Suddenly Gone

CHAPTER 5

I tried to open my eyes as the head breaking pain still lingered inside my skull. My body was facing the dark colored curtains covering the window and saw how it blocked the sun's light. So I slowly moved my body to face the other side, with my right arm feeling the opposite side of the bed. It was empty. No one was here beside me. Of course, I live alo—

"I'll have you the whole night," he said and I saw his fingers pull the strap of my dress down to my arms while I feel the cold air inside the room kiss my bare skin. There, I assumed that was the cue to the last day of being an innocent virgin.

"F*ck?!"

I forced my eyes to see where the f*ck I was even if my mind wanted my fragile and vulnerable body to roll on top of this wide bed. I got up and confirmed it myself that I was inside someone else's room!

When I got up and sat on the soft bed, I picked up the scattered thoughts inside my head ‘coz I feel like my mind, soul, my body aren't one anymore! I held my aching head and I wanted to pull off my hair out of confusion! I was hella confused! I know! I know! I was drunk! I chose to be drunk ‘coz I was supposed to be kissed by someone that ni—

"Morning?"

My eyes transferred to the figure in the bathroom leaning against the door jam. I myself couldn't even believe what I’m seeing right now. The silhouette. The coat guy. The seductive scent. The thick eyebrows. The captivating eyes. The endless stare. The inviting smile. The tempting torso. The kiss magnet. The one night—

"You look best wearing my clothes,” his arms tied on his chest looked more toned than how I saw it last night.

I looked at myself and it seemed like my head ached twice as painful compared a minute ago when I just realized I was wearing his blue buttoned long sleeves! It covered me to my knees and it was open by two buttons on top! I looked at him again with fierce eyes but he just showed me his trademark smirk with his arms crossed on his chest. Yes. Showing his naked upper body.

Please don't drool Erin. And cut the stare! Bring back your senses Erin Dawn Santos! Oh my gosh! Wait! How did all these things happen?! Wait. Okay. Erin. Calm down. Think! Hmmm Jean! Jean has no idea about this for sure! If she knew this, she would have rescued me! Okay. Relax. Okay. I should call Jean! My bag! My phone— sh*t!

"Hey what's wrong?"

From roaming my eyes around the room, it caught his worried face which was slowly coming near to me when he spoke. I think I'll have to deal with this man first!

"What happened?!" I shouted out of frustration! I don't want to hear something related to virginity please ‘coz I admit I am and I’m afraid I just lost it last night! Ugh! Erin b*tch!

"W—what?!" He blurted out after hearing me raise my voice at him. Confusion and annoyance was all over his face!

"What what? Don't answer me with a question! I slept here! I slept with you obviously! I went to that party of a friend's friend ‘coz that friends' friend gave two invitation cards to my friend and that friend brought me there! And here you are, eyeing me from the dark and farthest corner of that hall with your oozing masculinity you seem so proud of like you want to eat me alive which made me so stupid for being so f*cking turned on!” I said in one breath which made him laugh sarcastically, but his face still showed he was really pissed from what I was saying. Who cares!

"And as what I remember, I was wearing a red Mango spaghetti strap pencil cut dress," imitating Jean's voice.

"Then woke up wearing this loose long sleeves of yours unbuttoned on top! I didn't know you were conservative. Wow thank you?! You had the initiative to change my clothes!" I threw my hands up in the air with so much frustration in my veins!

I chased for my breath. I think I shouted out all those things with just one blow! I don't even know if all those things were right!

"You done?" He stared at me with his eyes looking like he grew a lesser interest for me this time. His hands were already holding his waist.

"Excuse?! Me?!" I shouted as I pointed myself. I got up on my feet and stood beside him. I was obviously looking up at him, bare feet on the cold tiles of this room.

“Here,” he stepped aside and gestured me to get in the bathroom.

"No! That's not what I meant!!" I messed my already messy hair and turned around, my back already facing me.

“Gosh! This is frustrating!” I turned to him with a tensed emotion on my face thinking of how to fix this unexpected one night stand for I don’t know how long it took us to finish! I could not remember anything!

“God! How did I even end up being in here. Now tell me! It's not like you're not used to doing these tactics to b*tches! As if you're not into f*cking girls!" I pushed his well-toned chest as hard as I can with my pointer.

