Felicio

The Man, The Boy

Felicio

I ran away from Ariel's office. I didn't think talking about Emma would still make me this emotional. I knew her for barely an instant. I never even exchanged words with her. Why was she having this effect on me? My feet thundered against the barren rooftops of the city as I ran and let out all my frustrations. I felt the blood pumping through my veins as I pushed myself to my limit and ended up roaring with frustration. I punched a nearby wall and debris fell over the floor. I didn't have to hold back my strength with walls like I had to with people. Sometimes I wished a huge monster or something would attack the city so I could fully let loose. How was I supposed to fight a drug network? At least I had Ariel's help. Steph hadn't got back to me with anything yet. It felt like I was waiting for something, although I wasn't sure what. As I looked out at the city I wondered how many people were involved in the dark underworld. How many people would I have to take on to make the city a safe place, and was that something that was even possible? I wanted to strip the city away of everything that made it evil but deep down I knew it was all borne from human nature. Violence and war have been a part of our psyche since the dawn of man and it's not likely that that's going to change now...but there has to be a way to be better. Surely the meaning of life is that we strive to overcome our baser instincts and aren't enslaved by them? That's what separates us from the animals...I look at my hands and extend my claws. Maybe the line between us and animals is a little less certain than I thought.

I looked up at the stars and wondered if anyone else had been blessed and cursed in the same way that I had. After I got these powers I did a lot of research to see if I could find anyone who had experienced the same thing but I couldn't find anything. I was unique. Was it fate or just random chance? I had no idea if there was some cosmic plan but the older I grew the more unlikely I found it. Life seemed to be a chaotic mess and nobody really knew what was going on. When I had been younger I thought my parents had all the answers but now I was on the cusp of adulthood and I still didn't know any better than I did a few years ago. People look at Felicio and should see a hero but they only react with fear, except for the people I actually help I suppose, and Ariel. I hope it wasn't a mistake going to her but if she could get information about Kaos then it was worth it.

I ran and ran and somehow I ended up back at the rooftop where this had all begun. I could almost still see her standing there. I blinked and she was gone again. I walked up to the edge and looked down. The ground had been cleaned. There was no police tape anymore. Life moved on and the general populace didn't care any longer. Of course whenever Emma's name was mentioned they would all have a solemn look on their faces and talk about how sad it was, but then they would go on with their live. I know it wasn't right. People shouldn't be forgotten so easily. Someone had to remember them and find out what happened. This wasn't going to turn into a city of lost souls.

Below me the sound of a car engine roared. In the distance I could hear people shouting and talking. It took a great deal of effort for me to tune out the white noise. Right now I only wanted to be alone. It was so unfair that people like Emma had to die when there was so much to live for. At least that's what I kept telling myself, but the more I lived as Felicio the more I became aware of just how hopeless life was. As I looked up I could see straight ahead the Shaw building looming on the horizon. It looked like a castle. It must have been one of the last things that Emma had seen. I started to think that she must have chosen this place on purpose. Maybe she was trying to send her parents a message. I was tempted to go there right now and battle my way in but I knew I had to play it smart and wait for Steph to get back to me. The Shaw's and the people working for them weren't common thugs, even if they had acted like them from time to time.

I was about ready to call it a night when I heard the noise of another mugging. I raced along the rooftops hearing the group of men make the same usual demands. It was getting to be old now. I dropped down and landed behind them, crouching down. They turned in surprise and yelled. Two of them ran away. The other was paralyzed with fear. His hands shook as he raised them and he begged me to show mercy. I stepped up to him silently and stared at him. I'd wanted the mask to be black so that when men like him stared at me they were gazing into an abyss of their own making. Whatever he saw frightened him terribly. The color drained from his face and he stumbled as he turned and ran, and soon he disappeared into the night like the others. It wasn't even worth chasing them. If they had any sense they'd go and rethink their lives.

“I knew we'd meet again,” their victim said in a sultry voice, a familiar voice. I turned to face her and was surprised to see that it was Victoria. The chances of her being the victim of a mugging again were...then it dawned on me.

