Mackenzie

Chapter 28

"Darren?" I looked in surprise, suddenly over conscious of what I was wearing.

He smiled,"Hey Mackenzie."

"What are you doing here?" I shook my head,"No, of course, I don't mean what are you doing here, I mean.. what are you doing here?" I rambled like a fool, "Look, I-"

"Hey." He chuckled, "I think I understand what you're trying to say."

"Thank you." I sighed in relief

"I was in the neighbourhood and just decided to stop and say hi, since we don't really see in school and stuff.."

"That was really thoughtful of you, uh.."I stepped aside from the door,

"You could come in, really."

"Right." He nodded and stepped in. I closed the door and led him into the living room.

"I'm sorry.. y'know, this house.. it might not be, uh-"

"It's fine. It really doesn't matter. It looks comfortable." He said, looking around.

"It sure is." I nodded, about to ask if he'd like to eat or drink anything, but I remembered there was nothing for him to eat or drink, well, except if he wouldn't mind eating cereal or drinking water, and that didn't seem like a nice way to welcome a visitor, so I just kept my mouth shut.

"You should have a seat." I said to him. He nodded and walked over to​ the couch.

"Uh, I'd be right back." I said and hurried to my room to find a bra to put on. It would be so awkward if I'm talking to Darren and the wind decides to blow and my n*****s stand. I shivered at the thought. If that ever happens, I'd be sure to end up like those girls in the video of Earned It. Really, what was The Weeknd thinking? Haha, maybe Bambi would know. I adjusted my tank top and threw my hair into a messy bun and walked back to the living room.

"So, how are you?" I asked him, sitting on the couch just opposite him.

"Good, I guess... Now, how are you?" He looked at me.

I smiled,"Me? I'm fine.." I cleared my throat," Of course."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep." I nodded.

"I don't know if it's me, but you look like you've been crying."

"No, that's not true." I knew I sounded very unconvincing, but whatever!

"I actually just woke up from sleep."

Yeah, well, you cried before sleeping, my subconscious told me.

"Yeah? Long day?"

"You bet." I nodded, smiling and snapping a finger.

"What did you do?"

"Well, I had to go look for a job, y'know..."

Idiot, you didn't actually look for a job, y'know. It practically came to you. My subconscious was a little crazy at times, so what I did was shut it out.

"Did you get one?"

"Sure, I did." I nodded.

"Oh that's great." He smiled, "I think it's cool that you have something doing to just make things better for yourself, y'know..."

"Yeah, I figured I did need to get a job." I nodded.

"How's your mom?" He asked, concern in his eyes.

"I was at the hospital today, she looked quite okay, at least."

He smiled, nodding sympathetically, placing a hand over mine as he said,

"This must be a tough time for you, but I'm sure you'd get through it."

I swallowed and smiled,"Thanks a lot, Darren. I really appreciate it."

"It's okay.."

"Are you.. are you always this nice?"

"I'm hurt." He placed a hand over this chest and I chuckled as I said, "No, I mean, you're really a nice guy."

"Why, thank you. I'm closer to my mom so I get the 'be a gentleman' talks." He rolled his eyes as we both laughed.

Just then, I heard the doorbell ring and I stopped laughing. Who could be here?

I turned to look at Darren who looked at the door, and then at me.

"I swear, this is the first time I'd have visitors like this." I chuckled as I walked to the door.

I was smiling as I opened the door and immediately, my smile disappeared.

"What are you doing here?" I looked at Tanner who looked back at me, his features soft and his eyes calm,"And I mean it that way, like, what are you doing here?"

He didn't say anything, he just took a step forward and I acted on my impulse by stepping aside, therefore, giving him freedom to step inside the house.

Oh no. My subconscious said and for the first time, I had to go with it. Oh no! Darren was inside, and now Tanner's presence would make him leave. Eyes wide, I closed the door and turned to face Tanner, but he wasn't there. I trusted him to have already found his way to the living room, and yes, I was right because by the time I got to the living room, Darren was on his feet and Tanner stood, glaring at him.

