Mackenzie

Chapter 34

The​ hospital room wouldn't stop spinning. Shaking my head or blinking did nothing to stop it from spinning, not believing the words of Doctor Colt.

"That's not true..." I shook my head,.

"I'm sorry, Mackenzie, but it is... She's been telling me. Telling the nurses. She does want to go back home."

"That can't happen." I cried in horror.

"I tried telling her it wasn't a wise decision, but she said she'd do better at home."

"She won't," I muttered, "Can I see her now? I need to talk to her."

"Sure. She's awake.. in her ward."

"Thanks." I nodded and left the office. What was mom thinking, really? Why would she want to come home?

I pushed the door to her ward open and looked at her. She laid on the bed, eyes open as she stared into space.

"Mom?" I called as I pulled a chair to sit beside her bed.

"Doctor Colt must have told you about me wanting to come home. She's right. I want to leave here, MZ.. nothing is changing. Waking up to the smell of antiseptic isn't nice, either-"

"Mom-"

"This is not the time for me to be in the hospital. It's the time for me to be at home.. how can I spend the last days on a hospital bed?-"

She didn't know. Her words were breaking me. Killing me. I felt like I couldn't breathe.. Hearing the words 'last days' from her mouth killed me.

"It's the time for me to be with you, baby.. the time for me to take walks and just appreciate life more... I'm on the hospital bed everyday, what good is that?"

I closed my eyes tight, and let out a shaky breath, "Mom.. would you let me talk, please? Would you listen to me?"

Mom sighed, "Sorry MZ... I've missed you so much," she said, realising she hadn't actually given me the breath to say anything since I got in.

"Me too, mom. I've missed you... But you have to stay here, please."

"No, Kenzi... I want to come home."

"Mom... Please. You can't." I took her hand.

"Why?"

I had to say, she was acting like a stubborn child.

"You have to understand, mom.. the hospital's better for you-"

"Tell me why."

"There's nothing for you to eat at home." I blurted.

"What?" Her features softened and she now looked concerned, "What do you mean? What do you eat?"

She want meant to know this, but damn, she made me. I shrugged like it didn't matter as I said, "Cereal."

"MZ?" She looked very confused.

"Exactly. You can't come home... At least not now. I won't be able to take care of you the way you'd be taken ​care of here at the hospital."

"It doesn't matter, MZ. I want to come home."

"Mom, you'd have nothing to eat." Was there a better way to make her understand that coming home wasn't best for her? "I can't leave you at home when I go to work with no one at home with you."

"MZ, when we get to that bridge-"

"We wouldn't be able to cross it. I can't leave you at home. Hell, I'd be scared to leave you when I've got school. There's no way I'd do that, mom.."

"Let me just come home, please... I want to come home."

I had to look for something to say. Anything to just make her stay, and so, I said instead, "Right. How about you stay here another week?"

"A week? That's a long time."

"Just stay for a week." I told her. Even though she stated back for a week, it wouldn't change the fact that there was nothing to eat at home.

It was going to take a miracle.

*****

I pushed the door of the diner open, running a hand through my hair, and taking a look around at everyone seated in the diner before making my way to the dressing room.

I appeared at our stand minutes later. Kora wasn't there but I could see her holding a tray and professionally placing it down in front of the two men who sat, totally engrossed in the discussion they were having, it was like they didn't notice her at all.

She made her way back to me, smiling.

"Hey, girl!" She smiled widely, and just for that moment, I wished I wore braces.

"How was school today?"

Whenever she asked me that question, I was always reminded of mom, and instead of me to feel down about the question, my face lit up with smiles, grateful that she wanted to know how my day went in school just like mom would have asked.

"It was..." I let out a breath, " School?"

"Any crushes?" She winked playfully.

"No." I shook my head, feeling shy all of a sudden.

"What? That's​ a lie! How then are you enjoying high school?"

I shrugged, smiling, "C'mon, there's got to be one guy.. just one guy that makes your heart beat fast"

"Actually there is." I nodded

"I knew it!-"

"But it beats fast because he scares me."

" What?" She laughed.

"He's a stupid jerk."

"You like him." She stated

"No, I don't. I mean, he's really hot and all, but he doesn't like me."

"Open hatred is hidden love, baby girl."

"I don't even want to think about him right now." I sighed.

Kora smiled as she rubbed my arm, before looking around the diner to make sure everyone had been taken care of.

I had to help mom. I had to look for something to do. I had to look for a way to put food in the house... And so I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"Can I work double shifts?" I looked at Kora.

She paused what she was doing for a while as she stared at me before saying,

"You're only in high school, Mackenzie. It's gonna be so hard for you.. would you be able to cope?"

I thought for a while. Things were already hard. I was already feeling stressed out even while I wasn't working double shifts, but...

"What can I do?" I shrugged, "I.. I can handle it." I nodded

"Are you sure?"

"Yep." I wasn't sure about anything these days, but I had to do this.

