Dressed in Clover

Chapter 3 (starts October 3, 2020)

Since Becky broke up with Jack in June 2020, she is feeling a bit lonely, increasingly horny, and very desperate. She has been thinking about calling Jack again. She has been thinking about hooking up with some random guys she met online. I’m scared the guys online might not be who they say they are. I don’t want Becky to get back with Jack. I don’t want her to do something she might regret. I don’t have anyone to set her up with, but at this point, she’s so desperate she might do something stupid. I love Becky and I don’t want her to do something stupid with some guy who will probably hurt her. I don’t want her to have painegret and I’d do anything to prevent it.

I spend about a week in early October 2020, trying to figure out if I should do something about Becky’s mental state. In college this was never a problem. There were always plenty of guys to choose from and I was always there to help weed out ones I thought were dangerous or potentially problematic. Since college we don’t meet as many new people on a regular basis. Especially now with all the Covid restrictions, we don’t meet many new people at all. That’s why Jack or a random stranger online seems so alluring. Maybe if we were meeting new people frequently, I could choose to be more passive, but not in this environment.

I spend another two weeks trying to figure out what to do about it. As much as we aren’t meeting new people, I have no one I could set up with Becky. At least, I know no one who I think was good enough for Becky (To be honest, I don’t think anyone is good enough for her). I still know some of the guys that I went to high school with, but no, certainly not them.

It’s not like she is completely alone. She has me. We’re just friends, but I’m there for her. She knows I love her more than anything. Since I only see Eric about once a week, that means I’m with Becky six nights a week. She has me. That resonates. She has me. We’ve been through a lot together. We’ve done a lot together since the day we met. Our relationship is platonic, but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her (as I know there’s nothing she wouldn’t do for me). Is that really what I need to do? I already decided I need to do something. To stop her from feeling lonely and desperate, she needs someone, but I can’t think of anyone. Up to this point, I always thought I was 100% straight, but like I said, I would do anything for Becky. It has to be me. Six years of friendship has led me to do this for her.

How far do I need to go? Well, how far would get her to stop feeling lonely and desperate? Yeah, it needs to be everything, all the way. For Becky, I have no limits. Years of getting each other out of our comfort zones, well, this is just how we’re getting out of our comfort zones this time.

I spend two more weeks convincing myself to move forward with it, psyching myself up for it, and a bit of planning. I decide a Thursday evening would be best. I could usually guarantee that I’ll get home a little bit before Becky on Thursdays (unlike Friday when Becky usually gets home first). That would give me time to get a few things in order. That would also give us Friday at work with our thoughts before we spend the weekend together.

I open up a couple social media accounts to tell my story, figuring I’m using them to convince me to hold myself to it, to go through with it and not change my mind.

She is my best friend. I feel such a deep connection to her. The connection has been growing since the day we met. I love her. Yes, it’s a platonic love, but I cannot let her down. I need to do this for her.

I’m nervous, I’m anxious, but also there’s great anticipation. She doesn’t feel any of these things because she doesn’t know it’s about to happen. The night before the day I have planned, I have a hard time falling asleep. That day, I can’t concentrate on work at all. I mean, I’m able to do my job, but my mind is on what is about to happen. I know what I need to do, I know I will do it, but I don’t know how it will go. I don’t know what Becky’s reaction will be. I don’t know what emotions I will be feeling. I am risking out friendship. I’m risking our perceptions of ourselves and each other.

Love, when strong enough, will express itself in any (and every) means possible.

Thursday evening, November 5th, 2020 (henceforth referred to as “the night”), I get home from work a little bit early. I get out of my work clothes and put on more comfortable pants. I try to make sure everything is in order. I pour a glass of wine for each of us, set them by the sofa. Based on my nerves, maybe I should have had a glass before she got home. I stop myself from pacing. I sit down on the sofa, close my eyes, take deep breaths to try to calm myself down.

I know there is no backing out of this. I mean, in theory, I could back out at this point, but I’m not going to. This is something I need to do.

