Burning Desire [R-18]

THE WAIT IS OVER

I woke up but didn't see Megan in my bed. I was naked with a blanket covering me.

I remembered everything.

"What the heck did I do?" I muttered.

I got out of bed and went directly to the refrigerator to find ice cubes that could alleviate the heat and the ache in my head.

Sinipat ko ang orasan sa pader, nakita kong mag a-alas dyes na nang umaga.

Napaupo ako sa kama at dali-daling kinuha ang cellphone para tawagan si Megan.

It kept ringing, but no one answered the phone.

Napatampal nalang ako sa noo ko dahil sa nagawa kong katangahan na naman.

Inilapag ko ang aking telepono at humiga.

Huminga ako ng malalim habang nakatingin sa kisame.

I heard my phone's notification. I hesitated to open it, but I remembered that Megan might have texted me about last night, the stupid things I did.

However, the text didn't come from Megan. It was from the counseling center I was attending, the one my dad funded.

"Miss Cruz, please come to the office in the afternoon. We need to talk about your therapist. As a client, you have the right to know, and we also need to settle things."

Iyan ang nakasaad sa text message. Umiling-iling ako dahil andami ko ng problema dumagdag pa ito.

Wala akong choice kundi pumunta at naka schedule ako ngayon na pumunta sa mansion. Wala na rin akong planong pumasok, para saan pa.

After a few minutes of taking a bath, I chose to wear trousers with a long jacket, a scarf, and black heels.

I'm so tired of everything. Kung hindi siguro ako uminom kagabi hindi sana ako tatamarin mabuhay sa mundo.

Alak lang nagpapagaan sa buhay ko.

I quickly grabbed my car key to drive to the center. I pressed the button several times, but my car in the parking lot didn't make a sound. I placed the car remote against my forehead to extend its range.

Well, don't blame me. I just saw it on t****k, and it seemed to work.

However, my car still didn't make a sound.

Then I remembered that I had left my car in a parking station at a bar last night, which is half a minute from here.

"I hate booking a Grab, no I hate my life," I muttered to myself as I tapped my phone.

After a few minutes of waiting, a taxi cab arrived in front of me. I hopped in and instructed the driver with the full address of the center.

"Good morning, Miss Cruz. We are here to discuss your new therapist as we are saddened to inform you that Mrs. Ramos passed away yesterday," the head of this center explained as I was shocked by the sudden news.

I did not expect it to happen this way. The last time we spoke, I was angry with her for not trying to understand my perspective after months of trying to make her understand.. We argued, and I left her office rudely.

"I... I don't know what to say. Uhmm, I had an argument with her during our last session, and now I'm hearing the news that she has passed away," I was speechless. I couldn't grasp the news being thrown at me, and I felt guilty.

She patted my shoulder. "I know. We are deeply saddened by the news, and we are concerned about how you will handle this."

Maybe they were not just workmates but close friends.

"I am here to let you know that we've already found a replacement for Mrs. Ramos. I understand it may seem too soon, but we don't have time to mourn in situations like this," she said with empathy in her eyes, which were still red from crying.

"No, I will talk to my dad about this. I can't continue this. I have so much to do, and I don't want to deal with this kind of difficult situation," I said, frustration taking over. I was exhausted from attending and explaining my daily life or whatever was happening to me every three days a week. I have to spend 2 hours for every session!

"It's not for you to decide," she calmly replied to all my complaints.

"I don't want to be a part of this anymore. I don't want to continue," I escalated.

"Maybe you just need to take a moment to relax, Ms. Cruz. I understand this is challenging, but you need to realize that these therapy sessions are essential for you to make progress and overcome whatever you're facing right now."-I can hear her calm voice as she continues speaking.

"Hindi mo naiintindihan eh, ayoko na, ayoko ng ipagpatuloy ang ganitong session. 6 months and still pabalik balik ako dito. Wala namang nangyayari, nag aaksaya lang ako ng oras! "- My voice began to get louder as I continued to speak.

"I understand you because this is our job to understand and to put ourselves in your shoes. Just continue to attend every session. You know the rules. Skipping two sessions is really detrimental to your record. We all have different coping mechanisms, and your therapist has their own methods. I sincerely hope you reconsider," I am frustrated with this person because no matter how I express my frustration, she remains remarkably calm responding all my tantrums.

"Don't be too hard on yourself," she added while standing up and offering her hand to shake.

Wala akong nagawa kundi makipag kamay nalang, iritado mang lumabas sa private centre ay wala na akong nagawa.

Habang nasa byahe ako ay lutang lang isip kong nakatingin sa kawalan.

Mas bumalik lang sa isipan ko kung anong nangyari saming dalawa ni megan.

Alam kong mali pero bakit nagawa ko parin yung bagay na yun, yun lang ang tanong na pumapasok sa isipan ko hanggang makarating ako sa mansyon.

Binati naman ako ng mga kasambahay pagkapasok ko, dumeretsyo ako sa kwarto ko kung saan hindi man lang nagalaw ang mga gamit kung paano ko iniwan ganun ko rin nadatnan ngayon.

