What I Crave

Forbidden Wanderlust

Envy

It was our last night on the island and we were all packing up to go home. Nova wanted all us to go out so I was looking for an outfit to wear. I settled on wearing a soft pink strapless dress with white heels and silver diamond earrings. I sprayed myself with my lavender perfume and curled my fiery red hair until it was falling down my shoulders how I liked. Finishing off I put on some lip gloss and proceeded to walk down the stairs. I heard laughter and when I reached the bottom step I saw my brother Adonis talking to Ivan.

"Donny!"

I ran towards and wrapped my arms around him. My big brother. So tall compared to me. He hugged me back picking me up in the process.

Still as strong as I remember.

"Good to see you my sister." he said into my hair.

Adonis is my older brother. His parents adopted me when I was about 2 days old when they found me in a dumpster. I had been born into a prostitution ring. Apparently my mother was instructed by her pimp to get rid of me but she didn't. They took me in like it was nothing and they have loved me every since. They support my decision to be a dancer which is rare but they do. They love me and so does Adonis. When they told me I was adopted I had pretty much figured it out myself. They were Caucasian and I was clearly a mix between being African American and I had Irish blood in my vines. Adonis was a tall and lanky man but he had always been strong. He could break a mans neck with no effort. He had piercing gray eyes and a booming voice that could break anyone down to their knees. My big brother, how scary he might've been to others, he was my safe space.

"How are you little one?" he asked while planting a light kiss on my forehead and letting me down.

"Pretty good. Daddy let me use the house to have some fun for a couple of days. I almost don't want to go home. What are you doing here?" Upon asking this question he paused. Nova and Ivan were engaged in conversation by the island but when they realized how quiet the room had gotten they turned to look our way.

"Everything ok?" she asked while Ivan stood up behind her holding her waist.

"Mommy sent me here to tell you all to come home immediately. There's a pandemic going on in the states and everyone has to quarantine." He put his hand on my head like he used to when we were younger. "She wants everyone to come to estate. Nova & Ivan included. She said and I quote, 'I would feel terrible if they got that virus out there.' End quote. So y'all gotta come."

Ivan laughed and put his head on Nova's shoulder while she tried to refrain at smiling at my mothers words.

"No worries though." Adonis continued to say, "This last night is still gonna be fun. We're gonna have a pool party and then we'll be on the private jet back home. Less hassle than an airport." He put his hands through my hair and fluffed it. I pushed his hand away playfully and he chuckled.

"You're still such a kid Donny." I said looking up at him as he popped a cherry in his mouth.

He smiled his devilish grin at me and threw a grape my head. Ivan cackled obnoxiously and I picked up the grape and threw it at him. We played around for a few minutes, throwing grapes at each other and smearing whipped cream on each other's face. I was gonna miss being down here in this house. Just lounging around and chilling out. After awhile me and Adonis made our way to the back porch. We left Nova and Ivan inside seeing as though they began another game entirely.

Those two just can't keep their hands off of each other.

Nova

"Ivan! Stop!" I laughed and tried to push him away but he tackled me and began to tickle me. I began to laugh harder and my sides were starting to hurt, but he was relentless. He continued on with the torture until I finally gave him a kiss. It was quick peck to cheek. His eyes hardened and his grip on my waist got a bit tighter.

"Don't do that...give me a real kiss." he said, his voice growing huskier by the second. I lifted my head up and met him halfway. He put his lips against mine and I placed my hands on his chest. His grip on me softened up and he smiled against my lips while he played with my belly button.

"You are so beautiful." He looked at me with something in his eyes. The last few days we've spent together have been bliss. We've both been underneath each other. Cuddling in bed and watching cartoons. Eating breakfast and washing each other up. We've just been vibing. As he deepened the kiss his phone buzzed. He tried to ignore it but it continued to go off until he finally got up and looked at it. After a moment of silence, he turned to me and said, "I need to make a quick phone call. Go upstairs and get dressed for dinner but make sure your bag is packed. We leave at 10 in the morning."