"I... I have to leave now.. I'd see you tomorrow." Darren said to me and I nodded lightly, watching him as he left. When the I heard the door close, I turned back to look at Tanner.

We stood there looking at each other. Very awkward. He didn't stand there looking at me like he did when I'd opened the door. He looked at me now with disgust and I wondered what made him angry all of a sudden...

Say something! Anything. I decided to listen to to my subconscious and so I swallowed before I said,"I- I was going to tell you... Uh, I wouldn't be able to tutor you tomorrow."

"Of course you wouldn't." He spat.

I took in a breath as his eyes were filled with anger. What was he so angry about?

"Why do you take out your anger on me?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"Because you cause that anger!-" He shouted.

"How?!" I shouted back,"I never do anything to you, all I do is take the s**t you do to me! Just today you asked me to walk away and I did! Now you're here saying I cause your anger? Are you freaking kidding me, right now? You know what causes your anger, so-"

"I swear that if you complete that f*****g statement." He said and I had no choice than to keep quiet. Now, I stood in front of him, like I was being controlled by him. I hated it. Hated that he did this to me.

"Lie to me and say you don't know we have a f*****g test this week. Right when I was hoping you'd be sensible enough to show up today, you were here, f*****g with that f*****g dude-"

I sucked in a breath. Where was this guy from? My lips quivered at the accusations he made against me, but I couldn't let the tears fall. He couldn't see me weak again, but when I heard his next words, I lost it.

"f*****g bitch." He spat, "Look at you, just when we're not even certain about when the test is, you decide to do this.. yeah, go ahead, make time to be with that f*****g i***t who just left here. I hope he doesn't have his heart broken instead when he finds out just how slutty you are."

I'd never seen him this angry. His eyes were red and the veins in his neck were visible. I didn't think I'd ever been called a slut before and it hurt bad. My heart went out to the innocent girls who were being called sluts everyday.

I hated the control he had over me. I stood, tears already falling from my eyes. How could he say I was slutty when I didn't even appear as one? Why would his anger make him say such?

"I can't even spend an extra minute looking at you, because right now, all I see is...is.. a girl who is as gullible as anything, that's right. You. Are. Disgusting."

I tried to tell him to get out, but the words wouldn't come out, and so I stood there, still crying like a baby as he hurled insultive words at me. When I thought I'd be sick from the amount of tears that fell from my eyes, Tanner brushed past me, his shoulder bumping on mine, making me fall on the couch as he walked away.

You don't deserve this, Mackenzie! You don't. You can't let him tell you how worthless you are. You aren't!.. Or, are you? No! You aren't a slut... Or are you? No! My body ached and I dropped to the floor, crying. Wasn't my life just messed up? There my mother was in the hospital, fighting for her life, but at the same time, thinking of how peaceful it'd be when she leaves this world. There was my dad too, counting money in Spain, forgetting I existed. And here I was, just trying to make things work, and because of that, I was being called a slut. I wished people weren't so judgemental and ruthless. But sadly, this was life. There would be people like that, and too bad, one was around me. He was my seat mate. I was his tutor.

I curled up into a ball as water continued to fall from my eyes, it fell like rain. It came in torrents and it wouldn't stop....

*****

"Kenzi." I heard Bambi call, and I opened my eyes to see her squatted beside me, eyes wide with concern.

"Hmm?" I struggled to sit up, pushing myself back first, then using my hands to support myself.

"What happened to you?" She asked, her voice coming out as a whisper,

"Why did you sleep on the floor? Why are your eyes so swollen?"

"Floor?" I looked at her in confusion, then looked around me, and memories of last night replayed in my head, especially how I'd cried my eyes out till I fell asleep. "Oh yeah, I.. I did sleep here." I nodded. "I feel like total shit."

"Kenzi, you've got to tell me what happened." Bambi said as she took off her shoes and sat beside me on the floor.

