CHAPTER 4
1348 Words
I didn't know I was talking until the words came out.
Mira stood still next to the door with her arms around a warm blanket. Early morning's soft, quiet light came into my room and touched everything but the side of the bed that wasn't being used."I'm sorry, my Luna," she said slowly.
It seemed like that was all it took: one nod. It felt like the pain in my chest had told me that hours before.
He hadn't come back.
That night I couldn't sleep because I kept counting the slow rise and fall of my breath and the soft, uneven hum of the bond. My heart would go up and down every time I heard footsteps outside the door.
By dawn, hope looked silly.I told her, "Thanks." "You can go."
She thought for a moment, her eyes full of things she didn't want to say. Finally, she bowed and left.
It was quiet when the door shut behind her.
It was very quiet very fast.
As I sat on the edge of the bed, my fingers ran through the sheets. The bond slowly moved toward the healer's wing and then stopped, as if it were sick of calling out.
I asked myself, "Say something. Anything."
There was no action.
I put on simple clothes instead of my Luna robes and took my time getting dressed. It didn't feel right to wear things that showed I was quitting a job I was asked to do. When I finally got out of my room, the pack house was already awake, but it wasn't as warm as normal.
Some people looked. No one spoke anymore.
As I walked down the hall, people talked quietly behind me."Is she still here?"This is what I thought: "Maybe it's only for a while."
For now.
I kept my head up the whole time, even though each step made something inside me tighten up.
The meeting room doors were wide open. Rowan was inside looking away from me and having a quiet conversation with Elder Corvin and two other people. There was no Seraphina by that place.
You should feel better now.
It wasn't.
Rowan told them, "We can't rush this." "If we're wrong—"
"If you're wrong, you could tear the pack apart," Corvin said in a cool voice.
Rowan saw me when he turned around.
The conversation ended right away."Lyra," he said.
I stopped just inside the door. "You didn't come back."
In no way was it a charge. Just a fact.
His jaw got tense. "I stayed close to the hall for healers." Just in case Seraphina—
It was "in case she needed you."
He said yes.
Again, we were quiet. The older people moved around, clearly not happy, but no one said anything."Need something?" Rowan finally asked.
The space in his voice hurt more than his anger did.Yes, I said in a low voice. "I need to know where I stand."
Corvin shook his head. "Maybe this talk would be better—"I told her, "No." "I want it now."
Rowan looked at me very long. There was a look on his face that said, "I can't find the right answer."
He finally said, "We're still looking into it." "Until then, things will stay the same."
Nothing has changed.
"You mean I stay quiet?" I asked. "While you think about whether I still matter.""That's not what I meant.""Then say what you mean."
He spoke. Closed.
The link was weak and shaky.He said, "I need time."
I laughed softly. "You're asking for time while you're between two bonds.""This wasn't my choice," he yelled.
I agreed and said "No." "But you get to choose how to deal with it."
The words were like a weight between us.
Elder Corvin took over. "Lyra, you should take a break right now. The shaman talked about stress—"I never took my eyes off of Rowan as I said, "I will rest." "But don't think I'm weak just because I'm quiet."
His eyes were just barely open. I'm sorry. Perhaps.
Or maybe I just wanted to see it so badly.
Before he could say anything else, I turned around and left.
The rest of the day was broken up. I didn't eat much of my food. The halls were out of bounds for me. It seemed like every sound and look were louder than they should have been.
In the afternoon, the strange warmth came back. It was quiet, steady, and shaky.
I don't remember how I got to the healer's hall, but I was there.
She made a face when she saw me. "You're pale.""I don't feel right," I said. "Not sick." "Just—different."
She gave me a long look and then pointed to a chair. "Sit."
She used cool, skilled hands to check my breathing and heart. Just a little, her face changed."I need to think about this more," she said slowly.
A wave of worry went through me. "Why?"Because something is making your body react. I also don't like guessing.
She went to the room in the back.
The door opened before she got there.
The beautiful Seraphina went inside.It was a soft "Oh." "I didn't know anyone was here."
It made the healer tighten up. "This isn't a good time."
"I won't stay long," Seraphina said, and her eyes were already on me. "I just wanted to see how Lyra was doing."
It seemed like she was very worried.
"Almost."I told her, "I'll be fine."
She carefully moved toward him. "I really hope so." I didn't mean to hurt you.
I looked her straight in the eye. "Then stop."
She had shaking lips. "I would if I could."
The doctor or therapist cleared her throat. "That's enough from both of you."
Seraphina gave a nod and turned to leave. "She stopped at the door.She spoke quietly and didn't look back. "You should know that the bond pain gets worse before it gets better."
After that, she left.
The words hurt my feelings.
Someone who healed me kept a close eye on me. "Don't pay attention to her.""I'm trying," I told her.
It was the back room, and she shut the door. "Get down."
I felt another wave of warmth, this time stronger than the last one. I was having trouble breathing.How do you feel about that?" I asked.
She put her soft hand on my stomach.
"Her eyes got bigger."What?" I asked in a whisper, and my fear grew quickly.
She didn't answer right away. She reached for a small bottle, said something to herself in a whisper, and then carefully looked at me again. Checked out."Lyra," she asked slowly, "is there any chance you could be—"
"The door flew open.""Lyra."
Rowan's voice.
He stood in the doorway and looked at me, the doctor, and the room with wide eyes.He said, "I felt something." "The bond—"
The healer stretched out her arms and stood tall. Her face was blank.Alpha, she said, "we had a test."
Rowan took a look at me from below.
It hurt my heart when it hit my ribs.
I knew all of a sudden.
And his eyes got darker, which means he did too.While getting closer, he said in a soft voice, "Lyra." "What are you not telling me?"
I opened my mouth to talk.
The bond grew stronger, becoming wild, clear, and living.
You can't hide anymore.
It's not safe to talk."Is it real?"
I knew who asked the question before I saw them.
I stopped in the middle of the hallway and slowly curled my fingers together by my side. Now, the pack house was always loud. It was now possible for quiet to have a sound. It was sharp, alert, and ready for rumors to fill it.
I turned around.
Just a few steps away, a young she-wolf stood with her mouth open a little, as if she hadn't meant to say those words. There were two more people behind her who pretended not to hear while they did."What is true?" I asked in a cool voice.
- Writer
