The Calling Dream

Chapter 4-1

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Weeks rolled past after I had my phone conversation with Miss Wanda Moore. It had been so long since our conversation that I wondered if she might have changed her mind or that maybe this Mr. Clayburn decided he didn’t need some inexperienced upstart like me for his broadcasting ministry. I was trying to be patient and determined to have faith, yet the doubts etched into my mind. I thought about going over to the Clarks to call again, but I knew they wouldn’t let me pay for it, and I didn’t want to put them through that expense again.

On the fifteenth of February, I went out after dinner to see if the mail had arrived. I pulled the mail from our box and began flipping through the envelopes while I walked back to the house. The third envelope had a preprinted return address with the name Christ Beacon Broadcasting. My hand trembled, and my heart raced briefly as I pulled the letter from the stack. I paused for a moment then rushed quickly to the porch, where I sat on the front steps and opened the letter. A crisp winter breeze almost snatched it from my hands when I pulled it from the torn envelope. Miss Moore’s business card was stapled on the upper right side.

February 10, 1954

February 10, 1954Dear Pastor Dennison:

Dear Pastor Dennison:This is to inform you that I have made arrangements for you to meet Mr. Clayburn in Nashville on March, 22, 1954. I will come to Pocahontas on the weekend prior, and stay at the Black River Motor Inn. If you need to call me there, I will be staying in Room 57. I have enclosed another copy of my business card and have written the number of the hotel on the back. Please make arrangements to meet me at the Motor Inn at precisely 8:00 a.m. on the morning of March 21, 1954, and be prepared to leave at that time. I realize this is Sunday and our travels will mean that you will have to miss church. I apologize for any imposition. However, we have a long drive to make.

This is to inform you that I have made arrangements for you to meet Mr. Clayburn in Nashville on March, 22, 1954. I will come to Pocahontas on the weekend prior, and stay at the Black River Motor Inn. If you need to call me there, I will be staying in Room 57. I have enclosed another copy of my business card and have written the number of the hotel on the back. Please make arrangements to meet me at the Motor Inn at precisely 8:00 a.m. on the morning of March 21, 1954, and be prepared to leave at that time. I realize this is Sunday and our travels will mean that you will have to miss church. I apologize for any imposition. However, we have a long drive to make.Please pack enough belongings for up to a two-week stay. During the first week, Mr. Clayburn has several appointments scheduled for screen and vocal tests. On the following Sunday, arrangements have been made for you to be a guest minister at Evangelic Temple in Nashville. Mr. Clayburn wishes to observe how a larger congregation will respond to you. You may determine whatever topic you feel is appropriate for the theme of the service on that date. We will want to know the topic of your sermon at least by Monday, March 22, so this can be included with service bulletins.

Please pack enough belongings for up to a two-week stay. During the first week, Mr. Clayburn has several appointments scheduled for screen and vocal tests. On the following Sunday, arrangements have been made for you to be a guest minister at Evangelic Temple in Nashville. Mr. Clayburn wishes to observe how a larger congregation will respond to you. You may determine whatever topic you feel is appropriate for the theme of the service on that date. We will want to know the topic of your sermon at least by Monday, March 22, so this can be included with service bulletins.If you do not have funds for a hotel, please do not concern yourself. Arrangements have been made for the two of us to have rooms at the new Vacation Inn hotel in Nashville on the evening of March 21. On the following morning, I will take you to meet Mr. Clayburn, and I believe he will plan to have you as a guest in his home for the remaining time.

If you do not have funds for a hotel, please do not concern yourself. Arrangements have been made for the two of us to have rooms at the new Vacation Inn hotel in Nashville on the evening of March 21. On the following morning, I will take you to meet Mr. Clayburn, and I believe he will plan to have you as a guest in his home for the remaining time.I am sending this letter a little over a month ahead so that you will have plenty of time to prepare. Please either call me on my business line or write me to confirm whether these arrangements will be convenient for you.

I am sending this letter a little over a month ahead so that you will have plenty of time to prepare. Please either callme on my business line or write me to confirm whether these arrangements will be convenient for you.I will be awaiting your reply.