Erin you're already out of your mind! In the first place, you started everything with a kiss— I mean did I?

My furrowed brows caused by anger and frustrations slowly separated when he stepped closer to cut me off with my drama. He stared and I kind of felt he's pissed and mad with the last words I've said.

I moved back by one step but his eyes were shrinking, analyzing how I came up with those conclusions. His deep stare was like stabbing me for I don't know how many times already.

"What's your problem?" He eyed me furiously. His voice was not loud. It was calm but it was with strong authority. I felt like he was just keeping his temper but he wanted to burst out. I shut my mouth ‘coz it looks like I'm just done with everything I had to say.

"You got us in here in the first place. You should be thankful I even had the concern to keep you comfortable last night ‘coz I saw you so stiff. And I neither begged nor forced you to drink ‘coz you said you don't do those vices. But you drank. I even warned you not to drink too much ‘coz I'm sure you won't be able to keep yourself awake just with a few shots. But you still did. Then you unexpectedly kissed me. I tried to push you away but it didn't bother you that much. You even told me we needed a room.” Him explaining kind of cleared out some blurry events in my head from last night.

Seriously? I initiated everything?!

We looked into each other’s eyes as I felt the fear even if his voice never raised but meant dominance over me. I think he really is already mad.

And I think I just became a slut. I couldn't even believe I just did all those things. Have I really gone insane? I kissed a random guy in a party just because his looks can feed my flesh's needs. I just broke one of my principles in life to kiss someone who will feed my heart with love not my s****l frustrations. Dumb Erin. Dumb.

"Before concluding, learn to at least ask first. You woke up wearing my top ‘coz you unfortunately vomited on your dress in the middle. Of. Our. Make out." His eyes showed no emotion while he emphasized those last words.

My eye socket didn't have much space to expand coz if it had, my eyes could have grown bigger. Erin the slut. This is all your fault Erin. Blame it on your curiosity plus s****l frustrations! Unexperienced b*tch!

He pointed the bathroom, "Your red Mango spaghetti strap pencil cut dress," he completely said with emphasis, "..is in the tub ‘coz I washed it with my bare hands which has your puke all over it."

I glanced my sight on the door where he stood a while ago. I want to bury myself alive and never show up in front of this guy! I felt ashamed of how I reacted. I know. I should have not blamed him for everything last night ‘coz I always had a choice to back out from every little happening that occurred last night.

I looked back at him and his arms were tied on his chiseled chest while he was still eyeing me badly.

"And lastly, I don't f*ck people who are sleeping. So stop acting like I took your virginity."

I looked down on my bare feet and as usual, my fingers were playing with each other. This really happens when I've been caught off-guard.

So we really didn't have s*x the whole night? So should I be thankful I got drunk and unconscious with the sensation he's caused me coz if I was aware I could have lost my virginity to him?

That's what you get Erin for being so tactless. You got Jean's noisy tongue and you had your emotions rise up to your coco head.

He walked to where he hung his coat and slid his hand on a pocket. It was his phone he got and I rattled when he threw it to me. I caught it in the most awkward pose not wanting it to slip through my hands.

"Call your friend and tell her to bring you clothes. You can't just go home wearing that," he said monotonously without looking at me. My hands were trembling as I pressed the home button to light the screen up.

"Hmmm.. What's the passwor—”

"2539"

"Oh. Okay,” I lowered my head to look intently on the screen, avoiding his eyes. I have never been embarrassed this much in my whole life.

I never thought I could do something this crazy after keeping my conservativeness over s****l desires and arousals. He's a man! it's natural he has his s****l urges and girls also have those needs and that's exactly what we had last night. But what's crazy is I never imagined myself on the edge of giving up ‘mine’ with a random guy I just met in a party! And I was the initiator! That was too much Erin.

When his phone displayed the wallpaper, I saw that it was him, facing his back to the camera with his hands on his waist, wearing a basketball jersey of Sovereign Knights, a famous basketball team in the country owned by one of the top 10 richest Filipino businessmen. I know, Sovereign Knight is a liquor brand known for its taste of mild and hard combined. That's what they said. It's even promoted worldwide because of it's unique preservation for years with their wines and alcohol.

