The Primal's Kitten

Chapter Seventeen

I was happy enough to spend my time working beside Lish while we chatted and made plans for the convention. I started to realize how excited I was to jump in again, especially since it was somewhere new that I didn’t have memories with John in. It was a fresh start for something I had realized I needed in my life and wasn’t willing to give up just because I had dealt with an asshole who was part of it. I chose every day to look on the bright side, to believe that there was someone out there who was just the right type of dominant for me. It might take some time, it might not happen in any way that I’m hoping, but there is still hope and I hold on to that. Lish and Gavin offering me protection was the best thing that could have happened, really and within a few weeks of going to the convention, I started going to the discussion meeting again. I missed my friends, and their respective dominants, and the knowledge that I had gained when I first started going. Lish had made some changes, and instead of leading all the meetings, she had invited those who were well known outside our local community to share their own knowledge. Honestly, because of this, the venue we had been using soon became too small to house all the people who wanted to attend so my first meeting since John was even in a new place. I felt like I was finally making a home for myself within the community again and finding a dominant slowly turned second fiddle to learning and enjoying myself. 

Lish, Gavin, and I began to spend evenings drinking wine and making a loose timeline for the convention since it was coming up so quickly. There were half a dozen talks I knew I didn’t want to miss, and several discussions as well, not to mention the parties, the Saturday night ball, and a few classes on things that were easier to be taught by showing than talking. I was looking at a full schedule, so the three of us started looking at snacks and various things to take with us since Lish and Gavin had a full schedule as well between teaching a few things and trying to make it to discussion panels of friends and old mentors. Thankfully I had already planned to carry a decent sized bag with me so I could always have safety shears, a first aid kit, water bottles and snacks with me just in case I or someone else needed them. Just because I was there as a submissive, didn’t mean I shouldn’t be prepared, should something go wrong with a scene or someone else was in. Lish had really taken to teaching me more things so I could keep myself safe and grow my own skills during the time I took off, not to mention it would help me keep up in some of the classes I wanted to sit in on. Lish was always sending me articles and blogs too, of things she thought I should know, funnies, and good research that would help guide me figure out exactly what I wanted for myself out of the lifestyle. I could not ask for a better friend or protector. And Gavin, he was indispensable in helping me research because he had been a submissive in more than one capacity since the time he turned eighteen so he was able to give me a bit of a better run down on some things than Lish was since he had lived them from a submissive’s view. 

Work continued to boom, keeping Lish and I busy during the day, which was amazing. We had expanded our social media presence from just f*******: to i********: and Twitter, showcasing our products at every stage, as well as showing videos of the resin pouring. People seemed to be drawn to those, so we did them more often. We’d even built enough of a following that we did giveaways every few weeks, which only made our sales soar even more. We almost considered bringing in someone else, but we had started this together and it was run out of our home still, neither of us was keen on letting an outsider into our little bubble of peace so Gavin helped us sometimes in the evenings, and I only mailed orders out every other day. We didn’t have the excess in the shop quite as much as we did, but there was a waiting list a mile long for some of our more speciality items and the self defense ones. We tried to get those made and out as quickly as possible, so the extra pair of hands and the extra molds we had recently bought were super helpful. 

With the countdown to the convention only three weeks out, Lish and I had added several things to our own lists, things that we needed to order, things we needed to pick up at the grocery store, and things we could hit the local s*x shop for. For the things we could get locally, Lish and I took a Saturday to go, just the two of us. I swear we spent almost four hours trying things on, lingerie, body harnesses, cute little skirts, corsets. It was hard to choose just a few things, but eventually, Lish and I had our outfits and underthings picked out for certain play parties and for the bottom’s buffet. There were only two other people in the store, so when Lish and I lingered near the b**m gear, even if most of it was rather cheaply made, there was no one to give us odd looks. I ended up picking out a riding crop and a small flogger, just a few things to have in my own bag of toys, along with a remote-controlled panty vibe and a small wand as well. I wasn’t expecting to use them with people, but Lish and Gavin had both convinced me that having my own toys was smart and knowing how to care for them was even smarter. I took their lead, knowing they only wanted what was honestly best for me, and I found after a while, that I took joy in having some of my own things, rope and impact toys and other things, to clean and keep. I hoped someday I would have a dominant who allowed me to clean and keep his toy bag in order, it seemed like such an intimate thing to do, to keep the toys that brought me pleasure and pain in good working order. 

