"Best friend " or " Luck " ..... A Dilemma

prologue

Hi am katherine, in short you can call me kat but everybody calls me tomboy coz i dress like a boy but i love how ever i am, i can't dress like a girl. I am 20 years old and just about to graduate in a week... Yeah! but sorry forgot to tell you one thing... " Finally after 3 years am going to see Edward. We regularly talk on phone but i want to see him in person, i have badly miss him. I am so excited but more nervous, how will he feel seeing me? Did he miss me? All this question kept going in my mind that i don't remember i have thrown all my clothes and my room looks like a garbage dumb, i have been like this since morning... Yak time is running but i can't figure out till what to wear" God help me am becoming crazy"

"Mom, mom can you help me choose a dress am totally messed up right now" i yell to my mom from my room... " Yeah coming momo" she reply me from the kitchen, my mom always call me momo coz i don't look like a girl. Sometimes i think is this the reason why Ed doesn't like me the way i did

After few minutes my mom come to my room and am still the same like ghost standing in the middle of my dress lost in thought... "What happen momo? What are those mess" my mom ask me as soon as she enters my room.... " Finally mom ,am going crazy, help me choose what to wear coz am getting late" i tell her frustratingly and she smile teasingly knowing why am so frustrated. My mom knows what i feel for Edward and she likes him too coz we have known each other since childhood and she treats him as her own son... " I see your dream boy is coming" she smile at me.... " Am going to take a bath and please do help me pick my clothes".. i hurriedly went inside the bathroom to hide my red face infront of my mom. After i finish washing up i went to change my clothes... " Mom what have you done? i shout picking up my dress" god my mom select a strapless dress for me, f**k how can i wear this, i have never wore anything like this... " What is wrong with the dress, this is your birthday gift from me and you haven't wear it even once you'll look good in it"... my mom said giving me back the dress... " No way i can't wear this, you know i don't like this kind of dress and who the hell keep this kind of thing in my wardrobe" i ask my mom, i never buy any girls dress coz i don't like them but every month and on my birthday my mom buys for me and she keeps it in my wardrobe hoping i could wear it but i never did but they don't force me they are happy with what i am coz am their only child and they love me alot and you know what Edward is also the only child may be thats the reason we became friends at first sight.. I took my jeans and t- shirt and went to get dress... " You can't wear this, wear that one, today is the first day you're meeting him after so long you should impress him" my mom said a bit angrily... " Okay but i'll change only my shirt thats it and i pick up my simple top and change again. I put on my lipgloss and finish, i don't do makeup like other girls and i don't have long hair too which save time also- simple. Just as i finish dressing my phone rings and its Edward " God my heart rate increases and i don't know how to answer it... " Hello".. i finally pick it up with a trembling voice..." I have reach am in the airport now" Edward tell me on the phone, his voice makes me dizzy, it always have this affect on me... " Okay we'll meet in the same restaurant where we used to eat" i tell him.... " Okay i'll be wating for you come soon coz am dying to see you"... he reply and we hung up. I smile shyly knowing he's also eager to see me as i am.... " Ahem ahem what was that, thinking of him again? ". s**t i forgot my mom still here... " What mom stop acting like a teenage and go"..." What who's acting like a teenage, smiling like a fool" my mom said... " Momm" I said angrily... " Okay fine am going enjoy your day" and finally she went out.. Just as my mom went my phone rings again i thought it was Edward again but it was Emily my friend, after Edward went to England for graduation i felt very lonely and i met Emily who was fun, loving and caring just like me so we became good friends from then... " Hi Emy"... " Where are you? Lets go out" she ask me on the phone... " No Emy today i can't coz Edward came back and now am going to pick him up he's waiting for me" i told her. She started screaming on the phone... " What! O god your handsome boy is back? Are you excited girl? Don't go crazy and kiss him on public" she said teasingly. She knows everything about my feeling for Edward coz i talk about him all the time and she always teases me.... " What don't talk nonsense we are just meeting and bye am going" i tell her and hung up before she could say anything coz i know she'll keep on teasing me which is making me more nervous.. I take my bag and keys and hurriedly went downstairs where my mom and dad are eating together. Today is sunday so they are free and they like to enjoy their time together... " Mom and dad am going" i tell them kiss their cheek..." My dad tell me to drive slow and mom said " Eat something and go"... " No i don't want to be late and we'll eat on our way and dad i'll drive safe" i tell them and wave them bye... " Okay than and don't forget to ask him to come home with you and i miss him" my mom said waving bye... " Lets talk about that later he just came back" i hurriedly went out and got inside my car.. Along the way am very nervous where shall i start, how should i greet him, is he excited as me, did he miss me? shall i confess to him about my feelings? how will he react all the way i keep on thinking that i have already reach i feel like the way is short today. I park my car and enter the restaurant and from afar i could recognise him. He wears a loose t- shirt with a blue denim and a white sneaker, he look more handsome and energetic and he sees me and smile, that same smile he looks so cute i have always like his smile, its makes my day.. f**k my legs are shaking, god help me give me strength.. And i walk to him with shaking legs.

