Queen B

3: I Can’t Do This Again

Later that day...

1:36 p.m.

Jayceon “Ace” Fields

"Speaking of women.." My baby brother Ro looked at me as I stared across the table at him putting my blunt out.

"Here this muthafucka go." Tone chuckled.

"Ain't no goddamn body speaking about women. I don't know how the s**t shifted to this and bitches with fat asses but gentlemen I sat y'all down to talk business." I shook my head knowing that Ro was about to get even more off topic. That was the thing about working with family. Just because they knew you they thought that you'd go easy on them or give them special privileges. That wasn't me. Especially when it came to my business and making money. "Can I do that or do I gotta get rid of you muthafuckas and hire somebody else?" I said jokingly but they knew that there was some seriousness behind it as well.

"You can." Zay mouthed off. "But you know ain't nobody as loyal to you as us. You don't put ya trust in any and everybody so please..." He put his hand up as if he was silencing me as he turned his head. "Spare us the bullshit."

"Did..." My eyes widened and I looked around the table as I pretended to be fake shocked. "Did this white wonder bread muthafucka just shush me?"

They all burst out laughing and I couldn't help but laugh along. My boys. My team. My family. Zay was right. I didn't put my trust in anybody but them because they'd always been loyal. They were my brothers. Didn't matter if it was by blood or not for Zay and Tone. They were just as much my brothers as Ro was. We all lived together to conduct this contract killing business that had been left for me to take over. I was my own boss and although my friends and my brother were people I had a strong bond with I still had to treat them like employees when it came to business. We lived in a mansion surrounded by a gate that required a code to get in and outside of that gate stood two guards named Diego and Samuel. If they didn't recognize you they'd phone me and I'd pull up the cameras and see if you were who you said you were before I gave them confirmation to let you in. With the way I lived I needed my home protected at all times because I had a daughter who needed this to be her safe haven.

"Mr. Fields..." I looked across the den at my maid Roselyn who'd poked her head in. "I know that I'm not supposed to bother you when you're in one of your meetings but the young woman upstairs is awake now and asking for you." She said. I nodded to let her know I'd be there and she headed off.

"Who is ol' girl anyway Ace?" Ro asked me as I stood up.

"Business Ro. Mind it." I told him heading out of the den and getting onto the elevator instead of taking the stairs. Once I'd made my way up I headed to the room I'd put her in earlier this morning and knocked on the door. At the sound of her voice telling me to come in I entered.

"You needed me?" I closed the door slowly walking over to her.

"I can't do this again." She looked up at me as tears slipped from her eyes.

"I...I made a terrible mistake. What happened this morning it...it wasn't me." She sniffled and I didn't say anything because it seemed like she just needed to vent so I let her. "How were you so comfortable doing that? It took forever for me to finally be able to get to sleep and when I did that...that image came to mind. I dreamed about it. Setting someone up to be killed..." She sniffled wiping her eyes. "That's not me Ace. In my dream I was arrested. I feel like such a monster. What did I do?" She cried looking to me for an answer.

"What you needed to do." I told her. I'd never been a man to beat around the bush and I wouldn't start now even though I knew how fragile she was. The nigga she'd been married to deserved the worst punishment in history. We got paid by wives and girlfriends to kill niggas like that. Sometimes you didn't know what you were capable of until you were fed up with someone's s**t. She'd reached a breaking point. It didn't make her a monster. It simply made her human. Something her husband never saw her as.

"You not the worst person in the world B. We all have our breaking points and that's all that was for you. You handled your business. You're not a monster. You're a woman. A strong one for surviving everything that nigga put you through. He'd want you to feel this way about yourself. You shouldn't because that'll be a hold he has on you even from the grave." I told her. "You not homeless and don't need him so don't cling to those words. That was just a hurt nigga tryna hurt you. Don't let him. You deserve more. Ya hear me?"

She nodded her head wiping the fresh tears that spilled from her eyes.

"You hungry?" I asked.

"Starving." She laughed softly as she sniffled.

"Shower up and get dressed. I know this is all unfamiliar to you and all so you don't have to come down and eat. I'll have Roselyn bring you something up here."

"C-can you eat with me? I..." She exhaled looking off to the side wrapping her arms around herself. "I really don't want to eat alone. I don't wanna be alone."

"Got you." I nodded deciding that I'd postpone that meeting with my boys until tonight. Right now I needed to get her settled. I hadn't brought her around them to introduce her because I figured she wasn't ready to be around unfamiliar men with everything she'd been through. She was still processing everything that had happened and I wanted to give her time to herself.