Ilang katok ang narinig ko sa may pinto bago ito bumukas. "Senyora pinapatawag ho kayo ni sir Felix" -iyan lamang ang binanggit niya bago tuluyang isinara ang pinto.

I stood up and took a deep breath.

I couldn't bear to see his old, grizzled face.

Why did it have to be you, ma? Why couldn't it have been him?

I walked slowly into the office of the mansion, and with each step, my heart pounded faster.

I stopped in front of the door and slowly approached the doorknob.

"Just inhale and exhale, Arya," I kept saying this to myself, but I couldn't make myself do it.

I opened the door and saw him standing by the window, looking outside.

"What took you so long to come into my office?" The authority in his tone echoed through the room.

My mouth wouldn't open.

He turned to face me, his gaze traveling from head to toe.

The way he looked at me made me feel like a pathetic creature.

"I just came from my room," that's all that came out of my mouth.

I kept my eyes glued to the floor, hunched over.

I heard his footsteps slowly approaching me.

All I could hear was my heart, beating so fast that it made me break into a sweat.

"How are your friends?"- My heart skipped a beat when he asked about my friends.

I still stood there, staring at the floor, while my heart raced.

"T- they're fine,"- I uttered, my voice trembling with nervousness.

He walked back to the window, where he had been looking outside a while ago.

He asked about my friends.

Perhaps he's starting to like my friends, the people I want to be with.

He rarely asks about my friends, whether I have them or not. Sometimes, he's the reason why I distance myself from people who could have been my friends.

So it's puzzling why he suddenly asked that after what he did in Boracay.

"Have you achieved something?" - makahulugang tanong nito sa akin. Patuloy pa rin itong nakatingin sa labas, hindi natitinag ang barakong pagtayo nito.

Nagdadalawang-isip ako kung anong dapat kong isagot sa kanya dahil wala akong maisip. Mabilis pa rin ang t***k ng puso ko, 'yun na lang ang tangi kong naririnig.

I used to have more friends, playing with people the same age as mine.

Naalala ko pa dati na pinaghahanda pa kami ng chocolate cookies ni mama kapag tapos na kami maglaro ng mga kaibigan ko sa school.

Umuuwi kami, nagd-drawing maghapon, nagtatawanan, at nanonood ng classic cartoons habang nakatingin lang sa amin si mama.

My mom is my guardian angel, lagi niya akong pinagtatanggol sa mga nakakaaway ko, lagi niya akong pinapatahan kapag umiiyak ako dahil natatalo ako sa laro o dahil napipikon sa mga kalaro ko.

Pinagda-drive pa niya ako dati kapag gusto kong lumayo sa lugar namin, umiiyak ako sa sasakyan habang pinapatahan at kinakantahan niya ako. Nagsasabi pa siya ng joke na kahit ilang beses ko nang narinig, nakakatawa pa rin.

But life tends to change since she passed away due to a car accident.

My dad is always like that, bossy, dapat siya lagi ang nasusunod.

But my mom is the opposite. She's sweet, caring, loving, and always makes the situation at ease.

Simula ng mamatay si mama, mas lumala si dad.

Lagi niya akong pinapagalitan. Laging dapat akong sumunod sa mga rules niya, mga instructions, at lahat.

I feel numb as I grew up with my dad. My mindset was always to follow him.

I should follow him because following him will give me a better future.

For me to succeed, I need to follow him.

I should listen and follow him always.

"I guess you're still learning how we do things," he said with authority in his voice.

"Maybe you know what I'm talking about because you're friends with lowlife people," he gave me a cold gaze as if he could banish me in an instant.

I know what he's talking about.

I know...

He's walking toward me, "How many times have I told you to stay away from people like them?"-My heart beat even faster as he stopped in front of me. I kept my gaze on the floor, not attempting to shift my eyes.

"You never learn, and I thought you had learned your lesson," he added.

He's angry.

Very angry.

"I don't need to repeat myself, Arya. You need to follow every step that I take for you to succeed. You don't need your lowlife friends dragging you down. You're rich and have money. Why do you need to step into their shoes?"- He paused. I can hear his deep sighed.

"You are above at all. You need to remember that."- He continues emphasising every word.

"You need to follow me. You will end up poor and hopeless if you put your life in their shoes."-I can hear his sarcastic voice as he refers to my friends.

"You're different from others because you listen to me and follow my orders. Do only what I need you to do,"- he keeps on emphasizing every word that came out on his mouth.

I started to tremble, and tears welled up in my eyes as he spoke.

This is happening again, and I can't make it stop.

He gripped both of my arms. "Look at me, darling,"- his voice turned soft and calm.

"You know that I love you, and I will do anything for you to have a better life,"- I nodded in every word he's saying.

"As my daughter, you should not embarrass me,"- he paused, making sure I was paying attention to every word that came out of his mouth. "I'm saying this for you to have a better future,"- he continued, his voice remaining calm.