What I Crave

Dangerous Games

Leonia

I looked in the mirror and was instantly disgusted with myself.

How did I let all this time pass by like this? 

How did I become so blind?

I'm 25 years old. No kids with a husband who cheats. I have no actual proof that he's doing it, but I can feel it. Whenever he's not with me, he's with someone. Kissing her, touching her & making love to her. Like he should be doing to me.

He doesn't love me.

I'm not dumb. Our marriage wasn't one made up from dating or being in love. It was a contract between our two families that was signed when I was 12 and he was 13. We were both kids and we didn't even know each other. We just knew that when we both turned 21 we'd be getting married at my family's private home in the Bahamas.

We were supposed to consummate our marriage that night but I was afraid. So, I cut my finger and rubbed blood on the sheets and told him to take to to my father.

"I'm not ready." I remember hearing myself say, "It's too soon. Please, I've never even m*********d before."

He looked at me with sympathy in his eyes and granted my wish. That night, we both slept in the same room but on opposite sides of it. I slept in bed which was in the center of the room by the balcony doors. He was on the couch in the end of my room by the television. I listened for him to fall asleep and when I was sure he was I got up and stood over him.

Knock knock knock

My thoughts were interrupted by loud knocking on my front door. Sighing, I slid out of bed and grabbed my robe. Wrapping it around myself, I walked downstairs and looked through the peephole on the door. Upon doing that I saw my mother-in-law in the other side of the door.

Knock knock knock

"Leonia? Are you there? I know it's late but I'm worried about you." she said from the other side of the door. "Please. If you're there just knock twice to let me know you're okay. Just twice and I'll leave what I brought you in the mailbox and I'll go home. Just two taps."

Juliette has been abnormally clingy since she found out Ivan was going out of town but it got worse after he left...and I miscarried.

2 Weeks Earlier

Leonia

Ugh why do I feel weird today?

It was gonna be a long day today. I had 100 English papers to grade not including the final exams for my other 3 classes that I hadn't graded yet. I was usually so on top of things but lately it had been hard to focus. I was always either dizzy or always throwing up. I figured I probably had a cold since it was still a little cold outside. I tried to focus on grading this well written paper on the different types of schools of psychology when I got the sudden urge to go to the bathroom. I ran there, nearly pushing over my plant in the hallway trying to get there. When I sat on the toilet, I grabbed some toilet paper and proceeded to wipe. I looked and I was instantly met with red. Groaning, I wiped again and went to put on a pad. As I flushed and went to wash my hands, I felt a sudden pain in my lower abdomen. It hurt enough to make me gasp for air.

What's wrong with me?

The pain started again and it kept going on like that for what felt like hours. I thought they were cramps so I took some ibuprofen and drank water. Sitting down at my desk, I tried again, to grade the papers but the pain was becoming too intense. Something was wrong. I reached for my cellphone and called the one person I knew would ask no questions.

Juliette.

Her phone rang twice before I heard her motherly voice over the phone.

"Leonia! I'm so glad to hear from you today dear. How are you?" she asked enthusiastically.

Hesitating to ruin her good mood I said, "I'm not sure. Can you come over? You used to be a nurse right? I think something is wrong with me?"

Her phone went silent for a couple of seconds before she responded. "Okay tell me what's going on?"

I proceeded to tell her how I was feeling and about the blood and the unbearable cramps. After I finished describe my symptoms I was met with silence.

"Juliette...?"

Still nothing. You could drop a pen and hear it from her side of the phone. That's how quiet it was. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity she asked me a very odd question, "Are you sure it's your period?"

I paused. Thinking back, I don't actually remember my period coming this month. Or last month. Frantic, I looked through my calendar in my phone. The amount of days that I was late made my stomach drop and so fell to my knees. I could hear Juliette trying to get me to speak and when I finally got the courage to spit it out she was already driving to get me.

I was exactly 61 days late for my period and I had no idea.

How did this happen? 

When did this happen?

I wasn't stuck in my head for too long because Juliette caning bursting through the door and she came running up the stairs. I was laying on the floor. I remember being really hot.

"Oh Leonia! Oh you poor child! Come on let's get you to the hospital!" she exclaimed. "Charles! I need you to carry her to the car. I'm gonna go get some towels. She's....."

The next thing I remember is darkness.

"Too late....too much blood..." 

"Can't save both.....you're her only family...pick one...."

"She can't be attached to something she knew nothing about....this is her life...."

