Mackenzie

Chapter 32

I stared down in horror at the ridiculous grade boldly written on my test paper. How the hell would I get a 'D'!? Never ever had I gotten a 'D' in any test! My eyes blurred and I blinked hard to suppress the tears that threatened to fall. How could I get a D?

Your mind kept wandering during the test, don't forget. My subconscious screamed in my head and so what if my mind kept wandering the test? The most important thing was I was satisfied with what I wrote.

Satisfied with rubbish? Because that was what you wrote for half of the test. Rubbish.

How could I have written rubbish?

Easy. Because you wouldn't let yourself relax. You kept on thinking about mom who even expects you to do great in your test. Most of all, you wouldn't stop letting Tanner's words of the other day affect you... And guess what? He has a B!

Unbelievable. Tanner had a B! I felt his eyes on me and then, saw his gaze drop to my paper. He saw my failure, and for sure, he'd laugh at me. He'd say it serves me right. He'd say I was bitching around it earned me a 'D'. A f*****g D. I couldn't help but feel a surge of anger towards him. His words wouldn't let me concentrate. His words were disturbing... His words made me lose myself. His words wouldn't stop echoing in my head. How could I let him do this to me? Yes, his hurtful words had gotten to me, but not to the extent that I'd fail a subject I never ever thought​ I'd fail.

I gave the paper a light squeeze, not wanting to angrily squeeze it so everyone wouldn't know Mackenzie had failed her test.

"There we have it. I hope we can all see clearly for ourselves how we did in the test. For those who did extremely well, it's a thumbs up to you guys, and for those who did poorly, I advice that you go through what you did, figure out what went wrong and work harder. There are other tests to come." She said, looking around and I could tell she was struggling to keep from looking at me. I felt so ashamed.

And if there were more tests to come and I was still tutoring Tanner, then I was certain that I'd keep failing my test, and so it was official.

I wasn't going to tutor him again. He caused nothing but pain. Nothing but disgust in oneself, because I was irritated at myself right now, irritated that I'd let him do this to me. He was trouble.

The bell rang and everyone packed their books to leave the class.

"Mackenzie, I'd like to see you." Mrs Martinez said when everyone was at the door, struggling to leave the class. Ryan stood behind me, completely unaware that I'd failed my test. Ryan would never expect me to fail a test. Never. And to avoid his questions, I walked quickly to Mrs Martinez.

"Yes ma'am?" I couldn't look her in the eye. I was scared that if I did, I wouldn't like the look of disappointment in her eyes.

"What happened?" She asked and I was forced to look at her, and she stood, eyes wide with concern.

"Mack-"

"I don't know, Mrs Martinez.. I do not know." I said firmly.

"When I was marking the test papers, I thought I'd given your grade to Tanner-"

"Yes. I know he did better than I did, Mrs Martinez, I don't think rubbing that in my face would make me feel better."

"No, I'm not trying to rub it in your face. I was only wondering what went wrong. What went wrong, Mackenzie?"

I had no idea what to say. I didn't feel like talking, so I looked back at her.

"Mackenzie-"

" I. Don't. Know!" I tried to steady my shaky voice.

"You can talk to me-"

" I don't want to... Please." I pleaded.

Mrs Martinez nodded,"Uh.. okay."

I sighed,"Thank you.."

She looked at me and I said,"I can go now, right?"

"Yeah... Yeah, sure." She nodded, looking uncertain.

"Thank you." I turned to leave, but immediately looked back at Mrs Martinez, "Wait. One thing." I said and she looked back at me, happy and hopeful that I'd tell her what was wrong.

Too bad.

"This whole tutoring thing." I gesticulated frantically, "Tutoring Tanner.. I.. I can't do it-"

"Mackenzie, look-"

"I told you the first time that I couldn't do it. I can't anymore. You should be happy, he passed his test. Mrs Martinez, I have had enough."

Mrs Martinez sighed, "Did anything happen between both of you?"