"Y-you're a basketball fan?" I asked. He was still not facing me and still continued doing his own business alone. I was kind of disappointed when I heard no answer.

Should I apologize now? I should look for a good timing. Wait! How should I say it? Should I kneel? Kiss his foot? Clean this room? Be his nanny? Cook him good food? F*ck! I don't know how to cook good food! Should I make him a good instant food?! Think Erin think—

"Jersey 15? Naive? He's the popular ace player of this team right? Where did you get his jersey? Are you, by any chance, best of friends?" I tried to ask once more, just to lift up the mood.

He turned his head to my direction but he was clearly bothered by my questions that, I suppose, were not so fit and necessary to be asked in this tensed atmosphere we have here between us. You're stupid as always Erin Dawn.

"I didn't ask for interrogations. Do what I said." And he looked away again.

He was so sweet and cheesy last night, and here he is now, like wanting to get revenge from washing my dress! I never asked him to wash it anyway!

I typed Jean's number but I totally forgot the last 7 digits ‘coz the hell with that! Who am I to memorize her number?! This makes me want to crack my head and drop my brain!

"Ahh.. Excuse me.." I softly called for him, my eyes glued on his sexy back. Erin you've been itching too much!

"What?" He stood up from sitting on the chair and held his waist again. Is he trying to flex his biceps in front of me? F*ck Erin! Are you really that sexually deprived?!

His brow raised at me when he caught me feeding my eyeballs with his bare body and so I lifted my arm with his phone on my hand to give it back. My eyes were looking somewhere else already ‘coz my eyes might feast too much on his wild flesh.

"I don't memorize her number. Hmm. It's fine. I'll find a way to go ho—"

He grabbed the phone from my hand and typed something on the screen with his thumb. "What's her name?" He coldly asked. He's mad coz you're such a slut, Erin.

"Hmm. Jean. Jean Ferrer,” I replied.

His eyes were glued on the screen. While he was busy on his phone, I still had the guts to look at him intently ‘coz truth be told, he's really handsome with a toned body, his angelic face is a head turner and his clean but strong jaw is well-molded which you'd love to run your fingers along with. I have been constantly observing his whole being since last night and I feel like I've been hypnotized by his appeal I, myself, can't resist.

He glanced at me and caught my eyes on him which made my blood run to my cheeks in just seconds. He looked back to his phone and after just a few minutes, he slid it down to his trousers’ back pocket and just then I realized I was standing the whole time.

I sat on the edge of the bed and waited for anything he would like to say or.. Should I say my apologies now? Now? How? Will a kiss be enough— kidding.

"I sent her a message already. She'll probably come just in a while,” his back facing me the whole time.

I want to ask him how he was able to contact Jean but I didn't want to bother him anymore ‘coz he might just want to kick me out of this place.

"Where are we?" This question is a stupid one I know but I just had to know but it's a way to keep the conversation longer so I could say my apologies now. I don't think this room belongs to him ‘coz it doesn't have his personal stuff or anything that has something to do with him.

"Same hotel." He answered without any force of expression in his face and walked straight to the bathroom. Ahh. so we checked-in in this same hotel where the venue of that birthday was held. I followed him and I saw him raise my soaked dress from the tub.

I went closer to him and tried to stop him from hanging my clothes. This can be an apology to what I've accused him of doing last night.

"Let me do it—"

"No." He strongly denied my kindheartedness to at least pay him back for what I've said a while ago which shook my entire being. He raised the dress above him and kept it away from my reaching arms.

“O—ohh okay,” I stepped back and just watched him do it instead.

I watched him insert the hanger to both straps of the dress and pushed the curtains to the walls which are supposed to separate the toilet and the tub to hang my dress on the metal bar just above the tub. He looks cute doing all these things. He can be a good husband in the near future. I could smile the whole day thinking how manly he is doing chores—

I really wanted to take back the words I've accused him with but I just can't grab a good timing to say it out loud. He seems to keep himself busy.

"Are you close friends with Dom?" I moved back and leaned my body against the bathroom wall and crossed my arms just below my breasts. It took a few seconds for him to answer coz ‘he was also washing his handkerchief.

