Burning Desire [R-18]

ROOM

When I got home, I took a quick shower, trying to wash away the lingering smell of cigarette smoke and sweat.

The next day, I went to my therapy session with Faith. She noticed I seemed different.

"You seem more relaxed today," she observed, her eyes studying me carefully.

"I guess I had a good night," I replied with a small smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"Not really," I said.

Faith leaned back in her chair, her expression thoughtful. "You know, Arya, we've been talking about your struggles for a while now. The pressure from your father, the expectations to be something you're not. It's a lot to carry."

"Yeah," I sighed, looking away. "Sometimes it feels like it's never going to end."

"But something's different today," she said, leaning forward. "You said you had a good night. Can we talk about that? What happened?"

I hesitated, then decided to share. "I met someone. Her name is Julia. She's older, but there's something about her. She made me feel... free, even if it was just for a moment."

Faith's eyes lit up with interest. "Tell me more about Julia. How did she make you feel free?"

"She's in her forties but looks younger. We met at a bar, talked for hours. It was easy with her, like I didn't have to pretend or hide anything," I explained, a small smile playing on my lips as I remembered our time together.

Faith nodded, a knowing look in her eyes. "You have a thing for older women, don't you?"

I chuckled, feeling a bit exposed. "Maybe. I guess I just like how they know what they want and aren't afraid to go after it."

Faith leaned back, looking thoughtful. "It's interesting, Arya. Sometimes, we seek out relationships that give us what we feel we're missing. Maybe with Julia, you're finding that freedom and acceptance you've been craving."

Our conversation shifted, but I couldn't shake the feeling that Faith was more intrigued than she let on. As the session continued, I found myself feeling bolder, more daring.

"You know, Faith," I said, my voice taking on a more flirtatious tone, "we've been talking about my problems for a long time. But we never talk about you."

Faith raised an eyebrow. "This isn't about me, Arya. It's about you."

"Still," I said, leaning forward, "don't you ever feel like you're missing something? Like there's this deep desire inside you, just waiting to be fulfilled?"

Faith's eyes widened slightly, but she kept her composure. "What are you getting at, Arya?"

"Remember that night in Boracay?" I asked, my voice softening. "We were at that club, dancing, drinking. It was like nothing else mattered. I felt alive, like I was part of something bigger."

Faith's cheeks flushed slightly, a hint of a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "It was a big mistake" she said it with no emotions on her face.

"It was more than that," I said, my eyes locking onto hers. "It was a moment where I felt connected, not just to you, but to everything around me. Like I was in tune with my desires, my needs."

Faith shifted in her seat keep on swirling the pencil, clearly affected by my words. "Arya, this session is about helping you, not reliving the past just be professional, I already mention that." I can hear her voice with authority.

"But the past is part of me," I said, leaning closer. "And so are my desires. Don't you ever feel that? The pull of something deeper, something that consumes you?"

Faith's eyes flickered with something I couldn't quite read. "Desires are a natural part of being human, Arya. But we have to manage them, not let them control us."

"Sometimes," I said, my voice dropping to a whisper, "I don't want to manage them. I want to dive into them, let them take over. Like a high, something you can't get enough of."

Faith swallowed hard, her gaze intense. "What are you trying to say, Arya?"

"I'm saying," I said, looking into her eyes with a mix of lust and longing, "that sometimes, I want to be free. To feel love and desire so deeply it consumes me. To be adventurous, to take risks. And sometimes, I see that same desire in your eyes."

Faith's breathing quickened, and I could see the conflict in her expression. She was my therapist, but she was also a woman, with her own desires and needs. "Arya, this is crossing a line. We need to keep this professional."

"I know," I said, leaning back but not breaking eye contact. "But it's hard to ignore what I feel. What we shared that night in Boracay was real. And sometimes, I think about it. About you."

Faith looked away, clearly struggling with her emotions. "That night was a mistake. We can't go back to that."

"But what if we don't have to go back?" I asked, my voice soft and persuasive. "What if we can just acknowledge what we feel and find a way to move forward?"

Faith took a deep breath, her eyes meeting mine again. "Arya, you're here to work through your issues, not create new ones. This attraction, these desires, they're natural. But we need to focus on helping you, not getting lost in emotions that could complicate things."