I hear Becky come up the stairs. My nervousness shoots back up and so does my anticipation, but anticipation wins out. I breathe out. She opens the door, walks in. I see her. Suddenly, my nerves dissipate. For her, I would do anything.

She takes off her shirt and bra, as is custom in our apartment when no one else is around. She sees me sitting on the sofa. I hold up the glass of wine that was for her. I tell her, “Here.” It is easier than trying to say anything else to get her to come over to the sofa.

Becky says, “I wasn’t thinking wine tonight, but ok.”

As she takes the glass and sits down next to me, I tell her, “Just one glass.”

I want to take the edge off (for both of us), but I want her to remember. Becky can handle her liquor (she won’t vomit), but she gets drunk very easily. I don’t want her to get drunk tonight. I just want her to be more relaxed.

She takes a sip, puts her glass down. I take a bit more than a sip, about half the glass. She looks at me as I drink. She senses something is up.

I look at her eyes. I look at her lips. In nervousness, I brush my hair back with my hands several times. I take a deep breath. I lean in.

I kiss Becky. My lips press against her lips. My lips spread her soft lips slightly apart. Waves of emotion rush around inside of me. She isn’t expecting it, but she doesn’t resist it.

I pull back from the kiss. I explain myself to her, “I can’t let you get with someone you’d regret. You seem lonely. You seem desperate. You need someone. I, um, well, I…” Instead of finishing that sentence, I interrupt myself.

I lean in. I kiss Becky again. My lips part hers. My tongue slips inside her mouth, meeting her tongue. My heart is beating out of my chest. It seems so natural. It seems so right. It felt like this is what we were meant to do all along. Despite me planning this for weeks, it doesn’t seem forced.

I know I won’t stop unless she stops me. Even before I started, I knew I could get through what I need to do. However, I knew I can’t be numb about it. There needs to be emotion. There needs to be meaning to the actions. There certainly is. These kisses mean more to me than anyone prior because my connection to Becky is deeper than to anyone prior.

I pull back from the second kiss. We catch our breaths. My heart is beating fast, but my breathing is slow. I am looking directly into her eyes when suddenly her pupils get wide. I lean in, kiss her again. Her tongue slips into my mouth. She seems to be enjoying this. I am enjoying every second of it. Our kisses are lasting longer. My left hand is on the back of her head, on her hair, on her most beautiful hair, to hold her lips on mine as close as possible.

I pull back from the third kiss for a breath. A breath is all I get before Becky pulls me in for the next kiss, her left hand on the back of my head.

We keep kissing. I move my right hand to her breasts. She doesn’t stop me. I can feel how fast her heart is beating. I’ve seen her boobs practically every day for two years, but I thought nothing of it. Now, kissing her, touching her is exciting me, and apparently, it’s exciting her too. One kiss later (standard unit of measuring time, right?), her right hand finds my boobs. Her caress certainly excites me. Her touch is as perfect as she is.

My mind keeps thinking how this is the girl I have known for years, has been everything to me except this, and how it’s always needed to be this. As we’re kissing and touching, various moments come to mind, from the time our eyes first met years ago to the time our lips first met minutes ago.

This seems so right, so perfect. Any hint of nervousness is long gone, despite me knowing what still lies ahead. An hour-ish, maybe two hours into kissing Becky, I pull back from the kiss we are in, slightly more forcefully (because I needed more than a second until the next kiss). I stand up, take off my pants to make myself completely naked. She has seen me naked before, but she’s staring at my p***y like it is something new. Becky looks a little bewildered, but I sit back down and start kissing her again.

A few minutes later, she gets naked too. Yes, I’ve seen her naked before too, but I’m looking at her differently now. She isn’t sure of where this is going. Neither am I, but we are rolling with it. She sits back down. we continue kissing. I’m excited but I’m also relaxed. I let my hands wonder from her boobs to her p***y. It’s the first time I felt one other than my own. Her p***y is moist. I start rubbing her c**t with my fingers. Soon her p***y gets wet, as does mine. I stick a couple fingers inside of her. Becky pulls back for a few seconds. I hit a spot. She doesn’t stop me. She gasps and goes back to kissing me. I want to do more.