"Nothing has to go wrong between us, I'm tired and that's it. Ma'am, I have a lot on my mind.. just accept this and I'd be extremely grateful."

"Alright... Fine. Uh, yeah. Okay," she nodded,"What happens to him now?"

"I honestly don't care, but.. to help you, you could just get another tutor for him, y'know." I shrugged.

"No one's as good as you are, Mackenzie-"

"Mrs Martinez, I got a D in my test. Surely, someone got an A."

"Nobody did. The highest grade was a B in the test."

"And Tanner got a B." I adjusted the strap of my bag, "If you ask me, Mrs Martinez.. I think he's​ better at Trig already. Just give him time to study on his own, as for me, I'm so done tutoring him."

"Can you... Can you just rethink this?"

"Already did.. a dozen times. I'm very sure. I'm done. I tried." I took a deep breath, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She smiled sympathetically.

I nodded and walked out of the class and was surprised to see Tanner leaning against the wall by the classroom.

He looked at me, eyes filled with silent pleas even as his lips were slightly open like he wanted to say something, but I didn't care. I glared at him. Damn. It was probably the coldest glare I'd ever given anyone. I hope he heard everything I told Mrs Martinez. That would make things easier in letting him know I wanted nothing to do with his stupid ass.

*****

"So about Brooke's dad" Ryan said, taking a huge bite of his Nutella sandwich. " He actually cooked for me! And then we played..."

At first, I was carried away by the delicious sight of Nutella dripping from the bread, but later, I completely zoned out. I couldn't hear a word that came out from Ryan's mouth. It was like he was on mute or something, because his lips were moving, but nothing more.

"Kenzi!" I jumped in fright and sighed when I saw Ryan staring intently at me. "Sorry, I had to shout because I'd called you six times already."

"I'm so sorry, Ryan." I said,"Can you start over?"

"No.. well, not until you tell me what's wrong with you."

I chuckled,"Nothing's wrong with me."

"When will you understand that you can't lie to me?"

"I'm not lying, Ryan. I just zoned out, that's all."

"What were you thinking about?"

"Just random stuff" I shrugged

"You don't look happy." He said in a low voice.

"I-"

"I know you won't tell me what's up now, so I'm just gonna cheer you up.. but you have to tell me later."

I rolled my eyes smiling a little,"Don't try to cheer me up, Ry. I'm in no mood to laugh right now."

"Hey guys!" Bambi walked up to us, her tray in hand.

"Hi!" Ryan and I looked at her.

"Ugh I'm so late for lunch. Got called back.. what's up?" Bambi looked at Ryan, then me. "Is Kenzi okay?"

Just as I saw Ryan open his mouth to say, I said immediately,"Yes, Bambi.. I'm fine... Just tired." I nodded, knowing that if Ryan said anything, the two would force me to tell them what was wrong, and I honestly didn't feel like talking about how I failed my test or anything.

"Sure?" She squinted at me.

"Yeah." I nodded while Ryan remained quiet, chewing on his sandwich.

"Hey, my sandwich doesn't have Nutella in it." Bambi whined.

"Too bad. This thing is so damn good." Ryan said, taking another bite of his sandwich.

"Ryan, why don't you just be nice and you know... Donate a sandwich to a sister in need." She smiled at him like a child.

"Oh what would I do? I've got one left." He said in mock surprise.

"Ryan, do not do it." Bambi glared at him.

"It's my sandwich. I've got every reason to." Ryan smirked.

"Oh, c'mon Ry.." She rolled her eyes.

"Alright, alright." He sighed

"Yes!" Bambi put her hands in the air in triumph,"Hand it over."

"Wait. You thought I'd give it to you just like that?"

"Ryan... Why the f**k are you like this?"

"Look, all you gotta do is say I'm the greatest... Then you might have to do what I say for a whole day, which would be tomorrow."

"No! Because of a sick sandwich? You know what, I don't give a damn. Eat your messed up sandwich that would only land you in the toilet."

Sometimes watching these two made me smile and laugh hard.. I smiled watching them as Bambi looked at Ryan in horror, and Ryan slowly took the sandwich close to his mouth.