He walked towards me and kissed my forehead before walking out of the room.

He was oddly stoic just now wasn't he?

Ignoring the mood changer I got up and went upstairs to make myself presentable for dinner.

Ivan

I walked to the east end of the house where the ballroom was. Stepping inside I closed the door behind me and picked up my phone. Looking at all the text messages, I could see that Leonia was still upset with me for not remembering our anniversary. She kept texting and calling me but I was trying to keep Nova happy. She was the only thing I was focused on right now. Calling her I leaned against the wall and waited for her to pick up.

"Hello...?" A sleepy voice replied softly over the phone.

"Hi love...it's me."

I heard shuffling around and coughs before I finally heard her voice again. "Ivan? Why are you calling me?"

"I just got your messages. I'm sorry. I thought my secretary told you I was going out of town." I waited for a reply but all I heard was the static from the phone.

"Honestly Ivan..do you think I'm stupid?" My eyes widened, I was shocked at her reply.

"I'm not sure what you mean." I said back to her. 

"I know where you are & I know who you're with. I'm not gonna keep chasing you. You're my husband. I shouldn't have to do this. Am I really not enough for you?"

I sighed and shook my head. This union I was bound to was one that was agreed upon when I was nothing but 13 years old. I feel no love for Leonia but I must maintain appearances for my parents. The media doesn't know much about her but there are rumors that I have a woman living in my house. While I did care for Leonia, I just didn't love her. She couldn't satisfy me. But I gulped it down and replied back to her, "Of course you are love. It's just a trip for business. I'll be home soon."

I heard her take in a deep breath before finally letting it out again. Before she hung up she said, "There's gonna be a day where you're gonna say that to me and I'm not going to feel anything." With that, she hung up the phone. I stood there in the ballroom in the dark looking into the shadows for an answer.

What would I do?

How long could I keep Leonia from Nova?

How long could I keep Nova from Leonia?

What if Leonia already knows?

These thoughts were swarming around my head and making me feel...bad. I shouldn't be doing, but there is no way in hell I'm letting someone else get Nova.

No way.

But I hadn't thought this through. I had been thinking with my p***s. I can't escape the loveless marriage and loveless bed that I married into. I knew I could never fully be with Nova without my parents disowning me and taking everything from me. At least I knew my dad would.

I instantly started to feel the illusion that had been put up on this island beginning to shatter. The regret came next, flushing through my system. I knew once Nova found out she would be upset and I knew Leonia had an inkling about what was going on.

Shit. Something had to give before I hurt Nova.

Adonis

"So little sister. What's been going on with you? How's work at the club?" I asked her. Looking at my sister made me think about when were kids. My parents brought her home when she was only a couple of days old. I was only 2 when she came home and I've loved her every since.

As she continued to talk to me, I kept drinking. Envy has always made every one she came into contact with listen to her pointless stories but nonetheless I listened because I knew she wanted me to.

"Donny....I feel alone." she said after a brief moment of silence passed through us.

"Alone? You have Nova." She laughed and put her palm over her face.

"No Donny in the other way."

She stood up and came to sit in my lap.

"Envy...you know we aren't kids anymore. You can't sit on my lap like this.."

She looked at me while sitting down. Sighing I sat up to adjust myself so it didn't look too strange. She leaned back against me and sighed loudly. 

"I know we aren't kids anymore Donny, but I wish we were. I miss being able to do things like this. We always used to sit under the stars at Noni's remember? You used always make us smores and we would listen to all of her old records."

I smiled and nodded, "Yeah, I remember. You were so little back then. Always getting hurt but you always smiled."

"You had no problem with me sitting on your lap then..." she said softly, looking in my eyes all the while. I hadn't really noticed that she had completely shifted her body around so that she could look at me. She was so close to me and we hadn't been so close like this since that night in high school. 