I stand up, grab Becky’s hand with my, um, dry hand. I pull her hand, she stands up. She looks nervous. I’m not nervous, but I have lots of anticipation. She picks up her wine glass and takes a drink. She puts her glass back down and gives me a look as if to indicate she is ready. We walk to my bedroom.

She lays down first. I kneel on the bed next to her. I lean down and kiss her. That kiss was slightly shorter than our last kisses on the sofa. I pull back from the kiss, kneel up. Her breathing is heavy. I look at her naked body displayed before me. For the first time I see her body as attractive, sexy (to me. Obviously, guys find her attractive/sexy all the time, and I understood their attraction, but now I feel it too).

I lean back over her. I gently kiss her right n****e, run my tongue around her areola. Then I do the same on her left n****e. I slowly kiss down her stomach, past her navel, until I get to her p***y. I start licking her p***y, from front to back, sticking my tongue inside her. I didn’t realize I’d like the taste of p***y so much (To that point I had only tasted guy c*m). I start focusing my tongue on her c**t. I stick my fingers inside her p***y. (It’s been a while, but) I have heard Becky while she was having s*x before, usually not from the same room, but she is loud during s*x and now I’m experiencing that firsthand. She starts to orgasm. It lasts quite a while. Somewhere in the middle of her orgasm, I switch my fingers to a different spot inside of her (a spot I know that I like) and her orgasm deepens. It’s so enjoyable, so satisfying to make Becky orgasm.

After her orgasms subside, I pull my hand out of her and roll off her. I lay down next to her. We just lay there together while she catches her breath.

She sits up slightly, leans over me, and kisses me. My face is still wet from her p***y. She doesn’t seem to mind. She then kisses my neck, which causes me to gasp. She kisses my left n****e and runs her tongue around my areola, then on my right n****e. I normally don’t get this excited from n****e play, but leave it to a girl to know how to do n****e play right. Her kisses run down my stomach. When she reaches my p***y (which is already very wet), she licks slowly, deliberately, sensually, passionately from front to back. She sticks her tongue inside me as much as she could and swirls it around. She moves her tongue back towards my front and starts licking my c**t. She swears she never did that before, but she obviously knows what she was doing. She sticks her fingers inside my p***y and rubs me in exactly the right spot. Her face felt so soft on my p***y lips and my legs. I don’t think I ever orgasmed so quickly. She knows exactly where to move her fingers to extend and deepen my orgasm. Just knowing that it is Becky doing this to me, for me makes it mean so much more.

After my orgasms subside, she stops licking and pulls her fingers out of me. She spins around, rests her head on my chest, sort of between my armpit and shoulder. I could feel her breath on my skin. I’m still breathing heavily. I run my fingers through her hair, her beautiful perfect hair. We just lay there together, naked. I look down and see Becky is grinning. I smile too. It is wonderful. It is obvious she isn’t thinking about Jack anymore. Mission accomplished.

We fall asleep.

I wake up Friday morning to her mouth on my boob. …but then we need to get ready for work. As far as I know, we are still “friends”, but I suppose with benefits. Becky seems more confident this morning. She is certainly not feeling desperate anymore. We both have a lot to process mentally.

Friday is a range of thoughts, feelings. In my weeks of planning, I hadn’t thought about everything could have gone wrong. I was focused on the task. What would have happened if Becky was totally repulsed by the whole thing, or any of it? What would have happened if I started but I couldn’t go through with it? What would have happened if this became everything one of us wanted, but not the other? Would I lose a friend, my very best friend? Would it make living together awkward? If things went wrong in the wrong way, I could have very well made Becky’s mental state much worse.

