Project Damien: Lord of Shadows

Chapter 10: Screams from the inside

They were moving. At first just around me, distantly watching me, and I saw them out of the corner of my eye. They peeked through the barred windows like dumb faces, watched me motionless from the corners of the corridors, stared at me from the corner of the dining room. Later, they dared to come closer, sitting down next to me in the dining room, sitting across from me in my small room, walking behind me as if to protect me.

Now they moved through my mind like shadows, unseen and unheard, creeping,looking around, creeping through my consciousness, exploring my subconscious, searching, searching for something that belonged to me, that was mine once upon a time but that I had lost and forgotten in the depths of my self.

They were whispering, mumbling words under their noses that made no sense, talking to me, speaking to me, coaxing things out of me in a language I didn't understand. Their thoughts were turning in my head, talking, shouting, showing me patterns I was supposed to understand, words I was supposed to comprehend.

Now they were speaking to me from behind me, they dared not enter my mind, they were speaking to me and I understood their speech now, their words were not just meaningless gibberish, everything they said made sense and it had to be that way because it was meant to be that way, because it was meant to be that way. That I had arranged it to be that way. I did what I had to do.

Silent, silent shadows, without a name, without a face, without something that belonged to them, that they owned. They were nothing more than flickering shadows, empty and formless, nameless, meaningless, wandering aimlessly, forever unseen, forever unheard. Until that moment before they realized that I was looking at them, gazing at them searchingly, trying to figure out what they were, to discover them, to figure out their essence and the reason for their existence. As soon as they realized that I was perceiving them, they began to rub against me and get my attention. They promised, they pleaded, they urged, they shouted, they threatened, they cursed me for my ignorance, they pounced on me, they circled around me, they prodded me, they hurt me, they teased me, they provoked me, they called out to my self that slumbered silently in my depths and refused to get up.

They pounded me, begging me to come out, to come out, calling me, screaming...

I screamed!!!

There was a stamping of feet outside the door, people's voices echoed, the security sensor registered an authorization code, and people entered the room. I knelt on the floor and watched the blood flow from my wounds, that life-giving, unpalatable, necessary red liquid that had been flowing through my body and keeping me alive now flowed across the floor like an unnecessary thing, like something I no longer needed. I dropped the piece of mirror I still clutched in my hand and lifted a weary gaze at Dr. Raum and his trusty right hand, Nurse Rose, caught me before my head could hit the floor and I watched the ceiling.

That's right.

That's the way it's supposed to be.

Bleed for us.

We'll bleed for you.

Feel the pain for us.

We will feel the pain for you.

Die for us.

And we will die for you.

The lights on the ceiling flickered, and I continued to watch them, wondering how they were able to harness the energonite into an alloy of titania with other metals to create something solid, knotted, and safe from... from everything?

Not from everything.

Not from us.

Not from you.

Not from us together.

I could barely perceive them circling around me, trying to save me, injecting me with an extremely strong dose of energonite to promote healing of the damaged fabric and hasten my recovery. My head twisted, reeling...

Darkness enveloped me, beautiful, undisturbed, fully felt, glorious darkness, the darkness wrapped its protective wings around me, promising me the peace and quiet that I wanted, that I craved, that I had been promised and never attained. I turned restless, restless in it, for a light began to pierce through the darkness, a light that blinded me, that prevented me from my peace, from my tranquility, from the eternal rest to which I had retired... a light that pierced through the darkness and came upon me, calling me up, out, away from the place to which I had retreated from everything, to which I belonged.

Don't go...

Don't leave us...

Don't go...

You mustn't leave.

We won't let you leave.

I won't leave.

Quiet. I sank into silence, full and beautiful, melodious in its essence, soothing and welcoming as a summer breeze, pleasant in its beauty and in its melancholy depth. The silence echoed around me, filling the space as far as the eye could see, far and wide, like a silent shroud that covers everything and nothing breaks it, nothing tears it, a protective net that soothed me, putting me into a pleasant sleepy calm... Suddenly my peace was disturbed by shouts and noises, the cries of the long forgotten, the voices of the long lost, echoing, shouting, calling, pleading for help, not letting me rest, not letting me rest in the peace and quiet of oblivion, rumbling and not letting up, adding to the volume, rumbling and rustling in my head, echoing off the walls of my skull like a never ending chime in the wind.

Come here.

Come to us.

Come join us.

Come back to us.

You have to come back.

You have to come to us.

Help us.

Come back, sir.

I shouted. I screamed in a closed room, screaming from full lungs that wouldn't and wouldn't empty. My inner scream released as if it broke through the dam of the possible and created a new impossible. I screamed and screamed, my voice bursting from inside me like one powerful pressure wave bouncing off the walls, vibrating in the furniture, in everything around me, and it came back to me. My screams were joined by dozens, hundreds, thousands of shadows celebrating and excited. The screams reverberated throughout the lab, shaking the room, shattering thousands of panes of glass, breaking dozens of doors, knocking dozens of people off their feet and onto their backs in mute amazement and surprise at what had happened. My screams punched further and further out of me like a tsunami, springing from the depths of myself. My nails grew into claws at once and dug into my wrists until blood gushed out and I collapsed to the ground, bleeding heavily, dying...

Only to come out of my brief slumber and see my body slowly dissolve into blood which came back into me in streams through every cell on my body back to where it belonged, and a shadow flickered over the spot where my corpse had lain only moments before.

Not this life.

Not this suffering.

No.