered the same thing. 'nothing.' I also talked to my teachers but then everything seems fine this week since I didn't missed any tests. Thanks to Steve, I get to answer my assignments as well. I'm currently walking down the hallway but was suprised when Steve pulled me. "What's wrong?"I asked. He seems serious but didn't bother to answer.

As we exit the hallways, we ended up at the garden where Reiven seems to be waiting for us. I pulled my self away but Steve held me tighter and kept pulling me as well. "Calm down. We just wanted to talk to you, okay?" Reiven said

"W-what do you want?" I stuttered. I was becoming more nervous as the tension gets stronger. My mind went blank when Reiven suddenly said "Steve told me that you still like me," 

"W-What?" I asked. I furrowed my brows as I looked at Steve and Reiven. "How dare you- No, why?" I bit my lower lip as I try to stop myself from crying. "Why did you that? You know that I'm still confused and still giving myself time-"

"Johnny, I was just your rebound." he said as he let go of my hand. I couldn't say anything to what he just said because it's true. He was my way of moving on from Reiven. He helped me move on and I someho took advantage of it. "Tell him everything, Johnny. Tell him how much you still love him and let me go," he says as his tears streamed down. "You don't know how much it hurts thinking that you're just using me to move on. I know that and I already accepted that. But then Reiven came back and I-"

"No break up is going to happen,"

"I want you to be happier, Johnny." he looked down."I know you won't agree in breaking up. If you will not let me go... Then.. I will let go,"

"Steve, w-why?" I asked as I trembled. I took his hand and said "Why a-are you letting go? It's not like Reiven will take me back. C'mon stop saying that,"

"I love you so much and it seems that I finally give up." he said. "I know Reiven won't take you back but I just wanna give up. I can't keep this up, I'm sorry." he shove my hands away and ran quickly. I could not move or even say anything. He gave up. "You asshole," I cried.

"Johnny? I'm so sorry," Reiven apologizes as he puts his hand on my shoulder "You know, I have always wanted to talk to you. I wanted to apologize for everything. Maybe you're not confused but you just want closure. I'm really sorry for what happened back then."

Maybe what I really want was closure and not Reiven back. My stomach suddenly started aching as I groaned "Ugh,"

"Are you okay?" he asked

"Y-Yeah," I said. It's been days since my stomach is aching pretty badly. I looked at Reiven and smiled weakly "Maybe I do want closure. Thank you for making me realize that,"

He smiled and suddenly cried as he wrapped his arms around me. "I missed you,"

"You're such a crybaby," I chuckled "Friends?"

"Friends," he cried even louder. I pat his back and said "I better run after Steve,"

"Yeah! You should!" he cried. I smiled and quickly run. My stomach is still aching but I don't care. I must find him. He must be at the rooftop. As I arrived in the rooftop, he was nowhere to be found. I tried to go to our other favorite places but still nothing. He's not on our classroom as well. I tried asking Ace and the others but they only saw Steve running towards the exit. "Where the f**k is he?" I panted "The audacity of that b***h. Ugh," the aching doesn't stop but I didn't give up.

I called his stepmother if he went home but she said he hasn't. I think and think as I thought of the cafe near the karaoke store where we usually hang out and date. I ran once again and didn't bother to ride a taxi. It's only 3 blocks away anyway. But upon arriving there, he was still nowhereto be found. I talked to the store manager and told them if they saw Steve, they'd give me a call. I also gave them my number.

"Just where the f**k are you?" I groaned. Suddenly, it started raining but I didn't care much. I need to find him and I'll never give this up.