He must have worked hard last night cleaning my puke with his hanky.

He turned his gaze at me and I was kind of disturbed when his serious stare ran down my chest. Does he really find my chest inviting? Every time I catch his glances, it would often land here. Fudge. He just made me feel sexy.

I looked down at my breasts and 3 buttons were already opened! Whoa?! Easy, self. My breasts are now the ones offering themselves to this s*x god. Nice.

"Yeah." Was his only response and faced the sink again and continued rinsing.

There was dead air for quite some time while I still feed my eyes with his sexy back again. I sighed for a couple of times, practicing my apology speech for him. I stood straight when he was about to hang his hanky on the same metal bar where he hung my dress too.

Okay Erin. Be brave enough.

"I'm sorry.”

There was silence. There was complete silence. He wasn't even able to move right away after hearing what I've been dying to say since a while ago. My fingers were once again playing with each other and my head bowed down, eyes straight to the floor. My heart felt lighter this time just after my mouth spat a little courage left in me to admit my mistake.

"For what?" Still his low, monotonous voice that sounded without interest.

"F—for.. what I've said.. a—awhile ago."

There was silence for the second time after I had another set of courage released. This sucks up all my strength whenever I express or admit something I've done wrong. Every time these kinds of things happen whether I reveal something or defend myself from trouble, I feel like all my energy is used up and it literally makes me weak physically and most of all, it tears me up coz I feel like I’m a woman who can easily give up her precious virginity just because of a self-depriving-insecurity-filled break up.

It takes a strong mind to make a person fully understand your side and a strong heart to fully understand what others want you to understand in them.

Everything that has happened last night may have had some of this man's naughtiness but it wouldn't have reached to this point if I didn't put so much emotions beyond my limitations. If I didn't initiate that drunk kiss, his s****l desires might have not sparked. If I didn't invite him to initiate s*x which, fortunately, ended up only into kissing and touching, this wouldn't have happened.

Still my eyes on the ground, my sight has become blurry as water formed which are about to fall on the floor. It's the first time I felt all my conservativeness has been washed out because of a one-night-make-out-session.

"I know.. I should have known better. I'm sorry." There, a drop of tear fell on my toes as I blinked to clear out my vision.

"I was just feeling so depressed I want to feel a bit better after my break up, believing alcohol can take it all. I should have—"

I stopped when a pair of feet was in front of mine. I lifted my chin up and saw his face was peaceful and calm which made me feel at ease. My eyes wanted to cry more tears because of shame. I didn't expect myself to be this hard-headed because of a break-up. I've been wasted for 5 months and I can't seem to remove the scorching pain that still keeps my heart in an unstable state.

My head kept its level raised towards his' to clearly see his face. His head was slightly lowered down to my level as I kept my stare at his chestnut brown iris. The corners of my lips were pulled down as another batch of tears were on its way which kept my eyes watery.

"I’m sorry. I was.. I was really out of my mind last night,” I apologized once again.

"Don't be sorry,” he seriously answered back.

"I'm sorry. I dragged you here out of my misery. I should have been cautious last night. I should have not let my emotions eat me up. I should have been stronger. I should have been matured enough,” I said while wiping my tears with my hand.

It's embarrassing that I had to be locked inside four corners with a stranger just to realize this.

Regrets filled my whole self as I apologized to him. Regrets for what I've done last night and regrets for not being the best partner. If I could have made Dave feel more loved, then he wouldn't have to break up with me. If I was just the best girlfriend in the world, I wouldn't have been dumped, depressed, wasted and ended up in this situation right now, entangled with a man I don't even know.

"I should have been more understanding. I should have been patient. I should have been sweeter. I should have listened to him all the time. I should have been more concerned. I should have been sensitive about his thoughts and feelings. I should have been better. I should—"

"Shhh. Don't blame yourself." He firmly said. I closed my eyes and a river of tears came rushing down along my jaw. I guess this is another time to pour out all my hurt and pain because of Dave's sudden decision which I can hardly accept. He took a step closer to wipe my tears with his thumb. I kind of felt he was quite hesitant to do it probably because I might not like it again.

