Offside Love

Frozen

I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I muttered, forcing myself to meet his eyes.

The air hung heavy around us, pressing down on my chest, like it might crush me if I stayed too long.

This should have been the perfect time to slap him after everything he did to me. After humiliating me and discarding me like I was nothing.

But my hand stayed still at my side. My body betrayed me, carving me into something as little and helpless as a sheep.

“ I saw you with him!”

His voice thundered down like a rainstorm.

Him?

I blinked twice, too stunned to speak.

The same person who called me trash?

Why is he acting hurt and wounded now?

“ Does it even matter anymore?” My voice came out, barely beyond a whisper.

Didn’t he move on with Samantha the very next day?

Didn't he lean to kiss her right in front of me like I didn't exist?

“ Amy," he sneered, shaking his head.

“Always falling for any guy that smiles at her.”

I gasped, my stomach burning like I had consumed poison.

I wanted to scream at him and tell him how wrong he was, how careful I was with my heart and how he was the only one I ever fell for. But I didn't. The words stayed trapped, chocking me from inside.

He didn’t say anything else, he just stared like he was waiting for me to confess something I did not do.

Father was right. She’d end up just like her Mother, birds of the same feather.

“ You'll end up broken just like I was when her mother, Margaret, left me to marry someone else .I never want to see you with that harlot’s daughter!

“Leave her alone !” Olivia burst in like a siren.

She stepped between us, her face reddening, with the look that dared him to spill another word.

She glanced at me, and I knew she wanted me to finally fight back like I promised I would.

But I could not. I shook my head and looked at the ceiling, my heart pounding so loud it drowned my thoughts.

“ Olivia stop!” I blurted, raising my hands above my head.

Olivia froze, like the world around her suddenly stopped moving.

“ Stop?” she whispered.

“He's doing it again Amy."

“ I just ... I don't want to make it worse,” I said weakly, staring at her like she might understand me.

But it was already too late. Olivia's face hardened before I could even say another word.

All the fire and rage she had in her eyes dimmed.

“You'll never learn,” she muttered before storming off.

Daniel raised his shoulder, a faint smile tugging at

his lips.

And there I was, defending a guy who never loved me. I hated myself for it.

What have I done?

The room was tense when we got back. Olivia threw her bag to the ground, the thud echoing against the walls. She lay on the bed,her eyes glued to her phone like I wasn't even there.

I sank into the chair, resting my hands on my cheeks. The clock ticked loudly, filling the gap my voice should have filled.

“ What I did there was wrong.” I said quietly, almost to myself.

Olivia didn’t look up from her phone, instead rolled over to the side of the wall, increasing the volume on her phone.

I let out a slow sigh, and placed my hands on my lap.

He doesn't love me, yet I keep looking for the tiniest sign that he does.

Why do I always freeze when I see him?

Why can't I stand up for myself? Why does it seem impossible?

Daniel's snare, father's voice and Samantha's laughter rattled in my ear.

It reminded me of everything I was supposedly destined to become ; weak and broken just like mother.

But I don't want this life anymore . I don't want to keep shrinking so others can feel big.

Olivia's been the one protecting me, yet I keep failing her every time.

“ I'm really sorry," I said, reaching for her hand.

“No you're not!” Olivia scoffed, tossing her phone aside.

The weight of her voice stung more than I expected.

I stared at my own palms, wishing they could explain what my mouth could not.

Maybe she was right. It's always easy for me to say something then do the opposite.

I always said I would change but never did.

But I did not want to be that way anymore. I really wanted to change.

I stared at the wall, my shadow frowning at me.

“ I’m sorry—” I tried to apologize.

“ You don't even know what you're sorry for!” Olivia cut in, standing abruptly.

I gulped hard, the words carried so much weight, too heavy to swallow. I smoothed my dress, standing slowly. I couldn't stay, not even for the next minute.

Because if I stayed, I would keep being the same old me without change.