"He said I was disgusting. He said I was a slut. He said-"

"Who said?" She asked in surprise and anger.

"Who else?" I whispered.

"Not Tanner, right?"

"He was here last night... And so was Darren." I sighed, going ahead to explain everything that had happened.

"You said when he appeared at the doorstep, his eyes were soft and all? And when he was in, he got angry, yeah?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Can't you see it, Kenzi? He was jealous!"

"Are you going to sit down here and justify why he called me a slut?"

"No, no... It's just an observation."

"I don't want you to observe anything, Bambi!" I snapped and watched her expression change into a hurt one, "Right. I'm sorry, Bambi. It's just that, I want you to wonder with me why he'd call me that when he had no idea how I actually spent my day."

*****

Nobody needed to be told. It was official. The big test was tomorrow. Today, I saw Mrs Martinez standing in front of the class and moving around. Her lips were moving, but I didn't hear a thing she said. I kept shaking my head and sighing in frustration as I struggled to hear what she was saying. It felt like everyone was looking at me, and when I looked around, I noticed it was only Ryan looking at me. I'd decided not to tell Ryan what really happened, knowing him, he would confront Tanner, and I just didn't want them getting into a fight, considering they were friends. Right now, he thought I looked so down because of mom.

Meanwhile, here Tanner was, seated beside me. He hadn't said anything at all and I was grateful, though his eyes said something. The way he looked down at his note all through the class said he was feeling guilty. I almost scoffed out loud. He could never ever compare how he was feeling right now to how I was feeling. I felt​ down. I felt like a tiny, disappearing person. I felt sick. My eyes ached. They burned and they looked like they were going to close anytime soon. I felt irritated by every f*****g thing going on. I hated that I chose to sit with this asshole. Most of all, I hated that I even let what he said get to me to the extent that I felt nauseous.

"Mackenzie, are you okay?" I heard Mrs Martinez say, and when I raised my head to answer, I saw she was standing right beside me.

"It- it's just that I... I feel, uh.. nauseous."

"You should go to the nurse, do you feel up to it?" She placed a hand on my forehead and I felt slightly embarrassed with the attention of everyone.

"No," I forced myself to force a smile.

"I'd be fine.. it- it happens all the time."

*****

"Mackenzie." I heard someone call after me as the class dispersed.

Looking back wasn't an option. My eyes hurt with every movement. I kept walking. Faster this time, taking long strides until I felt someone grab my elbow. I groaned as I snapped,

"Who are you?" And he appeared in front of me.

"Mackenzie." Jesse looked at me, his eyes.

"Oh, Jesse," I looked at him apologetically, "I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, it's okay... What's wrong?"

"N- Nothing. I'm fine." I forced a smile

"C'mon, it's quite obvious you aren't. Even if you are, your eyes don't say so."

"Jesse.. I- I'm fine. Really. I just didn't get enough sleep. That's all."

"Uh... Okay... Well, if you want to talk, you could come to me.. I'd be, uh, ready to listen," he said and I nodded lightly. "You wannna go to Pre-calculus?"

"Yeah." I looked at him.

"Let's go." he said and we walked together to Pre-calculus and when we got to the door, Jesse stopped me.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He looked at me.

"Yeah, Jesse. I am." I nodded, and just as everyone started entering the class, I swallowed and looked at Jesse.

"Jesse. Wait"

"What's up?" He looked at me in curiosity.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure... Anything. Especially if it has anything to do with Bambi." His eyes sparkled when he called her name and I smiled a sincere smile for the first time that day.

"No, it doesn't have anything to do with Bambi. It's more about your friend."

"Oh? What is it?"

"He should know I'm no longer interested in being his tutor."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, I'm not. I'd talk to Mrs Martinez about it.. but don't tell him that, I don't want some random jobless kid distracting me."

"What? That'd practically break Tanner!"

"Trust me, that's a good thing." I smiled and walked into the class.