I will be awaiting your reply.Sincerely,

Wanda Moore,

Sincerely,

Wanda Moore,

Christian Broadcasting Consultant

Christian Broadcasting ConsultantI folded the letter and placed it back into the envelope. On one hand, I was excited and looking forward to an adventure like I had never previously experienced. On the other hand, I heard myself whisper, “Oh, Lord, what have I gotten myself into?” At that moment, a stronger and cooler gust of wind whisked across the front porch, created a vacuum, and popped the front door against the facing. The thumping sound of the door might have startled me if I had not heard it all my life. That same gust almost yanked the papers from my hand and put a bite to my face, so I thought it best I go inside. I never considered that also could have been an omen.

I walked through the living room where Daddy sat listening to the radio. I knew Momma was still cleaning the dinner dishes. When I entered the kitchen, she had finished all but wiping down the table and the countertops. She glanced over to see the papers in my hands and said, “Oh, we got quite a stack today.”

I quietly pulled the letter from Miss Moore off the stack and handed it to her. She dropped her dish rag on the counter, took the letter, and examined the envelope. Then she opened it and read it while she leaned against the counter. When she finished the letter, she looked up at me and smiled a strange smile that let me know she was feeling the same kind of ambivalence I was. She pushed a breath out her nostrils so hard it could almost have been a hissing cat. “Well, you are off to see the world, my boy.” She smiled.

“Momma, am I making a mistake by doing this?” I queried. “I just don’t know. It seems so big and so far away, and I’m just a little country preacher who ain’t even cut his milk teeth yet.”

She sighed deeply and handed the letter back to me. “Ronnie, what I know is that God didn’t give your life to me or to your daddy. God helped me and your daddy give life to you, but that life belongs to you and only to you. You get to do with that life whatever you want, even if it is to mess it up, and I don’t think you are going to mess it up. The Lord may guide us, but He never forces us. The one true gift God gave, besides His love, is the gift of choice. What you do with that choice is up to you.”

“I guess I’m scared, Momma,” I said. Then I pulled out a chair at the table and sat down. Maybe this was my signal that I needed to have another one of our talks.

“Ain’t everybody scared?” she asked, leaning back into the counter and folding her arms. “Every day of anybody’s life there is something to fear.”

“What if I mess up?” I questioned. “What if I get up in front of that big congregation in Nashville and make a total fool of myself. I don’t even know how big that church is. For all I know, it could be a thousand people.”

“Well, if you make a fool of yourself” she smiled “at least you will be a fool for the Lord.”

“And then what?” I continued.

“And then you do anything you want to do,” she replied. “Honey, you can always come home. Ravenden ain’t going nowhere, but you have an opportunity that most people go their whole lives and never encounter. At least you need to find out if you are going to be a fool for the Lord. If you try and you fail, at least you will know that you tried. If you don’t try, you have failed already.”

“I’m scared like I have never been scared, a different kind of scared.” I sighed. “I’m comfortable here. I know what to expect. I pretty much know that today is going to look a lot like yesterday, and tomorrow is going to look a lot like today. I feel safe here.”

Momma walked over to the table, pulled out a chair, and sat down. Then, she leaned toward me and took my hand. “Two things,” she said. “Two things I heard before; one of them is that a ship is safe in a harbor, but setting in a harbor is not what a ship is for. You got to set sail, son. You have got to float out into that great beyond and see what adventure the Lord has planned for you. The other thing is, somebody told me one time the statement ‘fear not’ is found in the Bible 365 times. That’s one for every day of the year. I don’t know if that’s true or not ’cause I never took the time to count, but I do know that the Lord don’t want us to be afraid of anything. Faith is the opposite of fear. Faith is knowing that God is holding you in His loving arms no matter what happens. Faith is knowing that you and God can do together what you could never do alone.”

‘fear not’ A tear rolled down my cheek, and I thought of Teddy just then. “Momma, didn’t Teddy have reason to be afraid? Isn’t it likely that he experienced things in that war that tore him apart that overwhelmed him and gave him reason to be afraid?”

She looked at me, eyes gentle, but stern staring straight into mine, and a few tears rolled over her own cheek. “Maybe if Teddy had a little more faith, he would still be with us,” she said. “I know he must have seen and experienced horrible things, and then he brought those things home with him. Maybe the problem is that Teddy didn’t stop being afraid even when he was safe at home. He didn’t stop being afraid when there was no reason to be afraid anymore.” She sat back in her chair and pulled her apron up to wipe the wet from her face. “It seems to me,” she went on, “that all of life is learning how to deal with fear. If we don’t learn how to deal with it, then one way or another, it is going to tear us asunder.”