I nodded, understanding but still feeling the pull of what we shared. "I get it. But it's hard to let go of something that felt so right."

Faith nodded, her expression softening. "I know. But let's focus on your progress. On finding ways to cope with the pressures you face and learning how to live a life that's true to who you are."

I sighed, feeling the weight of her words. "Okay. I'll try."

A moment of silence, I couldn't help but notice how distracted she seemed. She kept playing with her pencil, twirling it between her fingers and tapping it on her notebook. It was clear that my words from earlier had gotten to her.

I can't take my eyes off of her, she's so hot and it was hard not to be drawn to her.

"Faith," I said gently, "you seem distracted. Is everything okay?"

She looked up, her eyes meeting mine, and I could see a flicker of something in them. "I'm fine, Arya. Just thinking about what you said earlier."

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. "I didn't mean to make things awkward. I know you're my therapist, and I respect that. But I can't ignore what I feel."

*Plays Cherry By: Lana Del Rey

Faith took a deep breath, setting her pencil down. "Arya, it's important to maintain professional boundaries. What we experienced in Boracay was... a brink of mistake, but we have to keep this professional."

"I understand," I said, nodding. "But it's hard. There's something--" I could not finished my sentence.

She looked at me, her expression serious. "You're here to work on your issues, not to create new ones. My job is to help you, and I can't do that if we let personal feelings get in the way."

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I know you're right. It's just... complicated. When I'm with you, I feel like I'm not alone. Like someone actually understands me."

Faith softened a bit, her eyes losing some of their tension. "I do understand, Arya. But we have to be careful. Mixing personal feelings with therapy can lead to more harm than good."

I nodded, feeling the weight of her words. "Okay. I'll try to focus on why I'm here. But can I ask you something?"

"Of course," she said, her voice gentle.

"Do you ever feel like you're missing something? Like there's a part of you that's longing for more?"

Her face grew serious, and for a moment, I saw something in her eyes that I couldn't explain-a kind of deep, unspoken longing. She paused, her eyes searching mine. "Everyone has desires and needs, Arya. But we have to manage them. It's part of being human."

That look wanted to be free. I saw it in the way her eyes darkened and her breath caught just a little.

"But what if those desires are so strong that they consume you?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper. "What if you can't stop thinking about them?"

The tension in the room thickened, becoming almost palpable. The air felt charged, like the moment right before a storm. Faith's eyes locked onto mine, and for a split second, I saw her walls come down. There was a vulnerability there, a recognition of something we both felt but couldn't name.

"Arya," she began, her voice steady but with an undercurrent of something more, "desires can be powerful, overwhelming even. But we have to find a balance. We can't let them control us."

I leaned closer, my gaze never leaving hers. "What if you don't want to control them? What if you want to let go, even just for a moment?"

Faith's breath hitched, and I saw her struggle to maintain her professional facade. Her fingers gripped the armrests of her chair tightly, knuckles turning white. She was trying so hard to stay composed, but I could see the cracks forming.

"That's not... it's not that simple," she said, her voice wavering slightly.

"Why not?" I pressed, my voice low and intense. "Why can't it be simple? Why can't we just be honest about what we feel?"

She looked away, breaking the intense eye contact. I could see her mind working, trying to find the right words, the right way to handle this without crossing the line. But the desire in her eyes was unmistakable.

"Because," she finally said, her voice soft but firm, "we have responsibilities. Boundaries. My job is to help you, not to get lost in personal feelings."

I reached out, and my face was so close to hers, not quite touching but close enough to feel the warmth radiating from her skin. "But what if those personal feelings are part of the healing process? What if acknowledging them is the first step to moving forward?" I said while looking into her eyes, facing each other with an inch of distance.

Faith's eyes snapped back to mine, and for a moment, there was raw emotion there-desire, fear, confusion. She was on the brink, just as much as I was.

I sat frozen in disbelief as Faith's words hung in the air. "Arya, please leave, I can't continue our sessions. I will set you up with another therapist," she said, her voice strained. Standing abruptly, she opened the door and gestured for me to go out.