“Did you make yourself a target deliberately?” I asked in disbelief. A silver bracelet glittered on her wrist. She wore a long red dress that was cut open, revealing a slender leg. My heart beat faster. I could smell her sweet perfume. It was intoxicating. No. I had to concentrate.

“I would never do such a thing,” she said coyly, “but I guess it's not safe for a woman like me to go walking about this area at night.”

She couldn't see it on my face but I was furious. “Why? Why would you put yourself in danger like this? I can't help people if they're always going to be reckless.”

“Oh but it wasn't reckless. I knew that you were going to come and save me.” I tilted my head as I looked at her. She really believed it. Her eyes gleamed as the moonlight sparkled within them and I didn't know what to say. Victoria moved towards me. I was suddenly aware that it was only the two of us in the alley. I had faced down muggers, drug dealers and all kinds of scum but this was the most afraid I had ever been. I was still just a kid. She was a woman, every inch of her. “Come now Felicio, we both know that you'd never let anything happen to little old me,” she said in a breathy voice. By now she was mere inches away from me and I was almost drowning in her scent. Her hand rested on my arm. “You're my hero,” she added.

I broke and turned away from her. “You can't put yourself in danger like this. It's not normal! I can't be everywhere at once. What if I hadn't been able to get to you?”

Victoria merely shrugged. It was as though she didn't even believe that was a possibility. “I have faith in you. I knew that I wasn't in any real danger. Besides, what else am I supposed to do if you won't give me any other way to find you?”

“You should focus on your own life. You don't want to get involved with someone like me.”

“I have to admit that I do like the brooding type but you can take it too far. Why I would want to focus on my ordinary life? I have a crappy job and the only fun I get is when I go out dancing with my friends, until I met you. That night was the best of my life. Standing in front of you...it's an amazing feeling. And I just thought to myself that underneath that mask is a man, and every man has needs.” She sidled up to me again and placed her hands over my back. Every part of me was taut and tense. I closed my eyes and tried to stop my head from swimming with desire. “I know that you must have the same feelings. Who are you behind that mask? Do you have anyone to talk to? Anyone to offer you comfort? Even a man like you needs companionship.”

A man like me. What did she know about a man like me? She only saw what she wanted to see, just like the rest of them. I almost ripped off my mask there and then to show her that I was just a kid and I was getting way over my head. Some people saw a hero. Some saw a villain. Victoria saw something that I wished I could see too. When I looked in her eyes I saw admiration, respect, and desire. I'd never seen anyone look at me in that way before but then she wasn't looking at me, not really. She was looking at a fantasy she had built around a mystery.

“You don't know what I need. Nobody does,” I spat as I pulled myself away from her. “Don't do anything like this again. I might not be around to save you next time,” I called out as I leaped up the fire escape to a building and raced back home.

Being in such close proximity with a woman like Victoria unsettled me. I was only a boy and I'd had no experience with girls. In my regular life they were mysterious and elusive. I never understood how to express my feelings or let them know I was attracted to them, and I didn't understand why any of them would be interested in Peter either. He was just a shy, awkward guy who didn't know his place in the world. As soon as the mask was off I'm sure Victoria would have turned away and taken back all she said.

When I returned to my room I tore my mask off and threw it on the floor.

Peter

I looked in the mirror and wondered who I really was. There were times when I forgot my own face. I looked back at it now. Who was staring back at me? Peter or Felicio? I stared down at the mask. Sometimes it felt as though there was a war going on inside my soul. I loved being Felicio but I knew I could never have a real life as that man, but as Peter I had no direction. I wasn't special at all. People like Victoria, they could believe what they wanted to believe but I could never let them close. If they found out my secret then the mystique of Felicio would be over. Nobody would be scared of a teenage kid going around playing hero. But I couldn't let anyone get close to Peter either. Not when there was danger abound. My choices meant that I would have to live alone. Eventually even Steph would have to move on but I knew I couldn't stop being Felicio. I thought of Emma and wondered if, at some point, I would end up like her. Dying alone with only a stranger nearby. It was a sobering thought but not for one moment did I consider giving up the mask. Felicio was the only thing that gave my life meaning. Without him I was nothing.