"Wait!" Bambi closed her eyes.

"Oh. Wanna say something?" Ryan said, smirking.

"Ryan, I hate you for making me do this but that sandwich looks way too divine" Bambi said through gritted teeth.

"Are you gonna say it or not? This baby is calling." He looked at the sandwich.

"Fine. You're the greatest.. and I agree to do whatever you might tell me to do tomorrow."

"Awesome." Ryan smiled,"Here."

"Thank you!" Bambi said, grabbing it from Ryan's hand and taking a huge bite into it. Ryan and I stared at her as she devoured the sandwich in seconds.

*****

"Hey, Kenzi" Jesse took a seat beside me at the library.

"What's up, Jesse?" I forced a smile. I kinda wanted to be alone at the moment.. I just wanted to think. Now that I wasn't tutoring Tanner anymore, I had to create more time to spend with mom, and that's what weighed on my mind, making me feel down a little.

"Two things," he said seriously,"But first, you okay?"

"Yeah, sure.." I nodded.

"Did you tell Mrs Martinez about not wanting to tutor Tanner?"

"Yeah, I did..." I nodded, feeling confident and satisfied,"Why'd you ask?"

He scratched the back of his head, cleared his throat and said,"Uh... Nothing"

"Great", I smiled,"So what's the other?"

"Uh.. do you have any idea what might be wrong with Bambi? I mean, I've been trying to talk to her, but it feels like she's avoiding me, I don't know," he shrugged,"Is she okay?"

I so badly wanted to ask him if he really liked Bambi the way he acted like he did, but I felt like it wasn't the right time, considering what Bambi told me this morning.

I was at a loss for words at first but then I shook my head," I.. I really don't know, maybe she wasn't just in a good mood at that time."

*****

"I've been happy all day." Bambi said as she drove, throwing a quick glance at me.

I chuckled a little.

"Why didn't you tell him what I said this morning?"

"Because he sounded so sincere.. he sounded really concerned about you, so I couldn't tell him, I just had to say you weren't in a good mood, y'know... Were you actually avoiding him?"

"Yes, Kenzi.. I have no idea why I was, but I just kept on avoiding him. He did try so many times to talk to me, but." Her voice trailed off as she tapped a finger on the steering wheel.

"Look, I think you should just calm down, don't think about it... I think he cares about you-"

"And Tanner doesn't care about you?" She smirked.

''Shut up, Bambi." I rolled my eyes,

"I'm no longer his tutor."

"What?" Bambi's eyes grew wide,

"Why?"

"He's a genius at Trig now." I nodded.

"What? How can you say that?"

"He passed his test, Bambi."

"Really? What was his grade?"

"He had a B."

"Meaning someone got an A!" Bambi squealed.

"Nobody got an A. The highest grade was B."

"Really? Tanner got the same grade as you, then!"

Even Bambi expected me to have passed.

"Actually.. no."

"What do you mean no?"

"I got a D, Bambi."

"That's a lie." Bambi said, finally pulling up to my house.

"Why would I lie about something like that? I'm being totally honest with you.. Crazy, yes. I wouldn't stop thinking about mom. Wouldn't even stop thinking about the jerk's hurtful words to me.. words he said two days to the test. It wouldn't leave my head.. Bambi, I... Look what he's doing to me."

"Oh my, Kenzi, I'm so sorry." Bambi said, pulling me into a hug. "That must have been what was wrong with you during lunch." She said and I nodded

"Does Ryan know?" Bambi asked me.

"No.. he thinks​ I passed the test."

"Aw Kenzi, I'm so damn sorry."

"Hey, it's okay. It's not your fault." I smiled at her, carrying my bag and opening the door as I made to get down,"Don't forget.Think about the whole stuff with Jesse, and try to talk to him tomorrow."

"Yes, sister." Bambi chuckled and I got down from the car, watching her pull away and finally drive off.

Speaking of her talking​ to Jesse the next day, I had an idea.