October 31st 2017

Adonis

It was senior night and my last official football game. I had led our team to victory for the last time this season. Next year, I would be transferring to Princeton University per family tradition. Every first born son was expected to attend a prestigious and classy school. The crowd had descended the bleachers in a frenzy to congratulate all of the players on winning the championship. I saw my friends coming down to greet me. 

"Donny!" I heard my sister before I saw her running towards me on the field. "Congratulations on your game! You really led the team out there!" she said while jumping up and down in front of me. I smiled down at her and put my hand on her head.

"Thanks little sister. You ready for the party?" She smirked and nodded excitedly. 

"The party better be ready for me!" The crowd had gotten bigger and it was starting to get a little too crowded for me. "Come on Envy let's get home and change." I grabbed my sister and we both made our way to the car. 

The drive home was short since we only lived about 10 minutes away from the school. Well, technically, we lived 20 minutes away but with the way I drive we got there in 10. As we pulled into the driveway, we spotted our parents waiting for us holding my jersey and completed covered in Princeton University gear. 

"What are they wearing?" she asked me, clearly puzzled. Then, I remembered. I never told her I planning to Princeton. In fact, I never even told her I was gonna be going that far from home. I promised I would be closer. I felt all the color drain from my face. Knowing her, I knew she would be devastated because I was the only sibling she had. Adopted or not she loved me like I was her blood and vice versa. But it was deeper than that, we've always been close and now that my parents have blown this news up she'll never forgive me for not telling her sooner. We both got out of the car and when she realized why they were wearing the school gear the excitement washed off of her face. 

"Donny...you said...you said you wouldn't go far." Her eyes began to water and our father instantly grabbed our mother and pulled her inside. 

"Let them talk dear. She needs to know." My father said to my mother while gently nudging her inside. My mother's eyes never left Envy as she stood there looking at me with tears in her eyes. When our parents finally went inside, I grabbed her hand and proceeded to take her to our clubhouse. She didn't follow me immediately though, she stayed rooted in that same spot looking at me with so much hurt and what looked like betrayal as well. 

"I'll explain Envy. Just come up here. I'll tell you everything, I promise." She just stared at me with a bewildered look in her eyes. Finally, without arguing, she climbed the ladder to our childhood clubhouse. Our clubhouse was more like an apartment in a tree. The blankets were still scattered on the floor along with all the pillows. The couch we had in there was still facing the far wall towards the television that was mounted on the wall. Our father had the builders construct a bedroom in here for those nights we stayed out here too long. She sat on the bed and grabbed a blanket to wrap herself up in. I grabbed a bottle of wine that we had stashed in here and poured her a cup. She took it and stared at the bottom of the cup. I knew she was waiting for me to start talking but I couldn't. I knew that no matter what I said, she would still be upset because I hadn't told her on the first place.

"Look...I...I have an obligation to fulfill. I'm the firstborn son and you know what that means for me. I have to do what I have to do. Dad won't have it any other way and you know it. There's only so much I can do before he interferes. It's my duty to be a man now." She didn't look at me so I continued to talk. "I know I should've told you sooner. I know you probably should've been the first one I told but I didn't know how to tell you. I knew you would be upset...I'm sorry Envy." 

She still didn't say anything. She just looked at the bottom of her cup and leaned against the wall with her eyes closed. Suddenly, I started hearing the soft pitter patter of the rain hitting the roof of the clubhouse. The lights flickered a little bit so I got up and went to the "kitchen", and grabbed some candles from the cabinet. I lit them and turned out the lights. When I went back to the room, Envy was standing by the window wrapped tightly in her blanket. I walked towards her and stood behind her. 

"Are you okay?" I asked her in a hushed tone. She nodded but she didn't turn to look at me. "Talk to me Envy..I can't take your silence and you know that." Her shoulders began to shake violently. 