Feels Like Sitting On A Bucket Of Ice...

" Hi Ed" i love calling him with this name coz it makes me feel close to him and i walk forward pulling the chair over to sit but before i could sit he stood up from his seat and hug me tight... " I miss you so much momo" he said and kiss my cheek. God that same touch and his voice is making me numb... O god he just said he miss me, i stood there paralyze my world stop, i forgot what to do and sensing my absentmindedness he stares at me with those blue eyes that are driving me insane, they are so addicting... " Are you okay? Do you not miss me? Why are you not responding? " he ask me with a pain expression. Is he hurt that i did not response to his hug or coz i did not say i miss you back to him. Seeing his hurt expression makes my heart hurt coz i can never hurt him in my life.. " Am okay Ed, its just that i have not seen you for so long so am a bit you know kind of like" i don't know what to say - " but i miss you too". How i wish i could tell him how much i love and miss him but am afraid if he knows he'll stop talking to me... Hearing my answer he started laughing making all the others stares at us and i feel more shy, does my top not suits me, at one point i wanted to scold my mom- or may be am becoming ugly. I don't know infront of others am very confident with every way i am but infront of him i feel very insecure and imperfect. Seeing me getting shy he try to stop laughing but i know he's still smiling... " Okay fine" he said and knowing me very well and what i like he order my favourite stir fried seafood and momo same as my name along with soup and he order himself steak and wine... " Am sorry after not seeing you so long i wanted to tease you, you know i love to do it and seeing you getting angry makes me want to love you more and by daway you look more beautiful, maybe you got a boyfriend? " he said smirking. His every move and talk are making me more nervous that i don't know how to act. At that moment the waiter came with our food making me relieve for a moment. He look more handsome and mature.... " What i don't have any you know that and thanks for the compliment"... i reply looking down at my plate.... " What till now you're single? Are you waiting for someone? "... he said checking me out with his sexy blue eyes... " O shut up am not like you# mr. popular and no one ever propose to me, i think they don't like me- a tomboy. Am waiting for you for so long that i can't think of another person i said in my thought but i musk it up... " What how can no one like you? Are they blind? You're the most perfect girl i have ever seen"... he said smilingly... If i am perfect than you could have already like me, i wish i have the courage to say this. I don't want to answer this question coz i know i will not get the answer i want to hear so i try to change the subject... " Anyway how have you been? Are you now going to take over your father's company now that you have graduated " i ask him nervously fearing that he will say he's going back.... "Yeah i was thinking of it and moreover i really miss you there and our time together so i want to spend my whole time with you" he answer smilingly.. f**k i want to jump, am so happy now we can spend everyday together like before, unknowingly i smile like a maniac... " Did you miss me that much" he ask knowing how happy i am... he miss me and our time together, did he finally realise his feelings for me after being apart for long, shall i confess to him maybe i have a chance, maybe he started feeling the same as me.. I summed up my courage and decide to ask him but i don't know how to start so i decide to ask him indirectly... " How is life there? Are you still in relation with that girl? " i don't know her name and i don't even bother to ask him. s**t why did i ask him this question am afraid what will be his answer... "f**k i forgot to tell you Lia my girlfriend and i are still in relation and she's coming next week to meet my family, Am so nervous ,Will they like her? Kat please you have to help me persuade them coz you know they always listen to you"... What just he said? My world shatter, my last hope broke into pieces, i feel like am sitting on a bucket of ice my body felt numb... " Okay i'll help you" i said trying to sound fine... "Shall i plan a surprise party for her coz its her first time coming to L. A as my girlfriend... " God is that not enough? How i wish i was this girl, I just want to go home and cry. I don't want to answer him i just keep quite. May be he knows i don't want to answer him so