Once we paid for everything and left, we stopped to grab chai latte’s and scones at the local coffee shop, we had earned it with so much smart shopping. The memories of John and my time with him were fading every week as I worked through them, leaving room for the excitement that was beginning to build over the convention and my coming out to the lifestyle as a whole, as it were. At least that’s how Lish was treating it, almost like a kinky version of Bridgerton or something and it was starting to make me laugh more than it drove me nuts so I supposed that was something, at least. Gavin was having his own fun with it, running down his own checklists with me so that I would know what to expect, at least loosely, should I find someone to play with during any of the various play parties that were planned. He and Lish had already agreed that one of them would always be available to help me vet a play partner and negotiate so that I would be safe. I wasn’t sure yet if I would want to play with anyone, the idea was still a little scary after what I had been through and I would feel awful if I had to safeword out due to a trigger I didn’t expect. Lish had explained to me, several times now, that any dominant worth his salt wouldn’t mind, they would stop and care for me should something happen that triggers my trauma, but I still wasn’t sure. How could I bring myself to agree to play with someone knowing I might have to call a halt to it? Even Gavin told me it was no big deal and that I shouldn’t worry about it too much, but to be open and honest with any doms who want to play with me, or any that I might be interested in approaching on my own. 

I wasn’t sure what I would do without the pair of them walking me through things, and knowing they would be there every step of the way was even more comforting. It helped even more when I found out that most of the local group was going as well, so I would have even more people looking out for me, people I could hang out with if I needed backup, and generally just friendly, familiar faces. As the weeks moved ever steadily toward the day we would leave for the long drive, I became less anxious and more excited, which was a welcome surprise. I had washed all my new clothes and had packed everything I needed, well all the things I could do without, I’d pack necessities that morning, so I was mostly ready to go days in advance, something that Gavin gave me no end of s**t for. Lish thought the whole thing was hilarious, she was well versed in my weird habits when I was excited about something. We had gone together to Disney World when we were seven, and I had been packed and ready to go at least a week before we got on the plane. Neither of our mothers had let me live it down, it was a constant topic for amusement the whole trip. That’s what I got for being so much like my dad sometimes, the man was always ready for anything and everything, especially if we were travelling. 

I could barely control my excitement as the days wore on, making it hard to concentrate on work, though I managed, with a lot of prodding by Lish. If she was anywhere near as excited as I was, she was hiding it well, and it drove me up the wall. How could she not be excited about this? It was like a kinky playground and she had bought me a golden freaking ticket! My therapist was surprised and pleased with how far I had come over the last few months, even if she didn’t immediately believe that my going to the convention was a great idea. I guess I had shown her that I was ready and would be alright because when I saw her before the weekend of, she was glad to see me so excited and hoped that maybe I would tell her about some of my new experiences when I got home. I think mostly she was hoping to hear if I had any meltdowns or found myself triggered by certain things, that way we could work on them more heavily. That was the best part about having a therapist who was kink-friendly, she never judged me for being interested, but wanted me to make sure I was being safe and not putting myself in a position to add more trauma to what I had already been through. I was endlessly grateful for her advice and mentoring in my time of need. She was a treasure. 

Lish and I spent the evening alone the night before we were supposed to leave, since Gavin was across town with a friend, putting the last minute details on a surprise he was sorting out for Lish. He really loved her, and I was so excited for the two of them. Lish was going to lose her s**t in the best way, and I could not wait to see it. The pair of us watched a rom-com while we ate pizza and went through a bottle of wine, content with the easy way conversation ebbed and flowed during the boring parts of the movie, or when we switched it to a new one since neither of us were tired, and there was still wine to be had. It was almost midnight when I finally went off to my own room to wash my face and double-check my bag. Everything was there, of course, I had been sure of it several times, but what was one more check? The contents of my bag were exactly where I had put them, orderly and easy to find, and I zipped it closed before setting it by my bedroom door. I was just getting in bed when I heard Gavin come in and make his rounds of the house to be sure everything was locked up before he went to join Lish in their room. With my little family all locked up snug in the house for the night, I curled onto my left side and almost instantly fell into a deep sleep.