"Never blame yourself. He lost you too just as how you lost him. You guys lost each other. Cry it out then let go,” he pulled his hand away from my face and tied his arms on his chest again.

"If that's his decision and he's happy with it, would you want to force yourself in his life if he's better off without you? Free yourself from something that might even cause you a deeper wound. Let yourself heal.”

What he said seemed to be the exact words my ears, mind, and heart was dying to hear for months now. It's the right kind of comfort I badly need all this time. He's right. We lost each other. I wouldn't want to chase someone who has already chosen to live a life without my presence. All I have to do is not lose myself in this process and make everything with much more interest and enthusiasm especially that I have a business to take care of.

But why do I feel like I'm not worth any good relationship? Am I not enough? Do I lack something that Dave has been wanting to have? Am I not attractive enough? There have been insecurities kept inside my system that makes me overthink.

My heart pounded louder when we just stood in the bathroom, facing and staring at each other.

"Am I ugly?" I asked.

He shook his head from left to right. I believe that was a no.

"Not sexy?" I sniffed like a kid and tried to get a little assurance from someone who doesn't really know me.

His facial expression changed from a peaceful and comforting one to a confusion with a wrinkled forehead, “What?”

"Just answer me,” I was hoping he'd answer the one that'll make me feel not worthless.

"It depends on how you want me to understand what sexy is." He says with a smirk and a soft low giggle.

I never broke the connection our eyes had after hearing him answer me. I smiled a little ‘coz I believe he deserves it after so much drama I showed him about my crooked and not so successful love life.

He shook his head and walked towards the bed and sat on the left side of it, leaning on the headboard. I believe the atmosphere is now lighter than a while ago.

"Funny how untamed you were last night and here you are, crying over what you actually chose to do. No hard drinks for you little girl." He says and watches me walk towards the other side of the bed where I slept.

"I'm not a little girl!" I protested with a pout. I heard him chuckle and I didn't know how to react because of his masculinity too strong to handle and so I rubbed my eyes pretending it was itchy even if something else inside me was the one itching— stop Erin!

"Yes you are. You're probably 4'11—"

"5'0!" I corrected him right away.

"Okay okay okay!" He laughed as he raised both of his arms as if surrendering. He's body can be really appreciated in all angles. Does he work out every day?

"How tall are you?" I asked out of nowhere. I was curious ‘coz he really is damn tall. I was wearing a 5-inch heels last night and I still had to put a little effort to look up to him.

"I'm just 6'0" he casually said while looking at me.

"Really?!" I reacted with so much shock painted on my face. He nodded like a little boy while strands of his hair swayed covering his forehead. "Tsk. As if it could actually make you way more attractive.”

He moved closer to my side which made me turn to look at him. I never had a guy this close to me who’s this sexy when naked on top.

"And what if it could?"

His words came out perfectly like floating letters in my eyes and it tickled my eardrums like a sweet melody. He flashed his sexy smirk at me and shorten the gap between our faces. I want to take a picture of his face right now, produce copies, frame it, and hang it in every wall I would possibly pass by.

"If I know, you've cursed more than a hundred times inside your head of how much I've turned you on,” he whispered.

How did he know that? My lips parted as his breath somewhat blew an air of seduction into my lips when he spoke.

Is he going to ravish my lips once again and feel every piece of this fragile body I have?

I heard him sigh which made me think he's saving a bag of air in his lungs to keep this next kiss going— or maybe not.

My eyes were fixed on his' as I thought to myself "Am I going to permit myself again to be locked in another situation I'll regret right after?" I guess, with how I’m reacting, I’m also allowing him to do whatever is playful and naughty for him.

"I have no regrets about last night." He added. All the more that I couldn't find words to answer him. I was confused whether to stare at him on his left or right eye.

I didn't want to believe him because I already heard those kinds of lines which were more of a lie. But something in me wanted to believe in his words though.

Did he like the way I pulled my drunk show on him? Did I cause an awakening in himself? Or maybe out of the girls he had met, I was the more unique one he has encountered? Petite? Unpredictable? Innocent-looking?

I had nothing else to say ‘coz I didn't understand what he was trying to prove to me.

What does he mean? Was I the first to make him feel something more than a make out can do?

****