"Please forgive me Leonia...."

I opened my eyes and found myself looking into bright white lights. My head was fuzzy and aching, I could feel the tubes going inside of my nose. I flexed my fingers and toes.

Nothings broken.

I blinked several times before I adjusted to the light. I tried to sit up but realized I had an I.V in my right arm so the attempt was futile. I looked around the room and spotted Juliette outside speaking with man in a white coat. When she seen that I was asks she ran back in the room tears falling from her face.

"Oh my dear girl. I'm so sorry." she cried, "I'm so sorry my dear. I'm so sorry."

I was confused.

Why was I in the hospital?

"Juliette," I heard myself say, "You have to tell me what's going on. I can't remember anything."

She sniffled and sat upright holding my hands. "Oh my dear. When I reached you, you were stricken with fever. You were sweating and shaking. Charles has to hold while I drove, you wouldn't calm down otherwise. You were losing so much blood they had to cut your pants off of you...." she covered her mouth while more tears fell down her aged cheeks. She continued, "When they got to the root of the problem they found a fetus. 8 weeks old that was passing. They concluded that you must've been very stressed out because that's one of the cause for this type of thing."

I had completely drowned her out at this point. Did she just say what I thought she just said? I was pregnant? And now it's gone? I couldn't even process this information. Immediately the tears started falling, and they fell hard. I was completely in shambles and what was worse my husband wasn't even here. Holding on to a last bit of hope I asked her, "Have you heard from him?"

I felt her stiffen and I knew my answer. The tears continued to fall as I clung to my mother-in-law. She stayed with me all night and that morning she took me home. She walked me inside and instructed me to go undress. I did as she told me to do and I waited. I heard the water in the bathroom turn on and then some rumbling around in my closet. After about 20 minutes, she called me into the bathroom.

"Sit." she said.

I sat in the water and I was immersed in comforting hold of the hot water. She sat by the tub reading her book while I sat underneath the water. After about an hour, as I was about to clean myself she stopped me.

"Oh no honey," she said, "I got it. It's better when you have help to ensure you don't tear your stitches."

I couldn't argue with her. I was in too much pain to do it. Plus she was right, with the way I was feeling I probably would've hurt myself trying to get cleaned up. I let wash me down with unscented soap cause she it was better for my area for the time being. After that she sat me down and rubbed epsom salt on my back and on my feet. She proceeds to wash my hair with some lavender scented shampoo and conditioner.

"To help you relax." she said as she scrubbed it soothingly into my scalp. "I know this might be hard to think about right now but you aren't alone. I'll stay with you until Ivan gets back. Charles will too."

I shook my head pulled my knees up to my chest.

"You've done enough already. Thank you Juliette."

She smiled and cupped my face with her hand, "Call me mom."

I smiled back weakly. "Okay mom."

Now

Leonia

Knock knock

After a few seconds, I heard my mailbox open and I heard heels walk off of the porch. I waited all the way until I knew her and Charles were fine before I opened the door and look in the mailbox. Inside of it was her usual care package for the week:

Essential oils for my yoni 

Chocolate 

Wine

Gift cards 

Money 

And a mystery book

It's always the same thing but I appreciate the effort she's making.

At least someone is.

Nova

Dinner was completely off. Ivan was spaced out half the time and Envy & Adonis were barely acknowledging each other. Which is odd, because they're usually all over each other. I'd grown used to their weird relationship. They'd always been like that but I get it. Adonis is the only person who would be her friend outside of being her older brother. That's a rare bind to form with someone. Watching them now though? This wasn't them.

Ivan was a different story. He hadn't touched me once since we left the house. He's acting weird every since he got that weird text/notification earlier tonight. I hope they weren't acting like this during the party we spent a lot of time planning it. After while I couldn't bare the silent eating and coughing that was going on. So when, Envy excused herself from the table I looked at Adonis and nodded towards the exit.

I got up first and then Adonis followed leaving Ivan looking at the both of us like we had three heads. I ignored the look though. He hadn't said a word since we left the house, I wasn't about to play another game with him.

I thought that phase was over with.

Sighing, I pulled a blunt from my purse and went by the water to spark. Adonis followed me out shortly after and came to stand next to me. I offered it to him and he took it.

"Man Novie you still smoke?" He asked with laughter in his eyes.

I smiled at the childhood nickname they had given me. "Y'all always calling me that. Don't make me call you your famous nickname."

He looked at me with a stake face and I laughed as he took another hit from the blunt. "That's not funny."