"Right.. You could just talk to the manager about it"

"Thanks a lot, Kora." I smiled, squeezing a hand lightly.

Yes. I had to do it.

For me. For mom.

*****

I got home, really tired and hungry. I walked into the kitchen and looked around, feeling hopeful that maybe, just maybe, something apart from cereal would stick it's head out for me to eat.

I sighed when my search led me back to Froot Loops on the counter.

How was I going to continue living like this?

I was walking to my room when I remembered that I had a chicken wrap in my bag. I'd been helping Kora again, seeing how tired she was. She bought a chicken wrap for herself and also got one for me. I was more than grateful.

Lucky for me, I had dinner today.

Chewing on the chicken wrap, I got out my Calculus textbook and decided to do some studying. With the way I was going, those scholarships were slipping from my hold.

I had to study. Hard.

*****

I groaned in pain as I rubbed the sides of my neck. I'd read late into the night and fallen asleep on my Calculus textbook. I stifled a yawn and fell sideways from the chair, landing right on the floor.

"Damn.. this should be anybody else but me." I rubbed my side.

I got up and groggily walked into the bathroom and when I caught the sight of myself in the mirror, I almost screamed in horror. I looked like a f*****g zombie! I had eye bags and my eyes did look a little red. I looked sleep-deprived.

By the time I was stepping out of the bathroom, I felt better and when I looked back at the mirror, I looked less of a zombie.

*****

"Here!" Bambi sang as she pulled up to the school's parking lot. She sighed and looked at me, " You don't look-"

"Good. I know." I nodded

"You should use some make up."

"No thanks​, Bambi.. no amount of make up can hide how I actually look."

"Never underestimate the power of make up, friend." She raised an eyebrow, "Just a little concealer under those eyes"

"Bambi." I groaned.

"Right." She put her hands up in the air in surrender, "Let's go."

We got down from the car and walked straight into the school building.

*****

My tummy wouldn't stop aching in class. I could understand, I didn't have breakfast this morning, but this wasn't the first time I wouldn't have breakfast before coming to school.

Mrs Martinez walked around class today, explaining what I didn't seem to understand. Tanner sat, tapping his pencil against the desk- as usual.

The class was dead silent and I felt extremely uncomfortable. I was restless for most of the time of the class, from resting my head on the desk to huffing in discomfort. f**k whatever Tanner thought, I couldn't wait for lunch time.

And then, the unthinkable happened.

My tummy let out the loudest growl I'd ever heard it make.

Fuck my life.

I saw Tanner turn to look at me immediately and I closed my eyes in shame even as everyone roared in laughter.

"What the f**k. That didn't just come from Mackenzie's tummy. Hell, there's gotta be an animal in it." A guy from the back said which caused more laughter erupting from the back.

"Guys!" Mrs Martinez shouted from the front, but everyone was too busy laughing.

Laughing at me.

Tanner who was beside me, looked from Mrs Martinez to everyone in the class, as if he was trying to see who was laughing or not. Of course, not everyone would laugh at me. Ryan wouldn't laugh, and definitely because Ryan wouldn't laugh, Gabi wouldn't laugh too.

"Okay, why don't you guys just shut those f*****g things you call mouths up!" Tanner's​ growl covered the voice of Mrs Martinez, who now looked surprised. "You think it's funny, huh?" He then looked to a particular person, so I was guessing it was the moron that said there had to be an animal in my tummy. " And you should know when to open that s**t mouth of yours, stupid idiot."

"Tanner-", Mrs Martinez started, but he wouldn't stop talking, and I could see it. I could see what happened last time happening again. Mrs Martinez would ask him to leave the class again. And he'd have to. Because of me. I know, I was meant to be happy, happy he'd leave the class, but I honestly didn't want him to. Not after he stood up for me.

Wait.

He stood up for me.

I wasn't buying his s**t. He stood up for me many times before he called me a b***h.

"McCann, leave my class." Mrs Martinez said sternly at him.

"I'm sorry, I left the class for you once, and I'm not leaving again. You should tell that f****d up nincompoop over there to leave instead." Tanner spoke back.

*****

I walked down the hallway just before lunch hoping to drop my books and even my bag before trying not to run to the cafeteria. Keyword being 'trying'. I was so damn hungry and I felt like I could push through anybody just to get to the front of the line.

I dropped my bag and closed my locker, taking just a few steps away from my locker when Darren stepped in front of me.

"Mackenzie." He called.

I lifted my eyes to look at him and took a step backward, forcing a smile, "Hey."

"See, I'm really, really sorry about what happened yesterday. I really am.. Chanel's just been acting really strange these days.. I'm really sorry-"

"C'mon. It's okay. It really is.. at least, I still got to where I was going, so.. it's no problem, actually." I smiled

"Mackenzie... Are you sure?"

"Yes." I forced another smile. My tummy was killing me.

"Right.. just allow me make it up to you, okay?"