"I forgot." She took the rubber band from around her wrist and tried to quickly put her hair up. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be disrespectful."

I grabbed her hands and stopped her. She stared at me and I stared at her. "Wear your hair how you want. Aight?"

"Are you sure because I—"

"Positive." I nodded walking towards the door leaving the room.

• • •

3:03 p.m.

I sat across the table from him avoiding eye contact as his maid picked up our plates to take them downstairs. She walked across the room and out the door pulling it closed behind her. I honestly didn't know what to say. After what had happened this morning it was if I felt so much all at once to the point that I was numb. It didn't make sense but I just had this tight knot in my stomach that wouldn't go away. I hated feeling like this. For so long I'd viewed Neil as a monster for the things he'd done to me but what kind of person was I for allowing someone to be murdered right in front of me? In allowing that to happen it made me just like him.

"Your hair looks nice." He complimented me. I stared at him before rolling my eyes and looking off to the side.

I didn't believe that. I didn't believe anything about myself actually looked nice. I didn't even like the way my body looked sometimes. Out of respect for Neil and because I felt fat some days I made sure I stayed covered up. I felt like he was just trying to smooth things over because he knew I felt guilty about setting Neil up to be killed.

"So you just gon' stay quiet?" 

"Yep." I replied dryly avoiding eye contact once again.

"And why is that?" He sipped his drink. I could feel him burning a hole in the side of my face with his hard stares.  

I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders as if to say I don't know.

Talking just wasn't something I was in the mood to do right now. Yes I wanted someone's company because I didn't want to be alone and he was the only person I was familiar with so I'd asked him. I just wanted the company. Not the conversation. It was possible to be around someone and sit in a comfortable silence. I could tell he was a talker. Something I wasn't.

"I get it so I'ma be patient with you." He told me sitting back in his chair. "I know you ain't used to this but soon enough you'll realize that it would've came down to him or you eventually. As for that dream about going to prison I cleaned the scene up enough so it wouldn't link back to you or me. We good."

"Ace— Jayceon why did you help me?" I asked him.

"What you mean?" He squinted his eyes.

"Like what do you want from me? Why would a total stranger make it his business to get me a burner phone and leave it somewhere for me to pick up? Why would you kill someone for me and we haven't known each other for nothing but a little over a month? Even then we hardly know anything about each other. I didn't even know you lived like this." I looked around the room. Neil might've had money but from the looks of it Ace seemed to have a little more. I wanted to ask if it was drugs that he was involved in but I was too afraid to know the answer. I also didn't want to be kicked out before I figured out where it was I'd go. He kept saying he had me but I knew that this was temporary.

I wanted to find my younger sister in hopes that maybe I'd be able to be with her but I knew it was a stretch. I didn't even know if she still lived in Georgia or if she'd been married off to someone as well. All I did know was that reaching out to my parents for help wasn't an option. I found myself pleading with Neil to let me call them but after the last thing he'd said about if they ever decided they wanted to talk to me I couldn't help but wonder. Maybe they'd wanted nothing to do with me since they never reached out. It was if they'd married me off and completely forgot about me. 

"Tell me." I stared at him needing answers.

"Never mind." I looked down. "I've already talked too much. Neil never liked for me to do much of it. I'm sorry if I am. I'm just— this is just all unknown to me." I nervously rubbed my hands on my thighs.

"Do I look like him to you?" He pulled at his chin hair eyeing me.

"No but—"

"Then understand that I'm not about controlling a woman as if she's my child or a f*****g robot. You're a woman. Not my kid. Not my property. A woman." He said to me. "I know you going through something right now but that'll never make me beat around the bush so I'll just say it. I'm happy the muthafucka is dead and if I had to go back and do it all over I'd pull the trigger again."

I felt like s**t but behind everything he was saying I knew that there was truth to it even if I was too afraid to admit it to myself.

"Me too..." I said looking off.

"I'm glad he's gone too."

"If you worried about where you'll go or what you're gonna do I told you—"

"You got me. I know." I exhaled shaking my head not wanting to put my trust into him. I didn't know him. Sure I knew that he was capable of pulling a trigger but personally I knew nothing about him. He knew that I was in an abusive situation but beyond that s**t we knew absolutely nothing about each other.

"If you need money hell I'll give you a job myself around here if it'll make you feel better to know nothing was just given to you." He told me.

"I just..." I stood up from the table walking over to the balcony door staring out of it as I wrapped my arms around myself. "I need a moment alone."