I laughed again because, well, it was kinda funny. We started to walk along the water continuing on with conversations about our childhood. We talked about how close me and him were. It would never be anything like him and Envy. Or with me and Envy. But it was close. He was the closet thing I had to a brother seeing as though I didn't know who my family was.

"Oh man Nova. It's so much you missed. I'm getting married! She makes me so....she makes me happy." I was really good at reading the room but I couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't being honest about that comment.

"Really. Interesting."

At this point we were both stoned and I was sitting between his legs in the sand while he kept me warm.

"Man. How'd you meet Ivan?" he asked me, "Like he told me but I wanna know from your view."

I laughed and bit my lip, "It was my first night at the club and well....he wanted me. I danced for him and other stuff transpired." He body went rigid for a moment so I turned to look at him.

"What? Donny? What is it?" I asked him, concerned now.

"It's odd that he would be doing that considering his...situation." The way he said situation didn't sit well with me. The way it rolled off of his tongue made me feel weird. I shivered and he pulled me closer to him.

"Come on man. You know your anemic. You need to be wearing a jacket." he said while rubbing my shoulders and arms.

"Donny. Tell me the truth. When you say situation, what do you mean?"

He sighed and laid his on my shoulder before responding, "I'm breaking the code by telling you this...but you've been my sister since forever. So, Ivan is....he is legally married."

Ivan

Where the hell were they going?

I watched jealousy as Nova and Adonis both made their way out of the restaurant, leaving their food untouched. Instead sitting there and boiling in my rage silently, I pulled out my phone and went to check emails.

A few were spam, a few were from work and a few were from some family members asking for money. One in particular stood out though, it was a medical bill from insurance. When I opened the email, I felt time freeze and those moments I felt my soul turn cold. While I was done here, playing fairytale with Nova....Leonia, was home suffering because she miscarried our child. I was panicking so I ran outside to the back of the building to call her doctor.

The phone rang three times before a high pitches woman picked up the phone, "Dr. Naoai's Office how may I help you?" she said in a friendly tone.

"Hi, Yes this is Ivan Henry, calling in regards to my wife, Leonia Henry. I was just informed that she had a miscarriage." I spoke into the phone quietly.

"Oh yes, oh yes," she said her voice thick with  accent I couldn't, "We're so sorry Mr. Henry but is true. She lose baby. Her body couldn't handle stress." she continued her accent getting thicker, "she say she call & you no answer. We know you're a busy man though."

She stopped talking and waited for my response. But I was stuck. I didn't know what to say. So I hung up. I walked back into the restaurant and Nova & Adonis were standing near the entrance standing closely together. When she seen me though, she glared at me and turned away.

Maybe she's upset that I wasn't speaking to her tonight. I'll make it up to her.

When I spot Envy I walk over to her. She looks upset.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Adonis cancelled the pool part because he's an ASSHOLE." she shouts at her brother.

He turns in my direction but I give him the look and he goes outside with Nova trailing  after him holding onto to his hand. I ignore the twinge of jealousy and focus on Envy.

"What you mean he cancelled the party?" I asked her more seriously now.

She rolled her eyes and replied, "I mean he cancelled it. Like last minute. We going home tonight. I wanted one more night of milk baths and mimosas at 11 a.m."

I chuckled and draped my arm over her shoulders coming down to her height.

"Man who you telling. Your friend really got my nose wide open man. Thank you for telling me her real name. I know she real skeptical but I'm not gonna hurt her."

She smiled and plucked my forehead, "You better. Cause she gone kill me for vouching for you. She don't give it up to random men."

I smiled, "Don't worry, she ain't gave it up yet."

Envy looked at me shocked, "Really? Y'all still haven't? I wonder why she's waiting so long...."

I shrugged. "I'm not gin push her. I'm sure she has her reasons. Now," I looked at her and asked, "Why you and yo brother fighting?"

Venus Cove, California 3:45 a.m

The flight home was awkward and excruciating. Nova stayed as far away from me as possible and Adonis made himself scarce. It was getting a little annoying. I tried to speak to her but she just ignored me so I decided to give her her space. We were all waiting for the driver to come and take us to their parents house when I noticed Nova was calling a separate car.

"What are you doing?" I asked possessively. "You haven't said two words to me since we left the island."

She shrugged me off, "I just need to go home."

A blue 2013 Toyota pulls up and a man gets out to grab Nova's bags. She kissed Envy & Adonis goodbye and she leaves without a backward glance in my direction.

