Shadows of Us

Chapter Two

ROANNE

Cassie sighs and strokes my hair. “So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I’m thinking I want to get on our bed and curl up and cry all day, have you get me some ice cream and tissues and just let myself feel. But I’m also thinking I want to search the entire America for the man.”

“I know that feeling.” Cassie lost her man earlier this year too.

Except he was a terrible racist. Like, what racist asks a black girl out?! It didn’t make any sense. Honestly, I think he liked what he saw but couldn’t handle it. Anyway, he upped and left one day and I comforted her, but I was low-key happy.

I normally don’t take relationship advice from her because I watched her become a fool for that man, but ay, I'm the heartbroken one now, and I can’t lie and say I’m not a fool either.

“I’m not a huge fan of the former, but you’re definitely not doing the latter,” she continues, and I groan.

“Think about it, Cas. I know movies aren’t always the most realistic, but they’re getting better. Sometimes, we just need to do the chasing. We don’t always have to let go just because the guy wants to.”

“Can you hear yourself? He wants to. That’s what makes it necessary to let go. You can’t force him to be in a relationship with you, girl!”

“I’m not going to do that!” Okay now, I’m getting a bit angry.

“Don’t yell at me! I’m trying to help!”

“I know! I know. I’m sorry! I’m just...I’m a mess right now and...” I burst into tears again and she hugs me.

I hate hugs when I’m crying. They make me cry even harder, but I don’t want to get her angry. She’s literally going to be late to work because of me.

That ends the tears: “You should go to work.” “I don’t have to be at work till like 8:40. I have plenty of time for you, babe.”

“Don’t call me that. For now. PTSD here” I cringe, and she breaks the hug with a smile.

“I could have sworn you were both okay.”

“Yeah, me too,” I sniff, wiping under my nose. “Could have sworn we were more than okay.”

“You really want to look for him?” “Yeah...I mean, I deserve something, right? What we had was too precious to just end it with one text. One text, Cas! Just what does he think I am? A rag”

I sniff again. Stupid catarrh that comes with tears. So annoying.

“Definitely not. You’re my beautiful, beautiful best friend. Literally the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Inside out.”

“Oh please. Have you seen Marsai Martin?” I put out and we burst into laughter. “Okay, okay. But you’re definitely top of my list.” She corrects and we just keep laughing. I love my best friend. So I know I’d never let her go.

So, why should I leave Scott? “What if he went back to London?”

“Woah. He doesn’t live in America?”

“Well, he never really spoke about that, but have you heard the man? You don’t live in America and still maintain that thick accent. It’s not just British, it’s posh. All he told me was that he was on a Sabbatical. I never pushed for more. Maybe I should have.

Now, I don’t even know where to look. It’s like: one second, I have great knowledge of this: Scott, who is my boyfriend, who got us an apartment, went to Church with me on Sundays, worked from home, took great care of me and my family, and then the next I didn't. I don’t know his family or his friends or anybody.

I never even bothered to ask. He changed the subject whenever it got to that, and so I just wanted to wait till he was ready to tell me. Hell, I thought his family was dead. I just took what he gave me, you know. Now I realize I really didn’t know much of him at all. Maybe that’s why he left. He realized how selfish I am.

“Hey, don’t do that. That whole self-blame thing, don’t. If he didn’t want to tell you, it was the perfect decision to wait till he was ready. You did what anyone should have. Okay?” When I don’t reply, she places her hands on my arms and shakes me a bit. “Okay?” “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

“What’s this?” She says and bends a bit. She comes up with a card in her hand. I snatch it from her to see.

“JJ Law firm and associates. It’s a firm in London.”

“Really? What else does it say?” She asks, taking it back from me.

“Well, this is a very boring business card. Just name and address?”

“Address? Maybe this is where he works!” “He said he’s an artist!” “Right. He said that.” I deflate a bit. “But, this isn’t mine though. He’s the only one that could have brought it here.

Maybe that’s where he went to.” “Girl. You want to travel all the way to London to look for this company?”

“Yes.”

“You think it’s worth it?” “I’ve never been to London. Might as well give myself a breakup treat, and it’s not like I can’t afford the ticket. It’s nothing and you know it.” I work and I make big six figures. I'm a financial consultant at a freelance consulting firm, and I’m one of the best. Which is why I get to lazy away on some days. I've gotten and retained big clients for the company, so they see me as a jewel. I never spend my money, so I might as well do that now.

“Roanne. I need to be sure you’re making this decision from a rational mind.”

“I don’t want to be rational, Cassie. For once, I want to think with my heart.”

She takes my hands. “If you get there, and you actually find him, what would you do?”

“I just want answers, Cass. I deserve that much.”

I’d also probably beg him to take me back, but she doesn’t need to know that. “Okay. Okay. Sadly, I have to get going now. Let me know when you land, okay?”

“Definitely.”

“Bye babe.”

“Bye.”

Immediately she leaves, it hits me. He said that last night. “Bye, babe,” I laughed.

“Bye, why? Where are you going?”

He remained silent for a few seconds and then answered, “Nowhere. Not anywhere you won’t be able to find me.” I laughed again. “What are you saying? Did you drink too much?”

It was his turn to laugh. “You know I’d never let myself get drunk.”

“Shhh.” I said as he lifted me, wrapping my legs round his waist and my arms automatically found their way round his neck.

“I love you,” he said, and I leaned down for a kiss.

I love you more, English man. More than anyone in this world.

His hand froze on my back. “I know,” he whispered, before closing the gap between our lips.

A drop of warm water on my hands brings me back. Except it’s not random water, it’s my tears. I’m crying again.

Ugh.

He dropped that big hint and I couldn’t even tell. I didn’t suspect a thing. Ignoring the tears, I climb the bed, open my laptop. Thankful I still have a visa from my last visit to a client, I book a plane tickets for London.