Going into the night, I didn’t know if it was going to be a one-time thing or if it would become regular. I wasn’t sure, if after the night was over, if we would go back to being 100% straight just-friends again. If a platonic love is strong enough, it will express itself in romantic/s****l means when necessary. Six years of friendship, an incredible connection, a very strong platonic love, but now I have new feelings for Becky.

Love, when strong enough, will express itself in any (and every) means possible.

My platonic love for Becky expressed itself in romantic/s****l terms and hence the love itself became romantic love.

Friday evening when we get home, we greet each other with a kiss, a passionate kiss, but it doesn’t go beyond the kiss. We get topless as always. However, now I look at her in a new light. As we eat dinner, we look into each other’s eyes, but we don’t say much.

Until this point, Becky and I would talk about everything. No topic was out-of-bounds, no topic was too-much-information. However, we seem to be avoiding talking about the night. At this point, I really don’t know how Becky is feeling about it. Normally I know what she is feeling without her saying a word, but now I am having a hard time getting a read on her.

Saturday during the day is mostly normal. We catch up on housework. Every so often, we stop what we were doing to kiss each other. It’s obvious there are feelings beyond friendship for each other, but we still won’t talk about them.

I have a date with Eric on Saturday night. I’m not sure if I should go, I really don’t want to go, but Becky insists I keep it. I think and overthink about that. Is Becky’s insistence that I keep my Eric date an indication that her feelings for me are still just-friendship? Is it that she just needed some alone time to sort out her thoughts? The date is good. He could tell my mind is somewhere else, but he doesn’t say anything.

Later on, we go back to his apartment. We have s*x, one of three positions that Eric and I use. He lays down. I sit on top of him with his c**k inside my p***y. While I am riding him tonight, I think about Becky. Normally I would spend the night there after s*x, but this time I decide to go back to my apartment. Eric and I never had a strong attachment, and now it seems less. I’ve known that Eric isn’t “the one”. Now it just seems glaringly obvious. I wonder why I’m wasting my time with him. I don’t know exactly what Becky and I are or what we’ll become, but Eric isn’t my future. By the time I got back, Becky was already asleep in her bed. I go to my bed.

Sunday, Becky and I just snuggle on the sofa together, kissing on and off throughout the day. It is then that my feelings become clearer to me. I realize that I have fallen in love with Becky. Platonic love converted to romantic love, just as strong, well, even stronger.

Mid-afternoon, with Becky’s head on my upper chest, with my arm around her, as my mind is racing with tons of thoughts and emotions, what must have seemed out of the blue to Becky, I tell her, “I love you.” I must have told her that a thousand times before then as friends, but this is the first time I tell her and mean it as more than friends. She lifts her head up, looks into my eyes. I can tell she knows how I mean it.

I look deep into her eyes. Becky’s eyes are gray, but if you get close enough, you can see a tinge of green in her irises. The more I look deep into her eyes, the more green I see, the more I want to keep looking deeper into her eyes. Becky’s eyes are green!

There is a pause, a long pause. The whole world stops at that moment. My heart doesn’t stop. No, it is practically beating out of my chest. My mind is spinning. I can tell that hers was too.

After what seems like forever, she slowly leans in. Our lips touch, not much more than just touch. She pulls back, maybe an inch. The words come off her lips, “I love you.” She leans back in, we kiss. Now instead of the world being stopped, it is spinning faster than normal. She leans back on my chest. At that moment, everything seems right.

Monday (through Friday) we need to go to work, obviously. I do a lot of thinking about Becky and me at work. I know I don’t love Eric. The only reason to go out with him again is to confirm what I already know. I know I am in love with Becky. I know I love her. She said she loves me, and I have no reason to doubt her. However, I don’t know what all this means to her. I don’t know what she wants going forward.

Things at home seem really odd. We kiss. We say, “I love you” to each other, but we talk to each other less than normal. I wonder exactly what we have. I’m sure Becky is wondering the same thing. While normally we talked about everything, now we’re talking about almost nothing. Eating dinner together, we smile across the table at each other, but barely a word is spoken.