She must know something.

But in retrospect, my mind should be somewhere else. I should be thinking about my wife and our now deceased child. A child I should've been present to know about. I should've never did that with her if I would've known she would end up suffering like this.

2 Months Ago

It was a late night and I had just gotten home from guys night out. Typically, I slept in the guesthouse cause Nia don't like when I sleep in the room with her. I stumbled to the front porch to unlock the door and walked into the house. I closed the door softly behind me and heard music playing upstairs. I followed it all the way up to the master bedroom and there I saw her spread out on "our" bed, pleasing herself. It looked good. I wanted to get a closer look so I walked inside of the room, quietly. Before she was able to sense what happened, I had my mouth on her yoni. She let out a long moan that sounded like it had been suppressed for years. She hadn't been deflowered but tonight would have to be the night.

She tried to push my head away but I slowed down when I licked on her lips. She tasted good and she smelled nice but it wasn't as intriguing as I thought. But still...

Why stop?

She moaned loudly and then covered her mouth. Trying to be encouraging I said, "Oh no pretty girl. Let me hear you." But it didn't sound right when it came to her.

She let me hear her anyway and got me a little hot so I took off my shirt and pants. I kept my mouth of her yoni while I played with her n*****s as she tried to run from my tongue. She kept running form her orgasms, so I had to make her take them. Laying on my back I grabbed her hips and put her yoni in my tongue. Her body started to spasm but I made her hold herself up as my tongue attacked her c**t from every angle. She was screaming and shaking. She was telling me she loved me and that she belonged to me. I was trying not to listen. I really just needed a release. When came in my mouth for the last time, she slid off of my mouth and laid down. Opening her legs, she spread her yoni open for me to see.

"Please...please make love to me....I can't take it..." she said her voice full of lust. I looked in her eyes and we both had that same fire that was begging to be put out. I climbed between her legs stroking my manhood while I leaned down to kiss her lips. I could feel the heat from center against my thigh and it was hot. I rubbed my member against her lips and she moaned lightly against my mouth. I grabbed her hips and decided to tease her one more time before I gave her what she wanted. I continued to kiss and rub up against her, her cookie getting wetter every time I slide against her throbbing c******s. I grabbed both of her legs and continued to rub up against her until I heard her cry of submission.

30 minutes later

I rubbed my member against her one more time and then I slowly entered her into womanhood. With each stroke, her eyes rolled to the back of her head. I began to whisper in her ear.

Cum for me angel... 

That's my girl..

I turned her over and started going in from behind and she arched up and threw it back at me. I had to hold her ankles down for her to stay steady but she took it pretty good. Every time, I told her to stay still she would move so I had to get a little rough. I got a tight grip in her wrists and started going at a harsh rhythm as she cried out into the pillow.

"It's a little rough baby I know...but you gotta sit still..okay?"

She muffled back to me and I took that as an answer and proceeded to talk her through her next climax. When she was close, her cookie started to tighten around me as I played with c**t. It was swollen and at its last round I could tell. I leaned down and whispered one word in her ear and she let it go. Screaming out loudly, her shouts could've easily woken my neighbor's if I gave a f**k. She tightened around me so quick and she didn't let go. I wasn't going to last long and she knew that so she kept squeezing until I finally found my release in her womb.

Now

Ivan

"Bro! Wake up!" I smell Adonis before I see him. Always with the strong ass weed smells. I open my eyes and look at him.

"Dude you stink. Stephy is gonna kill you." Adonis laughed and I glanced over at Envy. She didn't look too fond of me mentioning his fiancé.

"Well, I'm about to go in here and deal with some stuff. Talk to y'all later. Call me when you get home."

He hugged Envy and playfully punched Adonis as he got out of the car. He watched as the two of them drive away and he walked up to his dark and empty house. I walk up to porch and stand in front of the door, hesitating before I unlocked the door.

What could I possibly say to her to change the fact that I wasn't here when she needed me?

Work wasn't a valid excuse anymore.

I walked through the door and into the silence. I didn't hear anything. No music was playing. There weren't any lights on.

"Nia!" I shouted out, "Nia! Where are you?"

I went from the living room to the kitchen to the sunroom to bedroom and finally to the pool where I find her sitting in the middle of the pool.

"Nia? What are you doing?" I ask softly.

She turns to face me and says, "Tell me, did you even blink when you found out I lost our child? Did you even bat an eye lash when I lost OUR CHILD?!"