he change the subject..." So how was your study? When is your graduation? Are uncle and aunty fine? I try to hide my breaking voice and reply him with a smile... " Next saturday is my graduation and mom and dad are fine, Mom says she misses you and ask you to come visit her"... "God i miss her alot especially her cooking and i want to share with her about my girlfriend too coz she's also like my mother and maybe she can help me".. he sound so excited.. Gosh! i don't want my mom to know about it, she'll feel sad knowing my feelings for him. I can't continue to talk with him anymore it will make me more broken... " I think we should go now, every one must be waiting for you at home and now that you're here we have enough time" i said trying to sound relax but my tears are threatening to come..." Yeah you're right we should go now my tomboy" .... We stood up and he paid the bill, i grab my bag and we walk out of the restaurant... " Are you not coming with me? " he ask keeping his hand on my shoulder which we usually do when we were in school. I miss those days, i wish we could go back when we were our only priority protecting and comforting each other, only the two of us with no one involve... " No i don't think i can come today and you should have a rest first and we can meet tomorrow".. Its not that i don't want to go, i love spending times with him even just for a minute but today am not in my right state, i just want to be alone. The only person you ever love was just close to you yet far away from you, this feeling is like s**t its killing me alive... " Okay no problem i'll come pick you up tomorrow and call me when you reach home"... he said checking me out maybe he find something is wrong with me coz i always joke with him but today am quite, i can't help it, i can't act like nothing happens... " Okay drive slow bye" and i hurriedly went to my car but before i open my car door he open it for me, this gentle and caring action of his is making me more unable to control my tears coz i know this is not only for me and the bad truth is i can feel it only for now. I close the door and start the engine waving him bye. I watch his residing figure in the rearview mirror and he's smiling at me. Watching his smile, my tears started rolling down uncontrollably which i have been holding. How i dream of our meeting for so long, i have so many things to share but i never thought it will turn out to be this way. May be my love for him is wrong in the first place, i should not have develop feelings for him, it is all my fault i deserve this. He's so perfect that am not suitable for him. I don't know how i'll stay without him, the mere thought of seeing him with someone else, him caring and loving another person makes me want to die. My mind is wandering in all these thoughts that i don't know how i have reach home with my tears falling down like rain. I did not even bother to park my car i just want to get to my room as fast as i can. I want to shout and yell. I really don't know how i have been talking with Edward calmly for so long. As i reach the door i try to act normal like nothing happen, i wipe away my tears and breath deeply, i did not want my parents to see me like this. I open the door and all the lights were off and no body is home, my parents and the servants were also off duty because its sunday. I take out my phone to call my parents and i remember Edward ask me to call him when i reach home but i don't want to talk to him right now even hearing his voice only makes my heart broke. I unlock my phone to call my parents and i saw my mom's text telling me they went out and they will not be back early. She also sends me another message asking me" How is Edward? Is he more handsome than before? Tell him about your feelings and don't stares at him too much" with a wink emoji. And i got another text from my friend Emy "Hey girl hope your date with your dream boy is awesome, don't drool at him so much with a wink emoji, call me when you reach home i want all the details, all the lovey dovey too"... God i want to forget about today and here all the things and everyone are reminding me again, f**k its not helping it... Thank god my mom and dad are not home, i don't know how i will face them with my red and swollen eyes especially my mom she'll keep on nagging me and asking about our talk... I enter my room and directly laid down on my bed not even bothering to change and cry my heart out, the more i cry the more i feel broke. I don't know for how long i have been crying and i felt asleep with my tears...