Tuesday is very similar to Monday. Practically everything said between us is small talk. I am beginning to think that I destroyed our friendship. I’m not sure where we are in the romantic aspect of our relationship either. Will it develop more or will it fade away? It is beginning to feel like there was an elephant in the room that we aren’t talking about. Becky and I hold hands on the sofa after dinner though, so that is nice.

Wednesday (November 11, 2020) evening, on the sofa, I lean over, rest my head on her chest above her boobs. I can hear her heartbeat. She strokes my hair with her hand. She quietly says, “my love.” It makes my heart happy. I put my arm around her.

Middle of the night Wednesday, while I am asleep, Becky gets into my bed, starts spooning me. She lifts my hair up and kisses my neck. Half awake, I say “you’re in here?”

She tells me, “I was lonely.”

I pull her hands onto my boobs. Then I reach over my back to grab her butt and pull her in closer. Bliss, absolute bliss. Feeling the warmth of her body against mine, feeling her breath and lips on my neck, it feels wonderful. Knowing that Becky wants to be with me feels even better.

Thursday at work, I just feel more confusion. I know what I want. Becky is my everything and I want to be everything to her. However, more doubt set in as to what Becky really wants. Thursday evening before dinner, our eyes collide. We say nothing. Internally I think to myself ‘Say something. Tell her everything. Ask her what she is feeling from this’, but I say nothing. I’m never shy around guys I like. Why am I being like this around Becky? This is the girl who knows me better than anyone, who I know better than anyone. Normally. I tell Becky everything, she tells me everything. We have no secrets. The person whom I feel most comfortable around, the most comfortable talking to, but now we’re like this. The only answer I can think that makes any sense, I was never afraid of losing a guy. I’m afraid of losing Becky.

When I walk past her room Friday morning, I see her sleeping in her bed. All she is wearing is very short pajama shorts, very loose-fitting so I can see her p***y up them. I get very turned on. On the 5th, I was turned on, in the heat of the moment, but I was doing it because I thought it needed to be done. This morning, I am turned on just by the sight of her. I go over, pull her shorts aside and start licking her c**t.

She wakes up, says “Jilla!?”

I say “I was hungry.” That morning, unlike the 5th, we are completely sober. We aren’t in-shock by the events. We do it because of the attraction between us. It confirms that the night wasn’t a one-time thing. It confirms the attraction between us is to the point of s*x, even after the night.

Friday evening, we’re still not talking about “us”, but we are talking more. Things seemed a little better. I think that we will get past our issues soon and that we’ll be a couple. Everything about being with Becky seems like this is the natural progression, that this is what we have been leading up to for six years.

Saturday morning (November 14, 2020), as I’m drying off from my shower in my room, Becky pushes me onto my bed. She tells me, “I’m thirsty” and starts licking my p***y. It doesn’t help get me dry. In fact, it makes me more wet, but I won’t complain.

It is the first time Becky initiates an overtly s****l act with me. It meant a lot to me. It’s not me just trying something and Becky enjoying. It confirms to me that Becky really wants it too.

The whole week, it was me and Becky. She was everything I was thinking about. I almost forgot I had a boyfriend.

The only exchange between Eric and I were a few texts making a date for Saturday night. Again, Becky insists that I keep my date with Eric. I really don’t want to go out with Eric tonight (or ever anymore). My main reason for going out with him tonight is to confirm what I already know. We go out to dinner. Dinnertime conversation is about the same as always with him. Later on, at his place, he goes down on me. While very good, when in comparison to Becky earlier that day, Becky is much much better. I go down on Eric. Normally I enjoy having his c**k in my mouth. Normally I enjoy when he cums in my mouth. Tonight, it’s doing nothing for me. I’m sure I’m not doing the best job, but he still cums.

I spend the night at Eric’s apartment. Lying in his bed in the morning, I make my decision on him. I don’t say anything to him. I only have a few things that I kept at Eric’s apartment. I make sure to bring them with me when I leave his apartment Sunday. I don’t think he notices. He tends not to notice things.