I swallow hard, "Of course I did. I rushed to get back home a day early when I found out. News travels slow down there."

She laughed loudly and looked at me with those same eyes she did all those years ago. Full of tears and broken promises except this time I was the cause. Seeing her like this made me think of Nova.

If you feel bad now,  just wait until you see what it does to her.

Without thinking, I take a step into the water. With a panicked expression on her face she backs away from me.

"No. Don't you touch me. Don't you touch me. Don't you make me love you more than I already do. Get away!"

It was already too late. I had her in my arms and she could hit me all she wanted. I was here now. I let her cry into my chest for a long time. For as long as she needed me, I would be here.

Adonis

After spilling the beans, and basically ruining the last day on the island, I can't say I'm really surprised Envy was upset with me. But I knew how she felt about me and I knew how I felt about her. We should just keep it this way. The last time we went completely out of line. We can never do thats again. I can never interfere with her choices again. She has choose between being my sister or being out of my life now. I can't jeopardize what I have with Stephy. Because I do love her.

The rest of the way home was silent. Envy was texting on her phone and mine kept going off. I'm pretty sure it was Stephy and it made me feel good to know she missed me. Pulling into the driveway, I unlocked the doors and Envy hopped out of the car and rushed past me. She made a beeline straight for her old room and something told me she wouldn't be coming out of there anytime soon. So, I made an attempt to catch her. She tried to avoid me as she went through the kitchen but I grabbed her arm and pulled her in back outside.

"What is your problem?" I asked harshly.

She didn't look at me. "You don't love me. You never loved me. You didn't mean what you said....." she said back quietly.

I felt my anger take control of me. I couldn't take it anymore. We were kids when that happened. I couldn't take her holding that over me anymore. "Envy! Understand I am getting MARRIED! I might've felt one way for you back then but that can never happen! Do you understand? I DONT LOVE YOU IN THAT WAY."

I saw the heartbreak before it happened. It looked like the light in eyes went completely out. She didn't even say anything back. She just walked around me slowly and went to her old room closing the door quietly behind her.

What had I just done?

Leonia

2 Weeks Later

I'm waiting for Ivan to get out of the shower when I hear a phone go off. I look on his side of the bed and his phone ringing off the hook. He was gonna be in the shower for awhile so I decided to answer and let them know but when I picked it up it was a telemarketer. However, what did stand out was amount of text messages he had between this one contact in his phone by name of Aphrodite. Not being able to contain my curiosity, I scroll through the messages and what I find is unsettling. While I was here, suffering and stressing myself out her was out messing around with some broad who didn't care about him? From the looks of things she's just a dancer. I almost believed that until I saw her contact photo. I look through his photo album he has pictures of him and her together. Like some cute couple.

I was burning up.

How could he do this?

Were these past few weeks lies?

Were there just more broken promises? 

What's the truth? 

What's real?

My anger was reaching a new peak. I felt like my head was about to burst.

Am I really not good enough for you? 

Not even good enough to pretend to care about?? 

You wanna continue to play with my heart.....

I am so tired of the lies.

He hurt you.

I am so tired of the secrets.

She stole him.

I'm so tired of being...

You're never good enough.

I will never be second best again.

I pick up the phone and call an old friend of mine. Ivan was about to learn a valuable lesson, there's a thin line between love and hate. He'd just so happened to play on the wrong side too many times. The phone rang once before that deep voice I grew up around picked up the phone. 

"What's up baby girl? How you?" He asked.

"Im hurting and I'm cashing in on a favor. You'll get pleasure out of it."

"Anything for you my darkling."

"I need you to look for two girls for me, they go by the names of Nova & Envy by day and by night they both dance at the club Mystique. I need you to rough them a little bit."

He chuckled and said, "Define rough?"

"Make it slow and painful. This is personal. How much you want for this job?" I asked him.

"Zero. Just send me their pictures and I'll put word on the street for my crew to look out for them. We'll have them by sundown tomorrow night."

I smiled into the phone, "Good and make sure you record I want to show it to someone as a gift."

"Say no more beautiful. I'll call you with an update tomorrow."

Quickly hanging up the phone, I sat back down on the bed putting his phone back after I deleted what I moved around. He walked into the room with his towel dangling off of his hips and it would've been attractive if I didn't find him repulsive right now. He smiled brightly at me and kissed my forehead as he walked past me to go in the closet to get dressed.

You're gonna wish you loved me after this one.