Make it up to me? What did he mean by that?

"No, Darren.. you really don't have to. I told you, everything is fine.. you don't have to worry."

"No, I want to, okay?"

I sighed, curious about what he was going to do, though. "Fine."

"Right, so are you ready to go for lunch?"

"Yeah, I'm extremely hungry."

"What's up? You didn't have breakfast?"

I shook my head and he looked at me closely.

"Darren! What the fuck.. I've been searching all over for you! You said you were coming to get me for lunch!" Chanel said in a whiny voice as she walked to him

Get her for lunch? What was it, a date?

"What?" Darren looked at her, confused.

"Hey Chanel." I greeted, passing a small smile to her . She looked back at me. More like glared, actually, before turning to look up at Darren.

"C'mon, let's go Darren. I'm starved." She said.

And I'm not? I rolled my eyes inwardly. For crying out loud, the class just laughed at me for my tummy growling! b***h, please.

"Why are you with her anyway?, she said, placing much emphasis on the 'her'. I turned to look at her,

"Hello, i***t, who do you think you are?" I glared at her.

"Everything you're not" She smirked and took Darren's hand in hers, taking him along as she walked away, flipping her hair like a stupid brat.

"Of course. You can't be me, b***h!" I called after her and if she heard- which I was sure she did, she chose to ignore me.

"Whoa. What the hell was that? Who's she?" Bambi walked up to me, eyes following Chanel as she pulled Darren along with her.

"Remember the girl I was talking about, the one with the cat eyes?"

"Sure, I do." she nodded, "That's her?"

I nodded.

"She looked like a total i***t from afar, I mean, flipping her hair and all that."

"I thought I was the only one who thought so."

"So, what's up with her? I thought she was Darren's friend?"

"I get the feeling she's got feelings for him.. when she sees me with him, she acts like... I don't know, Bambi, and I don't wanna think about it right now, I'm so hungry. Can we go for lunch now?"

"Hey girls, wait up." Ryan said as he walked briskly to us. He turned to me immediately, "Hey Kenzi, I'm really sorry about what happened in class."

"It's okay.. I'm honestly very hungry." I nodded.

"Wait. What happened?" Bambi asked and I told her about how my stomach had growled loudly in class. She chuckled a little and when Ryan told her about Tanner standing up for me, she began to squeal as we walked to the cafeteria.

"By the way, how's mom?" Ryan asked me.

"She... She's fine." I nodded.

Telling them about mom wanting to come home would disturb them as much as it disturbed me. Sometimes, these two needed a break, so I decided against telling them what she'd really said.

"You don't look okay, Kenzi. I wouldn't lie to you." Ryan said

"Tell her, Ry.. I asked her to use a little bit of concealer under her eyes today."

*****

Nothing could ever conceal how I looked or felt.. at least that's what I thought. The only thing I had to keep on doing was smile. I was able to convince Ryan and Bambi during lunch that everything was fine. Ryan had even asked why I didn't have breakfast, and all I could say was I didn't feel hungry then.

I started my double shift today and it was tough. I could only see what Kora did really go through. This time, we did it together. We'd served everyone, making sure they were satisfied. We talked and laughed a little before continuing our job. And then, it became insane. More people started coming in and I struggled at some point to keep everyone's orders in mind and make sure I'd served everyone. Kora rescued me by helping me deliver the food of the people.

It was a few minutes past two a.m when I left the diner. It was so shocking how at such early hours of the morning, people came trooping into the diner.

I made my way home now. Silently praying that I wouldn't get mugged or anything. It was hard to get a bus at this particular time and I had no choice than to walk home, of course. It wasn't really a long journey but it was in a way.

I was grateful when I made it to the front door of my house. I opened up my bag and got out the keys to the house, when a basket caught my attention. It was right beside the flowers that grew just by the front porch, amazed that the person was thoughtful enough to have dropped the basket there, I walked over to it. In the basket were different bags of stuff in it. I carried it as I took it in.

It better not be a bomb.

I set my bag aside and dropped the basket on the counter. I took out a bag and opened it.

Biscuits. Apple Sauce. Butter cookies. Meatloaf. Three cans of corned beef.

This had to be a dream. I took out the other bag and peered inside.

Cornflakes. Mac and Cheese. Milkshakes. Bread! Pop-Tarts. Peanut butter.

My eyes welled up with tears as I took a look inside the last bag in the basket.

Two cartons of milk. Cheese fries. Another box of Cornflakes.

And that was it. I lost it. Tears streamed down my eyes. Happy tears. This was the miracle I'd been hoping for yesterday! This could last me for months.

'Just allow me to make it up to you, okay?' Darren's words rang in my head.

Oh, Darren. This was what he'd meant. I should have guessed later that with the way he looked closely at me when I told him I didn't have breakfast, he'd get me food stuffs.

Just inside the basket, was a small note that came with it. It read.

I'm sorry. I really am.

Of course, he was forgiven!