"Why?.... Why are you leaving me? I just got accustomed to school here. I just started making friends here. You know how hard its been. I've had to depend on you being my only friend for years and now..." she completely broke down. I had only seen her this sad once and it was when our Noni passed away. She sank to the floor and I went down with her as she cried into my shirt. I held her for as long as she needed me to. For a moment, the air stilled and the rain outside was drowned out as I held her in my arms. Her body was soft against me and I could smell the vanilla scented soap she had used to shower on her skin. Her hair was soft and it smelled good too. 

Why am I thinking like this? 

After awhile, her sobs became nothing but small whimpers as she fell asleep in my arms. I couldn't bare moving from that spot because I didn't wanna risk waking her so I got comfortable and held her while she slept. She stirred every now and then but she didn't wake up. This gave me the opportunity to look at her. I mean really look at her. For the first time in years, I acknowledged how beautiful she had truly gotten. Her lips were full and pink. Freckles danced lightly around her face and her hair was as fiery as ever now. She was short and petite but she was becoming a woman in other places. My hands had never explored a woman before and I couldn't help but think about it now. 

Had she let someone touch her?

Had someone ever seen her vulnerable like that?

Would she let me touch her.....

I shook those thoughts from my head. This wasn't right. I couldn't have these thoughts about my sister. I just couldn't have her in that way. She was the one thing I could never have. I continued to watch her as she slept peacefully in my arms. I looked at her lips and all those thoughts came rushing back. She was a mesmerizing sight to behold. I couldn't stop myself from staring at her even if I tried. She let out a soft sigh and shifted around on my lap. She was facing me now. Having her so close to me was making me feel insane. I had never had these types of thoughts about her, at least not any I could act on or acknowledge. I had been so lost in thought I hadn't even realized how late it was and how long we had been gone. As I tried to slide her off of me to go back to the house and change into my pajamas she woke up. 

"Where are you going...?" she asked me sleepily. I came back to where she was laying and sat next to her. 

"Just to change into some pajamas. Need me to grab you anything?" 

She sat up and looked at me. "Yeah, I might as well go in with you. It's late and I need to shower." 

"Well, its the weekend. Let's go inside and shower and then we can come back here and hang out. Just us." I waited for her answer. I wasn't sure I was ready for this night to end yet. 

"Okay, that's fine with me." 

About 30 minutes later, we were both back in the clubhouse in our pajamas. I ended up bringing some snacks in from the house as well as more alcohol. As the night went on we continued to drink and talk. I'm not sure how we got to the topic but before I knew it we were talking about s*x. 

"I've never been with a man before. It's not something I'm comfortable with. Plus no one has actually been interested in me long enough for me to want that from them." I was shocked by this revelation. I had assumed that since she was dating she was...involved but I guess not. She continued on, "My outlook on love is kind of messed up. I always go for what I can't have and what's not good for me. s*x has always been the endgame for the people I've dated but I'm still young." 

I don't remember how I got next to her. Maybe it was the drinks or maybe it was just because I actually wanted to be close to her. Before I knew it, she was sitting my lip like she used to when we were kids. But now, it feels different. Her touch feels more intimate now. Her body was warm against mine as she laid her head on my shoulder. Treading lightly I placed my hand on her waist. She didn't seem to notice so I kept my hand there lightly running my index finger across her bikini line while she sipped from her cup. 

"Donny that tickles..." she said in a tone I had never heard her speak in before. 

Growing bolder, I looked down and asked her, "Should I stop?" Looking up at me she put her cup down slowly. After contemplating her answer she shook her head. "No...don't" she said back to me. 

We sat there, in the darkness the only light in the room was coming from the fire from the candles. The flames were dancing, moving every which way while we sat there. Quietly, exploring the forbidden. I touched her face and brushed the strands of her away from her eyes. I ran my fingers through her hair and looked her in her eyes. In this moment, she was breathtaking. My hands didn't know where to go. When I set my sights on her lips she sat up and began to straddle me. Wrapping my arms around her waist she put her head on mine. We stayed like that for a long time. Neither of us bothered to move. Neither of us bothered to speak. I could feel the atmosphere of the room  started to feel thicker. I could feel her heartbeat against my chest. She was so close I could feel her breath on my face. I wanted to close the distance so bad but I wanted to be sure this wasn't one sided. I must've spoken too soon because she started to grind up against me. I looked in her eyes and I seen the fire in them. She continued to move her hips as I cupped her face and leaned up to look at her. Finally, before I wimped out I placed a soft kiss on her lips. It was enough to set the fire in ablaze because as soon as I kissed her she moaned and wrapped her arms around my neck kissing me back. Her lips were so soft and she tasted sweet like candy. I kept her in my lap holding her body up while she continued to rub against me. I stopped kissing her and titled her head to the side as I kissed the birthmark on her collarbone. Her moan were quiet and soft. I kissed her shoulder and then her neck and then down her arm. She went to pull the shirt over my head and I let her. She looked completely entranced by my body as she rubbed her hands all over the tattoos I had on my chest and arms. She kissed my neck and I could feel the excitement rushing to my manhood. As if on cue, she smiled when she felt it. I pushed her hands away as she tried to pull it out of my shorts. 

"No. It's about you tonight." 

Standing up I pulled her up with me and kissed her firmly on the lips. Moaning into my mouth she opened her mouth as I slid my tongue across her lips. Planting my hands on her curves and pushing her against the wall I picked her up. I started trailing my fingers down her legs and to the middle of her thighs. I put my hand inside of her shorts and rubbed her pearl slowly and gently as she clung to me while I held her up. At once, her flower started to get wet for me. "Donny.." she said breathlessly. I kept going while I kissed her neck and biting lightly at her nape, gently inserting a finger inside of her core so that I don't hurt her. She gasped as I started to slowly use my fingers to please her. Her juices were dripping all down my fingers and it was making my member stand up. I was doing something nobody had ever done to her. 

I would be her first. 

"Donny...I'm gonna.." she let out a quiet yelp as she climaxed all over my finger. I pulled it out of her slowly as she took a breather. Not thinking, I licked my finger and almost lost my mind. I carried her to the bed and laid her on her back. I climbed in between her legs and kissed down her body. I was nervous, but if all I had to do was focus on her, then I'd do it. She'd know how sorry I was after today. I made my way down to her shorts and I pulled them off of her along with her panties. She must've been embarrassed because she tried to cover herself up. Going back to look at her I asked, "Are you okay?.." When she didn't say anything I paused and looked in her eyes. "We can stop." She shook her head hard. 

"No. I want to..." she whispered. She turned towards me and kissed my lips. Going back down, I opened her legs to look at the heart of her femininity. It was beautiful and her smell was driving me crazy. I kissed the insides of her thighs and bit them. I felt goosebumps spread over her body as I got closer to pearl. She was tensing up so I started slowly. Licking around her treasure until I got to the center. When I finally made contact, she instantly buckled. I held her legs in place as I tasted heaven between her thighs. I couldn't stop myself, she tasted so sweet. Her moans were like words of encouragement to me. I continued to kiss and suck on her center as she began to rub it against my tongue. This turned me on even more. I could feel my erection pushing at the seams of my basketball shorts. Lick after lick her moans bounced off the soundproof walls of the clubhouse. Our shadows being displayed on the walls while candles continued to burn. She had her hands placed on head as I continued to slurp up her sweetness. She looked me in eyes as she came on my tongue again. I had one goal in mind tonight and that was fulfilling her every fantasy right here and now. I kept going, sliding two fingers inside of her now as she laid back down on the bed as she clenched the sheets. The rain was draining out any and every moan that escaped her beautiful body.

"Fuckk...Donny..I can't" she said in between breaths. 

Still finger f*****g her I looked at her and said, "c*m for me again." With that she found her release as I cleaned up the mess I made. I stood up and looked down at her. She was completely undressed now and so was I. I climbed in the bed and laid between her legs. As I looked in her eyes, I seen nothing but love in them. Her eyes have always been that way. I kissed her forehead. "Look at me. Look me in my eyes." She put both hands on my shoulders while she stared at me. Looking her in the eyes I angled myself and pushed inside of her core gently. She was so tight I almost didn't fit. I heard her gasp as she locked her legs around me as I got inside of her. I moved slowly, stroking her softly as I kissed on her neck. She held onto me tightly as I pushed my member deeper inside of her. When I looked at her face again, her eyes were closed and she was biting her lip. Her nails were piercing my skin but I didn't pay it any mind, she was the only thing I was focused on. I kept going, pushing in and out of her while she scratched my back. I grabbed one of her breasts and sucked on her n****e as she tugged on my hair lightly. Turning her over I made her arch her back as I entered her from behind. I started with slow and deep strokes and I could feel her tightening up around me. 

"Fuck..." I groaned into the night. She was so tight and so wet it was impossible to keep going at this route. Her soft moans turned into loud ones as I continued to make love to her. So many different positions to try and not enough time because we both knew, after tonight we could never do this again. She climbed on top of me and slowly lowered herself onto my shaft. I bit my lip while she stood on her feet and rode me. I put both hands on ass and slammed her down on me gently while she kept riding me. She was moaning and saying my name, watching her like this made my member get harder while I was still inside of her and she slowed down while she tried to take my new length in. Biting her lip she squeezed her walls and gripped me as she kept riding. She was moving slowly, but I could feel the pressure as she kept squeezing her walls tighter around me. I couldn't hold it in anymore. When she saw my face she sped up and started bouncing harder and faster while I gripped her waist. 

"Fuckkk....Envy you gotta get off....you gotta get off" I said weakly. I was close and she knew it. There was no way she was getting off now. I could feel it coming. She kept going harder and I let out a long groan before I finally climaxed and so did she. 

That night, she laid in my arms and as I watched her sleep I thought about what had just happened. It didn't matter that me and her weren't actually siblings, this would look wrong on paper. But, I didn't want her thinking this didn't mean anything. Because, tonight meant everything to me. I looked down at her and kissed her on the forehead. She didn't move a muscle. I took this opportunity to tell her how I actually felt about her. After all of these years together as siblings could we actually be lovers? 

"I love you, Envy. I've loved you since we were kids. I've loved you since you decided that I was gonna be your protector and your best friend but we can never be together and in knowing you could never fully be mine...I'll always cherish this night." 

After blowing out the candles, I climbed back in the bed and wrapped my arms around her. I kissed her one last time, savoring this moment. I would take every memory of this moment with me when I went away for school. I would look for Envy in other women but they would never be her. 

Present

Envy 

"I know that but we can't now..." he said looking away from me. I sighed and got up from his lap. 

"I forgot you were sticking to that stupid promise we made in high school." He scoffed. 

"Stupid? Envy, we talked about this..." he started.

"Yeah, yeah I know. You're getting married soon. Now I just don't matter to you?" I said feeling the jealously dripping from my tone. 

Tighten up. He's your brother. 

He stood up shaking his head and wiping his hand across his face and when I seen his eyes they were filled with...anger?

"Look, Envy, I love you. I f*****g love you. You're my sister but what we did..."he started in a hushed tone, "What we did was completely wrong...I should have never taken advantage of you like that. You were vulnerable and I confused you. I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that." 

I shook my head and laughed. "I should've known. I was so stupid to even..." 

"To even what?" Nova asked as she entered the room dressed for dinner. "Never mind, have you guys seen Ivan? It's almost time for dinner and I haven't seen him since he stepped out to take a call."

Quickly fixing my face, I turned to my friend and smiled, "No we haven't seen him but you look beautiful." Turning to Adonis I said, "Go find Ivan so we can go to dinner." He left without a question and I felt my heart tug a little. The little voice in my head called after him. 

Come back Donny...

He didn't even turn to glance in my direction.